Ian’s Newsround – 26/03/04

Ignore the facts, G&T can give you the opinions. Corgi’s Red Dwarf model looks shit. We’re told that this is not the finished paint design, so presumably any faults with the colour can be fixed. Good. Unfortunately, this is the final shape design, and there appears to have been a massive error. I’m not quite sure how everyone at Corgi and GNP have missed this, but they appear to have made a toy based on a huge fucking red pencil. Surely, if you’re going to market a toy at Red Dwarf fans, the eponymous ship would be a better icon to use.

In fairness, the Starbug one is good, although I’m not sure about all those black marks on it. They’re presumably supposed to be marks from fires, but I just don’t associate them with Starbug. Hopefully, this will be changed in time for release; then at least there’ll be one half-decent product to come out of this huge development time. The models will be sold in a twin-pack, with figurines of Lister and Rimmer. If the Dwarf model is anything to go by, the Lister one will be 8′ tall, and the Rimmer one will be 3’6″.

Although Matt Drizzly Miller pissed on Ellard’s chips by reporting news about Chris Barrie’s Massive Engines earlier in the week, the TOS-er wins with a marvellous mini-interview. I’m especially looking forward to Rockets, just to see if there’s any Dwarf references. He could, of course, make reference to Helen Brittas’s scooter in Bikes, but it’s not likely. In his interview, Chris comes across as very enthusiastic about the subject matter of the programme, and I hope that comes across in the show. It’s great when a documentary is hosted by someone who really cares for what he’s talking about. This is why we should be on Comedy Connections. Yes.

Tucked away at the bottom of that story is news of moon-faced legend Norman Lovett appearing at the Basildon Sci-Fi Movie Trading Card & Collectors Show (BSFMTCACS). If you fancy making your way to bloody Basildon, it’s on this Sunday from 11am at the Sports Centre. Who knows; you might even score some cake. Oh, and that Talkie Toaster thing. If you like your spoof interviews with less bread products, but more misplaced apostrophes, try Back In The Red’s latest offering. Or, if you fancy a slightly more entertaining evening, I can take you outside and shoot you in the head.