Ian’s Newsround – 03/09/04

Oh, we love this bit too. As I predicted ages ago, the Series V menus will have the same core design as III and IV, and VI and VII will have an all new one. Annoyingly, I can’t remember whether I made this prediction publically online, so I can’t claim any credit for it. Oh well! It’s the only sensible way, and the shots we’ve got are looking lovely. From the thumbnails, I feared that some of the menus would be too dark, but this is not the case on the full versions. And the bunk room. Ah, fuck it; I’m bored of coherent paragraphs and that.

• Two bonus materials menus for the price of one. A wise move, considering these will be the most packed DVDs in the history of everything ever.
• No word on whether there’ll be a seperate text menu for the extras, but I can’t imagine they’d miss it off after all that fuss.
• A silly, irrational fear of mine has been allayed; the episodes will be given in the correct broadcast order, not the silly 1994 video order.
• ‘Geronimo’ is a very amusing chapter title. Possibly rivalling ‘Twat It’ and ‘C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S.’ from Polymorph, even. The four chapters listed here do seem rather dodgily-paced, though – surely the stuff before Rimmer gets transported to the Enlightenment lasts for quite a long time, and isn’t Rimmer-doing-a-sex well into the second half? Could be my memory playing tricks, mind.
• I can’t seem to see a single paraphinalium in the drive room set, which is fair enough considering all the debris and that. The exception being the excellent Enlightenment light display thing.
• There is, of course, The Inquistor’s gauntlet in the locker room set.
• The first bunk room set is a little threadbare too. The vid-screen will be used as an element (for the trailers, naturally), and I can also see Mr. Flibble, Kryten’s “taranshula” hand and something or other on the top bunk. Is it a blanket? Can’t figure out what that thing on the table is either. Bah.
• The second one’s much better, though! The ‘Charm’ gravestone, the triplicator, the positive virii and future-o-needle, the Lows’ pet taranshula, lithium carbonate and a ‘Most Gross Danger’ sign.
• But! They’ve got a pinky-red sexual magnetism virus there. In Quarantine, it was blue, and it didn’t appear as pinky-red until Series VIII. Aaaah.
• It would appear that you can’t return to the main menu from the second extras menu. A tad daft.
• Oh, and anyone who complains about the low drive room being in the same ship as the high bunk room can cock off. Menus don’t have to adhere to continuity.

And yes, I am aware of the irony of saying that after complaining about the virus being the wrong colour. Anyway, back to prose. Top moron-targetting (other than some of the US imports) channel Sky One are doing some polls about teh sci-fi. Thanks to some excellent block voting work on BTLi, Kryten is doing very well in the robots poll; just a few per cent behind The Terminator at the time of writing. Dwarf‘s nomination for best moment, the shrinking boxers scene from Polymorph isn’t doing so well, which is probably fair enough. It’s a great comedy moment, but not a great sci-fi moment. Incidentally, why are Kang and Kodos from The Simpsons in the robot poll?

It’s all for a mini-series called Ultimate Sci-Fi Top Ten, due to be start on the 13th September. (Incidentally, hurrah to TOS for finally linking to an external website directly from the relevant news story, rather than sending us round the houses to Wormholes. When’s G&T going to get a link, by the way?) Anyway, the shows will feature the marvellous Rob Grant, who appears to have taken to wearing a semi-inflated rubber ring around his neck, Robert Llewellyn and Joe Nazarro, writer of the fantastic Making of Red Dwarf. Oh, and James Bull. That’s Drumjay! What’s up with that, man? Come on, don’t be shy…