G&TV Halloween Special Features Posted by Ian Symes on 31st October 2020, 08:45 This month’s G&TV contains scenes which are unsuitable for younger viewers and people of a nervous disposition. You have been warned. Well, it doesn’t really, but then neither does Polymorph, so it’s fair game. Anyway, when we noticed that the latest edition of this feature would coincide roughly with a notable date in the calendar, we decided to run with the theme. The Red Dwarf cast and crew haven’t had a great deal of crossover with the horror genre over the years, other than a couple of notable and obvious exceptions, which we’ll come to. We couldn’t find much in terms of full-length programmes that are not commercially available (and so therefore we feel comfortable linking to off-air recordings of them on YouTube), which is the usual remit for G&TV. So instead, we present a thrilling compendium of terror, with four short clips relating to each of our main cast members, which fit the theme with varying degrees of contrivance. Chris Scary – When Evil Calls When Evil Calls was billed as the world’s first made-for-mobile horror series back in 2006, which seems ahead of its time in retrospect. Originally released as a series of 20x 2′ shorts and then repurposed into a single feature, it stars Chris Barrie as the headmaster of a school in which pupils’ wishes are granted via a mysterious series of text messages, with horrifying consequences. Or in the case of this clip, which deals with the aftermath of one student wishing for x-ray vision, arousing consequences. Craig Chaaaaaaarghles – Ghostwatch Continuity Ghostwatch is without doubt one of the best and most notorious Halloween themed programmes in the history of British television. We assume that you’ve all seen both it and the accompanying fan-made documentary Behind The Curtains, and if not, why not? But one thing you might not have seen is how it was presented in the context of a typical Saturday night on BBC One, 28 years ago to this very day. This joyous upload from an original off-air recording contains the closing few minutes of the news and weather (with Blackburn, Norwich and QPR leading the inaugural Premier League table, in case you need an indication of how long ago this was), a trailer/menu for Sunday night’s offerings and of course the continuity announcement. You can see that while it’s clearly introduced as part of the Screen One strand, which contemporary viewers will have known was an umbrella brand for one-off feature-length dramas, the wording about fact and fiction leaves things deliberately ambiguous as to which of the two Ghostwatch belongs to. Wonderful stuff. It’s only a shame that the recording cuts off so quickly after the credits at the end. Danny John-Ghouls – Spirit In The Sky Danny has certainly skirted the shores of horror with his appearances in films about big fuck-off vampires and killer plants. But what’s truly terrifying is this moment from Strictly Come Dancing‘s Halloween Week, in which the former professional dancer was forced to do a dance to a not remotely Halloween themed song, but whilst wearing some scary make-up. It looks like a good one to me, although it’s quite hard to tell as a) I have no knowledge of or interest in ballroom dancing, and b) their feet are covered by dry ice for most of it. But the records show that it got the fifth best score out of twelve couples that week. The real scary moment would come just two weeks later, when Danny was controversially eliminated following adverse publicity from tabloids that were all too happy to spread unsubstantiated rumours that perpetuate negative racial stereotypes in pursuit of clicks, but hey ho. Robert Booellen – A Noise In The Woods Now this one will shit you up. Dredged up from the dark recesses of an abandoned YouTube account, this self-shot camcorder footage is proper Blair Witch stuff. What can that terrible noise be? Just look at Robert’s terrified face in that thumbnail! Will he survive the encounter? We can’t look! Oh. Sorry. Well, it was either that or a vaguely occult-themed Joeys song. In fact, sod it, let’s have that as well: Don’t have nightmares. Keep watching the skies. And just keep telling yourself: it’s only a game… isn’t it?