Misheard lines

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  • #1704

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    Does anyone have any quotes from Red Dwarf that they’ve misheard and took it as read, only to find that years later you’ve got it all wrong?

    Now i’ve wrote this topic starter I can’t think of an example. Bollocks

    Anyways…

    Discuss.

    #123414

    Phil

    For a VERY long time…maybe right up until the DVD…I thought Columbo was “the man with the dirty map who discovered America.”

    I know what he really said now…but I’m actually kind of partial to my mishearing. I think it’s funnier. “Mac” doesn’t add anything to the “Columbo” identification…whereas a dirty map is actually another miniature joke right in the same line…

    Man, Rob and Doug should have let me mishear things officially for GNP.

    #123351

    Andrew

    For years I heard:

    “What are men like in the 23rd century, guy?”

    As opposed to:

    “I’m an enlightened 23rd century guy.”

    I blame Craig entirely.

    #123353

    Jonathan Capps

    G&T Admin

    I never misheard anything, you big idiots.

    #123480

    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    When Lister says “Smeg” I always heard “YOU CUNT!”

    #123523

    Mr Flibble

    Quarantine (I think) when talking about Lister blowing his nose:

    Kryten: A Turner Sea Scape, perhaps?

    became to me

    Kryten: A Turnersiski perhaps?

    With me thinking Turnersiski was some arty bloke I hadn’t heard of.

    #123529

    Andrew

    Oh, thanks for the reminder on the Terrorform news item, John:

    ?The part of you that lusts after meaningless sex?

    For years, to me, this was:

    “The part of you that lusts after mean, English sex.”

    Reclaiming England’s sexual reputation!

    #123500

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    Are you blaming Craig for that one as well, Andrew?

    #123530

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    > When Lister says ?Smeg? I always heard ?YOU CUNT!?

    Oh, It’s started, I knew it would!

    #123531

    Phil

    I really do lust after mean English sex.

    Who’s free this weekend?

    #123538

    Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc

    Really, what can’t Craig be blamed for?

    Until I read it in Infiinty Welcomes Careful Drivers, I didn’t know that the line from Lister’s reminisces of art college went “Who’s together by then? You can still taste the toothpaste.” I mean, I heard the last sentence, but the first was just a trainwreck of jumbled syllables in Scouse on my untutored Yank ear.

    #123438

    performingmonkey

    > Really, what can?t Craig be blamed for?

    The crapness of Spider-man 3.

    #123655

    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    > Oh, It?s started, I knew it would!

    What has?

    > The crapness of Spider-man 3.

    How very dare you.

    #123354

    Antipodean

    In “The Last Day”, Lister says “Is it anything to do with being stuck opposite Brigitte Nielson in a packed lift?” For some reason I thought this was a “pack-lift”, which I figured was another word for freight elevator. When I heard the “-ed” for the first time the sentence made much more sense.

    #123493

    Jonathan Capps

    G&T Admin

    > How very dare you.

    Get out!

    #123231

    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    The only thing about it I didn’t like was the ending. I won’t say why yet as lots of people probably still haven’t seen it.

    #123469

    Austin Ross

    CRAIG: They were gonna sort that out in the dub!
    WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD: They were gonna suck that out in the dump!

    RIMMER: Cunnilingus?
    WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD: Color lingers?

    LISTER: Go back to the DNA splitter! I’ve got an idea!
    WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD: Bleaghsadfargowellynasacks blah blah blah Scouse language blah.

    In fact, I’ve still never really sorted out just what the fuck Craig is saying in that last one…

    #123496

    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    > RIMMER: Cunnilingus?

    When does Rimmer say Cunnilingus?

    #123548

    Andrew

    > When does Rimmer say Cunnilingus?

    Series VIII, Cassandra.

    #123556

    Anonymous

    > I know what he really said now?but I?m actually kind of partial to my mishearing. I think it?s funnier. ?Mac? doesn?t add anything to the ?Columbo? identification?whereas a dirty map is actually another miniature joke right in the same line?

    Well… “map” is in the world of Columbus, while “mac” is in the world of Columbo. To make the joke work, there needs to be something within it merging Columbo with Columbus, which the “map” version doesn’t do. It’s just talking about Columbus whilst using the name Columbo. You might as well say “Columbo was the man with the big ship who discovered America”. There’s no humour in it.

    #123557

    Anonymous

    > I never misheard anything, you big idiots.

    I have to agree with this. I suggest you all start paying attention more readily in the future – doing this should help you grasp more of what’s happening around you and thrust you into a world of intelligence that you might enjoy. When they communicate with you, people are not supposed to sound like the warbling teacher in the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show. If this happens it is due to you being big idiots, as Cappsy said.

    #123559

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    > Go back to the DNA splitter! I?ve got an idea!

    Sorry to be pedantic, Austin, But isn’t that “DNA suite”?

    A double mishearing perhaps?

    #123562

    Austin Ross

    Like I said, I’ve never sorted out just what he’s saying in that scene.

    #123463

    Phil

    >Well? ?map? is in the world of Columbus, while ?mac? is in the world of Columbo. To make the joke work […]

    Why are you trying to rationalize a mis-hearing?

    #123413

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I have noticed that a lot of mishearings are from Craig, I’ve never realised just how quick he actually speaks.

    And Austin, you did well to pick out THAT much from that little bit of dialogue. Because only until I read the subtitles on the IV DVD did I realise what he actually said.

    And also i’ve noticed that on Camille, Craig says “when Nelson put the telescape to his blind eye…”

    what’s a telescape?

    #123550

    Cloudane

    Funny….. I just discovered this site today and my first thought was “oh so *that’s* what the lyrics were!”

    I misheard “Ganymede and Titan” as “Have you been to Titan?”

    #123502

    Seb Patrick

    I always used to think it was “Carry me to Titan…”

    #123503

    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    “Luna city 7, that’s my idea of heaven” I heard as “Luna city 7, that’s menstrual heaven”

    #123618

    Tanya Jones

    G&T Admin

    >?Luna city 7, that?s my idea of heaven? I heard as ?Luna city 7, that?s menstrual heaven?

    An ad campaign just waiting to be born!

    #125207

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    Oh, thanks for the reminder on the Terrorform news item, John:

    ?The part of you that lusts after meaningless sex?

    For years, to me, this was:

    ?The part of you that lusts after mean, English sex.?

    Reclaiming England?s sexual reputation!

    You might want to take another look at this Time Hole article…

    #125209

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    Although, forgetting that:

    Does it sound like our Dave would put up with this? While the future Cat, Rimmer, (unsurprisingly) and Kryten all seem to revel in the luxury, Lister’s dialogue is more subdued. Is it possible that this Lister, inanimate and trapped in a glass jar, is being forced to witness a lifestyle he would otherwise despise? And if so – who is responsible for leaving Lister in this state? Could it be he was reduced to a body-less brain by members of his own crew…?

    That is brilliant. And I never noticed it, but you’re right – his dialogue and performance *are* more subdued than the rest of them…

    #125218

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I’ve found another one in Tikka To Ride by Kryten.

    “Garbled, confusing and quite frankly….”

    What I heard was :
    “Carrabulled….”

    Which I took to be some strange word that meant indecipherable.

    Ironic how the word ‘garbled’, was indeed.

    #125224

    Seph

    Oddly, i’ve never misheard any of Craig’s lines, then again i’m used to listening to people who speak English as a 3rd or 4th language so Craig’s practically the Queen by comparison.

    my only misheard Dwarf line was in Holoship:

    Nirvanah Crane: you make love like a Japanese meal, small portions..

    what I heard: “You make love like a Japanese mule” even with the rest of the sentance I didn’t click it was supposed to be ‘meal’ until I read the subtitles.

    #125226

    Jonathan Capps

    G&T Admin

    I find it hard to concentrate on any of the lines when Jane Horrocks is in that nighty…

    #125234

    TheLeen

    No matter how many times I tell myself it is “goldfish shoals, nibbling” I still each and everytime I hear “goldfish are snivelling”… I know it doesn’t make sense… at all…

    #125239

    Andrew

    > That is brilliant. And I never noticed it, but you?re right – his dialogue and performance *are* more subdued than the rest of them?

    It’s total extrapolation, of of course – nothing Rob and Doug consciously put there, and likely the product of the last-minute writing – but the whole “Don’t worry about me/absolutely dandy” thing is the kind of dialogue given to someone PRETENDING to be okay.

    I like to think that the others would have boiled him alive in his jar if he’d spoken out against them.

    #125240

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    extrapo-what-alation?

    #125281

    Anonymous

    When I was much younger and first watched Terrorform, the bit where the Cat crouches by Rimmer’s “Charm” gravestone and says “Hey – this one’s Minute” was misunderstood by my feeble young brain as “Hey – this one’s my newt!”…as in for some reason Cat had found the grave of his pet newt.

    #125283

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    Snap!

    #125287

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    I thought that Lister’s Father’s dog was called ‘Hammer’ until the other day.

    #125285

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    Please Hammer, Don’t Bite ‘Em.

    #125286

    Andrew

    > I thought that Lister?s Father?s dog was called ?Hammer? until the other day.

    AHHHH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #125290

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    Indeed.

    #125291

    Pete Part Three

    Who’s Lister? You mean Fister, surely?

    #125294

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I used to think Lister’s dog was called “Hammer” as well, it’s a perfectly normal name for a dog, Hannah sounds rather silly in comparison…

    #125297

    Phil

    >Please Hammer, Don?t Bite ?Em.

    Ian get your own catch phrase my long haired friend or are you not acute enough to come up with one yourself

    #125301

    Tanya Jones

    G&T Admin

    Stop it, Phil, you’re scaring me.

    #125311

    Seb Patrick

    Back to that Time Hole article :

    Ah yes, Konchanski. The love of Lister’s life. In the real world, no question. But in his own mind? As Camille proved, Lister’s ideal woman is actually a pretty Scouse lass with her head screwed on and a nice line in sarcasm.

    But… doesn’t the script call her “Kochanski Camille”? Isn’t she supposed to remind Lister of KK? And isn’t her accent, in fact, meant to be Scottish rather than Scouse?

    #125312

    Pete Part Three

    I thought she was Irish.

    Anyway, I really like the comment that, ironically enough, in terms of Lister’s prospective life-partner, the real-life Kochanski is the dream but Camille Kochanski is the reality.

    >But? doesn?t the script call her ?Kochanski Camille??

    I was thinking about this earlier as I watched Camille last night. It just seems like an interesting continity nod to name the character. She’s nothing like Chlo? Annett’s Kochanski but the “banter” is kind of reminiscent of the stuff in the Drive Room in The End with Clare Grogan.

    It would have completely overshadowed the scene in Camille if Grogan had inexplicably turned up,mind, so it definitely made sense to go with someone else.

    #125314

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    Apart from anything else, if it had been your actual Kochanski, Lister would have twigged straight away that Camille was a Pleasure GELF.

    #125315

    Andrew

    > But? doesn?t the script call her ?Kochanski Camille??

    I’ve always suspected this was a rewrite thing more than anything else. Neither version of the scene filmed made any nod, whatsoever, to the girl resembling Kochanski. Aside from anything else, if she was literally Kochanski, when Lister walks in wouldn’t he be a little surprised to see her?! At that point in the story he doesn’t know she’s a GELF…

    I’ve never asked, but it seems likely that it was gong to be Kochanski in one draft and then the guys either changed their minds, or couldn’t get Clare Grogan.

    > And isn?t her accent, in fact, meant to be Scottish rather than Scouse?

    Really?! The actress is Irish, but I thought she was playing as a rough match for Lister’s accent.

    Having just watched it back, though, yeah, I’m struck by two things. One, how Irish she does, in fact, sound. (I guess you see what you want to see, but one accent did evolve from the other, I guess.) And two, that the lighting changes quite significantly between the original scene and the Rhatigan version.

    The background’s much more yellow in the original, a paler white in the second version. How did I not see that before?

    #125321

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    Bloody hell! I never noticed that either! The proof.

    What always gets me about that scene is that out of Lister with his appalling flirting, and Rimmer with what I genuinely think would be an interesting photo collection of 20th century telegraph poles… I’d rather spend the time with Rimmer.

    #125478

    Jason aka Smeg4Brains

    > I genuinely think would be an interesting photo collection of 20th century telegraph poles? I?d rather spend the time with Rimmer.

    Sounds like a crazy fun packed life youu live there John.

    #125480

    TheLeen

    I don’t think the telegraph pole photos are very interesting. Now my collection of sewer lid photos from around the world…

    #125491

    Dave

    >Now my collection of sewer lid photos from around the world?

    In this part of the world we call them manholes, but that would sound incredibly rude

    #125493

    TheLeen

    Can I take a picture of your manhole?

    … no, that doesn’t work for me tbh…

    #125495

    penny

    >Can I take a picture of your manhole?
    >? no, that doesn?t work for me tbh?

    Sounds like a bad chatup line.

    #125498

    Dave

    >Can I take a picture of your manhole?

    >Sounds like a bad chatup line

    Sounds like dialogue in porn films that really puts you off

    #125500

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    > In this part of the world we call them manholes, but that would sound incredibly rude

    “WAHEY! now that sounds INCREDIBLY RUDE!! Sounds a bit like “bum”, doesn’t it?”

    #125852

    Jonsmad

    Before Series one was repeated or released on video
    I used to think Rimmers line in Better Than Life…

    “So I said to Holister…” was some kind of bad misspronounced “Hol Lister” combo. Because I didnt realise that was the captains surname, and I thought he was trying to start a boast about something heroic he imagined, that had happened on ship during his time since being dead, as opposed to when he was alive with the original crew. Even though it’s lister that calls Holly as Hol. Which makes me twice as dumb.

    #125856

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I have always wondered why they had Holly, Lister, and Hollister as names…

    #125857

    Phil

    >Holly, Lister, and Hollister as names?

    Interesting!

    They changed Hollister for the books, though, didn’t they? I remember Dwarf’s captain was now female but I can’t remember her name…

    #125858

    Phil

    I just checked. Turns out he was replaced in the novels by Captain Rimcat.

    #125860

    Andrew

    Her name was Captain Kirk. Seriously.

    Captain Tau in the USA version. Hollister’s a name from the guy’s schooldays, I think – suspect the changes were to avoid exactly the confusion being described.

    #125862

    Pete Part Three

    I assume that someone called Tranter is from Grant Naylor’s school days too. James Tranter is the real name of Bongo in Dimension Jump. The ‘same’ character gets a semi-name change to Peter Tranter in Backwards (the novel) who, oddly enough, has a sister who we meet in Psirens.

    Then there’s Deck Sergeant Sam Murray who gets the briefest of mentions in the original pilot script and we get to meet in the episode Holoship.

    #125864

    Andrew

    And Sam Murray either changes gender, or is half of Red Dwarf’s first gay couple – in the pilot script s/he is described as spitting up from a boyfriend.

    #125889

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    As I walked home today from work, I realised what the phrase “khazi-droids” meant in Quarantine.

    Before, I thought it was some weird corruption of “caucasian”…

    #125890

    mick

    >And Sam Murray either changes gender, or is half of Red Dwarf?s first gay couple – in the pilot script s/he is described as spitting up from a boyfriend.

    It’s a brave new world ;)

    #125938

    Anonymous

    “I juggled the golfish” was misheard by me as “I dribbled the golfish” on every single viewing up until…yesterday.

    #125960

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I thought it was “juggled”…

    #125959

    Paul Muller

    So it wasn’t, “I drank all the goldfish.”?

    Also. “Ouroborous” – “He must be thicker than a ticket tout’s wad.” Got that about a week ago, always thought it was something like “ticket tell’s what”.

    Still don’t get it.

    And Lister’s line to Rimmer after he calls Lister 3rd rate scum, I still can’t work out. Honestly, I just cannot work out what Craig is saying. Help me.

    #125962

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    The subtitles on the DVD are quite good for stuff like this. Unlike the Blackadder ones which mishear things that are blatently obvious.

    For a really bad exmaple of the subtitler not knowing the voices watch the subtitles of the League Of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse, they haven’t a fucking clue whos voice is who!

    #125971

    Andrew

    > Got that about a week ago, always thought it was something like ?ticket tell?s what?….Still don?t get it.

    A ticket tout traditionally holds a large wad of banknotes. A wad that ends the day being extremely thick.

    I’m not saying it’s actually, y’know, funny…

    > And Lister?s line to Rimmer after he calls Lister 3rd rate scum, I still can?t work out.

    “Yeah – but remember, I used to be fourth-rate scum. I’ve dragged meself up by me bootstraps, bub.”

    I still like so much of that scene’s dialogue.

    #125973

    Anonymous

    Ah, I remember the good old days of BBC Ceefax subtitles. During the original broadcast of Series 5, they insisted on naming one of the characters “Crighton”.

    #125975

    Andrew

    On broadcast of Series VII’s Duct Soup, “Hot branding iron” became “hot brandy” on the 888 subs.

    #125977

    Dave

    In The League Of Gentlemen Series 1 when Pauline threatens to stop Mickey’s benefits and says “Yeah, both claims”, the 888 subtitles said “Yeah, birth claims”

    #125981

    Phil

    >?Yeah, birth claims?

    The DVD subtitles might have this, too. I definitely remember seeing it transcribed that way…I just can’t remember where.

    Still, I don’t know how the 888 thing works in the UK…but in America, our closed-captioning system fairly frequently features typos (pretty much excusable for live broadcasts), blatant mishearings (somewhat less excusable), and an awful lot of keyboard mash in place of actual words (which is utterly disgraceful).

    You’ll end up with a live transcription that looks something like “I REM67EMBER NOW. I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND AK1SJQ @#RJIWL6748 BLOOD.”

    I can only assume the keyboard mash is to make up for lost ground on the transcription…they must have word-count monitored at the end, or something and just need some nonsense to make up the numbers.

    I’d imagine that’s far more jarring to a deaf viewer than just omitting a word, filling it in logically, or, worse come to worse, just typing the phrase (INCOMPREHENSIBLE). At least that doesn’t interrupt the logical thought process.

    #125982

    Anonymous

    I don’t know why the bother subtitling live news etc. It’s always a complete mess.

    Wonder if it’s done by hand or is it an automated speech-recognition system?

    It also really annoys me on TV or DVD subtitles when they seemingly can’t be bothered to type exactly what the people are saying and give an abbreviated version or simply miss bits out. Doesn’t show much respect to the script writers.

    #125983

    Andrew

    > I don?t know why the bother subtitling live news etc. It?s always a complete mess.

    Is “Because the deaf would probably like to know what was going on, too” a too-obvious answer?

    I often stay with friends where the teletext subs are constantly on for, say, Eastenders, and live shows like X-Factor – and there’s WAY more that’s good than bad. And it makes all the difference when someone in the room isn’t able to hear the sound.

    > It also really annoys me on TV or DVD subtitles when they seemingly can?t be bothered to type exactly what the people are saying and give an abbreviated version or simply miss bits out. Doesn?t show much respect to the script writers.

    As a writer, I get the niggle. But you have to abbreviate sometimes to make the thing possible to read in the short time it’s on-screen. It’s fine if you already know the show, or are listening with the sound on – otherwise long lines really do sometimes need condensing. At which point it depends who’s done the job as to the quality of the job.

    It’s certainly got nothing to do with not being bothered!

    #125984

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    The abbreviation of subtitles is especially a problem in comedy. Often, the thing that’s funny is completely removed from the lines – meaning it’s a translation of the literal meaning of words, but the actual humour is removed.

    It’s an impossible problem to solve. I get that lines have to be shortened – but when single words removed can wreck the humour in a line, I don’t know what you can do.

    #125991

    Ben Paddon

    My Mum used to put the subtitles on for Top of the Pops, for an impromptu Karaoke session.

    #125998

    peas_and_corn

    the worst in subtitles I have seen so far is on one of the Simpsons’ DVDs.

    “…and there was that unfortunate bout of tourettes”
    became
    “…and that bout of rabies”

    #126000

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    > Wonder if it?s done by hand or is it an automated speech-recognition system?

    It’s done by hand, more often than not, with a stenotype. Clever piece of kit.

    If you want to know more:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stenotype

    #126002

    Phil

    >one of the Simpsons? DVDs.

    I remember a Simpsons book I used to have…probably in a box somewhere. An official release, too. They were reproducing an exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers from Team Homer (if I remember correctly) when Mr. Burns is balancing his checkbook.

    In the show it was something like:

    BURNS: Bowling?! I don’t remember paying for any bowling.
    SMITHERS: No, sir, that’s *boweling.* Remember that month we didn’t do it?
    BURNS: Ooh, that was unpleasant for all involved.

    In the book they transcribed it as:

    SMITHERS: No, sir, that’s *boweling.* Remember that monkey didn’t do it?

    Which, alright, maybe someone misheard it…but IF it was misheard in that way, it’s just nonsense. Why put it in the book?

    #119367

    Phil

    I remembered another one. From Back to Reality.

    I heard Billy “Granny Killer” Doyle as Billy “Granikula” Doyle. I had absolutely no idea what that was supposed to mean for many, many viewings. I think I just assumed it was some British reference I’d never understand.

    It’s strange, too, because I wouldn’t think of Chris as being very unclear in his speech patterns (at least not when compared to Craig, or Robert’s Kryten voice) but both of my major mishearings were due to Mr. Barrie.

    #119388

    peas_and_corn

    http://www.snpp.com has lists of errors in the books. The stuff on that site is quite… unsettling.

    #119390

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    SNPP is great! I remember finding that site while I was still at school, and reading pretty much every single list over a very short period of time. On dial-up. I also remember reading the Movie News section, and thinking “yeah, right, that’ll never happen”.

    #119391

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    GOOD GOD, This is a great site!

    #119409

    Seb Patrick

    >SNPP is great! I remember finding that site while I was still at school, and reading pretty much every single list over a very short period of time.

    I heartily endorse this sentiment or product.

    They’ve never got round to updating their episode capsules properly, though, have they? Nevertheless… still the number one source of Simpsons info out there, by far.

    #119419

    peas_and_corn

    Well, from what I gather they are updating… slowly. They recently finished season 9, so they’re quite a way behind.

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