“Cease.”

In writing this, I feel a bit like someone who’s just posted an article saying “I’VE JUST DISCOVERED THERE’S GOING TO BE A RED DWARF MOVIE!!!!!!!! SMEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Nonetheless, I’ve not seen this widely reported, even though it happened several months ago: five have dropped Robot Wars; the seventh series of which ended back in March. (I first got suspicous when I saw the official site had disappeared.) Which means, of course, no more of this:

  • “You’ve seen strange things happen behind closed doors, but nothing’s quite so wicked as Robot Wars.”
  • “You can ask for robot presents from Santa Claus, but you’d better beg for mercy from Robot Wars!”
  • “You can stick your vegetarians and your old carnivores, we only eat metal here on Robot Wars!”
  • “We’ve had hundreds of robots banging on the doors, but only the best get on Robot Wars!”
  • “Beware competitors who’ve got glass jaws, we don’t pull our punches on Robot Wars!”
  • “If there’s one thing that your television licence ensures, it’s robot mayhem on Robot Wars!”
  • “We don’t use camera tricks or hidden trap doors, the danger’s for real on Robot Wars!”
  • “We’ve got our own rules, and we’ve got our own laws, but controversy rules on Robot Wars!”
  • “While the roboteers, on their fingernails gnaw, it’s always time for action here on Robot Wars.”
  • “If you look in a teepee, you’ll find Indian squaws, wishing they had a telly to watch Robot Wars!”
  • “Forget about polishing the arena floor, it’s covered in debris after Robot Wars!”

WHAT. A. FUCKING. SHAME. EH? Actually, I do feel slightly guilty; it was a show I always used to watch and love, but kept missing in recent years.

Do not despair, however. Robotic combat lives on, however, with the live events – as it always has done. The FRA World Championship is taking place on August 25th – 28th, and will feature nearly 150 robots from around the world, along with brand new house robots; tickets will be going on sale shortly, so keep an eye out. I’d suggest you join the mailing list if you’re interested, even if it does spit out nasty HTML emails. The event is taking place at RAF Newton in Nottingham, like the 7th Wars; and if you can’t make it, the show will apparently be recorded for television and shown as six primetime shows, although a channel has yet to be confirmed. It’ll even be in the same arena; it was bought from Mentorn by Phantom Events, who are organising the new championship together with the FRA.

There’s no news about presenters yet; however, when the arena was bought, a statement was put out saying that there would be “100% emphasis on the audience (and roboteers) enjoying a sport rather than pure entertainment”. I’d suggest this makes Charles’s involvement unlikely, but you never know.

For all you could ever want to know about Robot Wars and the live events, see Robots Rule, where the above list of Craig’s witticisms was nicked from. Bloody good website, it is.

Leave a Reply