Better Dead Than Smeg

RIMMER: Then I say fight! KRYTEN: Mr. Rimmer? RIMMER: Better dead than smeg. LISTER: Yes! Cat? CAT: Better dead than sofa-sized butt! LISTER: Kryten? KRYTEN: Better anything than that toupee. LISTER: Shields up, arming lasers. CAT: Bringing her round. KRYTEN: Target acquired. LISTER: Locked on… firing! KRYTEN: Direct hit – starboard thrusters. Nice shooting, sir. […]

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The Official Red Dwarf Companion

Price: £6.99 Cover: Paperback Pages: 96 pages ISBN: 1-85286-456-7 Release Date: October 1992 The book opens with an excellent introduction by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, which, like their later efforts for the Making Of and Doug’s Red Dwarf VIII books, are wonderfully irreverant. They discuss the inspiration for Rimmer, late scripts for Son of […]

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Fly! Fly! Fly!

Bring me that Red Dwarf news… erm… and her… slippers. Ahem. Our winged news monkeys have been extremely busy today; although after calling them that, I doubt they ever will be again. First off, we have details of the Memorabilia Fair, held on the 26th and 27th of July at the NEC Birmingham. Guests include Chris Barrie, Craig Charles (Saturday only), Hattie Hayridge, and Ian Symes. Perhaps it’s an opportunity for one of you to quiz them about the movie; although the reply will probably range from “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything about that” on Saturday morning, to “Fuck the fuck off” on Sunday afternoon.

Secondly, friend of the website Karl Eisenhauer has come up with some interesting news about Winchester Films, who are involved in producing the Red Dwarf movie. The outlook for them is either positive, or negative, depending on who you believe; but what is certain is that they certainly haven’t done well last financial year – they racked up a pre-tax loss of £11.2m, with a turnover of £5.1m. Ouch. Another little piece of news from Karl – Gerard Naprous is handling a chariot race in Chester; and he happens to be the guy who did all the horse handling for Gunmen of the Apocalypse (and, indeed, Phoenix Nights). Excellent.

Moving onto non-Dwarf news – specifically, Scrapheap Challenge news. Robert has just informed everyone on his Guestbook about the new series coming in September (for UK viewers; people in the US will have to wait until early 2004, when it airs as Junkyard Wars). There will be 16 episodes; 12 regular shows that are promised to be “amazing, dangerous and often frighteningly loud”, and 4 Scrappy Races, which features “5 teams and their insanely weird, but road going vehicles”. He plans to update his site soon with further details, so keep a look out for that.

Meanwhile, I think we’ve done enough work for ourselves today to blatantly crib from the excellent The Red Dwarf Zone. Firstly, they point out that you couldn’t actually order the Red Dwarf logos for your mobile phone when we posted the link, as the logo numbers for download were not yet on the site. Numbers have in fact been added now, but the phone number to order them doesn’t. Gah. No doubt it’ll be launched in the next few days. Next, as usual, they have a coup – they’ve noticed that Intro 2, the band which had Norm and Craig in their video for Clear, are doing a song for an upcoming film. The Red Dwarf movie, perhaps? Head over to RDZ and decide for yourself…

Finally, take a look at Big Blake, a Dwarf site that was recommended to us by Greg. Not a huge amount there, but there’s a nice section with some screengrabs of various appearances of the Dwarf cast on other shows, and apparantly there will be more stuff on it soon. Good luck; the more regularly-updated fansites, the better. Although Greg himself can piss off, because he’s off to watch Dwarf on a huge fuck-off plasma tv. Wah.

R-Pee-G (Updated)

Don’t worry; we’ll grow out of it soon. Today, we have news of a rather interesting little project. The being known at Kry10 has suggested a rather good idea – setting up some form of chatroom dedicated to playing the Red Dwarf Roleplaying Game. If you’re interested, contact him at wbowns@blueyonder.co.uk. And if you have any Red Dwarf stuff you want to promote, or have seen any news we haven’t spotted, send us an e-mail at news@ganymede-titan.info.

Meanwhile, on the official site, the Red Dwarf mobile game Simulants’ Revenge appears to be still “Coming Soon”, despite it being past Monday 23rd June; the alleged launch date. The logo for it is still greyed out, and if you read the Instructions, and click on the Logos or Games links (which are supposed to give you a page telling you how to download the items on your phone), it gives you nothing – the links are currently dead. No doubt this is just a minor delay, however. Neither Ian or I have got access to a funky enough phone to play the game, so when it does arrive, if anyone wants to send us in a review (even if it’s just a short one) we’d be eternally grateful.

As for site news, we’ve taken down the Schedule section. We failed utterly. It was always out of date, and took far too much of our time that would be better spent doing other things on the site. However, you will have noticed above that we’ve added a little bit telling you the next UK showing of Dwarf; we’ll keep that up to date, promise. And we’ll tell you in the main news articles if we’ve spotted anything interesting coming up. Don’t miss the complete run of Series 2, starting Thursday 26th – yes, I know you all have the DVDs, but any excuse, eh? Content update later in the week; and we’ll update you before then if Simulants’ Revenge goes live.

UPDATE: Simulants’ Revenge is now up; and we should have a review of it in the next few days. Don’t forget the cool Logos as well – they look great fun, but again, some of them use the Re-mastered version of the ship, which is just awful. I’m getting seriously pissed off that nearly all mechandise includes this; it’s really, really, really bad, and it’s just not in the spirit of the original shows. Why change something that was so beautiful into the current monstrosity? Admittedly, the budget problems of VIII forced them to use the CGI version of the ship, but that doesn’t mean it has to be plastered all over merchandise…

Ian’s Newsround – Playing With Yourself

Yes, another childish headline. Not quite as bad as Thursday’s, though. We’re obviously maturing. But not to the extent that we are not extremely excited about little games and toys with official Red Dwarf licenses coming out. Course, there have always been unofficial games on the internet; most of which originated on Planet Smeg, home of such classics as Planet Pool and the Graphical Adventure Game. There are also a few role playing games (not just sporting simulations), such as Joseph Stanko’s take on Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, and Michael Dodson’s RPG – a classic in five parts. But let’s face it – although the fan’s efforts were good, they never had any sort of slick, accomplished feel you’d associate with an official product. The only offering of this sort was the Polymorph Game, which was the flagship of the official site shortly after the relaunch. Unfortunately though, it was bollocks. Therefore, there has not yet been a game that matches the originality and dedication of the early efforts, with the high production values afforded by holding a license. Hopefully, the official site’s new Arcadesection will plug the gap.

From Monday, fans will be able to download Simulant’s Revenge, previewed right, to their phones. Well, fans with decent fucking phones will be able to anyway. Rich bastards. Fear not – there will also be a number of online games, for the more technologically challenged of us. We hope Midget Blues will be a dancing simulation, similar to PaRappa the Rapper. Rogue Skutters and GELF Space are likely to be generic shoot-em-ups and flight sims respectively, but lets hope they’re more varied that the ‘shoot 60 of these to progress’ style of the Polymorph Game. 6000 and Falling is clearly to do with Holly’s IQ, but we’re baffled as to how it will be turned into a game. Moon Rescue will presumably be saving people on a moon, rather than saving an actual satellite from danger, and Grav-Pool speaks for itself. I love a good pool game though – and hopefully this one won’t be filtered on my college network. Also in the Arcade section will be logos and ringtones, but I’ve already got my Gunmen ringtone, so I’m fine.

What really gets our juices flowing, however, is the Starbug Playset, more photos of which are available from the Product Enterprise Ltd site. It was announced on the official site some time ago, but fuck me – it’s beautiful. It’s 21cm long, features sound bites from the series, is extremely detailed, and comes with a ‘launching probe’ and ‘pop-up hologram’, along with models of Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Kryten. One can’t help but notice the lack of Kochanski – could it be that Product Enterprise are Series VI fans? The ‘Bug seems to be that specific design – the one in VII had a smaller cockpit viewscreen. The interior does feature a vidscreen with Holly on though, noticeably Norman’s Holly rather than Hattie’s. Another piece of merchandise lacking acknowledgment of her. A minor niggle, but the playset is still possibly the best piece of merchandise ever, certainly much nicer than the forthcoming Corgi models, although they are still work-in-progress.

To all those who voted for Jon to be evicted – I hope you are ashamed of yourselves. You are no longer welcome to read this site. We mean it. Fuck off.

Para-smell Poo-niverse

Yes, the headlines keep on getting more and more childish here at G&T! We’ve given the Parallel Universesection a bit of a re-jig. Now we’re categorising each entry by the individual cast member, rather than having a big list. As the section grows, the old version gets more and more silly, so change was inevitable. Not the type to rest on our laurels, we’ve also added a few new reviews:

We’ve also put the old mini-reviews onto individual pages, again to avoid confusion. In other news, a special mention must go to Jonathan Capps for his excellent Wild Assumptions articles. His website, The White Hole, is really coming along now.

Rude For A Reason

Recorded at the Brixton Academy in June 1999, this Comic Relief video featured some of the best British stand-ups of all time. And Lenny Henry. The highlight was obviously Hattie Hayridge, but some other comics deserve a special mention. It’s easy to be biased, but Hattie really is one of the best acts. She only […]

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Pinkle Squirmy PIP PAP plop

Another new article for G&T today – Continuity Announcement not only follows our tradition of having a really dodgy title, but is also our usual blend of fact and opinion guaranteed to piss someone off somewhere. If you think we’re talking our usual bollocks, why not get in touch to tell us why; or even write an opposing article?

In a minor update, we’ve included the Epilogue found in 2nd edition copies of Robert Llewellyn’s The Man In The Rubber Mask. I didn’t know about this until Ian mentioned it, as I only have a first edition; so no doubt it’ll be news to some of you lot, as well. Also, the Model Behaviour article has had an interesting footnote added to it; perhaps our fears are unfounded? Let’s hope so. Another content update Thursday.

Continuity Announcement

With the recent discussions on alt.tv-red-dwarf and the official webboard, we ask – does the lack of continuity in Red Dwarf really matter? A digital clock above the wall mirrors gives the date as being 22nd March 2077. LISTER: March the twenty-second. That’s what – three weeks before the crew got wiped out. (Stasis Leak) […]

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TMITRM: Epilogue

Robert Llewellyn’s marvellous book, The Man in the Rubber Mask (detailing behind the scenes on Red Dwarf III-V, and the US Pilot), is now sadly out of print. But what is less well known is that there were in fact two editions. The first was published in 1994; the second was published in 1996, and had an Epilogue added to the end. For those of you who only have the first edition, we now present this Epilogue in full.

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