Sure, it’s Prop Store

It’s been a very long time since we had a look at what The Prop Store has to offer. And I’m really annoyed – because I missed out on the Dogs’ Milk cup! Bloody hell. It’s always amazing to see a prop that’s managed to survive from 1988, let alone a famous one like that. (Well, famous in our own sad little world.)

Also gone, sadly, is this pack of playing cards – seen in both Meltdown and most famously (there’s that word again) Quarantine.

Still on sale, however, are the following:

• Cargo Box (£65) – Used in Ouroboros. How many other TV shows actually use the programme’s logo in the actual programme? There must be loads of examples, but I can only think of film examples at the moment – stuff like Jurassic Park, say.
• ‘Oil Girl’ Costume (£295) – As seen in Terrorform – and it’s an absurdly unsexy name for an absurdly sexy costume. Phwoaar. It’s just a pity the gold bikini isn’t included, but I wouldn’t let that spoil my wank into the built-in gusset.
• Prop Medi-Lab Bottle (£75) – As used in Only The Good.
• Lister’s (Craig Charles) Spacesuit (£695) – Made for the Remastered opening sequence, although the description is slightly unclear as to whether this is the exact same suit (“paint-splattered version” and “style of costume” indicates a degree of uncertainty to me).
• Magic of Fiji Cassette Case (£45) – Fantastic! Although, erm, if anyone can see it in one of the episodes, it would be worth a bit more to me. Anyone?
• Baseball Glove and Ball (£125) – As transformed into by the Polymorph! Great.
• ‘100 Best Prison Jokes’ Set Dressing (£45) – I think you know what I’m going to say here. In fact, it’s so obvious, I’m not even going to say it.
• Big Red Button (£49) – Needs a molly-guard.
• Bazookoid Mark II (£2,495) – Fuck me, Bazookoids go for a lot, don’t they? Seen most prominently in the scene where Rimmer fights the fake knight in Stoke Me A Clipper. Not a scene that would have me spending £2,495, I must admit.
• ‘Consign To Red Dwarf’ Label (£19) – Note that despite them giving screengrabs, this label is not actually present in the Dwarf stills they picture. Which is presumably why they’re only charging £19.
• Kryten Blown Up Head (£995) – “The head was used in the series VII episode “Beyond a joke”, when Kryten keeps getting so upset that his head keeps exploding.” Well, you would, wouldn’t you?

Unfortunately, The Prop Store are still sticking their incredibly irritating watermark over the large versions of the pictures. I mean, come on – what commercial value do these pictures have? All it’s doing is ruining my wank.

Whilst we’re at it, a few other small bits of merchandise news. As you will no doubt know by now, the classic T-shirt reprints are now on sale – if you’re signed up to the reddwarf.co.uk mailing list, you get an discount at Sci-Fi Collector – £10.95 for one shirt, or £21.00 for both. Cheaper than even Play’s prices, and they probably PAY THEIR TAX.

There’s been a bit of discussion on the Webboard about the T-shirts – they’re blank on the back, unlike both the originals and the previous re-issues. This seems to be a production cost issue, with these shirts being a limited run – if they’re a success, hopefully more will be printed, and will include the slogans on the back. It’s disappointing, although understandable.

Finally, a couple of bits of DVD news. Sci-Fi Collector also have Beat The Geek signed by Norm and Hattie, for £24.95. Worth getting if you want a signed DVD and can’t get to Dimension Jump, I guess. And John Lynam, again on the Webboard, has pointed out that Amazon have Massive Engines for £9.97 – a bargain. Let’s hope it doesn’t mean that it hasn’t sold enough for Massive Speed to be released.

But enough of all this chitter-chatter. When the hell is Bodysnatcher stuff going to show up on the BBFC, instead of Spunky Bears?