Drunk Featurette

When the Series I DVD was released all those weeks ago, nothing divided the fans opinions as much as the Drunk featurette. While some admired the slick editing and well-timed pace of the piece, others thought it did not reflect their idea of the humour in Red Dwarf. The idea that Red Dwarf is all about people drinking fermented vegetable products and being silly is just plain wrong. Other people just hated the song, or thought that the time spent making the featurette would have been better served in compiling new out-takes, or arranging for Rob, Doug and Ed to record a new commentary track.

It was recently announced that the Region 1 version of the DVD would not include the Drunk featurette, due to PRS problems surrounding Chumbawumba’s Tubthumping. You may recall similar problems meant that a scene from Terrorform had to be removed from the US video release of Series V, due to Copacabana by Barry Manilow being played in the background. This is obviously a tragic and unfortunate situation, but you must admit it makes a change for a Region 1 DVD to have fewer extras than its Region 2 equivalent.

For our American readers (yes, both of you), we have compiled this guide to the featurette. This involved us watching the bloody thing four times on the trot. We were later involved in an incident involving a DJ and a lump hammer, when the former tried to play the record that night.

Time Scene Lyrics Dialogue
0.00 Caption We’ll be singing, When we’re winning, We’ll be singing,  
0.09 Better Than Life – Lister downing pint I get knocked down, but  
0.10 Parallel Universe – Drinking contest I get up again, Are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked LISTER: …three! Ha-ha! Beat you!
0.14 The Last Day – Kryten drinking home brew down, but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down, but I get up again, are you KRYTEN: D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D! Aaargh!
0.21 Holoship – ‘Salut’ ever gonna keep me down RIMMER: Salut!
0.22 Legion – Kryten sipping wine I get knocked down, but  
0.24 Tikka to Ride – Kryten drinking Cinzano I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down.  
0.28 Thanks for the Memory – Rimmer in cage Pissing the night away,  
0.32 Parallel Universe – Lister waking up Pissing the night away, LISTER: Oh, did I get drunk or did I get drunk?
0.37 Backwards – Downing pints He drinks the whisky drink, He drinks the vodka drink, He drinks the lager drink, He drinks the cider drink, He sings the songs that remind him of the good times, He sings the songs that remind him of the best times.  
0.47 Tikka To Ride – ‘No lager’ Oh Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy. KRYTEN: It’s a human tragedy.
LISTER: No lager?
KRYTEN: Sir, there is nothing unmanly in howling like a hungry prairie dog.
LISTER: No lager!
0.55 Balance of Power – Lister + Co singing I get knocked down, but I get up again,  
0.57 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Rimmer orders a drink Are you ever going to keep me down, RIMMER: Dry white wine and Perrier, please.
0.59 Better Than Life – Glass on head I get knocked down, but I get up again,  
1.02 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Rimmer downs his whisky Are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down,  
1.06 Out of Time – Toast But I get up again, Are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down, but I get up again, FUTURE CREW: To the past.
1.11 The Last Day – high five Are you ever going to  
1.13 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – vomiting keep me down  
1.15 The Last Day – Mums Pissing the night away, pissing the night HOLLY: I never had a mum neither.
RIMMER: Well you can all have mine. Everyone else did.
1.23 The Last Day – Kryten wakes up away. He drinks the whisky drink, he drinks the vodka drink, he drinks the lager drink, he drinks the KRYTEN: Oh! Oh, my head!
1.27 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Lister and Cat down whiskeys cider drink. He sings the songs that  
1.28 Timeslides – A pub remind him of the good times, he sings the songs that remind him of the best times. Don’t cry for me, next-door neighbour… KRYTEN: Pub? Ah yes. A meeting place where people attempt to achieve advanced states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks.
1.38 Polymorph – Vanity-less Cat …our… CAT: So where is it now?
1.41 Only the Good… – Downing hooch I get knocked down  
1.43 Blue – Opening cans but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me LISTER: OK guys… (dialogue is faded out)
1.45 Legion – Bucks Fizz down, I get  
1.47 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Kryten gulping whisky knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down,  
1.55 Thanks for the Memory – Rimmer ‘cheers’ I get knocked down, but I get up  
1.58 Only the Good… – Rimmer fainting again, are you ever going to keep me  
2.00 The Last Day – Traffic Cone down. [Sax solo] RIMMER: It’s called a hangover, don’t panic.
LISTER: We’re on a mining ship, three million years into deep space. Can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?
2.10 Camille – Dancing [Sax solo]  
2.16 Camille – ‘cheers’ [Sax solo]  
2.18 The Last Day – Surprise! I get knocked down, but I get up again, are you ever gonna keep me ALL: Surprise!
2.22 The Last Day – Kryten laughing Down, I get knocked down KRYTEN: HA HA!
2.24 Balance of Power – Lister lighting cigarette but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, LISTER: Argh!
2.27 Thanks for the Memory – Lister + Cat dancing I get knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked  
2.33 Parallel Universe – High fives down, but I get up again,  
2.35 Thanks for the Memory – Rimmer dancing are you ever going to keep me down,  
2.37 Parallel Universe – Dog howls I get knocked DOG: Ooooh!
2.38 Thanks for the Memory – Holly dancing Down, but I get up again HOLLY: Yeah!
2.39 Only the Good… – Rimmer shaking are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down  
2.43 The Last Day – Kryten staggering but I get up again  
2.44 Only the Good… – Lister and Rimmer falling on to bunks are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down  
2.47 The Last Day – Jackson Pollock but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down, but I get up again, are you LISTER: We weren’t related, alright? [BEAT] You alright Kryten?
KRYTEN: I think I feel a Jackson Pollock coming on.
2.59 Only the Good… – Kebab ever going to keep me down, I get knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep ACKERMAN: Who fancies a kebab?
RIMMER/LISTER: Oh yeah!
3.03 Only the Good… – Pumps me down, I get knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down, KRYTEN (VO): Damage Control Report: Dehydration level-
3.09 The Last Day – Damage report I get knocked down but I get up again, are you ever going to keep me down.
(REPEAT TO FADE)
KRYTEN: 45%. Recall of previous evening: 2%. Embarrassment factor: 91%. Advised repair schedule: reboot start up disk, offline for 36 hours and replace head. Boy, what a night!
3.25 – 3.55 Thanks for the Memory – singing   ALL: Show me the way to go home. I’m tired and I want to go to bed.
RIMMER: Are you sure you’re alright to drive?
LISTER: Yeah! Whoa!
ALL: I had a little drink about an hour ago to celebrate Rimmers dead.

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One Response to Drunk Featurette

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  1. G&T Admin

    My fucking days! I didn’t know you catalogued these!

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