Does Rimmer produce man sauce?

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This topic contains 63 replies, has 27 voices, and was last updated by  Dave 8 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #2858

    Zombie Jim Undead

    I was wondering…presumably holograms can masturbate and we know that they are capable of sexual contact with one another. Is Rimmer therefore able to ejaculate? Does this ejaculate then exist as a separate holographic entity? If so, would Holly only be able to sustain either Rimmer OR his love batter and not both at the same time?

    Is the holographic juice fertile? Could it impregnate a female hologram? Which ship would be powering the resultant offspring?

    Discuss.

    #91369

    SoundableObject

    I think it like Rimmer can have holographic food but he can’t have a holographic shit, he can masturbate but no juice.

    #91370

    Zombie Jim Undead

    Thanks for clearing that up.

    *cough*

    #91373

    TheLeen

    Does Rimmer produce man sauce?

    I would very much like to UNREAD that topic title.

    #91374

    Zombie Jim Undead

    YOU READ IT.

    YOU CAN’T..etc etc etc.

    #91375

    NitroChrisUK

    i think you may have brought up a major plot point of the specials

    #91376

    Pete Part Three

    Unless he’s got some wiring in his lightbee to produce a tantric-like orgasm, he must splurge. Nirvannah seemed to enjoy his small portions, so it looks like he’s unable to control himelf.

    I have diagrams if you’d like to see them?

    #91377

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    I nominate this thread for hall of fame status.

    #91378

    Seb Patrick

    >Is the holographic juice fertile? Could it impregnate a female hologram?

    “We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.”

    I’d repeat the next line, but I’m not Jane Horrocks so I can’t do it justice.

    #91379

    SoundableObject

    >Nirvannah seemed to enjoy his small portions, so it looks like he?s unable to control himelf.

    I read that line and I thought you meant the band at first, I had to read it again.

    #91380

    Zombie Jim Undead

    > ?We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.?

    Damn, you’re right.

    But do they have periods?

    And if they eat but don’t defecate…do they still produce flatus? Imagine being able to let rip with no fear of follow-through! It’d be worth being dead.

    #91381

    Phil

    >do they still produce flatus?

    It just smells like ozone.

    #91383

    Zombie Jim Undead

    Everyone remembers the day that they installed that giant toupee to cover the hole in Rimmer’s flatus layer.

    #91386

    performingmonkey

    This will be answered in the making of BITR.

    #91387

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    Does this ejaculate then exist as a separate holographic entity?

    Cyber-Spunk.

    #91393

    Phil

    Ho!

    #91411

    James

    I would very much like to UNREAD that topic title.

    But you love his nano-bot.

    #91421

    Ben Paddon

    “Well it’s been a long time since I did that.”

    #91426

    Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc

    Aaaaand now I’m recalling that erotic Lister/Rimmer fanfic I found somewhere in one of the darker, danker corners of the internet. (According to it, the answer is “yes”.) Just when I’d gone to the trouble of forgetting it properly, too.

    I hate you all.

    #91430

    Blisschick

    *gouging out eyes*

    #91431

    hummingbird

    > erotic Lister/Rimmer fanfic

    I feel ill.

    #91437

    si

    I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the fact that I read this thread, or that it was created in the first place.

    #91448

    locusceruleus

    “ELECTRIC SPAGHETTI?!”

    #91451

    performingmonkey

    Well, I know that rimmING produces man-sauce. Or at least it can, if coupled with gentle stroking of the shaft and glans. That particular act is worth avoiding though if you and your partner had a strong curry not so long since. Though you could use this to get your own back on your partner for all the times you’ve had to go downstairs, trying to stay conscious without breathing apparatus or a dental dam. Alternatively, just don’t wash, on purpose. That’ll show them.

    #91465

    Dave

    Hollowgram

    #91477

    Tanya Jones

    G&T Admin

    There wouldn’t be any need for bodily fluids, so no, he wouldn’t have spunk, saliva, blood or anything like that.

    #91489

    Tyrell Corporation

    Wasn’t Rimmer sick in D.N.A?

    #91490

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    Nope. Cat sneezed, but that’s about it.

    #91491

    Tyrell Corporation

    I’m pretty sure it was off-screen when Kryten and Rimmer find the rancid corpse.

    Or maybe he pooed (poo’d?) himself.

    #91492

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    Oh yeah! Good point.

    #91493

    Tyrell Corporation

    There is ‘The Young Ones’ slash-fiction on the hyperwebs.

    No I will not explain how I stumbled upon it.

    #91540

    Ben Paddon

    Er… Rimmer cacked his pants when confronting Hudzen 10 in “The Last Day”.

    #91544

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I thought he’d peed himself, personally.

    #91549

    locusceruleus

    Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to America’s favorite gameshow, ‘Name That Bodily Fluid!’

    Here’s your host, Guy Smiley!

    #91550

    Tanya Jones

    G&T Admin

    >Er? Rimmer cacked his pants when confronting Hudzen 10 in ?The Last Day?.

    True. Rob and Doug never took notice of logic when a good joke was available.

    #91568

    hummingbird

    Yeah, but strictly speaking it’s holo wee/poo, and composed entirely of light, and therefore not a bodily fluid per se.

    #91572

    Ben Paddon

    I thought he?d peed himself, personally.

    Either way is good.

    #91580

    Ridley

    “Mr. Rimmer, in a hard-light body you can do anything a human can do. With the added bonus you are practically indestructible.”

    “I can’t be hurt?”

    “Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot come to harm.”

    #91585

    Dave

    ?Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot cum to harm.?

    #91597

    locusceruleus

    Holly brushes Rimmer’s teeth in series 1 too, and gives him a shower…just thought that had to figure in somewhere too.

    #91618

    peas_and_corn

    ?Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot pleasure Lister on screen.?

    #91619

    Tyrell Corporation

    I will personally kick the fuck out of all of you if this thread continues.

    #91690

    Ben Paddon

    I’d love to quote “Simon the Sorcerer” here, but unfortunately I think I’m the only bugger on this forum who’s played it.

    #91697

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    I played it! Years ago, and it was a floppy version without Chris Barrie’s voice, mind. Only the first game, too, unfortunately.

    Still, it was tremendous. Swampy upset the fuck out of me, though…

    #91715

    Tyrell Corporation

    OH GOD.

    Swampy…

    You bastard, thanks for bringing back some pained childhood memories.

    #91925

    Ben Paddon

    Chris Barrie is excellent as Simon in the first game, although I do like Brian Bowles’ version in Simon II and Simon 3D (even if Simon 3D was crap, it was still very funny… I might muster up the will to finish it one day). There are a couple of lines that Chris mis-reads, though – when he gives the money to the wizards in the tavern for his Wizardry membership, he says “There you are” as if he was looking for someone and just found them. I chalk that up to the director of the project, though, not Chris.

    I found out at the end of last week that Simon the Sorcerer 4 has finally had an English language release, so I’m snagged a copy from Amazon UK for the remarkably cheap price of ?5 (plus international shipping, natch).

    #91926

    Ben Paddon

    Although having just watched the trailer for the English version of Simon 4, the voice acting is really, really bad. I’m actually wincing. I don’t think I’ve ever winced before.

    Simon has an American accent! Calypso doesn’t sound anything like he did in the first three games! The bad guy sounds like Calypso did in the first three games! What the Hell is going on?

    #92061

    Tarka Dal

    I nominate this thread as one I never ever want to read again.

    #92074

    Seb Patrick

    I read this thread on a different forum first. It was emailed exclusively by Zombie Jim to this other forum before anywhere else on the internet.

    #92079

    Mr Flibble

    This is slowly turning into that “things we already knew” thread we had the other week.

    #92085

    Pete Part Three

    But, of course, we all know that.

    #92087

    locusceruleus

    I wrote my contributions to this thread before you even read them.

    #92091

    Mr Flibble

    But, of course, we all know that.

    *applauds*

    #92099

    Ben Paddon

    I nominate this thread for… oh, someone already did it.

    #92109

    hummingbird

    > I wrote my contributions to this thread before you even read them.

    Isn’t this the thread from the double double future?

    #92144

    si

    Yes, hence the moustache.

    #92145

    si

    Going back to the start:

    I was wondering?presumably holograms can masturbate

    Why? Why were you wondering that?

    #92161

    performingmonkey

    Can Rimmer wank? Could Holly provide that service? “Holly, handjob!”

    #92165

    ChrisM

    I was going to make a head joke but on second thoughts…

    #92166

    Mnoooah

    >Could Holly provide that service? ?Holly, handjob!?

    The undeniable squickiness of this thread aside, that’s a legitimately fucking awful side effect of being a hologram. If Holly manually runs your shower and toothbrushing functions, you have zero secrets from him; case in point, the holosocks in Kryten. That’s a whole dimension of hell for Rimmer that’s only been hinted at.

    #92172

    Ben Paddon

    I’d like to offer the following additional evidence:

    LIFT
    Floor 3125, sports and sexual recreation.

    RIMMER
    Sports and what?

    CRANE
    Sex. Don’t you have a sex deck on your ship?

    RIMMER
    Nnno.

    CRANE
    Well what do you do when you want to have sex?

    RIMMER
    Well… we go for runs, watch gardening
    programmes on the ship’s vid.

    CRANE
    That’s very bad for you. Don’t you ever feel
    tense or frustrated?

    RIMMER
    Well it’s got worse these last ten years or so,
    I can’t deny it.

    #92173

    performingmonkey

    Would there be hololube?

    #92177

    Ben Paddon

    Presumably. It does also make you wonder what other uses the Holowhip has.

    #92181

    Dave

    >Presumably. It does also make you wonder what other uses the Holowhip has.

    Holowhipped Cream?

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