Massive Machines on five News Just a quick note to say that following their repeat of Massive Engines, Massive Machines, that Chris Barrie wank fantasy of a series, has started a run on five. You’ve already missed a few episodes (according to Chris’s site it was supposed to start on March 21st), but that’s what happens when we have FUCKING LAZY READERS WHO DIDN’T CONTACT US TO TELL US. YOU FUCKING SHITS. YOU THINK I’VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN SCOUR THE RADIO TIMES FOR PROGRAMMES ABOUT CRAIG CHARLES’ PUBIC HAIR? YOU CUNTS. FUCK OFF AND DIE. SHIT OFF. The eps are on at 8:00pm on Mondays; the next two are about Boats (“Chris Barrie of Red Dwarf fame discovers how to tow a hundred-thousand ton oil tanker safely into harbour. Working boats like tugs have seriously powerful engines – they are truly massive machines that keep us safe at sea”) and Cranes (“The ultimate lifting machines, cranes have enabled us to construct stomping great buildings from oil rigs to nuclear power stations. Chris Barrie of ‘Red Dwarf’ fame climbs the world’s biggest cranes, getting to grips with the truly massive generators that power them and help them lift up to 4,000 tonnes!”) Chris’s Diary on the making of the series is still going on his site, although it tends to get stuck at regular intervals. It still doesn’t have an archive of past entries, which is ludicrously stupid, so enjoy it whilst it’s there.