OMG spoilerzzzz!!!11

“I know the true plot of this Red Dwarf episodes here is everything i know please tell anyone who likes Red Dwarf.”

I stumbled across this recently and found it pretty interesting, although not for the reasons you might expect. Be warned that the above link and following discussion contains some Actual Spoilers and some Clearly Untrue Spoilers That There’s Nevertheless The Teeniest Of Tiny Chances That They Might Turn Out To Be Slightly True So You’ve Only Got Yourself To Blame If They Do.

First of is how they resolve the cliffhanger from series 8:

Rimmer dies in Red Dwarf. The rest of the Red Dwarf crew journey through the mirror universe and eventually find there way back to the normal universe in the parralell worlds Red Dwarf. After a fight against rogue simulants Kristine Kochanski falls in a coma and die`s of a heart attack. Lister is upset by the death of his ex-girlfriend/mum. Holly is knocked ofline for the specials as Lister accidently knocks water near her circuitry.

Ending resolved (Based on info from RedDwarf.co.uk

Here is what i can tell about the group of episodes known as Red Dwarf: Back To Earth.

The crew have journeyed for billions of years and have fought many aliens had many adventures and made rimmer look like a smeg head infront of every race imaginable. Know they face there biggest challenge yet as a strange creature attacks Rimmer and brings Lister back to earth. Above all posibility they encounter a humanoid holigram who seems to secretly fancy Rimmer although she is only after his position in the crew. They arrive and find Lister however he doesnt remember who they are at first. They find out they have been erased from his memory and transported back in time to before Lister joined the Space core and that dangerous alien forces bent on humanity`s total anialation want to make sure Lister doesnt survive to get into Red Dwarfs statis chamber.

(Episode 2)
Rimmer, The new holigram, Cat, Kryten and the Unknowing Lister return to Red Dwarf however as they leave they are attacked and time begins to unfurle. A few of there past enimies appear and force them to slow down to deal with them. The most worthwhile of these to mention is the polymorph (Polymorph III) who turns Lister into a jibbering wreck as it removes his strength and power. It also changes Cat into Dwain dibbly who remarks “No, No. Not Dwain dibbly” As the episode ends the crew are captured.

(Episode 3)

The episode finishes the cliff hanger of the previous episode revealing the evil alien force behind all this. It turns out that the New holigram is an evil spy and has been working for the aliens. They capture Lister however because he is in a paradox (Oroborus) they cant kill him. He detonates a device which causes a thermonuclear explosion which destroys the alien ship and damages Red Dwarf causing it and the crew to crash land on the earth exploding destroying all life on earth leaving only the crew as survivors. Lister say “Smeg” however they begin to fade from time as because the Red Dwarf ship would never have been built as a result of this catastrophe they return to deep space with no memory of the events. The crew continue there search for earth. The pre-credits read.

The crew never remembered the events of that time all memory was forever lost. They would never again reach that earth again. Well unless you count (Speeds up):

TimeTravel
Paralell worlds
(ETC . . . )

The end.

This is based on information from RedDwarf.co.uk

Now, of course, this is all nonsense. Badly-written nonsense. The only moments of “hey, we know about that!” involve twisting things that were already public knowledge by the time it was posted, and it fails the test of simple logic in a number of places. So why am I writing about it? Well, it just interests me that we’ve had our first instance of pure Doctor Who-esque fanwank show up online. You know the drill – every time there’s a season finale, people on Outpost Gallifrey combine stuff from the tabloids (true or otherwise) with their own feverish imaginations, and come up with an insanely detailed storyline that involves the return of myriad old characters and the sort of complicated fan-pleasing backstory that you wouldn’t even find in the New Adventures, before posting it under the claim that they heard it from their brother’s mate’s aunt who worked in the BBC canteen in 1979, and it’s DEFINITELY DEFINITELY TRUE.

And now it’s happening for Dwarf. It’s not unusual that someone’s written what is essentially fan-fiction for what they want to happen (hell, we’ve had discussions in the comment threads on here that amount to much the same thing)… but it’s slightly unusual that someone’s gone to the trouble of pretending it’s genuine. I know that fake spoilers abound for just about anything people get even vaguely fannish about, but just like the recent media attention and shift in attitude (from “sneering” to “almost excited”), there’s just something about this one that once again bears comparison to Who, don’t you think? It also makes me wonder how much more of it we can expect in the coming weeks…

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40 Responses to OMG spoilerzzzz!!!11

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  1. Forget Doug Naylor, get this guy a pen and get him to write Series 9. It will be a winner for sure =D

  2. Ha, Kochanski has heart attack. My Youtube video was right :D

  3. I know the true plot of these red dwarf episodes.

    Red Dwarf get’s back to earth, just as the vogon’s destroy it.

  4. How did they find out about the aliens?! Dammit!

  5. I like how this totally contradicts the episode synopses that Dave accidentally posted as well as the SFX article. Absolute genius.

  6. I think he/she/it is right. In episode 3 Lister will say, “Smeg”.

  7. “alien forces bent on humanity`s total anialation want to make sure Lister doesnt survive to get into Red Dwarfs statis chamber.”

    Nibblonians to nibble-stations!

  8. I just had a horrible vision of a future Red Dwarf story that concludes with Lister stepping out of stasis – the whole show having been a suspended animation dream.

    Despite it making no sense at all, now I’ve typed it I fully expect to see this idea show up online in a couple of years as a concrete fact for how the show’s conclusion is planned.

  9. I’ve read worse before. Much worse.

    Actually this stuff knocks Pete into a cocked hat.

  10. A long running sitcom with Chris Barrie in ending with it all having been a dream?
    Nah wouldnt happen. That would be dumb.

  11. Yay! Logo Banner! real nice! Makes up for scaring me with Iain Lee.

  12. Well, if Back To Reality really had been the last episode, would any of us have found it disappointing?

    Can’t really comment on the Brittas finale since I haven’t seen it since it first aired, but I remember quite liking it at the time.

  13. Back to Reality doesnt end with the whole series having been a dream.

    Do you mean if it had ended before the ending of Back to Reality with the crew really only the people their halucinations made them out to be? If so, it wouldnt have been the worst ending ever, but it would have made that episode weaker, and you would be rewatching the series on the basis that none of the events that ever happend to them were real events as such.

  14. Although the supposed ‘plot outline’ is clearly utter smeg, there is one element that crops up in it that has been playing on my own mind for a few days, so I’m interested to see it come up in this person’s idea

    It’s the part where he mentions Lister being kidnapped and taken back to earth. We know FOR A FACT that the dimension hopping leviathan (D.H.L.) is involved in episode 1 and I just keep thinking that this creature somehow kidnaps Lister when he’s in the water tank with The Cat trying to kill the beastie (which I genuinely believe will happen at some point in the first episode, based on the diving costume photos).

    So maybe there is some truth to that part of our dear friends fevered ranting. It would certainly give further explanation as to why Katerina is brought online. The remaining Dwarfers would need a superior scientific mind to help them follow the D.H.L. back to earth. She was the former science officer on the Dwarf, so with Holly out of commission it would make sense to resurrect her.

  15. G&T Admin

    >It also changes Cat into Dwain dibbly who remarks ?No, No. Not Dwain dibbly?

    This is my favourite bit.

  16. Let’s have another go at plot prediction. You can thank me, and pay me with sexual favours (and money, obviously) later.

    So…Katerina mysteriously appears and tells them they can get back to Earth using this crazy leviathan that recently jumped into the water tank. Rimmer and the others decide against it but Lister, gutted by Kochanski’s death, sneaks into the tank and is flung back in time to 2009, and to Earth, by the leviathan.

    He becomes a cab driver by the name of Lloyd who works on a backstreet in Salford. He works with this other bloke called Steve (they regularly go to Bowness to get pissed and fall off chairs). He has no memory of the Dwarf or any of his real past. The rest of the crew take it upon themselves to follow him back to Earth by (and this is the good bit, I can feel your lips caressing my glans as I type..ffff) using one of the little green Starsubs that are used for maintenance. As they go through the portal they emerge at Salford Quays and, at the touch of a button, Starsub conveniently converts into a car! They can locate Lister because he’s emitting timey-wimey stuff. They find him inside the Rovers, chloroform him and drag him out onto the Street. Deirdre and Ken come out of their house to see what all the commotion is about. There’s a bang and Ken abruptly falls to the floor, a huge hole burned in the back of his head. Katerina stands behind him with a still-smoking bazookoid. End of episode 1.

  17. > They can locate Lister because he?s emitting timey-wimey stuff

    Or they could just turn on the telly.

  18. They would never again reach that earth again.

    What, never again? Never ever again?

  19. >Do you mean if it had ended before the ending of Back to Reality with the crew really only the people their halucinations made them out to be?

    I mean if the episode had been the last as-aired really – on an ambiguous note. Though I don’t suppose that relates much to the Brittas episode.

  20. The only thing I find even slightly plausible in that blurb is the possibility that Katerina is potentially the new villain or is at least in league with, etc…

    …But surely, that little theory must have gone through everyone’s mind at some point.

  21. >Despite it making no sense at all, now I?ve typed it I fully expect to see this idea show up online in a couple of years as a concrete fact for how the show?s conclusion is planned.

    They are planning more? I hope I am not looking to far into the post.

  22. Amazing stuff. It’s like he was looking over Doug’s shoulder.

  23. > It?s like he was looking over Doug?s shoulder.

    Andrew wrote this??!

  24. Terry Wogan will be involved somehow. He’ll be Katerina’s Dad.

  25. > They are planning more? I hope I am not looking to far into the post.

    Maybe that’s Andrew posting a little red herring to throw us off the trail that Back to Earth will conclusively end Red Dwarf for good, though.

  26. >Maybe that?s Andrew posting a little red herring

    Yeah, for half a second I thought we learned something, but surely not.

  27. G&T Admin

    I don’t think it’s any secret that if these shows are a success, then they’re hoping to make more, is it?

    I find it difficult to view these shows as anything other than a potential relaunch vehicle.

  28. I wondered at them giving away the Kryten gloves in a competition. Cat’s shirt fair enough, as he is fashion concious) Still I guess it’s easy enough to knock up a new pair later.

    Also there’s that Bladerunner scene but that probably isn’t as final as it looks. They’d hardly put something that spoilerific in a promo documentary.

  29. I’m still finding some of the performances a bit charactature. An attempt to mimic the characters from the glory days, rather than instinctively just being them. An example being Robert repeating old Kryten dialogue rather than new Kryten dialogue that still feels like Kryten.

    However it’s impossible not to be enthusiastic now. The production looks great. Almost every little clue we’re being fed connects with some former glory without shamelessly re-hashing it. The Corrie stuff for some reason reminds me of the Waxworld. The bunk room sensationally managed to pull together threads from all different eras of Dwarf and weave them into something wonderful.

    My highlight so far might just be The Blade Runner-esque shot of the crew being shot at whilst crashing through the glass. It radiates that extra class. An iconic mix of Sci-Fi and darker tones which were played to such great affect in Back to Reality.

    I think most of us were dissapointed when we heard there would be no studio audience, but now we’re getting to see why it was in the interest of these episodes for there not to be one. The scale and ambition of this re-mount is what’s impressed me the most.

  30. > I don?t think it?s any secret that if these shows are a success, then they?re hoping to make more, is it?

    > I find it difficult to view these shows as anything other than a potential relaunch vehicle.

    Possibly, but don’t forget a decade ago they finished series 8 having no future plans to continue making Red Dwarf for television… it was all about the big screen, so if anything I’d see this as another attempt to whet investors appetites for Red Dwarf the Movie, rather than make more television.

    I’m aware that Doug pitched, or at least enquired about, a series IX some time ago, but only when he was on his arse having gotten nowhere with the film.

    Doug didn’t even want to continue making television series after VI. The only reason VII and VIII even existed was to press ahead with a film.

    It seems to be that everything Dwarf related since 1993 has been with an eye on making a movie. Why would this be any different? I would imagine Doug’s agenda (also indicated in the way Back to Earth has been so epicly and filmicly produced) still revolves around producing that damned script, producing that damned elusive movie and seeing it on that damned big screen… which would be nice.

  31. It seems to be that everything Dwarf related since 1993 has been with an eye on making a movie. Why would this be any different?

    See the Series VIII DVD documentary.

    But at the end of the day, surely any of the movie studios and distributors are stupid not to take up a Red Dwarf movie considering the considerable amount of publicity these three episodes have generated, both paid for and just in the newspapers generally.

    If this turns out well, it will show that Doug can write and direct, and that it can be brilliant on a tiny budget.

    *Hmm. It’s being filmed on a 4K film camera… I wonder if it could make it to the big screen at some point…*

  32. twitter.com/bobbyllew reconfirmed yesterday in response to querying whether a series IX is planned, “It;s all up for discussion. It all depends on how well received the new shows are.”

    I hadn’t considered the studio audience’s absence as a shift in a filmic direction. But it makes sense.

  33. Right. So the person with Bullets is running around trying to kill off the characters Lister, Rimmer, Cat and Kryten.

    It’s Rob Grant isn’t it?

  34. G&T Admin

    i think it’s all metaphorical and it’s technically Doug.

  35. Right. So the person with Bullets is running around trying to kill off the characters Lister, Rimmer, Cat and Kryten.

    Yes. There was something strange about the man’s hair. At least I think it was him as that bit was cut quite quickly. I thought it was Cat to start with, (it’s a similar looking Barnet) but then he appeared to be the guy chasing (and shooting at) them.

    It might have just been a hair-style to give him a Mafioso wise-guy look (although it looked really fake.), but I can’t help thinking wig=disguise= an out of time visitor too. Possibly one of those simulant chaps. Although I’m not sure a simulant would bother with a 20th century projectile weapon.

  36. You’re not letting this simulant angle go in a hurry are you?

  37. ;)

    They turn up at some point. I suspect I’m stretching things a bit with that theory though.

  38. Amazing how frighteningly accurate this turned out to be.

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