Movie shooting dates? More V/VI DVD details released? Try reading some real news; presented, for reasons of non-perversity, in the order they appeared on the site:
Ship Issue Cigarette Packet | Series 1 | £45
Why not buy this, and when someone picks it up to have a look at it, shout “These are mine! See this hand? It is mine. See these things? They are mine.” Oh, because you’re not a shit? Fair enough.
Post Pod Video Tapes | Better Than Life | £25
I’m probably the only person in the world who thinks these are worth considerably more than £25.
Holly Video Letter | Better Than Life | £25
“The ‘letter’ is a standard CD, actually a Luther Vandross album and plain case.” HA HA HA HA HA!
Kochanski Prisoner Jump Suit | Series VIII | £595
“Is in good condition except for a small hole on the chest.” Insert your own lewd fantasy here.
Cat’s Angelic Robe | Demons & Angels | £795
I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again anyway. After reading TMITRM, I was intrigued by Robert saying that Danny burnt his foot on the grenade in this episode, so I went and had a look on-screen. Sure enough, when you look at the close-up tracking the grenade by Danny’s feet, you can see his face at the top of the screen grimace in pain. On the very next shot, he is serene and smiling…
There’s an interesting discussion to be had about how the highs aren’t actually “the people we could have become if all the negative aspects of our characters were removed”. After all, is it really such a positive thing to stand by and watch your friend get stabbed to death?
Background Notice | Series 1 and 2 | £59
FFTFG VVG AND HUIE FFPOOOTYR4 BJJ PKO8 HIU HUH GHJ[O OJ 187 980 FSHIJOUJPKO IU9[090- 89089 GF.
Rimmer Watch Display | Series VII | £295
Yes, it’s from VII. Yes, I want this. Yes, I’m impressed by how many wonderful things there are in Dwarf that I never actually noticed at all.
Lister Appeal Evidence Folder | Back In The Red | £95
Yeah, he’s appealing. That’s a minority view. I still like that joke. Fuck off. More relevantly, this is exactly the kind of prop you could actually use. I love the JMC logo at the bottom.
Model Miniture Landing Bay Section | Series III-V | £1,500
MINIATURE. IT’S FUCKING MINIATURE. YOU USELESS CUNTS.
At first, I thought this was the only incompetence on offer. But look at the episode still given; at first, I was pretty excited, as it seemed we were being offered a piece of the III landing bay set! Disappointment quickly set in, however, when I did a bit of investigating. It’s just part of the VIII landing bay set; lovely to have, but hardly in the same league as part of the III one. Sigh…
Branding Iron | Terrorform | £145
I’ve never been partial to physical torture. It’s actually always been one of my worst nightmares, actually. The physical torture involved here being the fact that I can’t justify buying the fucker, even though I really, really, want it.
All your nightmares will come true here. All of them.
Actual Reality Prop Book | Stoke Me A Clipper | £65
Or, apparently from an episode called ‘Stoke me a kipper’. Look, I know we sometimes get things wrong, but a) We’re not paid to get them right, and more importantly b) We don’t get things wrong that you LOOK UP on the FUCKING NET within TWO SECONDS. They need to get a couple of fans involved, or something…