The biggest pile of shit I have ever read!

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  • #2854

    SoundableObject

    While on IMDB on the Red Dwarf page I discovered this little topic created by ‘qdfqdf’. The topic is called “Rant induced by the 2 new episodes” and is as follows –

    series 1 and 2 were very good. series 3 to 6 were excellent, except in series 6 where they changed the storyline saying lister had dated kochansky for 2 weeks when in fact he had never dated kochansky. i hate when writers change the storyline and think we wont notice. then red dwarf stopped for years…

    and now we come to the abomination that is series 7. ffs what a steaming pile of sh!t. everything was wrong in this series, from the crappy boring unfunny annoying new kochansky, to the stupid return of the entire crew of red dwarf, to the crappy shiny cgi special effects. only good thing was the return of norman lovett as holly, he is ace.

    in series 8 they tried to go back to the classic formula of old but they failed, and this didnt stop it from being a very crappy series with a very crappy storyline.

    then after series 8 theres talk of a christmas special, a big movie, more series, and for 10 fcking years we get nothing. and now a cheap cable channel called ‘dave’ is ressurecting the sorry forgotten rotten carcass of red dwarf for, wait for it… not a big movie, not a new series, but 2 whole episodes!!! wowwwwww i best sit down in case i pass out from the excitement [maximum sarcasm intended]. wow 2 new episodes of red dwarf, thats well worth the 10 year wait that is. not only that, theyre entitled ‘the return to earth’. so not only do we get 2 measly little episodes but theyre going to wrap up the entire storyline of red dwarf in those two little episodes. pathetic.

    instead of the crapfest that was series 7 and 8, they should have kept going from series 6 with the original cast, brought back norman lovett as holly, found red dwarf and continued on doing loads of new series in the style of series 3 to 6 till…

    – lister finds kochansky (the original one not that sh!t new one) and earth, gets married and has kids.
    – cat finds his race somewhere along the way and gets 6 sexy wives to take with him on their journey to earth.
    – kryten is fine he already has what he wants. hes broken his programming and become sentient, and he has his friends as his family. maybe he meets a sexy female android with a huge chest plate and finds love.
    – rimmer has his hard light drive and the new body he always wanted, so for him he becomes less of a twat but not completely so hes still funny, and at peace with himself, and finds love.
    – they’re all together, one big happy family, theyve all found what theyre looking for, and theyre back home on earth. big happy ending after a very long arduous and very funny journey.

    thats how it should have been done. now as for red dwarf films for cinema. they should make feature length versions of single episode storylines, not try to do an entire series in one film that massively progresses the storyline in the small amount of time available in a film – amounting to a hurried frenzied unfunny mess. i suspect theyd do the later cos after series 7 and 8 the makers proved theyre stupid. but theyre never gonna make a red dwarf film so moot point really.

    well thats my rant over. ill definately watch the 2 new episodes, but im expecting cheap sh!t… a crap storyline, crap laboured acting from a disinterested old cast, and nothing funny to laugh at whatsoever. how could such a great show die the death it did, what a shame. Red Dwarf RIP, u gave us some good laffs years ago, ta very much. [cue the funeral trumpet]

    Naturally I have replied to the post correcting this poster as much as possible.

    #91290

    John Hoare

    G&T Admin

    Bah! I thought this thread was going to be about G&T.

    #91291

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    I’m going to start using the phrase “cue the funeral trumpet”.

    #91297

    performingmonkey

    I’m emailing Ofcom.

    #91299

    Somebody

    > The biggest pile of shit I have ever read!

    You obviously haven’t read Conservapedia.

    #91301

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    they should make feature length versions of single episode storylines,

    Yeah, because that would work…

    *cough* back in the red *cough*

    #91302

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    not try to do an entire series in one film that massively progresses the storyline in the small amount of time available in a film

    When was this exactly going to be the plot of the movie?!

    Actually i’m not gonna do this because it’s going to involve writing tomes as to how ill-informed this twatbag is.

    #91303

    SoundableObject

    >When was this exactly going to be the plot of the movie. Actually i?m not gonna do this coz it?s going to involve writing tomes as to how ill-informed this twatbag is.

    On IMDB I have written loads to try and correct everything.

    #91312

    Blisschick

    Sheesh, if you’re gonna rant, at least spell the character’s names correctly.

    [maximum sarcasm intended]

    #91314

    Anonymous

    “- lister finds kochansky (the original one not that sh!t new one) and earth, gets married and has kids.
    – cat finds his race somewhere along the way and gets 6 sexy wives to take with him on their journey to earth.
    – kryten is fine he already has what he wants. hes broken his programming and become sentient, and he has his friends as his family. maybe he meets a sexy female android with a huge chest plate and finds love.
    – rimmer has his hard light drive and the new body he always wanted, so for him he becomes less of a twat but not completely so hes still funny, and at peace with himself, and finds love.”

    So this moron wanted to change Red Dwarf into a Jackie Collins novel?

    Funeral trumpets on standby, Sir.

    #91317

    performingmonkey

    > *cough* back in the red *cough*

    But BITR WOULD have worked well, and indeed almost does in the complete cut on the VIII DVD, if it had been properly executed as a single hourlong episode.

    #91319

    hummingbird

    My money’s on Norm writing that article.

    #91320

    Seb Patrick

    >On IMDB I have written loads to try and correct everything.

    Your intentions are clearly noble, but trying to reason with IMDb commenters is like trying to have sex with a fridge. On some level, you *might* get something out of it, but it’s an extremely difficult and frustrating enterprise that’s just going to leave you feeling more depressed than you were when you started.

    There are only three places on the internet that I can think of where the commenters are worse than on IMDb, and that’s Youtube, Ain’t It Cool News and The Daily Mail.

    #91352

    SoundableObject

    Seb you are right, here is the reply I got –

    i appreciate ur a fanboi and will blindly defend the show to the death ignoring any and all negative criticism, however true it may be, even if it comes from fans of the show such as myself. so i wont bother wasting my time replying to ur insults or infact to ur entire irrelevant reply, other than to say it was a pitiful bunch of excuses and desperate fanboi drivel.

    #91356

    Pete Part Three

    What you want to do is tell him he’s wrong to have these opinions and then post his reply on here.

    #91362

    SoundableObject

    I sort of did tell him that, here is my reply to that post –

    The reason you are not replying is because I am right and you are wrong, plain and simple, go ahead and post how I am a “fan boi” but I am right and you are so negative for a show you say you enjoy, if you enjoy it you would be positive about these episodes and watch them in confidence that they would be good. Oh and also the fact that I am a “fan boi” is the reason why I should have more knowledge on the show than you (which I do by the way) which means I am right and you are wrong, can’t stress that enough.

    #91363

    Pete Part Three

    Thanks. From all of us.

    #91364

    Zombie Jim Undead

    Wow, it’s like a forum within a forum. Cosmic.

    #91365

    SoundableObject

    Here is my original post back, the one that proved I am a “fan boi” and where I “defend the show to the death ignoring any and all negative criticism” –

    ——————————————————————————–
    series 1 and 2 were very good. series 3 to 6 were excellent, except in series 6 where they changed the storyline saying lister had dated kochansky for 2 weeks when in fact he had never dated kochansky. i hate when writers change the storyline and think we wont notice. then red dwarf stopped for years…
    ——————————————————————————–

    The writers were writing the novels at the same time and got continuity mixed up, I am usually big on continuity but I let it off with Red Dwarf because it is so *beep* funny.

    ——————————————————————————–
    and now we come to the abomination that is series 7. ffs what a steaming pile of sh!t. everything was wrong in this series, from the crappy boring unfunny annoying new kochansky, to the stupid return of the entire crew of red dwarf, to the crappy shiny cgi special effects. only good thing was the return of norman lovett as holly, he is ace.
    ——————————————————————————–

    The CGI effects were a last minute job, it was originally to be all models, you cannot blame them for that, for the time they had they did quite well. Series VII was never going to be “a classic” for three reasons –
    1) Rob Grant left. The writing would suffer.
    2) Chris Barrie was only doing 4 episodes.
    3) It had been out of production for years and so a whole new production company was required.

    ——————————————————————————–
    in series 8 they tried to go back to the classic formula of old but they failed, and this didnt stop it from being a very crappy series with a very crappy storyline.
    ——————————————————————————–

    Why did it go back to the classic formula? Because Series VII which was not very well recieved attempted something different (which I felt worked for that Series).

    ——————————————————————————–
    then after series 8 theres talk of a christmas special, a big movie, more series, and for 10 fcking years we get nothing.
    ——————————————————————————–

    That is because Doug Naylor has been trying to raise money for a film since 1998, he almost done it in 2004 but plans fell through, he pitched Series IX to the BBC in 2002 but the BBC said no.

    ——————————————————————————–
    and now a cheap cable channel called ‘dave’ is ressurecting the sorry forgotten rotten carcass of red dwarf for, wait for it… not a big movie, not a new series, but 2 whole episodes!!! wowwwwww i best sit down in case i pass out from the excitement [maximum sarcasm intended]. wow 2 new episodes of red dwarf, thats well worth the 10 year wait that is. not only that, theyre entitled ‘the return to earth’. so not only do we get 2 measly little episodes but theyre going to wrap up the entire storyline of red dwarf in those two little episodes. pathetic.
    ——————————————————————————–

    How ungrateful are you? Really? When I found out that an hour special was being made back in september I was shouting, really, shouting, the thing I had waited for ten years had finally come, more Dwarf.
    Oh and you have a big piece of mis-information, these 2 episodes DO NOT end Red Dwarf, Robert Llewllyn said on one of his You Tube video’s that talk is already happening about more new Dwarf, you are making stuff up. It was so worth the ten years wait just to see the picture of the gang put up on the Dave site a week back.

    ——————————————————————————–
    instead of the crapfest that was series 7 and 8, they should have kept going from series 6 with the original cast, brought back norman lovett as holly, found red dwarf and continued on doing loads of new series in the style of series 3 to 6 till…
    – lister finds kochansky (the original one not that sh!t new one) and earth, gets married and has kids.
    – cat finds his race somewhere along the way and gets 6 sexy wives to take with him on their journey to earth.
    – kryten is fine he already has what he wants. hes broken his programming and become sentient, and he has his friends as his family. maybe he meets a sexy female android with a huge chest plate and finds love.
    – rimmer has his hard light drive and the new body he always wanted, so for him he becomes less of a twat but not completely so hes still funny, and at peace with himself, and finds love.
    – they’re all together, one big happy family, theyve all found what theyre looking for, and theyre back home on earth. big happy ending after a very long arduous and very funny journey.
    ——————————————————————————–

    Series VII and VIII’s cast changes had multiple reasons, these are –
    1) Chris Barrie was doing another show at the same time and only wanted to do 4 episodes.
    2) Kochanski was added as they needed a woman in the cast for a film to take off, Series VII and VIII were made for the idea that a film would follow them, a script was written but funding was never gained.

    ——————————————————————————–
    thats how it should have been done. now as for red dwarf films for cinema. they should make feature length versions of single episode storylines, not try to do an entire series in one film that massively progresses the storyline in the small amount of time available in a film – amounting to a hurried frenzied unfunny mess. i suspect theyd do the later cos after series 7 and 8 the makers proved theyre stupid. but theyre never gonna make a red dwarf film so moot point really.
    ——————————————————————————–

    Doug Naylor is far from stupid, infact you have proved how stupid you are with this supposed rant.

    ——————————————————————————–
    well thats my rant over. ill definately watch the 2 new episodes, but im expecting cheap sh!t… a crap storyline, crap laboured acting from a disinterested old cast, and nothing funny to laugh at whatsoever. how could such a great show die the death it did, what a shame. Red Dwarf RIP, u gave us some good laffs years ago, ta very much. [cue the funeral trumpet]
    ——————————————————————————–

    Red Dwarf is far from dead, guess what, it was voted most popular Sci Fi show in the Radio Times a year back, it was something like third most wanted TV show to return a few months back too. Oh and the worst of all things you have said, “disinterested old cast”, you do not know how exited Robert Llew has been, from interviews Craig Charles is really exited too.

    2 points for the future –
    1) Think your rants through.
    2) Research.

    #91366

    Zombie Jim Undead

    “When I found out that an hour special was being made back in september I was shouting, really, shouting,”

    Well there’s no need for that.

    #91367

    SoundableObject

    When I found out the thing I have waited for ten years was finally happening what else could I do but shout at my screen.

    #91368

    Zombie Jim Undead

    Have a sandwich?

    #91371

    SoundableObject

    I found out at about 2pm so I had already had a sandwich by that time, unless I had soup or something, I was tired becasue I stayed up late the night before in the hope that somebody would post the news on the internet but I give up and probably watched a Red Dwarf DVD.

    #91372

    Pete Part Three

    Bless.

    #91382

    Seb Patrick

    >I found out at about 2pm so I had already had a sandwich by that time, unless I had soup or something

    I nominate this post for Hall of Fame status.

    #91385

    SoundableObject

    I’m pretty sure it was a sandwich.

    #91388

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I?m pretty sure it was a sandwich.

    Shall I add that to the slate, Seb?

    #91391

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    >I found out at about 2pm so I had already had a sandwich by that time, unless I had soup or something

    I nominate this post for Hall of Fame status.

    You set of bastards. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to explain to work colleagues exactly why I’m crying with laughter, when all that’s happened is someone has discussed eating a sandwich and someone else has said something mildly sarcastic about it?

    #91395

    ChrisM

    Actually this bit:

    “The writers were writing the novels at the same time and got continuity mixed up, “

    I don’t think it’s quite true. I don’t think it was a mistake. They did intentionally revise the back-story as they felt Lister’s reaction to Kochanski in the first two series (or so) was unrealistic.

    That doesn’t make the guy right for making such a big thing out of it though. As you said, it’s *beep* funny.

    #91396

    SoundableObject

    I originally typed f*****g funny, why that needs to be beeped I don’t know.

    #91398

    Andrew

    > They did intentionally revise the back-story as they felt Lister?s reaction to Kochanski in the first two series (or so) was unrealistic.

    Indeed. And it happened in Series IV first.

    #91399

    Jonathan Capps

    G&T Admin

    Anyone who gets that angry about red Dwarf’s continuity is, frankly, a fan of the wrong show for the wrong reasons.

    #91400

    SoundableObject

    I wonder if anyone has ever gotten angry over Lister having his apendix out twice.

    #91401

    Pete Part Three

    I did. But then I had a sandwich and it sorted me out.

    #91402

    SoundableObject

    They usually have that effect. Most of my sandwiches these days have Homer Simpson on the front, as a christmas present I got a sandwich toaster which presses Homer’s face on both sides, nothing like a Homer Ham and Cheese!

    #91404

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    I wonder if anyone has ever gotten angry over Lister having his apendix out twice.

    [Nixon] Lister is his own dad. Nuff Said [/Nixon]

    #91413

    Mr Flibble

    Most of my sandwiches these days have Homer Simpson on the front, as a christmas present I got a sandwich toaster which presses Homer?s face on both sides, nothing like a Homer Ham and Cheese!

    When do you turn 12?

    #91414

    SoundableObject

    Because I control what people think I enjoy? I would have preffered a regular sandwich toaster, the Homer one is a fucking pain to clean.

    #91415

    SoundableObject

    And how many 11 year olds get a sandwich toaster for christmas, if I was 11 and got one I would not be amused.

    #91419

    Andrew

    > [Nixon] Lister is his own dad. Nuff Said [/Nixon]

    Don’t Nixon me, man!

    Actually that one belongs in the ‘Worst lines ever’ thread.

    #91423

    Mr Flibble

    [Nixon]Harooooooooo![/Nixon]

    #91424

    SoundableObject
    #91425

    Danny Stephenson

    G&T Admin

    Don?t Nixon me, man!

    Oh my god! I thought he said “nixing”, I knew what he meant by it but had never heard the word before. Now that line has finally made sense to me!

    #91440

    Seb Patrick

    “I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation?”
    “Probably not, sir, they spell and pronounce their names differently.”

    #91468

    Dave

    The biggest pile of shit I have never read is Football, It’s a Funny Old Game by Kevin Keegan

    #91470

    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    That’s pretty bad, but the follow-up by Joe Klumpp is worse.

    #91605

    Carlito

    If Lister is his own father, then who did they flush down the t…? oh noooooooooooooooes….

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