Beat The Twats now closed

Cover art that fully represents the tone and content of the novel, there.

Yes, that’s it. Time’s up, put down your pens, for Beat The Twats – Ganymede & Titan’s quite frankly downright epic Red Dwarf quiz – is now over.

“But how did I do?”

“How did you do, Mister Patrick, sir!”

Well, first of all, we’ll take a look at the answers…

  • Q1 – In the series 2 episode Better Than Life, what rank was Rimmer supposedly promoted to? Navigation Officer 1st Class
  • Q2 – In the novel Last Human, what is the alternative name given for the Space Corps? Star Fleet
  • Q3 – Subtract the number of episodes featuring Hattie Hayridge as Holly from the number of episodes featuring Norman Lovett as Holly, and add the number of episodes featuring Clare Grogan as Kochanski… what number do you get? 7
  • Q4 – Which of the following was NOT at Rimmer’s stag party in the novel Better Than Life? John Lennon
  • Q5 – What was the name of Rimmer’s second wife in the novel Better Than Life? Helen
  • Q6 – References made to Kevin Keegan in the first Red Dwarf novel were replaced by which name in the later Omnibus release? Joe Klump
  • Q7 – Who was the FOURTH person to say “smeg head” on the show? Rimmer’s Father
  • Q8 – Why was the original actor cast to play the reporter in Timeslides replaced? He died
  • Q9 – The regular Visual Effects team did not work on two series of Red Dwarf – which two? 2 & VIII
  • Q10 – In which year did two whole series of Red Dwarf air? 1988
  • Q11 – In which film did both Mac McDonald and Lister-a-like Jake Abraham appear? The 51st State
  • Q12 – Which character appears on the front cover of the Estonian edition of Last Human? The Snugiraffe (see above)
  • Q13 – Who drew the artwork that graced the Re-Mastered video covers? Mark Wilkinson
  • Q14 – Which of the following was not written or co-written by Andrew Ellard? Identity Within
  • Q15 – What tagline was used on promotional postcards for the Series 1 DVD release? Protecting the universe from the scum of the Earth
  • Q16 – Which word was cut out of the VHS version of Polymorph, but re-instated for the DVD? “week’s”
  • Q17 – By how many seconds is the Re-Mastered version of The End shorter than the original version?4
  • Q18 – In the novel Last Human, what is the future crime that Lister’s doppelganger is (deliberately) falsely convicted of? Smuggling
  • Q19 – How many times does Cat call Rimmer ‘goalpost head’ in the series? 7
  • Q20 – What is Space Corps Directive #5796? No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples

So there you have it. Any issues with the questions to the usual address (unless you’re complaining about there being too many questions relating to Last Human, in which case you can sod off), but hopefully there’s no serious contention about anything (we think!)

Give yourself a hearty pat on the back if you got at least ten right, as there were a few real buggers of questions in there (some of which weren’t even all that Googleable). If you got between six and ten, you were around the average – and if you got five, you can at least console yourself that you didn’t do worse than the law of averages allows for (and, indeed, nobody got below that magic number).

But! On to more important business…

The Winners…

In descending order…

Third Place

With a highly respectable 15 out of 20, Karl Eisenhauer takes third place with the most last minute of last minute entries (we have literally just recieved it seconds before the quiz closed) and he wins the “Official Duke of Manchester Nose Peg”.

However, out of the goodness of our hearts, Gavin Fox and Paul Hughes, who were so nearly joint third with a solid 13 out of 20, will also receive some bits of TM: YNYN related tat we manage to dig up.

Second Place

With an excellent 16 out of 20, the winner of a copy of the Series VII DVD signed by the TM:YNYN cast and crew is… Jonsmad!

First Place

But the winner, with a staggering 18 out of 20 (if we’re honest, we weren’t sure if anyone would score that highly!), and the proud recipient of a copy of Red Dwarf : Beat The Geek, is…

PETE MARTIN!

Congratulations to Pete, and the three runners-up, and we’ll be in touch with you folks shortly to get your details. As for everyone else – thanks a bunch for entering, we had a great turnout, and we hope to bring you more great competitions on G&T in the not-too-distant future.

And thanks once again to 2|Entertain and Grant Naylor Productions for generously providing us with our star prize!

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12 Responses to Beat The Twats now closed

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  1. Excellent!

    I’m actually happier than if I’d had won now.

  2. The artist of the Estonian ‘Last Human’ cover must have gotten a bit confused… the Snugiraffe made everyone *else* throw up, it didn’t throw up itself (not to mention it doesn’t look very giraffe-y, and only slightly snake-ish and slug-ish, which I believe were the parts it was made up of)! Unless, of course, that’s another GELF being made sick by the Snugiraffe, but that doesn’t seem to be the case, as it’s at the head of the room. Besides, that would bugger up your quiz question, so nevermind… ;) Pedantry aside, it’s neat to see that cover, thanks for sharing it!

    And congrats to all the winners, I stand in awe of your Dwarfiness! :D

  3. Oh wow, cheers guys!

    I would feel smug but I made a huge boo-boo with question 3. Was concentrating so much on Norm and Clare Grogan that I completely overlooked the fact that Hattie didn’t play Holly in Parallel Universe. Ergo, I’m a ninny.

    Anway, congrats on the nerdiest set of questions I’ve seen in some time. Quite brilliantly, the best resource was G+T itself.

  4. Anyone who knew the Snugiraffe answer because they remembered the Observation Dome (now G&T) post that I linked to above deserves obvious kudos, by the way ;-)

  5. However, out of the goodness of our hearts, Gavin Fox and Paul Hughes, who were so nearly joint third with a solid 13 out of 20, will also receive some bits of TM: YNYN related tat we manage to dig up.

    Thanks muchly! (Paul Hughes is my real name, btw) That’s really unnecessarily lovely of you. I look forward to receiving my prize tat in the post, whatever it is.

  6. >Anyone who knew the Snugiraffe answer because they remembered the Observation Dome (now G&T) post that I linked to above deserves obvious kudos, by the way ;-)

    Hell, that was one of the few things I did get right.

  7. Wah-Hey 2nd place!

    And by far the best prize in the competition I think, a set of signatures from people that in the future I am sure will go on to create the most amazing audio/video material ever made on planet earth. (just like in the plot of those Bill and Ted movies!) and so the value of the prize will increase :0)

    Actually I lent my series 7 DVD to a friend and havnt got it back yet so
    I’ve not seen the thing since a month after it was released so it will be
    good to get another copy of that as well.

    Well done to Pete and the other winners.

    Wasnt Ellard going to explain Q14 now? I had no idea what that barry norman
    thing was on that one either.

    Jon

  8. >Wasnt Ellard going to explain Q14 now? I had no idea what that barry norman thing was on that one either.

    Oops – sorry, missed this!

    It’s just the weirdness that I kinda had a small writing hand in all four – technically speaking. Two you know about, and the Norman Barry thing was an article in BTL ‘humorously’ ‘predicting’ how four Hollywood directors would handle a Red Dwarf movie (John Landis, Paul Verhoeven, James Cameron and…erm, someone else. Oliver Stone, possibly).

    But I do kinda have a few lines in Identity Within. Mostly GELF-speak – the GELF auctioneer had no written dialogue in the original script, but was described as running the bidding (in a neat editing touch you hear him continue BEHIND Chris carrying on with the story), and I think there might be some guards who needed written sounds for Chris to read. Stuff like that.

    Oh, and it’s also adapted for audio, slicking up the descriptive text occasionally so it flows better for reading/listening. Nothing major – sometimes a name instead of ‘he’, or moving description from dialogue ellipsis to either before or after the line and rephrasing it appropriately – but enough that the working script carries my initals for ‘audio adaptation’…something I didn’t want on the actual credits, cos it was just too, too minor to count.

    So, um, yeah – that’s the story. My history of writing Dwarf, there. I haven’t heard much against Beat the Geek’s ‘script’, so hopefully I am, at least, improving slightly.

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