I take it you all watched The Joy of Curry on Wednesday? The programme was advertised as containing clips from comedies such as Red Dwarf, so we all tuned in excitedly. However, the whole programme was rubbish.

A grand total of one Dwarf clip was used, albiet twice. After one minute and ten seconds, we see Lister saying “no woman, no hope, no curry”, taken from Tikka To Ride. On 34 minutes 33 seconds, we get a bit more of this scene, incorporating the exchange: “Worse still, a choice of only two alcoholic beverages – Cinzano Bianco and Advocat”/”No lager?”/”Sir, there is nothing unmanly in howling like a hungry prairie dog”/”No lager?”. Brilliant, eh?

That scene is rubbish. As we’ve said elsewhere, Tikka isn’t bad when it gets going, but the start and the ending are both abysmal. Later on in the show, there was a section about eating cold curry for breakfast. Why wasn’t a bit from Psirens shown here? There was also a section about how lager is the only thing that can kill a vindaloo. DNA, anyone? No, finding these clips would have required research – it’s far easier to just find an episode with the name of a curry in the title, and use the first curry-based dialogue from that.

The rest of the programme was shocking as well. Respected intellectuals such as Stuart Maconie, Will Mellor, Natalie Casey, Paul Fucking Ross and VicF popped up to give such insights as “Vesta Curry was horrible”, “Indian restaurant walls are furry” and “Jack Straw eats curry, thus we should vote Labour”. And the pissing “going for an English” sketch from Goodness Gracious Me can fuck off. It’s not a bad skit by any means, but it’s just a simple one-joke role-reversal, and the level of praise and analysis given to it by this programme was ludicrous. Apparantly, “it’s been compared to The Parrot Sketch”. The comparison presumably being “not as good as”.

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