John’s Newsround – 04/06/04

Why does Ian insist on having a life? I’m sure this is against agreed G&T policy.

Lead story on TOS today, then, is that the new BTL is due through people’s doors any day now, with a new centre-section (or centrefold, if you like Red Dwarf that much) feature called Dwarf Times. This issue, it gives an in-depth look at Series 1; a series that I’d somehow got into my head was rather sub-standard until I rewatched some. Stuid cunt. See the rest of the TOS article for what else to expect – and as for the cover… lovely piccy, but when the FUCK will they get a decent logo, and stop using Comic Sans? It’s hideous! That’s the best design they could come up with? Oh, and don’t use three exclamation marks unless you’re taking the piss.

Onwards. The report on Craig’s new film The Dealer is effectively what Big Blake reported on, but with additonal detail. It has some nice pictures, and also gives a synopsis:

“The story tells of Danny ‘The Dealer’ Dempsey, who awakes one morning to find a letter resting on a pillow in his heavily secured home… and so begins the strangest 24 hours in his life. A wedding gets ruined, gang leaders are given short shrift, and insane bets are placed. Could The Dealer be on the brink of self-destruction?”

Sounds as boring as fuck, but you never know. It’s also mentioned that it’s “being made as a short in the hopes of securing feature financing”. They should do that for the Dwarf movie:

LISTER: Smeg! It’s the Homo Sapienoids!
RIMMER: Excuse me, gentlemen, while I have a humiliating panic attack under the scanner table.
KRYTEN: Lie mode. We’ll be fine, sirs!!!!!
CAT: This skit’s deader than A-line flares with pockets in the knees.

Finally, there is also some more Brittas news; as well as giving the full cover for the Series 4 release, it also gives the Series 5 one; again, a very funny picture (not quite sure it works as a cover, though), again, shit fonts. Excellently, it’s confirmed that series 5 will some more outtakes as an extra. The Christmas 1994 special In The Beginning… is also to be included on the disc; the TOS article calls it a “fantastic episode”, wheras I was really, really disappointed with it at the time. Who is right? Tune in later in the year!