DwarfCast 154 – The Smegazine Rack – Issue #5 DwarfCasts Posted by Jonathan Capps on 7th September 2022, 17:11 Subscribe to DwarfCasts: RSS • iTunes Surprise! We didn’t plan to have a summer break, but a summer break we indeed have had in order to recharge our batteries and hide from the dreaded Burnout Monster. We’ve got a bit of editing catchup to do, though, so we’re breaking with tradition and giving you another Smegazine Rack today while editing on the Red Dwarf USA episode is finished (well, started). Grab your complementary copy of the mag here. DwarfCast 154 – The Smegazine Rack – Issue #5 (111MB) It’s also a good episode for fans of listener engagement because not only are we asking you to send in your letters (comments) about this issue but there’s also a new competition for you to get your creative teeth into. In the words of the ‘zine itself: Be The Inquisitor Look at the following list of world-famous celebrities: Wilma Flintstone Norman Wisdom Kristine Kochanski Judge Dredd Vera Duckworth Duane Dibbley Got any opinions about any of them? The Inquisitor would have, that’s for sure. So we want you to pick one of the people off the list and give us his verdict on just that one person. Using no more than 50 words, tell us whether the Inquisitor would deem that person worthy of life, and then give us a brief summary of the reasons why. Feel free to use the comments section for your missives and we’ll pick a winner whenever their winner is announced in a future issue. Show notes Danny’s much stolen ‘Smegopoly’ board. We can confirm that Rob Grant *did* say “tomato juice” in his interview with Vox Magazine. Thanks to @reddwarfzone and @plus_haut for the scans. Mark Gatiss and David Walliams’s Doctor Who Night sketch that features a Red Dwarf t-shirt and poster. Bourbonhenge.
I’ve always loved the artwork of the All Things Kryten Beautiful feature. When I started drawing my own numerous Dwarfy doodles through the Nineties and beyond, that first drawing is the one I used (and have essentially memorised for the past thirty years) as a reference for getting the lines on Kryten’s face right. If you happen to come across any of my Red Dwarf sketches online – on here, DeviantArt, Facebook, whatever – you’ll see some of that in there. The likenesses in that feature are great. Although I think the cricket-nymph depicted in the strip is actually Francine Walker-Lee (ie The Other One.) That second panel of Rimmer and Lister on the final page of Future Echoes is another cracking pair of likenesses, too.
I’ve only listened to the first half hour as yet but it’s great to hear you guys’s mellifluous tones again. Has Lister ever looked more like Gary Wilmot than on this issue’s cover? I really like the depiction of the effects of light speed in the Future Echoes strip, with even the edges of the panels being warped. Talkie Toaster has gone red since the last issue.
Pre-Dwarfcast thoughts Comic: ”Spose I better smell good for when we hit light speed and I go into stasis” is an awkward and frankly terrible line that does its job as a plot reminder on the most half arsed way possible. Nice arse crack. The use of ‘smart arse’ as a response to the toaster’s singing doesn’t work. It’s also really hard to try and imaging this being David Ross’s toaster saying all this dialogue. Ooh, new lyrics to the Ganymede & Titan song. I like the attempt to include at least a little of the Infinity-style weirdness as they cross the light barrier. Which reminds me, this whole section now would have been far less exciting than the comic of The End, as so much of it exists verbatim in the book. Is the frog in the sink a reference to anything? Rimmer is definitely Chris here. Cat in the Hat is a bit… weird? Red Any Good Books Lately? That first paragraph reads like a press release. There’s a weirdness to this article in that it’s written first person without any credit to who wrote it. Unless this is meant to be Duane Dibbley’s column. The Tories are popular. What a dated gag. Thankfully that doesn’t remotely reflect politics in the 21st… ugh, bollocks. Oh well, at least they avoided any future discomfort by not mentioning Jimmy Sav- ugh, bollocks. Don’t let the visual similarity to the hugely successful, popular and incredibly funny Discworld novels put you off buying this book. Ok. Seems book prices have gone up more than inflation since 1992. I see they’re doing a good job of selling advertising space by this point then. I like the Inquisitor style competition. Shame it’s for a potentially abysmally ugly t-shirt (the Inquisitor one is ok I suppose). 40 prizes, I wonder how many entries they got. Holly Calling They’ve toned down the ditziness a tiny bit here which helps, although it still suffers a bit from the usual ‘paraphrasing existing gags from the show’ problem. I like the idea of Cat playing Scrabble by smell. More novel canon included with Lister’s backstory. I bet that would have been a bit of a weird info dump for those who hadn’t read the books. Similarly BTL killing you, when viewers will have seen the crew get out of it perfectly easily on screen. Episode guide They don’t have access to colour photos of series 2. Good to see things at GNP were running as smoothly as ever at this point. Craig intervjew He doesn’t see his future in presenting. Wonder what changed that for Robot Wars. Also amusing to see his documentary didn’t get so many viewers as it was up against Corrie. ”Give the Americans a real black man.” I’m going to need a context for that. What?! Craig doesn’t want to do a quiz show. “I wouldn’t mind another sitcom.” Be careful what you wish for, Craig. He expects his future is in comedy. Wonder what he would have made of the fact he’d go on to be known as a presenter, soap actor and DJ. That was my favourite interview so far. Really good to get a feel of who Craig is, rather than the usual obvious questions about Lister and the show. Good stuff. Lister’s word search is the least awful Fun Page gag so far. I wish this page would fuck off now though. All Things Kryten Beautiful So this is the meat of this issue is it? Rather than a comic strip. Some interesting and new ideas here. Seeing the Cat’s quarters is something the show never attempted until 15 years after this. Holochamber is very Trek and feels really out of place. The sort of thing that, had it existed in the TV universe, we’d have seen before now. ”And every day, Mr. Lister refuses to wear it,” is a very Kryten gag. Two Way Quiz Has Talkie Toaster appeared in three episodes or just one? Ace Rimmer Ah no, here’s the comic. Our second sizeable chunk of fiction here then. Funny that someone mentioned that it would be great to have had Arlene in Skipper only the other day, and here she is, in another dimension hopping story. I wonder if this was in any way an influence on Karnie’s Homecoming story? Princess Holina made me laugh. And Hattie finally gets her ‘what a guy’. Speaking of influences, I wonder if that shaped the opening scene of Stoke in any way at all. I see Daizee follows the non-logic of the Skutters. The whole point of Parallel Universe is to put male behaviour on women, not dress men up in frilly clothes. Lister and Rimmer have sex, then. Fine. I liked that. The parallel ending to Parallel Universe is really well done, even if it doesn’t really make sense. But some thought clearly went into it. Holly-grams. Bossko B, there, proving that no matter how many episodes of a very funny TV show one may watch, having a sense of humour does not necessarily rub off. What on Earth is the random red splodge? I like that the request for a picture of Norman is completely ignored. Well, Name and Address Witheld by Request is a bundle of laughs, isn’t he? And why not end on a major wtf moment with the Muscle Dynamics advert.
Lovely Dwarfcast, little to add this time! Except that PO Boxes normally have a town and postcode, so that’s not that weird.
Sadly, my 13 year old self didn’t send off for the Muscle Dynamics course. I wasn’t into The Rocky Horror Show at that point, either, so I couldn’t relate it to Charles Atlas Song/I Can Make You A Man. If I had have been, then who knows? Actually, no, I do know. I would not have sent for it. The red blotch on the letters page – I was going to suggest it might just be a design thing, connected to all the other little patterns that have appeared through this issue. Then looking back, I saw that ‘all’ includes the fish in Craig’s interview and the odd little thing at the end of All Things Kryten Beautiful. So fuck knows.
The eyes look too human. Maybe it’s the eyelids adding an extra layer of expression that isn’t normally there? I don’t know. He looks like he’s having a really bad day, though.
Excellent Dwarfcast, as ever. Nice to have you back! Interesting issue, this one. The Future Echoes strip was so truncated as to almost not be worth bothering, and it definitely seemed like there was more enthusiasm for the Ace/Parallel Universe strip. Which was quite fun (and veered a bit more traditional-comicbooky with all the medieval fantasy stuff in the opening section) but suffered from being a bit crap in the writing. Ah well. Also, is it me or does the holodeck thing with WG Grace et al kind of prefigure the way the AR machine was used in VI and especially VII? Maybe I’m drawing a connection that isn’t there. I did like the Craig interview – again, partly as a time capsule and partly because it felt like the real Craig came through rather than boilerplate answers. The rest of the mag is ok, but kind of neither here nor there for me. I’m greatly enjoying the quizzes in the Dwarfcast though.
Also, I’m hoping that the Smegazine is still accepting entries for the “Be The Inquisitor” competition, because I finally got an entry done today.
The official Companion book that came out just a few months after this had colour Parallel Universe photos, so that might tell us something about the pecking order of print or the relative popularity of Howarth & Lyons with GNP. I like all the fairly obscure details in the Ace Rimmer / Parallel Universe strip, but requiring knowledge of the Backwards opening crawl is asking a bit much of readers, especially before the internet or programme guides. It’s like they really are weeding out the ‘gimboids,’ or just showing off. 41:30 for Ian’s disappointment at not getting to see Craig Charles’ tan genitals.
Also, I’m hoping that the Smegazine is still accepting entries for the “Be The Inquisitor” competition, because I finally got an entry done today. Holy crap, that’s incredible.
Holy crap, that’s incredible. Thanks! After listening to the Dwarfcast last night, the idea popped into my head and I had to draw it.
Also, I’m hoping that the Smegazine is still accepting entries for the “Be The Inquisitor” competition, because I finally got an entry done today. I think you should get both parachutes in case one of them doesn’t work.
I think you should get both parachutes in case one of them doesn’t work. Did what I wrote come across as dickish rather than silly? I hope not, but sorry if so. I just liked the idea of a magazine competition from 1992 still being open.
I don’t think he was calling you dickish for joking about the possibility of a magazine competition from 30 years ago still being open, because there is no possible dickish interpretation of that sentiment. Well, OK, there is one, but I’m assuming you weren’t saying “screw whoever actually won this competition! They should still be waiting!”.
The official Companion book that came out just a few months after this had colour Parallel Universe photos, so that might tell us something about the pecking order of print or the relative popularity of Howarth & Lyons with GNP.
Nazi Kevin Keegan. Owl puns. I’ve missed you guys. In the quiz I said Reggie Dixon instead of Wilson, then consulted Wikipedia and the Smega-Drive and it turns out Reginald Dixon was a real life theatre organist, so presumably the inspiration for Wilson. And in fact it’s Reggie *Dixon’s* Tango Treats that Rimmer threatens the others with in Quarantine, so it would appear Rob and Doug slipped up there and forgot to change the name.
@Dave I’m pretty sure Danny meant his parachutes comment as a compliment on your excellent competition entry. I just did a drawing of me in the nip. With a dog.
@Dave I’m pretty sure Danny meant his parachutes comment as a compliment on your excellent competition entry. I just did a drawing of me in the nip. With a dog. Thanks. I misinterpreted it as a “because I’m great” thing and thought I’d said something inadvertently arrogant. Sorry for the confusion Danny!
OK, so that was a superb one, guys. New DwarfCasts are pure comfort in these trying times. Funny how you joke about the likelihood of TOS still being down at release time, only for TOS to be put back up more quickly than it took for the podcast to be edited and published. That’ll teach ya for being cheeky… or maybe that was actually a master fate tempting manoeuvre that paid off, in which case, bravo. It also feels eerily timed that this was recorded on Platinum Jubilee weekend, and the Queen died a day after it was released. I choose to believe that she was only clinging onto life so she could listen to the next Smegazine Rack episode, then when she got to listen thought “Wait, the caption competition results won’t be until next time??? Well fuck this, I’m not waiting that long, I’m done.” Regarding the issue itself, it’s like a total flip of the last issue. The editorial content is a lot better, and the comic content is worse. Future Echoes is still good, but it was so short, and the Ace Rimmer strip was a neat idea but it didn’t really work. All Things Kryten Beautiful was pretty decent though. I think I would have preferred a comic of that, honestly. – The Chance card shown in ‘Holly Calling’ shows a monetary amount in pounddollars (£$) rather than dollarpounds. I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder. – I see they’re still really hanging on to this idea of Holly being completely obsessed with Kevin Keegan. Girl, let it go, he ain’t worth it. – In the Series 2 episode guide, the plot summary for Kryten says “Chicken McNugget”. Remastered confirmed. – Regarding the episode guide, there really were no qualms about spoiling the entire story, were there? I wonder if there was a period where a magazine would see value in publishing plot summaries like this, but include prominent spoiler warnings. Post spoiler culture, but pre Wiki proliferation. Did it happen? – They say that Wilma Shakespeare is the “greatest playwrite” in the Parallel Universe synopsis. Is that a common alternate spelling, or just a mistake? – Good on Craig Charles for defending Series 1 and objecting to its lack of repeats. It seems so silly in retrospect for them to ask it not to be repeated. 90s fans had a rough time of it. – I first got a digital radio in the late 00s, and I legitimately did listen to that Birdsong station occasionally. It was just relaxing to listen to if I didn’t want to listen to anything else (similar idea to being able to watch a crackling fireplace on Netflix or listen to the sound of rain on YouTube, I guess). Don’t judge me. OK, actually, do judge me, but don’t be too cruel about it. – Everyone’s talking about Rimmer being a tosspot in the wordsearch, but all I could focus on was “meme”. You could make it into a legitimate challenge to see how many bonus words you could find in there. – The Inquisitor subscription advert was enjoyable, but why was it barely legible? Also, the way it started I thought it was going to be about back issues at first. – The inclusion of “Duane Dibbly” (sic) is especially weird as an example of a “celebrity” because he’s not just fictional, he’s double fictional. – Love the casual way they’re like “if you win you don’t get a choice of T-shirt, sorry. Get over it.” I hope they at least let the winners choose the sizes. – If you were curious about your true final quiz scores (but not curious enough to work it out yourselves – the sweet spot), 1000 in binary is 8 in base-10. So the final base-10 score is Danny: 45, Cappsy: 21. OK, here’s my Inquisitor competition submission: “Wilma Flintstone, for squandering the gift of being the most desirable woman who ever lived by marrying and then never divorcing a man who clearly has no respect for you and isn’t even funny, I judge you UNWORTHY.”
@Dave I’m pretty sure Danny meant his parachutes comment as a compliment on your excellent competition entry. I just did a drawing of me in the nip. With a dog. Thanks. I misinterpreted it as a “because I’m great” thing and thought I’d said something inadvertently arrogant. Sorry for the confusion Danny! I didn’t realise that it would be misconstrued! I need to be careful with how I come across. It was 100% a compliment! PS. You are great.
I didn’t realise that it would be misconstrued! I need to be careful with how I come across. It was 100% a compliment! PS. You are great. PS. Thanks.
– I first got a digital radio in the late 00s, and I legitimately did listen to that Birdsong station occasionally. It was just relaxing to listen to if I didn’t want to listen to anything else (similar idea to being able to watch a crackling fireplace on Netflix or listen to the sound of rain on YouTube, I guess). Don’t judge me. OK, actually, do judge me, but don’t be too cruel about it. When my long covid first set in, I couldn’t even concentrate on music (let alone TV or books) so I just lay in bed listening to birdsong on Tidal for a whole week. Without wanting to be melodramatic, that birdsong might have saved my life. Plenty of field recordings online and released as proper albums, no need for sneering chaps.
Forgot to say, the characterisation in the Ace strip definitely felt a bit off to me, and I wondered whether there was a bit of a Flashheart influence from Blackadder. It seemed like Ace was being played more as that kind of character.
I HAVE AN IDEA, AND IT’S AS HOT AS THE VERSION OF MYSELF WHO TESTED THE REALITY DRIVE BUT JUMPED TO A REALITY TOO CLOSE TO HIS OWN AND WAS BURNED ALIVE. And my pants.
These arrived today. How exciting. Looking forward to following the Smegazine Rack Dwarfcasts in good old-fashioned analogue form from now on.
These arrived today. How exciting. Looking forward to following the Smegazine Rack Dwarfcasts in good old-fashioned analogue form from now on. You’ll have to wait for the podcasts to come out on cassette tape and then rent them from the local library
You’ll have to wait for the podcasts to come out on cassette tape and then rent them from the local library I download them on to wax cylinders.
Nice. I can see they’ve even still got the postcards and stickers still attached. The complete set I got a couple of years ago had those, along with the other free gifts, and was in really good condition too. Those stickers had lost their stickiness but I guess that’s what happens after almost 30 years.
In 1999 I found a sealed complete set with gifts in a comic shop for £50 alongside most of the single issues for £3 a pop. The set was beyond my teenage finances and patience to save, so I just collected the better-value Volume 2s a few at a time, which are nostalgic Red Dwarf items. Volume 1 seemed like too much of a downgrade after that, so I only got a couple.
