John’s Roundup – 20/6/04

A photograph of John Hoare. Twat.Vast waves of nausea pass through Dwarf fandom. A few of little bits of news that really aren’t worth your bother, then…

LATEST BREAKING UP-TO-THE-MINUTE NOT LATE AT ALL NEWS: As reported by both The Mirror and Chortle, Dwarf was apparently used to lift the England team’s spirits after their defeat by Portugal. Although seeing everyone can get a FUCKING HILARIOUS HEADLINE HONEST from it, everyone focuses on the Peter Kay angle.

“When we go into the massage room, we put a DVD on and watch it. We watched a bit of Peter Kay the other night before I got my head down and went to bed. He’s very funny.”

I was going to take the piss out of his fine comedy criticism, but to be honest “he’s very funny” is a very good reason to watch a show. Although it would have been nice if they had discussed the development and employment of the fart joke in Dwarf throughout the years instead. Actually, there’s genuinely an article in that. But I might have some trouble getting it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

It’s no longer necessary for sci-fi fans to wistfully say, “Beam me up, Scotty.” Firstly – this was never said in Star Trek. Secondly, hardly any sci-fi fans actually do this. Thirdly, what the fuck has that got to do with the article anyway? Anyone going round saying silly things like that isn’t going to stop, purely the presence of what the article is talking about. It’s just not relevant at all. It hasn’t even got the saving grace of being amusing. It’s simply cliched rubbish, chucked in because the writer thinks that it has some relevance because they know nothing about what they’re writing about. Fuck off lazy journalism fuck. Still, what is being written about is interesting: Seattle’s Science Fiction Museum, which has just opened. Amongst the many interesting exhibits is the following:

“A favorite will be the eye-catching space dock. On a wide screen, see more than 20 of science fiction’s memorable ships moving in and out of your visual range, including Rama, X-Wing, the Borg’s cube, Red Dwarf, the ship from “Close Encounters of a Third Kind,” the Enterprise, Nostromo and Valley Forge.”

That is, of course, the Nostromo, not the Nostrilomo, which is the weakest joke Dwarf has ever done ever. Still, I’d fucking kill to see some lovely Dwarf model shots on a huge screen. Which is a bit worrying, now I actually think about it.

Meanwhile, thanks to john on our comments who’s noticed that Filthy is now listed on Play. Interestingly, they are giving a release date of July 27th, whilst Playback themselves are still giving the August 10th date. It’s things like this that keep me awake at night, frankly.

Oh, and Austin Ross has noticed that Rob Grant’s Fat (and believe me, all the newspapers/magazines will be making that joke in a year’s time) has been pushed back from the 1st May to the 19th May 2005. The real question is: can anyone find out what the book is actually about? Apart from fat cunts, obviously.

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