G&T News logo. Awww, I really should do some more of these.Yes, today is “catching up on all the news you’ve been too busy to report on the last week because you’ve been planning some April Fool that nobody was taken in by whatsoever at all” day…

RDSUK is now listing the three bottle stoppers; Starbug, Red Dwarf, and Kryten. Standard nice comment: the Starbug one looks gorgeous. (There are some lovely large photos of the stoppers – select the smaller piccies to enlarge). Standard nasty comment: FUCKING AWFUL RED DWARF RE-MASTERED WANK FUCK OFF. As we revealed, the original design for it was the rather lovely original ship, and then “the licensors changed their minds”. Wah, frankly. Our advice: boycott it. THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ZIMBABWE.

Thanks to winged-news-monkey-in-chief Tracey Brennan, who spotted a nice snippet in next week’s TV Times (3 – 9 April). In it, there’s a small article about Massive Engines; in, Mr. Barrie says the following:

“I can see a special happening,” says Chris, who played Red Dwarf’s irritating hologram, Arnold J Rimmer. “Red Dwarf is so in need of an update that the Beeb would be foolish not to put out a special. The last show went
out in 1999, so it’s long overdue.”

That sounds worryingly like he’s given up on the movie. Argh. Still, it confirms that if the movie doesn’t materialise, he’d be very interested in still doing it on TV. So: hooray! Connected with this, a guy on Hol’s Post Pod called SteelHamster (I’d take the piss, but moss is hardly any better) heard an interview with the man Lovett; talking about stand-up and Dwarf. Anyway, apparently he’s had the movie script for three years, and is upset by the constant delays. Awww. LET’S BURGLE HIS HOUSE.

The same post by SteelHamster also mentioned this (which is also on Norm’s site) – he’s doing a gig with Lily and Kitty (his two daughters, in case you’re STUPID) at the Comedy Bunker in Ruislip, at 9pm on… the 1st April. Fuck. WHY WASN’T THE MOST IMPORTANT MEDIA SITE IN THE WORLD TOLD ABOUT THIS? It was called “We Lovett”, in any case, which is good. Some more relevant news, then, nicked from Norm’s site:

“My eldest daughter Lily can be seen in an episode of Frank Skinner’s new sitcom ‘SHANE’ which starts very soon on ITV1. The episode is called ‘Marvel My Birthday Away’ and Lily plays a precocious, snotty, middle class girl called Amelia. It will be shown at 10pm on Wednesdays.”

Excellent; and the show could be very good indeed, what with a) Frank Skinner being very funny, and b) ITV’s comedy record getting rather better recently. The show starts on April 21st; go here for a nice feature on it. Linking to Chortle? I cannot believe I just did that.

Excellent. A TV set that doubles as a mirror. I WONDER WHERE WE’VE SEEN THAT BEFORE. (It was one of the things I really liked about the old bunkroom set, actually; again, it really wasn’t as bad as everyone said, honest.) You can read the press release here, and see some techy details here.

Our usual Memorabilia mention; both Craig Charles and Robert Llewellyn are appearing at the NEC all weekend – the 17th and 18th of April. According to the site, Craig Charles is “Fresh from filming the new Red Dwarf movie”. WHY NOT TRY RESEARCHING THINGS YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNTS.

Speaking of which, VotorColonel on BTLi (not that I’ll link to it; they’d be INUNDATED with CUNTS, obviously) has pointed out that the Movie is on The Hollywood Stock Exchange; your usual kind of fun online game thingy. Except that apparently “Ed Bye will direct the film produced by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor.” Sigh.

And finally: SATIRES. What a productive roundup. Oh yeah, Big Chief I-Spy’ll be well pleased.

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