Alternate Personalities Featurette Features Posted by Ian Symes on 3rd April 2003, 23:00 The Series II DVD contained a featurette that was very similar to the Drunk featurette on the Series I DVD. This new featurette was much more pleasant than the last one, due to it actually being set to a good song – Little Green Bag by The George Baker Selection. However, while you cannot deny that in the first featurette the clips were all of people drinking, the Alternate Personalities featurette is another matter. A lot of the clips are not of alternate personalities. Whilst some could be considered alternate if you are very lenient, many are just of the normal crew in funny clothes. Below is a table detailing each clip, and beneath that is a brief note for each clip, explaining whether or not it should count as an alternate personality. No. Time Episode/Character Lyrics Dialogue 1 0.00 Caption – Red Dwarf “Alternate Personalities” (Theme tune sting) 2 0.06 Back in the Red (Part 2) – Crew as Dibbley (Intro starts) 3 0.10 Queeg – Queeg QUEEG: Okay suckers; get this into your stupid, thick heads. 4 0.14 Stasis Leak – Future Rimmer FUTURE RIMMER: Now from this point on, things get a little bit confusing. 5 0.17 Tikka to Ride – Crew in Texas Book Depository Yeah! CAT: We’ve been copied more times than that poster of the tennis girl scratching her butt! 6 0.22 Body Swap – Carole Brown BROWN: Wait a minute; I never used to be a man! 7 0.24 Pete (Part 1) – Naked Rimmer and Lister Looking back on the track for a little green bag 8 0.28 Back in the Red (Part 2) – Crew as Dibbley LISTER: Hullo!KOCHANSKI: Hi! 9 0.29 Krytie TV – Gold Kryten Got to find 10 0.30 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Brett Riverboat sisterkind or losing my mind 11 0.33 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Dangerous Dan McGrew 12 0.34 Demons and Angels – High Cat I’m a sight 13 0.34 White Hole – Intelligent Holly in the night 14 0.35 Parallel Universe – Dog I’m a sight in 15 0.36 Beyond a Joke – Cat and Kochanski as GELFs the day 16 0.37 Polymorph – emotionless crew 17 0.39 Out of Time – Future Rimmer Looking back 18 0.40 Kryten – Original Kryten on the track, gonna do it my way 19 0.42 Inquisitor – Alternate Lister LISTERS: Rimmer, for the smeg’s sake! 20 0.43 Parallel Universe – Debs and Arlene I’m a sight in the night 21 0.45 Stoke Me A Clipper – Lister of Smeg I’m a sight in the day KING: And you are, sir?LISTER: Lister of Smeg. 22 0.48 Only the Good… – Professor Cat Looking back on the track 23 0.49 Legion – Legion gonna do it my way 24 0.51 Out of Time – Future Kryten Looking back 25 0.53 Back to Reality – Duane Dibbley DUANE: Well if we’re not who we thought we were, who the hell are we? 26 0.55 Back in the Red (Part 2) – Data Doctor DATA DOCTOR: If you would like me to examine your hard disk, press examine. 27 1.00 Stasis Leak – Rimmer’s head (ah) Looking for 28 1.02 Stoke Me A Clipper – Ace Rimmer some happiness but there is only loneliness to find. Jump ACE: Ace Rimmer. There’ll be time for explanations later, and hopefully some sex.PRINCESS: What a guy! 29 1.10 Parallel Universe – Dog to the left 30 1.11 Demons and Angels – Low Kryten Turn to the right 31 1.14 Pete (Part 1) – 70s Cat and Kochanski Looking up stairs, looking behind HOLLY: And you still look like the Turkish entry in the Eurovision Song Contest. 32 1.20 Back to Reality – Sebastian Doyle and Jake Bullet SEBASTIAN: I’m not me, am I?JAKE: None of us are who we thought we were, sir. This is going to take some getting used to. 33 1.24 Krytie TV – Kryten as Beadle 34 1.26 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – The Riviera Kid 35 1.27 Back in the Red (Part Two) – Skutters as Dibbley 36 1.28 Stoke Me A Clipper – Ace and Alligator 37 1.31 Terrorform – Self Respect 38 1.32 Stoke Me A Clipper – Ace and Alligator 39 1.34 Me² – Two Rimmers RIMMER 2: Jump, jump, jump!RIMMER: And… rest! 40 1.37 Nanarchy – Lister in new body Looking for some happiness 41 1.41 Back in the Red (Part Two) – Naked Kryten But there is only loneliness to 42 1.44 Beyond a Joke – Pride and Prejudice Land find CAT: These strides are too tackle-tight Officer BB. I can barely cruise. 43 1.47 Rimmerworld – Rimmer foot soldiers Jump to the left, turn to the right 44 1.50 Polymorph – Fearless Lister 45 1.51 Demons and Angels – Low Rimmer Looking up stairs 46 1.54 Emohawk – Polymorph II – Duane Dibbley Looking behind 47 1.56 Pete (Part One) – A perfectly normal Holly HOLLY: They look uncannily like something you should be very, very afraid of. 48 2.00 Demons and Angels – Low Cat Yeah! 49 2.02 Back to Reality – Billy Doyle Looking back on the track for a little green BILLY: I’m not Rimmer, then?JAKE: No. 50 2.05 DNA – Super Lister Bag 51 2.07 Timeslides – Young Lister Got to find 52 2.07 Body Swap – Mindless Lister sisterkind 53 2.08 Body Swap – Rimmer in Lister’s body or losing my mind 54 2.11 Only the Good… – Cat as a nurse I’m a sight in the night 55 2.13 Polymorph – Fearless Lister I’m a sight in the day 56 2.16 Parallel Universe – Arlene raping Arnie Looking back on the track gonna do 57 2.18 Back to Reality – Jake Bullet it my way JAKE: Bullet, Cybernautics. 58 2.21 Rimmerworld – Rimmer Concubine Looking back on the track 59 2.22 Tikka to Ride – Crew in 60s America clothes for a little, little green bag 60 2.25 Gunmen of the Apocalypse – Sammy the Squib Gotta find sister- KRYTEN: Mr Lister, sir? 61 2.26 Ouroboros – Alternate Crew -kind or losing my mind 62 2.29 Demons and Angels – Low Lister LOW LISTER: Welcome to our team! 63 2.31 Dimension Jump – Ace Rimmer and Bongo Alright. BONGO: You’re back.ACE: ‘Fraid so.BONGO: Had a feeling you might be. Rubber shares went up this morning. 64 2.36 Demons and Angels – Low Rimmer LOW RIMMER: I’m going to lash you to within an inch of your life, and then… I’m going to have you. 65 2.47 Back in the Red (Part Two) – Cat as Dibbley LISTER: Ye-es! 66 2.50 Future Echoes – Old Lister 67 2.50 DNA – Human Kryten Looking for some happiness, but there is only loneliness 68 2.55 Back to Reality – Duane Dibbley to fi- 69 2.57 Demons and Angels – Low Crew -ind. Jump 70 2.59 Dimension Jump – Padre to the le- 71 3.00 DNA – Human Kryten -eft, turn to the right 72 3.03 Beyond A Joke – Kochanski in Pride and Prejudice Land 73 3.04 DNA – Super Lister Looking up stairs, looking 74 3.07- 3.22 Opening Titles – the name ‘Red Dwarf’ on the side of the ship. Behind. Ba ba ba ba ba ba-da-lub ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba bub ba ba bub ba ba ba ba ba ba… Alternate, or not? Caption It’s a caption. Crew as Dibbley These are not alternate personalities in the slightest. They are merely Cat, Kochanski, Kryten and Lister dressed up as other characters. You might as well include Hollister dressed up as a chicken in Stasis Leak. Queeg Yes, Queeg is Holly’s alternate personality. Although it’s worth noting that the clip comes from a point in the episode just before the audience finds out that Queeg is not real. Future Rimmer (Stasis Leak) I’ll give them this one. This Rimmer has a different appearance from ours, and has used a strange space phenomenon to be part of the programme. Characters who do this are generally considered alternate. Crew in the Texas Book Depository These are not alternate versions, although the clip was included purely for Cat’s line about the crew being copied. There was no suggestion that this crew were alternative versions. Carole Brown Not sure about this one. An alternate body perhaps, but the character is Carole Brown, who is not an alternate personality of one of the crew. Naked Rimmer and Lister Not in the slightest. If I were to shave my head and take all my clothes off, I’d be a bit silly, but I wouldn’t be an alternate version of myself. Cat, Lister and Kochanski as Dibbley Still not alternate personalities, just a very crap disguise. Gold Kryten This is simply Kryten in a different costume. If this is an alternate personality, than so is Rimmer in his admiral’s outfit from Series I and II. Brett Riverboat All AR characters are deemed to be alternate versions of the crew – the character’s body with another person’s characteristics. ‘Dangerous’ Dan McGrew Well, yes. High Cat Extrapa-what-a-lated? Clearly an alternate version of the Cat. Intelligent Holly Tough one to call. Holly’s appearance changes, but the personality doesn’t. I’d be inclined to say that his isn’t an alternate personality, although it is borderline. The Dog As with all parallel universe counterparts, The Dog is clearly an alternate version of an existing crew member. Cat and Kochanski as GELFs This is simply wrong. Cat and Kochanski wear GELF costumes, and although they are incredibly realistic (they were used for proper GELFs in Duct Soup), the crew do not become GELFs in any way. Emotionless crew Another borderline case, but I’ll allow it because the characters change dramatically as a product of a strange space phenomenon. Future Rimmer (Out of Time) This is a version of Rimmer that is not the one from ‘our crew’; therefore it is indeed an alternate personality. Original Kryten This isn’t an alternate version for just that reason; he’s the original Kryten. If anything, the Series III onwards version is alternative. Alternate Lister (The Inquisitor) Well, the name says it all really. Shot from the same gun barrel as our Lister, but very much different. Debs Lister and Arlene Rimmer Another set of characters from an alternate dimension, so they count. Lister of Smeg I don’t want to include this as an alternative personality, but the rules state that an AR character counts as an alternate version. If I excluded this, I’d have to exclude all the Gumshoe and Laredo characters. Professor Cat As close to Jerry Lee Lewis as The Cat has ever been, this version comes from a mirror universe, so he counts. Legion Legion is a gestalt entity, composed in this incarnation of elements from the crew of Starbug. However, he is an entirely separate character from any of our crew, so he shouldn’t be in this featurette. Future Kryten (Out of Time) If you freeze-frame this clip, you get a very funny shot of Future Kryten, eyebrows and all. Like the Future Rimmer, he counts as an alternate personality. Duane Dibbley (Back to Reality) Ah, the original and the best. An alter ego brought out by a hallucination. The most obvious alternate personality yet. Data Doctor Just because Robert Llewellyn plays him, it doesn’t make him an alternate version of Kryten. You wouldn’t say that Jim Reaper or Able were alternate personalities, would you? Rimmer’s head A baffling choice. The perfectly normal Rimmer travels back in time and sticks his head through a table. Where’s the alternate personality there? Ace Rimmer (Stoke Me A Clipper) What a guy! (Sorry) A great character from another dimension, so clearly an alternate personality. The Dog See: The Dog. Low Kryten Another bit of freeze-frame fun to be had here, and another genuine alternate personality. 70s Cat and Kochanski Obviously, a 1970s revival is to take place at some point in the 22nd century. Still, it doesn’t alter the fact that this clip doesn’t contain any alternate personalities. Sebastian Doyle and Jake Bullet Section Chief of CGI and a member of the Cybernautics Division of the Police Department who has a rather silly macho name. As with the original Duane, these are great alternate versions. Kryten as Jeremy Beadle A false beard does not constitute an alter ego. The Riviera Kid An ace gunslinger who is yet another AI character, ergo an alternate personality. The Skutters as Dibbley I mean, for fuck’s sake. Ace Rimmer and the Alligator Well, I’m not sure about the alligator, but Ace is definitely an alternate version. Self Respect This one counts as it is a part of Rimmer’s psyche personified. He is a version of Rimmer who bares little resemblance to our Rimmer. Ace Rimmer and the Alligator See: Ace Rimmer and the Alligator Two Rimmers Rimmer’s Double is not so much an alternate version as Rimmer, more an exact duplicate of Rimmer. There’s very little alternative about him, so he doesn’t count. Lister in new body (Nanarchy) As with the intelligent version of Holly, the personality doesn’t actually change at all. Naked Kryten This is just silly. I mean, you might as well include the naked Lister and Rimmer from Pete (Part One)! Oh… Pride and Prejudice Land As much as I despise this section, I have to concede that they are vaguely alternate versions of the crew. Rimmer Foot Soldiers They may be mere clones of Rimmer, but unlike the double in Me², these versions have different personalities and appearances to our Rimmer, so they count. Fearless Lister (Polymorph) He’ll nut the smegger to oblivion, and he counts as an alternate personality. Low Rimmer Strangely, this clip is a speeded-up version of Low Rimmer coming down the stairs, revealing his full Rocky Horror glory. Play it in ¼ speed to see the original, slow walk fans! Anyway, he’s an alternate version. Duane Dibbley (Emohawk) The two attacks by the Emohawk make two genuinely different personalities, Duane and Ace, who is not featured in this compilation. The key difference between the Polymorph and the Emohawk is that the Polymorph feeds on emotions (fear, vanity, guilt, anger) and the Emohawk removes characteristics (cool, bitterness). Therefore, the characters in Emohawk are much more alternative personalities than the ones in Polymorph were. A perfectly normal Holly (Pete Part One) As with the Tikka to Ride clip earlier, this has no pretence of being an alternate personality, and is included for the benefit of a (quite crap) joke. Low Cat Those teeth aren’t very realistic, but he is an alternate personality. Billy Doyle The yak-latrine version of Rimmer. Super Lister Well, the personality doesn’t really change, but it is definitely an alternate version of Lister. If the focus of this featurette had changed to “Alternate Versions” instead of Alternate Personalities, it would have been filled much more easily. Young Lister Seeing as future versions of the crew are included, it’s only fair to include past versions. Mindless Lister As with Carole Brown, it’s just Lister’s body here. Nothing particularly alternative about it. Rimmer in Lister’s Body As there is no sound on this clip, it’s pretty pointless. To the casual observer, it’s just Lister dressed like Captain Emerald. Even if the sound was included, I still wouldn’t class it as alternate, for the same reasons as the other clips from Body Swap. Cat as a nurse There’s a difference between alternate personalities and transvestites. Fearless Lister (Polymorph) See: Fearless Lister (Polymorph) Arlene raping Arnie She may be maladjusted, but she is an alternate personality. Jake Bullet He’s clearly an alternate personality, and if those pen pushers up at City Hall don’t like it, they can park their overpaid fat asses on this mid-digit. Rimmer Concubine Disturbing? Yes. An alternate personality? Yes again. Crew in 60s America clothes Come on. This is simply ludicrous. Every time a character changes his clothes, he is a new person? Bollocks. I could scream. Sammy the Squib He may be just Kryten with a moustache, but all AR characters are considered alternate versions. Alternate Crew (Ouroboros) Well, I think the word ‘alternate’ is the clue here. Low Lister Terrible teeth, but definitely an alternate personality. Ace Rimmer and Bongo More definite alternate versions. Would our Kryten ever offer to cover himself in taramasalata? It would invalidate his warranty for a start. Low Rimmer He’s not a very nice person, but he is an alternate version. Cat as Dibbley Oh, piss off. We get the fucking picture. People dressed up vaguely like Duane Dibbley in order to escape from prison. It wasn’t funny the first time it was used, much less the third. Old Lister (Future Echoes) Aged 171 and with a built-in bottle opener, this is a future echo of Lister, so obviously an alternate version. Human Kryten Despite the change in physical form, Kryten’s personality doesn’t change, which is why he gets a double-polaroid over electrical appliances. Nevertheless, as with Super Lister I am forced to accept it. Duane Dibbley (Back to Reality) It’s a good job Dibbley is so funny in this episode, otherwise his lacklustre ‘appearances’ in Can’t Smeg Won’t Smeg and Back in the Red would make Back to Reality unwatchable. He’s still an alternate personality, by the way. Low Crew One of the best camera shots of all time – Lister’s POV as the Low Crew (all of which are alternate versions) crowd round him, just as he is about to black out. Brilliant. Padre If it wasn’t for the BBC’s over-sensitivity about negative stereotyping, the alternate version of The Cat in this episode would have been much better. But I still like the way he says “Ah, welcome home, san!” Human Kryten He is an alternate version, but he lost his looks. Kochanski in Pride & Prejudice Land Another AR version that I begrudgingly award ‘alternate personality’ status to. Incidentally, if any intellectual types know which Pride and Prejudice characters are represented by each Red Dwarf character, let us know. Super Lister Another one that’s an alternate version on a technicality. The name ‘Red Dwarf’ on the side of the ship As seen in the opening titles of the first eleven episodes. Not an alternate personality, but a nice ending to the piece. Anyone who says the model shots looked crap in the early days of the show is clearly a fool.