Ian’s Newsround

Because fact into doubt won't go

The return of a historic G&T feature that will delight upwards of no people. Let’s see what TOS has got in the old magic bag here…

  • HELLO, I’M HILLY. HELLO, I’M HOLLY: Norman and Hattie are touring together! Norman once again striving to distance himself from the Red Dwarf association that blights his every waking moment. Still, this should be great, as they’re both superb stand-ups, and hopefully they’ll be sharing the stage for bits of it as well as doing their own things. It all kicks off in Brighton on 18th May, and more dates are set to be announced on top of the subsequent twelve. Also, more details have been released about the pair’s US convention circuit trawling. Covering 13 states over the course of six months, there should be something there for even the fattest, stupidest, right-wing, war-mongering, redneck, Bush-supporting Yanks.
  • WEMBERLEY! WEMBERLEY! OH WE’RE ALL PISSED UP AND WE’RE GOING TO WEMBERLEY!: Excellently, there’s a big memorabilia-style event at bloody Wembley stadium! Unexcellently, it’s next weekend and we’ve only just found out about it. Excellently, tickets are still available. And of course, Robert Llewellyn’s going to be there! More details available here, if you can just about be bothered.
  • I’VE NEVER WRITTEN… A BOOK: Craig’s book has been delayed. Presumably he was too busy smoking crack to get it finished, etc. A 6th March release date did seem a little soon for something we only found out about a month ago. Still, I was quite looking forward to it, so hopefully it’ll see the light of day soon.

Lovely stuff. Hopefully we’ll get a hint of the BIG EXCITING NEWS that Ellard keeps making sly references to at some point soon.

Now, fuck off.

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18 Responses to Ian’s Newsround

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  1. Great to see Messrs Holly & Holly visiting Hereford, my home town, even a lazy bastard like me could make this event..
    On the downside, and I know it’s early days yet, the box office staff have no idea who or what is happening…I’ll just keep watching out..

    Wembley seems an odd choice for this kind of event and is a pain in the arse to get to for me especially with such short notice. The NEC on the other hand is nice and easy by road or rail from Hereford so I’ll stick to Memorabilia..

  2. When Craig’s book does come out, I can put it on the bookshelf next to No Niggers No Irish, and the book of poetry due out about 15 years ago.

  3. G&T Admin

    The book of poetry was released, though, entitled No Other Blue. I inexplicably have two signed copies.

  4. Will it be written in orange crayon with half the letters backwards?

  5. >The book of poetry was released, though, entitled No Other Blue. I inexplicably have two signed copies.

    I looked *everywhere* for that book, figured it was just never released as I never found it.

    You don’t fancy selling a copy do you? Or saving one for my birthday party next year…?

  6. G&T Admin

    Well, if you change your name to either Ian or Jo, then sure. If not, the autograph in the front won’t make much sense.

  7. I inexplicably have two signed copies.

    Well, if you change your name to either Ian or Jo, then sure. If not, the autograph in the front won?t make much sense.

    So, either you and Jo each have ONE signed copy, or you also have a copy signed to Jo, which therefore makes little more sense than it would if Si owned it.

  8. G&T Admin

    Ah, I’ve finally got your point, Seb, after much thought. Although, to be fair, as Ian’s now engaged to Jo, it’s understandable that he might think of them as one entity. It’s pretty much how John and I think of ourselves.

  9. It won’t help Si, but you could amend Jo’s copy to John’s copy or Jonesy’s copy

  10. Although, to be fair, as Ian?s now engaged to Jo, it?s understandable that he might think of them as one entity

    Well, possibly. Either that, or Ian’s just appropriating all Jo’s stuff. Don’t think I haven’t seen him looking wistfully at that Emilio Estevez photo.

    It won?t help Si, but you could amend Jo?s copy to John?s copy or Jonesy?s copy

    The J could probably turn into a lower-case R quite easily. Then he’d just need to add “Simon B” and “mley” to either side of it. Bob’s your Auntie’s live-in lover.

  11. Great to see Messrs Holly & Holly visiting Hereford, my home town, even a lazy bastard like me could make this event..

    Another happy Herefordian here. We get missed out of every single comedy stand up tour ever, wonder why this one’s different?

  12. Norman probably likes going to places he can easily take the piss out of.

  13. Dogs wipe their arses on carpets!

  14. So I can’t have a copy of that book, then?

    Okay, as long as we’re clear.

  15. Well, possibly. Either that, or Ian?s just appropriating all Jo?s stuff. Don?t think I haven?t seen him looking wistfully at that Emilio Estevez photo.

    You should see him when we haven’t got guests! I can’t drag him away from the damn thing.

    And yes one of the copies of No Other Blue is mine, Ian has just claimed it as his own :oP

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