25 Responses to Part Twenty Three of The Alternative Red Dwarf

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  1. After intensive investigation, comma, of the story in question, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma, that we are dealing, comma, with someone who failed English, colon.

  2. I want to stab her in the neck with an exclamation mark.

  3. Incidentally, the misuse of commas is SO similar to Rimmer’s that, were any shred of intelligence more in evidence, I’d congratulate her on one of the greatest pieces of TV fandom-related parody ever.

  4. I’ve just read the first paragraph of her review. The way she writes reminds me of that kid in the wheelchair from Malcolm in the Middle.

  5. “and I really enjoyed the walk into the studio, where we saw great big cameras hanging over us, and we even walked over some cabling! But please don’t have a heart attack if you read this, because the cabling, was covered by casing, and it was like walking on a platform, but you could see the cabling inside the casing, which was really quite an experience, to say the very least!”

    Yes, cabling in that sort of stuff is rather thrilling. I love walking over cabling. Really makes my day.

  6. > Her series VIII review. Read ALL of it. Go on, I dare you.
    >
    > http://www.pguy.dircon.co.uk/eightset.htm

    Sweet, merciful crap!

    Even before the end of the first paragraph I had to remind myself why the hell I was reading this rubbish. And I didn’t get more than half way in to the second before giving up.

    Denny? Blockbusters? What the fuck?

  7. I walked past some BT technicians working on underground cables the other day. I damn near came there and then.

  8. The sad thing is, I could believe that.

    Well, maybe if it was John.

  9. (In fact, I am slightly worried that Seb appears to know me rather better than I thought. I obviously *am* rather too like this guy you know, Seb…)

    As for the review – can I do my “intelligence circuits” quote again?

  10. I’d probably have sex with her anyway.

  11. Frankly I’d expect better from a published novelist, Phil. You’re a disgrace to the species. Grahhh, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doooooooo…

  12. Well, you see, I’m not, entirely, sure, that this person, here, has, either, an unstuck comma key, on their keyboard, or, a fully working, and functional, brain.

    Gah.

  13. Skimmed through the beginning of the series VIII ‘review’.

    Where does the actual ‘Red Dwarf series VIII’ stuff begin?

  14. Getting the tickets : 303 words

    What it’s like seeing Blockbusters filmed : 316 words

    Driving into and out of London, deciding whether or not to go to Shepperton, etc : 3,833 words

    What it’s like to queue : 452 words

    Why it’s not worth going to the cinema, and you might as well just watch films on the TV, as well as some guff about the Titanic : 3,321 words

    Talking to people in the queue : 972 words

    The sets, and the view from their seats : 661 words (this after the assertion “Now I am not going to go into great detail, about how the studio looks”)

    The warm-up man isn’t Tony Hawks : 468 words

    And then some stuff about the recording actually starts. Unfortunately, my brain melted before I could sift out the stuff about the filming, and the millions of digressions. Including the casual use of the word “Japs”.

    But. THREE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THREE WORDS ABOUT A CAR JOURNEY. Incidentally, the whole thing clocks in at 30,096 words. I’ll leave you to work out the percentages.

  15. About a quarter of the way down. No, about a third.

    (I speed-read it. That’s the only way I read it without my head exploding.)

  16. “Incidentally, the whole thing clocks in at 30,096 words.”

    I’m pretty sure I have to write less for my dissertation, or whatever the undergrad one is called. Mind you, it is computer science, but still. 30,000 words!

  17. But then, I did a whole series, so HE’S JUST LAME.

  18. If only it’d been true about the ending to the series, with the crew flying off in Blue Midget and Holly saying they could rebuild another Red Dwarf without Hollister and the rest of the crew being rebuilt also. To think the studio audience was fooled into thinking this was the end of the series when in fact it was just the fucking scene in BITFR part 3 where they think they’re getting away but aren’t. If only the last episode had been called ‘Earth’ and Pete been one episode called ‘Captain’s Office’. If only. If fucking only.

  19. I didn’t know the studio audience was fooled into thinking that!

    That’s very clever. Where did you hear that? Were you at the recording?

  20. > Including the casual use of the word “Japs”.

    I hear she’s a racist, Father.

  21. Well SHE was fooled into thinking that. But not deliberately I don’t think. It seems she thought she was watching parts of ‘Earth’ being filmed when in fact it was BITFR part 3.

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