Gentlemen, and skutters, we are gathered here today to celebrate the anniversary of Ganymede & Titan’s rebirth. And on this very special occassion, I have baked a cake. It’s in the shape of a pencil, obviously. Yes, folks, it was a year ago today that G&T relaunched, with Mr. John Hoare joining Mr. Ian Symes at the helm. The previous site was, well, a bit shit. But the last twelve months have been a blast, so let’s review those now. Besides, you ain’t got nothing better to do, and I’m bored.
April 2003: John launches the site on the 4th April – the first day of Dimension Jump X. Ian was there, handing out little business cards to anyone who’d have them, and placing Russian hats on celebrities. He also met Andrew Ellard, whose episode of Doctors was shown this month. Meanwhile, half of the internet were taken in by a fake DVD cover, but it didn’t fool us for a second. No.
May 2003: Low and behold, it’s confirmed as a fake. It was during May that we continued the mentallist idea thought of at the end of the previous month of doing an update a day, no matter how shite. Thus, we were given such classic updates as John’s “I’ve been looking through old ATVRD posts” and my “I’ve got exams this week, so I’ll not be around much”. There were a few good things, though – the Books section was launched, we wrote the only positive article ever to be written about the movie, Ian saw Norman Lovett and we slagged off the BBC. There was also the launch of the short-lived ATVRD section. Whatever happened to that?
June 2003: We started the month with the launch of our The Brittas Empire section. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent. We also launched the short-lived Schedule page. Whatever happened to that? Some good articles were added in June – a look at The End Re-Mastered, something about Smeg Ups and a piece on continuity. Oh and, we finally dropped the update-every-day thing on the 4th. Thank fuck. Also in June, Ian visited the real and actual Aigburth Arms in Liverpool. Coo!
July 2003: The main event in July was Memorabilia at the NEC, which we both attended. Ian chatted to Chris Barrie, Hattie Hayridge and Craig Charles, while John looked on, forlornly masturbating. The first Brittas DVD was released on the 21st, and jolly nice it was too. G&T had its best update ever (at the time), with a look at the shooting script for The Inquisitor. It’s not online at the moment, though. Ahem. We did, however, do a few legal things, such as reviewing Dark Ages and the A-Z. Finally, The Crouches was announced. Millions cheered.
August 2003: The 1st saw the launch of our Rumour Tracker, which we were determined to keep up to date. Yeah. Ian’s trip to Nottingham yielded some excellent results – fan commentaries (not currently online, but this one’s down to laziness). For the first time, the whole world heard the full terror of John’s voice. Hmm, fan commentaries. Some DVD company should steal that idea. Did I say ‘steal’? I meant ‘come up with independently’. It was in August that the Prop Store sale was launched, which has provided a fairly easy fortnightly update for us. More exciting was the launch of our Son Of Cliché section. It’s been updated once. Through the magic of eBay, Ian got hold of a proof copy of Incompetence, and reviewed it. Also in August, John and Ian went on a tour of Red Dwarf locations in Manchester. Coo!
September 2003: G&T relaunches (again)!. Millions cheer. This revamp brought with it seperate pages for each news story, as well as the comments system. Within three days, we’d had two flames and a big argument. Hurrah! Much fuss was made over Marooned Extended. It turned out to be one of Mr. McGinley’s sneezes that had congealed on the radar. It was announced that filming on the Movie would start in May 2004. We shall see next month. Finally, Steve “Clarky” Clark pissed his Mastermind heat, answering questions on Red Dwarf. Hurrah!
October 2003: Lots of exciting updates in October, the least exciting of which was this. Part One of The Good Book Guide was written. The intention was to do all the rest soon, but, erm, yes. The Brittas Series Two DVD was released, and our review was up a day early. Haha! The best bit of October, though, was the Andrew Ellard interview. Aww, I remember when people at GNP used to like us.
November 2003: The Series III DVD! Excellent. The review was two days early, and all. Yes, we’re still living off these minor victories. Unfortunately, the menus were fucked, but steps have been taken to rectify this. As well as the review, the DVD bought us a couple of updates, and Tanya Jones kindly reviewed an obscure video for us. And as we all know, November brings with it the annual festival of Gazpacho Soup Day.
December 2003: Red Dwarf made a couple of telly apperances over the festive period. As well as all the repeats, there was a clip on five’s, erm, excellent TV Mistakes Uncovered Uncut. Adding “uncovered” and “uncut” to your programme title doesn’t make it any more exciting. Also, the shortlist for Britain’s Best Sit-com was released. Hurrah. Here at G&T, we had a little Chrimbo quiz, which was won by two people (Big Blake and Darrell Jones), after we managed to fuck up one of the questions. Bah. And finally, G&T was mentioned on TOS. Aww, I remember when people at GNP used to like us.
January 2004: New year, old jokes. There was another quiz, which had a record number of entrants. That record being “least”. Still, well done, Austin Ross. He might even get his prize soon. Brittas Series Three was released on DVD, which gave us another easy update. Also, Red Dwarf came 18th on Britain’s Best Sit-Com. Andrew Collings revealed that “the crux of the show is whether or not you find the word ‘smeg’ funny”. Cunt. Finally, GNP announced the winners of the fan commentary competition, inadvertantly starting World War III.
February 2004: The Series IV DVD! Excellent. This was a bit weird, though. It was released in America before Britain, so we had to review an imported copy, and then the proper copy a few weeks later. Another top-notch update came in the form of a High and Low shooting script, which is currently offline, for similar reasons to the Inquisitor one. Cuss. Still, an update that’s still there is the excellent Peter Tyler interview. We love that man.
March 2004: The best thing to ever happen to G&T: getting hold of the script of an unused Series VII episode. The worst thing to ever happen to G&T: having to choose between taking the script down or having our testicles removed. The knackers won, which surprised even us. It was announced that Red Dwarf would be treated to an episode of Comedy Connections, which is excellent news. Oh, and Dwarf was featured on Even More Great Comedy Moments. We’ll review that, when we can be arsed.
April 2004: We started the month by fooling you all. Yes. You were fooled. Wheeze of the week, mate. Then, we wrote this article, which you are reading right now. Then, we had a cup of tea, a bit of a chat and went home.
It’s been a good year. G&T used to be one of those sites that updated with tat once every few months, and now we’re at the top of the Red Dwarf fansite tree. And we don’t mean that in an arrogant way. We should be doing another relaunch soon, with a better design and better comments support. We expect you all the masturbate furiously until this relaunch arrives.
There are people to thank. Tanya Jones, for writing stuff, encouraging us and having sex with John. Cappsy, Matt, Rick and Austin for your continued mutual back-slapping. Rob Sedgebeer, for your support and your prominant link. Tracy, Darrell, Nik, Karl, Curtis and Stephen, for your contributions to news and reviews. Ian Sadler at Eureka Video and Andrew Ellard at GNP, for being our contacts. Peter Tyler, for being the best human being ever to exist. And finally, to YOU GUYS.
Feel free to add your tributes, memories and contempt in the comments bit.