I want names, I want places, I want dates


Yes, the tickets for XI and XII are now available, and as we previously reported, it’s being done as a ballot, rather than first come first served. Register your interest here, but calm the fuck down, as you’ve got two weeks to get your name on the list, and just as much chance of success if you do it now or at 5:59pm on Friday 25th September. Best not leave it quite that long, though.

Lost in TV’s servers seem to be holding up so far, and we’ve managed to glean a few more pertinent details from the accompanying TOS article:

  • Series XI will record on consecutive Fridays from 13th November to 18th December.
  • Then they’ll have a nice little break for Christmas and the New Year, with Series XII’s studio dates being consecutive Fridays from 29th January to 4th March.
  • As with last time, you’ll be able to apply for up to four tickets per person.
  • You just need to put your name down at this stage, rather than selecting a date – if you’re successful, you’ll pick your date in the week commencing 28th September.
  • The faces of three fifths of the G&T team are currently on TOS’s most important update for ages. This is amusing.

Right then, good luck everyone. Let’s meet back here in two weeks to discuss how we got on…

A fortnight. Fourteen days! Two weeks.

It has become clear that audience tickets for Series XI and XII will be released tomorrow (Friday 11th September). We’ve already been told to brace ourselves for an imminent announcement on TOS, but in the last couple of hours, Doug Naylor has decided to go into a little more detail:

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A night on the town with Spare Head Three!

There have been recent rumblings about an exciting Red Dwarf related competition taking place on Twitter tomorrow. But now, with this Facebook post, Dave have let slip about the prize…

Always dreamed of appearing in Red Dwarf? Now you can.

Head over to our Twitter page: https://twitter.com/Join_Dave tomorrow at 10am for a once in a lifetime competition!

That pretty much says it all, but in presumably related news, UKTV are hosting a press event on Tuesday morning, and a G&T representative will be there in case there’s anything Dwarfy to report. So keep an eye on our Twitter feed as well as theirs – we’ll bring you all the news if there is any. And if there isn’t, we’ll just tweet about how annoyed we are, so it’ll be entertaining either way.

Red Dwarf: The Complete Guide To Almost Everything


Do you remember a time, a few years either side of the turn of the century, when the internet was mostly comprised of auto-playing midi files and non-HD porn? Back then, if you searched Yahoo, or Alta Vista, or Lycos, you could find tonnes of Geocities-hosted web pages for each and every one of your favourite TV shows, which invariably featured the same handful of low-res jpegs, lists of quotes, episode guides and those ubiquitous auto-playing midi files. Then blogging came along, and we all realised that we could just write about our opinions on our favourite shows, rather than trying to provide a comprehensive mine of information, given that new-fangled things like Google and Wikipedia could do that much better.

So things like episode guides disappeared from fansites. Not entirely, but they were no longer an essential component. It was only recently that we realised that G&T had nothing even resembling such a guide – not even a list of episodes anywhere. When we started, in 2002, we launched an ambitious project of producing detailed “capsules” for every episode, but, well, you can see how that went. We got to thinking that it might be fun to try and write an episode guide now, and see where it ended up. As it turns out, it kind of got out of hand…

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Tickets! Music! Quashed Rumours!

Doug has been busy on Twitter this morning. Previously on the subject of Series XI and XII, we learned the following:

Lovely to see all that info in one place, but Doug wasn’t finished there…

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This isn’t happening. It’s a nightmare.

UK Gold pre-launch caption Last time, we left you with a cliffhanger. Would Gold show the original version of Marooned in its current repeat run, or would it show the crappy old Remastered version instead? (In case you need reminding: this is the “Remastered” version which is so terrible it shoves in a new CGI shot of the ship at the beginning of the episode, and then cuts to the existing model shot of the cargo bay doors opening… covered in film dirt. Encapsulating the warped priorities of the Remastered project in a nutshell.)

Sadly, despite Gold continuing to show both pre-watershed and post-watershed edits of the show for the most part – which is far better than Dave managed on their last repeat run – both showings of Marooned this time round resolutely remained the Remastered version instead of the original.

It’s truly bizarre, really. If the whole of the first three series was shown like this, that’d be one thing – not a great thing to do, but at least somewhat consistent. But for it simply to be one episode has to be the result of some dodgy paperwork somewhere down the line. It’s difficult to have respect for a channel when they clearly don’t know what the hell they’re broadcasting. For nobody at UKTV to even query why Marooned looks completely different to every other episode in the series for years on end is complete madness. I mean, you can tell it’s the wrong version from the opening titles, let alone anything else.

Still, as a continuation of a years-long issue, I must admit there’s a certain amount of glee in seeing exactly how long this can go on for. I won’t bore you with regular updates on this issue any more – but let’s see whether this version is still being shown in five years, shall we?

I’ll leave you with one final thought. Marooned was the episode which pushed the video of release of Red Dwarf III – Byte One up to a 15. Even with the DVD release, the episode was rated 12. All because of Lister admitting he had sex at the age of 12 on a golf course. Gold cuts out many PG-related “bastards”, V-signs, and general rudery – but the version of Marooned they play pre-watershed is exactly the same as the post-watershed version. (Two adult men wanking off over Lolita and all.)

It’s hardly the first time there’s a disparity between what the BBFC and what broadcasters will worry over – but that doesn’t stop it being hugely interesting. I must admit, I’m on the BBFC’s side – whilst I wouldn’t have ever rated it 15, I think Lister fucking someone when he was 12 is dodgier than all the cut bastards too. But that requires more of a judgement call, whereas mild bad language is easy to put on a checklist of disallowed things.

And Red Dwarf edited by checklist isn’t really a very appealing thought.

Netpricks, etc

Anyone want an example of the kind of fan mail G&T receives?

This issue did actually come up on our forums a couple of years ago – but we assumed this was just some bizarre music rights issue for Netflix in the US. Sadly, the change is now present on the version which reappeared on UK Netflix in June.

Let’s take a butchers, shall we?

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UKTV Edits Part #2742921

Yes, yes. I know. You’re really fucking bored of this topic now. But when UKTV do something right, it’s only fair that it gets the same coverage as when they screw it up. And they’ve very much managed to do something right.

When I covered Dave’s Red Dwarf Weekends repeat run back in 2012, my main objection was that the episodes were only being shown pre-watershed, and hence edited to buggery. When I covered Dave’s repeat run earlier in the year, they were showing the edited pre-watershed versions post-watershed, which is even worse.

Gold’s current repeat run? So far: edited versions pre-watershed, and unedited versions post-watershed. Meaning that last night, viewers were treated to this:

Cat and Lister sticking their fingers up. STILL VERY NAUGHTY.

Now look, I’m not especially keen on the edited versions being shown, even pre-watershed. If a sitcom isn’t suitable for pre-watershed broadcast, then don’t schedule it pre-watershed. But seeing as Gold are making sure there is at least a post-watershed showing, and the correct edit of the programme is being shown, that’s worthy of giving some respect to the channel. It’s far, far better than we’ve seen for quite a while.

So, the next test: Marooned. My guess is we’ll be stuck with the same Remastered version as has been accidentally shown on UKTV for years. But anything is possible. We’ll find out on Tuesday 28th July at 10:20pm, with the pre-watershed repeat on Wednesday 29th July at 2:20pm. Can you stand the excitement?


Exxxxxxxxxxxxxxcellent, etc

As reported seemingly everywhere: Brittas to return?

Well… maybe. In fact, the only thing the story actually confirms is that something is in development. Which is all very well, and matches stuff we’ve heard elsewhere – Chris Barrie’s site, for instance – but this is hardly a guarantee of anything actually making it to air. As ever, it’s slightly bizarre when it’s G&T which has to add a note of caution. BLAME MODERN JOURNALISM.

(What I’m finding odd is this idea there are 53 episodes of Brittas – something both the British Comedy Guide and The Mirror are reporting. There are 52 episodes. As ever, watch incorrect information spread across the media just because nobody could be bothered to look at an episode guide and count the number of episodes.)

On the plus side, the mention Richard Fegen being involved is highly promising. And there’s an interesting parallel here with Red Dwarf X, beyond the obvious. Whatever issues I had with that series, one thing it did was prove you can still have production ambition with audience sitcom.

The return of Brittas could well prove you can still do a pre-watershed sitcom which has a bit of fucking edge to it.

UPDATE (10/07/15): FFS.