Idea for an episode.

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    smoke me a kipper

    Here is my idea for an episode.

    The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

    That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

    Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.


    Pete Part Three

    Sound hilarious. Here; have some money.



    Idea for film extravaganza. Plot, thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. He’s being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer.



    I’ve got one:


    Starbug crash lands onto an icy planet, where they discover the frozen remains of Bruce Forsyth. They unthaw him, and he tells them that Earth was frozen in 2641 by Simulant replicas of Torvill and Dean. He only survived because he had been playing dead for the last 300 years. At the end of the episode he trips over a box of paperwork and is flushed out of an airlock.

    Also Lister irons his trousers with curry, because he likes ironing his trousers. Also curry.



    What about one where everybody’s Kryten?


    Pete Tranter’s Sister

    Austria, 1908, a young man is rejected from studying at the prestigious Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna.

    Japan, 1945, two atomic bombs are dropped on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing an estimated 226,000 people, half of those deaths occur within the first twenty-four hours.

    A chain of events occurred in between, but what happened, we’ll never know.

    And now, stand by your pre-packaged croutons and wait for the signal to turn, it’s REEVES & MORTIMER.



    Hollister reveals that he is Dennis the Dungodad.



    The crew discover the fabled final scene of Samsara cryogenically preserved in some shit.


    International Debris

    After opening the stasis booth they don’t believe it.

    It’s Victor Meldrew! And who should be in the other stasis pod, but his ex-neighbour, Patrick Trench! Cursing his luck at being trapped in the distant future with his nemesis, Patrick screams in frustration, causing a ship-quake. The crew quickly escort the two 20th century men back aboard Starbug, and Kryten notices a slime trail leading in the same direction. Before he has time to tell the rest of the crew, a metal beam hits him on the head and knocks him out.
    With Kryten out cold until he can be repaired, Cat and Lister piloting and Rimmer navigating, Victor and Patrick are left in the mid-section on their own and have an amusing argument about whose fault the situation is. Fancying a cup of tea, Victor heads into the kitchen. Off screen we hear: “What in the name of bloody hell?!”
    Cut to- Victor with a baby Giant Death Worm trying to attach itself to his face. Patrick rushes in and valiantly rips it off him, before heading to the airlock, blasting both himself and the creature out into space. Before he closes the airlock door, he mentions to Victor that death by asphyxiation would be preferable to the rest of his life trapped in deep space with Mr. Meldrew.
    “Oh, by the way,” Victor says to Lister, as they conduct a remembrance service for Patrick, “there was another person on board the space station – she was in a stasis booth on the level above us. A rather hoity-toity young lady with a strange name.”
    “Kochanski? Was it Kochanski?”
    “Ah yes, that’s it. Said she was Scottish but she didn’t sound it.”
    “Quick, we’ve gotta get back there to rescue her.”
    Suddenly, the space station Starbug is flying towards explodes.
    “I don’t believe it!” cries Lister. Rimmer rolls his eyes and passes him an accident report form. Lister looks at the camera and shrugs.



    Only sharing because this reminds me of how great this other thread was.



    Wasn’t good enough to attend the Hall of Fame ceremony though, was it?






    I’ve always loved the theory that Rimmer didn’t actually cause the accident. Holly just implanted a fake memory in his head so he’d feel guilty enough to stick it out as the ship’s hologram.



    The boys from the dwarf pick up a signal from a crashed derelict on a planetoid, when they go to inspect the signal they find out that the crashed vessel is Red Dwarf itself from the future after being caught in a spatial anomaly, and they need to work out how it happened to avoid the same fate as their future selves.



    Lister does a shit that’s so big it makes a path to another dimension and they meet Doctor Who.



    and Star Trek.


    Jumbo Buggers

    Between series 6 -7, in 97 my brother and I wrote an red dwarf episode called ‘CATFLAP’.

    After Cat has a nightmare of being made to embrace a religion of uncool clothing, he is transported to a world where the rest of cat race survived and are split into two factions. The Geeky side who worship Dwayne Dibbly style life style and The Cool side, so cool in fact there is only one, KINGKATT who is genocidal believing he has the only right to live as he is cool and no one else is. Yep, pretty clunky I admit. The sub plot involved Lister and Kryten falling out ( this was written before series 7’s Kryten’s squeaky persona). A very hung over Lister feels Kryten talked down to him at recent encounter with usual sci fi peril and insults Kryten, Kryten then refuses to speak. Rimmer, loving this fuels the fire and gets Kryten to fight Lister in a boxing match, to settle their differences. Lister refuses to hit Kryten and Kryten can’t hit Lister due to his programming. Kryten’s refusal to assist, causes Rimmer to make decisions as Lister and Kryten are literal ‘not talking’ through out and a lot of mistakes occur. Kryten’s constant unsubtle nods and pointing to Rimmer not to do something without being seen by Lister doesn’t help matters. The story ends with The KINGKATT’ plan backfiring due his vanity and Lister quipping ‘Ever Cat must have his day (written before every dog line in series viii)’ Kryten instantly punches him and replies ‘ Sorry sir, I just couldn’t let that one go’. Yes its pretty awful, however the inclusion of Kryten hitting Lister and rumours of other Cat Characters in series XI it’s very intriguing, look ing forward to seeing what Doug does with similar material.



    Haha I like that idea Jumbo.
    I like the Cat idea. Other than Lister, Cat has been in every single episode so I’m quite looking forward to the Cat episode. He finally gets one.


    Jumbo Buggers

    Cheers Bezzy, Identity within-the lost red dwarf cat story never really impressed me, great recording by chris barrie though. Wondering if any elements will be lifted from it.


    Pete Tranter’s Sister

    The Middle.


    Jumbo Buggers

    My 9 year old son has become quite the Red Dwarf fan, in fact the idea of a spaceship with a catman and a robot and hologram and a silly hero feels like Ulysess 31 meets Rentaghost. He asks that I tell him a Red Dwarf bed time story every night. Must have done this for at least 6 months. Had stories of hologram vampires who feed off light, Rimmer being in a intergalactic Disco championship (where bad dancing wins). Lister bathing in curry. An Evil Ace Rimmer. Cat’s Fashionable clothes coming to life.hard light doubles of the crew try to take over the ship. Waiting to see if any of these appear in the rest of series xi or xii.



    Lister wins the lottery but loses the ticket. He believes Rimmer has stolen the ticket and hires Cat as an undercover agent to follow him. Meanwhile Kryten takes up topiary.



    A fan of Red Dwarf™ sues the JMC™ for stealing all of his ideas despite overwhelming evidence that the concepts existed three million years™ prior. Nevertheless, it falls to Rimmer™ to mount a defence as the company’s representative by default. He realises, however, that if he loses, his subsequent redundancy money could easily afford an afterdeath™ better than anything Red Dwarf™ can offer and tries to throw the case, accidentally winning in the process.

    The fan takes his compensation in *cut to credits™*



    Kryten fucks a fridge.



    > Kryten fucks a fridge.

    Can the fridge be on top of him in a way that’s completely logically impossible for fucking? That would be good.

    I think they should done one where the Vampire does a smeg and Litser has to eat it.



    Lister eats a full English breakfast. Rimmer calls it racist.


    Pete Tranter’s Sister

    Alexei Sayle guest stars as Gelf Balowski and Lister spend twenty minutes calling Rimmer a virgin.

    Come to think of it, Red Dwarf really is just The Young Ones in space.



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    and Star Trek.


    Ben Paddon

    Don’t gimme that Star Trek crap, it’s too early in the mornin’.


    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    Taiwan Tony transfers himself into Kryten’s body. Nobody realises until he blacks up.



    Kryten gets infected by an ancient computer virus from the droid uprising and is turned into a murdering psychopath. Meanwhile Cat tries to make the perfect ham sandwich.


    Ben Paddon

    Rimmer and Lister bond over spaghetti western movies, which makes Kryten jealous.



    They all go on holiday to Miami where Kryten gets mistaken for a mafia boss and gets chased around with a bag of money.


    Dave Wallace

    Kryten’s boss is coming round for dinner, and everyone has to be on their best behaviour.



    Rimmer falls through the bar.


    Taiwan Tony

    >Rimmer falls through the bar.
    He did that in episode 1.

    “Drink up, Listy. Were leaving!”



    >Kryten’s boss is coming round for dinner, and everyone has to be on their best behaviour.
    Unfortunately while Kryten is trying to entertain his boss at dinner, Lister accidently puts too much power in the washing machine and wacky hyjinks ensues!


    Dave Wallace

    Unfortunately while Kryten is trying to entertain his boss at dinner, Lister accidently puts too much power in the washing machine and wacky hyjinks ensues!

    With indifferent consequences.



    Lister discovers a time capsule from Earth that features footage of a Weather Balloon and a Cow eating some grass in a field. He gets bored after thirty seconds and goes off to eat a curry.

    That episode’s name?



    Russ L

    They should do one were everything is backwards.



    Kryten has a dream where he reads a sign for 3 million years



    Kryten meets a tribe of GELF who can fulfil his lifelong dream of being a dancer.


    Pete Tranter’s Sister

    Apartheid in space.


    Phobos And Deimos

    All the episodes are re-released backwards except Backwards which is re-assembled from alternate takes.



    The vicar’s coming round and Lister isn’t wearing any knickers.


    Phobos And Deimos

    Oh crikey.


    Stephen Abootman

    One idea for Timewave,relating to the synopsis:

    The crew go back in TIME to 90s America where Rob Grant and Doug Naylor are pitching the US Red Dwarf and being referred to as the WAVE of negativity. Donald Trump turns up for some reason and takes them all aboard a ship he owns and makes their criticism illegal on there. He is then hit by a WAVE and erased from TIME itself unfortunately.


    Not John Hoare

    Everybody’s Shiteing.

    It’s like Everybody’s Kryten, but everybody’s shiteing.


    Plastic Percy

    Depending on how their swipe at political correctness turns out, perhaps now is the time for them to finally produce the long-mooted episode where the crew get hit by a Gay Ray.



    if they do get hit by a Gay Ray, then the real question is- if rimmer and lister fuck, does it count as inter-species sex? because rimmer technically isn’t a human, he’s just sort of a big bit of light



    But what light.



    The Hard Light basically replicates the feel of the person.

    So you might say Rimmer is Flesh Light.


    Ben Saunders

    If Holly can give Rimmer Peterson’s arm, could he give him Peterson’s cock?


    International Debris

    They don’t call Rimmer HARD light for nothing you know.



    because rimmer technically isn’t a human, he’s just sort of a big bit of light

    …and Lister’s just a small bit of heavy.

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