Insult List Features Posted by Ian Symes on 4th September 2003, 23:00 Here we go… a complete list of insults used in the 52 episodes of Red Dwarf. Many of these are highly inventive, original and amusing, whereas others are mere variations on the word ‘smeg’. Still, there are some interesting findings. The insults are listed alphabetically, and where there is more than one occurance of the insult being used, these are listed chronologically. Eventually, this document will include Red Dwarf Night, the Smeg Upstapes, deleted scenes, maybe even the cast commentary. Stay tuned. Insult Episode Used by Used against Abomination Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew Alphabet Head Stasis Leak Cat Rimmer Justice Cat Rimmer Annoying little smeggy smegging smegger Only The Good… Rimmer Dispensing Machine Arsehole Kryten Lister Rimmer Arse Wipe Cassandra Knot Rimmer Baboon’s rump Kryten Rimmer Holly Back-stabbing, weaselly smegger Back in the Red (Part Three) Lister Rimmer Baldy Queeg Cat Holly Barney’s ugly brother Pete (Part One) Lister Pete Pete (Part Two) Lister Pete Bastard Waiting For God Rimmer Lister Backwards Lister Santa Claus Body Swap Lister Rimmer Ouroboros Kochanski Lister Big lig The End Rimmer Todhunter Big lug Pete (Part One) Kryten Baxter Big, stupid, yellow idiot Only the Good… Rimmer Hollister Bird-tray head Krytie TV Cat Kryten Bonehead Kryten Lister Rimmer Polymorph Kryten Rimmer Bog-bot from Hell Rimmerworld Rimmer Kryten Bossy old trollop Ouroboros Kryten Kochanski Bot Brains Demons & Angels Cat Kryten Bozo Future Echoes Toaster Rimmer Better Than Life Lister Rimmer The Bozo Brothers Beyond a Joke Kochanski Cat and Lister Brummie git Back to Reality Rimmer Andy Buffoon Justice Kryten Rimmer Bug-head Epideme Kochanski Epideme Bunch of Tarts Polymorph Lister Cat, Kryten and Rimmer Butter-pat Head Legion Cat Kryten Captain Bogbot Quarantine Rimmer Kryten Captain Chloroform Body Swap Lister Kryten Captain Paxo Stasis Leak Rimmer Hollister Captain Sadness Camille Cat Rimmer Captain Smug Git Stoke Me A Clipper Rimmer Ace Rimmer Captain Yawn Dimension Jump Cat Rimmer Cheating, weaselly, low-life scum bucket The Inquisitor Lister Rimmer Chickens Body Swap Rimmer Cat, Kryten and Lister Commander U-Bend Quarantine Rimmer Kryten Complete and total nutter Timeslides Lister Hitler Coward Backwards Rimmer Lister Marooned Lister Rimmer Blue Lister Kryten Cruddy little scudball Terrorform Kryten Rimmer Dact tuft of rectal pubic hair Terrorforum The Unspeakable One Rimmer Dead Git Me² Rimmer 2 Rimmer Deformed Monsters Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew Demented Tonka toy Tikka to Ride Rimmer Kryten Dinglebat Better Than Life Lister Rimmer Dingleberry Breath Backwards Rimmer Holly Dinosaur Breath Kryten Lister Rimmer Kryten Kryten Rimmer A disgrace to the species Future Echoes Rimmer Lister Disgusting, pus-filled buboe Polymorph Kryten Rimmer Disgusting, rotting, fetid piece of congealed monkey vomit Back in the Red (Part One) Rimmer Lister Dishwasher-breath Balance of Power Rimmer Lister Divvy Back in the Red (Part One) Lister Holly Doctor Fruit Loop Quarantine Rimmer Dr. Lanstrom Dog Food Face Kryten Rimmer Lister Doink Marooned Lister Rimmer Dork Polymorph Kryten Rimmer Body Swap Lister Young Lister Justice Kryten Rimmer Dormouse Cheeks Demons & Angels Cat Lister Double-dealing, two-faced rat Back in the Red (Part Three) Lister Rimmer El Dirtball White Hole Rimmer Lister El Slobbo Balance of Power Rimmer Lister El Weirdo Parallel Universe Rimmer Ms. Rimmer Eraser head Camille Cat Rimmer Fat, bearded git Gumen of the Apocalypse Rimmer Bear Strangler McGee Fat Boy Beyond A Joke Kryten Lister Only the Good… Cat Big Meat Fat, little human The Inquisitor The Inquisitor Lister Filthy piece of distended rectum Me² Rimmer Rimmer 2 Foolish, aged, blubbery fish Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum Frankenstein Quarantine Cat Kryten Freak-face Backwards Cat Kryten Body Swap Cat Kryten Frigid Parallel Universe Ms. Rimmer Rimmer Gerbil-face White Hole Cat Lister Ghastly maggot Emohawk – Polymorph II Ace Rimmer Rimmer Gimboid Future Echoes (twice) Rimmer Lister Waiting For God Rimmer Lister Gimp Kryten Rimmer Lister Better Than Life Lister Rimmer Thanks for the Memory Rimmer Hollister Timeslides Rimmer Thicky Holden White Hole Rimmer Lister Epideme Lister Cat Git Future Echoes Rimmer Lister Justice Lister Rimmer Dimension Jump Rimmer Kryten Goalpost Head Parallel Universe Cat Rimmer Backwards Cat Rimmer Body Swap Cat Rimmer DNA Cat Rimmer Demons & Angels Cat Rimmer Rimmerworld Cat Rimmer Tikka to Ride Cat Rimmer Goit Future Echoes (twice) Rimmer Lister Future Echoes Rimmer Future Lister Future Echoes Rimmer Holly Balance of Power Rimmer Holly Confidence & Paranoia Rimmer Lister Me² Rimmers Lister Gooseberry Gunmen of the Apocalypse Lister Kryten Grandad Timeslides Young Lister Lister Grease stain Waiting For God Cat Rimmer Thanks for the Memory Cat Rimmer Grossly overweight Holoship Commander Binks Lister Gwenlyn Kryten Lister Rimmer Gutless, spineless, gormless, direction-less, neurotic, under-achieving, snivelling, cowardly pile of smeg Stoke Me A Clipper Lister Rimmer Hadron-Head Balance of Power Lister Selby Polymorph Kryten Rimmer Half-eaten lollipop head Epideme Cat Kryten Halibut breath Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Cat Hoity-toity gonad-brained gimp Better Than Life Rimmer The Captain Hooch-head Gunmen of the Apocalypse Cat Kryten The human equivalent of a visible panty-line Blue Cat Rimmer Hypocrite Blue Kryten Lister Idiot Future Echoes Rimmer Holly Balance of Power Rimmer Cat Polymorph Cat Rimmer Timeslides Cat Young Lister Duct Soup Kochanski Kryten Idiot droid Camille Rimmer Kryten Impudent fool Meltdown Caligula Cat Insufferable pratt Back to Reality Andy Rimmer Irritating, awkward and unsightly Blue Cat Rimmer Jammy Goit White Hole Rimmer Lister Jerk Timeslides Cat Young Lister Joke of a man Justice Kryten Rimmer Judas Pete (Part One) Lister Rimmer Jumped-up Filofax Future Echoes Rimmer Holly Keyboard teeth Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Duane Dibbley Khazi-droid Quarantine Rimmer Kryten Killer Justice Lister Rimmer Little bleeder White Hole Lister Talkie Toaster Little glob of tuberculatic spewtum Terrorform Kryten Rimmer Little worm Balance of Power Rimmer Lister A lowly grease monkey Justice Kryten Rimmer The Mad Monk Brothers Demons & Angels Cat High Crew Maggot Dimension Jump Ace Rimmer Back in the Red (Part One) Thornton Lister Marshmallow-ass Only the Good… Cat Big Meat Meat-tenderiser head Epideme Cat Kryten Metal Trash Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Kryten Miss Yo-Yo Knickers Parallel Universe Lister Ms. Lister Mister Fat Bastard 2044 Thanks for the Memory Rimmer Hollister Mister Gazpacho Me² (twice) Rimmer 2 Rimmer Mister Maturity Me² Rimmer 2 Rimmer Mister Sad Git Gunmen of the Apocalypse Rimmer Kryten Mister Shouty Back in the Red (Part One) Lister Thornton Mister Swankypants Gunmen of the Apocalypse Jimmy Lister Modo Waiting For God Rimmer Hollister Waiting For God Rimmer Cat Molecule Mind Kryten Lister Rimmer Kryten Kryten Rimmer Monkey Future Echoes Cat Lister Waiting For God Cat Lister Moron Waiting For God Rimmer Lister Marooned Rimmer Lister Quarantine Kryten Cat Murderer The End Rimmer Lister Mutant Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew A neurotic, under-achieving emotional retard Justice Kryten Rimmer Nickel-hydrate breath Krytie TV Kochanski Kryten Ninny Pete (Part One) Kryten Kochanski A nothing The End Rimmer Lister Justice Kryten Rimmer No-good, disgusting bum Nanarchy Kochanski Lister Novelty condom-head DNA Cat Kryten Nutter Queeg Lister Queeg Timeslides Lister Rimmer Legion Lister Legion Obnoxious, trumped-up, farty little smeghead White Hole Kryten Rimmer Old Codger Timeslides Lister The Duke of Lincoln Old Five Fingers Epideme Cat Lister Old Laundry Chute Nostrils Out of Time Cat Rimmer One glorious hole Backwards Lister Rimmer Over-zealous, trumped-up little squirt Justice Kryten Rimmer Pathetic man Justice Kryten Rimmer Pesky little critters Nanarchy Kryten Nanobots Piece of dirty, filthy, cheating scum Queeg Lister Rimmer A piece of sputum, floating in the toilet bowl of life Justice Kryten Rimmer Petty-minded little sadist Backwards Lister St. Francis of Assisi Pigs Meltdown Caligula Cat and Lister Pilgrim Queeg Queeg Rimmer Pipsqueak Better Than Life Rimmer Rathbone Plastic Percy Body Swap Cat Kryten Pop-eyed balding git Better Than Life Rimmer Rimmer’s Dad Pratt White Hole Rimmer Captain Oates Pregnant baboon-bellied space bum Future Echoes Rimmer Lister Priscilla, Queen of Deep Space Ouroboros Kochanski Lister Private Nobody Only the Good… Rimmer Mirror Hollister Punk Kryten Kryten Rimmer Cassandra Knot Kill Crazy Pus-head Waiting For God Rimmer Hollister Pus-sucking, puke-laden walking cesspits of unspeakableness Rimmerworld Simulant Leiutenant The Crew Pussycat Willum Justice Rimmer Cat Putrid, amphibious gill-breather with less brains than a mollusc Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum Quark-brain Balance of Power Lister Rimmer Rectum-faced pygmy Balance of Power Rimmer Lister Rubber-headed eunuch Legion Rimmer Kryten Sad man Justice Kryten Rimmer A sad weasle of a man Parallel Universe Lister Rimmer Scoundrels Backwards Bike Owner Lister and Cat Scudball Polymorph Lister The Polymorph Scum Meltdown (twice) Caligula Cat and Lister The Inquisitor Lister The Inquisitor Stoke Me A Clipper Kryten Lister Ouroboros Rimmer Lister Scummiest knave in Christendom Stoke Me A Clipper King of Camelot Lister Scum-sucking, lying, weasley smegger Blue Lister Rimmer Scum-sucking molluscs Gunmen of the Apocalypse Kryten The Apocalypse Boys Scum-sucking, two-faced, weaselly weasel Back in the Red (Part Two) Lister Rimmer Second-rate scum Ouroboros Rimmer Lister Self-serving, scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbag Back in the Red (Part Three) Kochanski Rimmer Shambles Only the Good… Rimmer Mirror Hollister Shirley Only the Good… Big Meat Cat The short, dumpy one with the stupid haircut Cassandra Rimmer Lister Silly old trout Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum Simple-minded, scaly, old piscine Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum Slags Polymorph Lister Cat, Kryten and Rimmer Slimeball Queeg Holly Queeg Slimy, dispicable, rat-hearted green-discharge of a man The Inquisitor The Inquisitor Rimmer Slimy, double-crossing, two-faced piece of scum Beyond a Joke Kryten Able Slimy, triple-faced backstabbing Judas Rimmerworld Lister Rimmer Slimy, river-dwelling rodent Demons & Angels Lister Rimmer The slobbiest entity in the entire universe The End Rimmer Lister Slow, stupid, crudely designed and quite amazingly ugly The Last Day Jim Reaper Kryten Small-minded, bureaucratic, cowardly little person Stoke Me A Clipper Kryten Rimmer Smart-Alec android Back to Reality Rimmer Kryten Smart-Alec metal git Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Kryten Smartarse Future Echoes Lister Toaster Smee Camille (twice) Kryten Rimmer Quarantine (twice) Kryten Rimmer Gunmen of the Apocalypse Kryten Rimmer Smee Heee Camille (four times) Kryten Rimmer Quarantine Rimmer Kryten Gunmen of the Apocalypse Kryten Rimmer Stoke Me A Clipper Kryten Rimmer Smeg-brain Thanks for the Memory Rimmer Lister Smeg-for-brains Balance of Power Lister Rimmer Kryten Kryten Rimmer Smeghead The End (twice) Lister Rimmer The End Todhunter Rimmer Waiting For God Lister Rimmer Kryten Lister Rimmer Better Than Life Rimmer’s Dad Rimmer Thanks for the Memory Lister Rimmer Stasis Leak (twice) Lister Future Lister Body Swap Cat Rimmer Camille Kryten Rimmer Camille Kryten Lister White Hole Holly Rimmer Meltdown Lister Rimmer Holoship Lister Rimmer The Inquisitor Lister Trojans The Inquisitor The Inquisitor Lister Stoke Me A Clipper Lister Rimmer Blue Cat Rimmer Smegger Polymorph Lister The Polymorph Cassandra Lister Cat Smegpot Holoship Lister Commander Binks Smelly-arsed smegger Stasis Leak Lister Petersen Smug, self-satisfied git Stoke Me A Clipper Rimmer Ace Rimmer Snooty cow Balance of Power Rimmer Kochanski Sour Kraut Stoke Me A Clipper Ace Rimmer Gestapo Officer Spanny Tikka to Ride Lister Kryten Stan and Ollie White Hole Cat Kryten and Rimmer Stumpy DNA Cat Lister Stupid cat Balance of Power Rimmer Cat Stupid moggy Confidence & Paranoia Rimmer Cat Stupid, stinking, festering gimboid of a cat Balance of Power Rimmer Cat Stupid woman Body Swap Rimmer Brown Stupid ‘zoney Beyond A Joke Simulant Able Thick, titanium plank Blue Rimmer Kryten Tight git Backwards Lister Taxi Driver Tin can The Last Day Hudzen Kryten A toad Demons & Angels Lister Rimmer Toilet brush hair Rimmerworld Cat Rimmer Totally worthless, unwashed space bum The Inquisitor Holly Lister Trans-Am Wheel Arch Nostrils The Inquisitor Cat Rimmer Trash Gunmen of the Apocalypse Lister Loretta Travesty Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew Tutankhamun’s horny grandma Epideme Lister Caroline Carmen Twonk(s) Back to Reality Andy Rimmer Back to Reality Andy The Crew Tyke Waiting For God Rimmer Lister Ugly, lungless marine animal with galloping senility Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum Unbelievable git Out of Time Rimmer Cat Unnecesserily ugly Holoship Commander Binks Lister A very rude man The Last Day Rimmer Hudzen Wa-hum Barbow Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Kryten A weasel Demons & Angels Lister Rimmer Wig stand head Duct Soup Kochanski Kryten Xenophobic, homocidal maniac Gunmen of the Apocalypse Rimmer Simulant Captain
