September 27, 2016 at 3:00 pm #216500
smoke me a kipper
Here is my idea for an episode.
The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.
That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.
Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.September 27, 2016 at 3:04 pm #216501
Pete Part Three
Sound hilarious. Here; have some money.September 27, 2016 at 3:05 pm #216502
Idea for film extravaganza. Plot, thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. He’s being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer.September 27, 2016 at 3:11 pm #216503
I’ve got one:
Starbug crash lands onto an icy planet, where they discover the frozen remains of Bruce Forsyth. They unthaw him, and he tells them that Earth was frozen in 2641 by Simulant replicas of Torvill and Dean. He only survived because he had been playing dead for the last 300 years. At the end of the episode he trips over a box of paperwork and is flushed out of an airlock.
Also Lister irons his trousers with curry, because he likes ironing his trousers. Also curry.September 27, 2016 at 3:13 pm #216504
What about one where everybody’s Kryten?September 27, 2016 at 3:27 pm #216505
Pete Tranter’s Sister
Austria, 1908, a young man is rejected from studying at the prestigious Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna.
Japan, 1945, two atomic bombs are dropped on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing an estimated 226,000 people, half of those deaths occur within the first twenty-four hours.
A chain of events occurred in between, but what happened, we’ll never know.
And now, stand by your pre-packaged croutons and wait for the signal to turn, it’s REEVES & MORTIMER.September 27, 2016 at 3:37 pm #216506
Hollister reveals that he is Dennis the Dungodad.September 27, 2016 at 4:14 pm #216507
The crew discover the fabled final scene of Samsara cryogenically preserved in some shit.September 27, 2016 at 4:47 pm #216508
After opening the stasis booth they don’t believe it.
It’s Victor Meldrew! And who should be in the other stasis pod, but his ex-neighbour, Patrick Trench! Cursing his luck at being trapped in the distant future with his nemesis, Patrick screams in frustration, causing a ship-quake. The crew quickly escort the two 20th century men back aboard Starbug, and Kryten notices a slime trail leading in the same direction. Before he has time to tell the rest of the crew, a metal beam hits him on the head and knocks him out.
With Kryten out cold until he can be repaired, Cat and Lister piloting and Rimmer navigating, Victor and Patrick are left in the mid-section on their own and have an amusing argument about whose fault the situation is. Fancying a cup of tea, Victor heads into the kitchen. Off screen we hear: “What in the name of bloody hell?!”
Cut to- Victor with a baby Giant Death Worm trying to attach itself to his face. Patrick rushes in and valiantly rips it off him, before heading to the airlock, blasting both himself and the creature out into space. Before he closes the airlock door, he mentions to Victor that death by asphyxiation would be preferable to the rest of his life trapped in deep space with Mr. Meldrew.
“Oh, by the way,” Victor says to Lister, as they conduct a remembrance service for Patrick, “there was another person on board the space station – she was in a stasis booth on the level above us. A rather hoity-toity young lady with a strange name.”
“Kochanski? Was it Kochanski?”
“Ah yes, that’s it. Said she was Scottish but she didn’t sound it.”
“Quick, we’ve gotta get back there to rescue her.”
Suddenly, the space station Starbug is flying towards explodes.
“I don’t believe it!” cries Lister. Rimmer rolls his eyes and passes him an accident report form. Lister looks at the camera and shrugs.September 27, 2016 at 6:03 pm #216510
Only sharing because this reminds me of how great this other thread was.September 27, 2016 at 8:43 pm #216515
Wasn’t good enough to attend the Hall of Fame ceremony though, was it?September 28, 2016 at 2:43 am #216529
I NOMINATE THAT THREAD FOR HALL OF FAME STATUSSeptember 28, 2016 at 3:58 am #216530
I’ve always loved the theory that Rimmer didn’t actually cause the accident. Holly just implanted a fake memory in his head so he’d feel guilty enough to stick it out as the ship’s hologram.September 28, 2016 at 7:08 am #216531
The boys from the dwarf pick up a signal from a crashed derelict on a planetoid, when they go to inspect the signal they find out that the crashed vessel is Red Dwarf itself from the future after being caught in a spatial anomaly, and they need to work out how it happened to avoid the same fate as their future selves.September 28, 2016 at 8:34 am #216532
Lister does a shit that’s so big it makes a path to another dimension and they meet Doctor Who.September 28, 2016 at 8:40 am #216533
and Star Trek.September 28, 2016 at 11:03 am #216535
Between series 6 -7, in 97 my brother and I wrote an red dwarf episode called ‘CATFLAP’.
After Cat has a nightmare of being made to embrace a religion of uncool clothing, he is transported to a world where the rest of cat race survived and are split into two factions. The Geeky side who worship Dwayne Dibbly style life style and The Cool side, so cool in fact there is only one, KINGKATT who is genocidal believing he has the only right to live as he is cool and no one else is. Yep, pretty clunky I admit. The sub plot involved Lister and Kryten falling out ( this was written before series 7’s Kryten’s squeaky persona). A very hung over Lister feels Kryten talked down to him at recent encounter with usual sci fi peril and insults Kryten, Kryten then refuses to speak. Rimmer, loving this fuels the fire and gets Kryten to fight Lister in a boxing match, to settle their differences. Lister refuses to hit Kryten and Kryten can’t hit Lister due to his programming. Kryten’s refusal to assist, causes Rimmer to make decisions as Lister and Kryten are literal ‘not talking’ through out and a lot of mistakes occur. Kryten’s constant unsubtle nods and pointing to Rimmer not to do something without being seen by Lister doesn’t help matters. The story ends with The KINGKATT’ plan backfiring due his vanity and Lister quipping ‘Ever Cat must have his day (written before every dog line in series viii)’ Kryten instantly punches him and replies ‘ Sorry sir, I just couldn’t let that one go’. Yes its pretty awful, however the inclusion of Kryten hitting Lister and rumours of other Cat Characters in series XI it’s very intriguing, look ing forward to seeing what Doug does with similar material.September 28, 2016 at 12:24 pm #216538
Haha I like that idea Jumbo.
I like the Cat idea. Other than Lister, Cat has been in every single episode so I’m quite looking forward to the Cat episode. He finally gets one.September 28, 2016 at 1:35 pm #216541
Cheers Bezzy, Identity within-the lost red dwarf cat story never really impressed me, great recording by chris barrie though. Wondering if any elements will be lifted from it.September 28, 2016 at 1:43 pm #216542
Pete Tranter’s Sister
The Middle.September 28, 2016 at 4:22 pm #216545
My 9 year old son has become quite the Red Dwarf fan, in fact the idea of a spaceship with a catman and a robot and hologram and a silly hero feels like Ulysess 31 meets Rentaghost. He asks that I tell him a Red Dwarf bed time story every night. Must have done this for at least 6 months. Had stories of hologram vampires who feed off light, Rimmer being in a intergalactic Disco championship (where bad dancing wins). Lister bathing in curry. An Evil Ace Rimmer. Cat’s Fashionable clothes coming to life.hard light doubles of the crew try to take over the ship. Waiting to see if any of these appear in the rest of series xi or xii.September 28, 2016 at 6:04 pm #216546
Lister wins the lottery but loses the ticket. He believes Rimmer has stolen the ticket and hires Cat as an undercover agent to follow him. Meanwhile Kryten takes up topiary.September 28, 2016 at 7:38 pm #216548
A fan of Red Dwarf™ sues the JMC™ for stealing all of his ideas despite overwhelming evidence that the concepts existed three million years™ prior. Nevertheless, it falls to Rimmer™ to mount a defence as the company’s representative by default. He realises, however, that if he loses, his subsequent redundancy money could easily afford an afterdeath™ better than anything Red Dwarf™ can offer and tries to throw the case, accidentally winning in the process.
The fan takes his compensation in *cut to credits™*September 28, 2016 at 7:48 pm #216549
Kryten fucks a fridge.September 29, 2016 at 8:28 am #216574
> Kryten fucks a fridge.
Can the fridge be on top of him in a way that’s completely logically impossible for fucking? That would be good.
I think they should done one where the Vampire does a smeg and Litser has to eat it.October 4, 2016 at 9:24 pm #216771
Lister eats a full English breakfast. Rimmer calls it racist.October 4, 2016 at 9:36 pm #216772
Pete Tranter’s Sister
Alexei Sayle guest stars as Gelf Balowski and Lister spend twenty minutes calling Rimmer a virgin.
Come to think of it, Red Dwarf really is just The Young Ones in space.October 4, 2016 at 11:24 pm #216777October 20, 2016 at 6:48 am #217231
and Star Trek.October 20, 2016 at 8:06 am #217234
Don’t gimme that Star Trek crap, it’s too early in the mornin’.October 20, 2016 at 2:01 pm #217249
Jason aka Smeg4Brains
Taiwan Tony transfers himself into Kryten’s body. Nobody realises until he blacks up.October 20, 2016 at 9:39 pm #217250
Kryten gets infected by an ancient computer virus from the droid uprising and is turned into a murdering psychopath. Meanwhile Cat tries to make the perfect ham sandwich.October 21, 2016 at 12:48 am #217255
Rimmer and Lister bond over spaghetti western movies, which makes Kryten jealous.October 21, 2016 at 9:31 am #217258
They all go on holiday to Miami where Kryten gets mistaken for a mafia boss and gets chased around with a bag of money.October 21, 2016 at 9:51 am #217262
Kryten’s boss is coming round for dinner, and everyone has to be on their best behaviour.October 21, 2016 at 11:13 am #217264
Rimmer falls through the bar.October 21, 2016 at 11:17 am #217265
>Rimmer falls through the bar.
He did that in episode 1.
“Drink up, Listy. Were leaving!”October 21, 2016 at 11:41 am #217266
>Kryten’s boss is coming round for dinner, and everyone has to be on their best behaviour.
Unfortunately while Kryten is trying to entertain his boss at dinner, Lister accidently puts too much power in the washing machine and wacky hyjinks ensues!October 21, 2016 at 1:26 pm #217269
Unfortunately while Kryten is trying to entertain his boss at dinner, Lister accidently puts too much power in the washing machine and wacky hyjinks ensues!
With indifferent consequences.October 22, 2016 at 12:03 pm #217315
Lister discovers a time capsule from Earth that features footage of a Weather Balloon and a Cow eating some grass in a field. He gets bored after thirty seconds and goes off to eat a curry.
That episode’s name?
Vindalunar.October 22, 2016 at 3:43 pm #217332
They should do one were everything is backwards.October 22, 2016 at 10:15 pm #217349
Kryten has a dream where he reads a sign for 3 million yearsOctober 22, 2016 at 11:22 pm #217356
Kryten meets a tribe of GELF who can fulfil his lifelong dream of being a dancer.October 23, 2016 at 5:42 pm #217400
Pete Tranter’s Sister
Apartheid in space.June 30, 2017 at 8:11 pm #219971
Phobos And Deimos
All the episodes are re-released backwards except Backwards which is re-assembled from alternate takes.July 2, 2017 at 7:18 pm #219981
The vicar’s coming round and Lister isn’t wearing any knickers.July 2, 2017 at 7:37 pm #219982
Phobos And Deimos
Oh crikey.August 18, 2017 at 5:54 pm #220604
One idea for Timewave,relating to the synopsis:
The crew go back in TIME to 90s America where Rob Grant and Doug Naylor are pitching the US Red Dwarf and being referred to as the WAVE of negativity. Donald Trump turns up for some reason and takes them all aboard a ship he owns and makes their criticism illegal on there. He is then hit by a WAVE and erased from TIME itself unfortunately.September 3, 2017 at 3:04 am #220962
Not John Hoare
It’s like Everybody’s Kryten, but everybody’s shiteing.September 3, 2017 at 10:58 pm #221012
Depending on how their swipe at political correctness turns out, perhaps now is the time for them to finally produce the long-mooted episode where the crew get hit by a Gay Ray.September 3, 2017 at 11:04 pm #221013
if they do get hit by a Gay Ray, then the real question is- if rimmer and lister fuck, does it count as inter-species sex? because rimmer technically isn’t a human, he’s just sort of a big bit of lightSeptember 3, 2017 at 11:17 pm #221015
But what light.September 4, 2017 at 12:17 am #221016
The Hard Light basically replicates the feel of the person.
So you might say Rimmer is Flesh Light.September 4, 2017 at 12:45 am #221019
If Holly can give Rimmer Peterson’s arm, could he give him Peterson’s cock?September 4, 2017 at 10:23 am #221027
They don’t call Rimmer HARD light for nothing you know.September 4, 2017 at 6:27 pm #221031
because rimmer technically isn’t a human, he’s just sort of a big bit of light
…and Lister’s just a small bit of heavy.
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