Rob Grant’s Incompetence

No, I’m not talking about Dark Ages!!!!!1 This is Rob Grant’s latest novel, which is not due for release until December. However, under the cover of Darkness (I disguised myself by dressing as Justin Hawkins), I managed to break into Rob’s house, being careful not to disturb Doug’s snoozing, satisfied wife, and swipe a proof copy for myself. Okay, I bought it on eBay. It was much easier that way. Anyway, the upshot of all of these exploits is this: a preview. Rest assured, there are no major spoilers, so you are safe to dive in willy-nilly.

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Incompetence

Incompetence will be released in December 2003. However, G&T managed to get hold of an uncorrected proof copy, on which this preview is based. Hooray! But, don’t blame us if anything mention on this page changes for the final published version. You have been warned. Well, you’ve got to hand it to the man. After […]

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Expo-nentially more.

On the surface, this is good news. Chris Barrie is to appear at the London Expo on the 18th and 19th of October. This is yet another chance for the fans to chat to their rival, and get another piece of their merchandise signed. Marvellous. However, as Chief Winged News Monkey Tracy Brennan points out, the last we heardon the Movie was that it will start shooting in Australia in October. Admittedly, we didn’t get an exact date, but the 18th is a little too close for comfort. We hope to God that Chris will fly out pretty soon after his appearance at the Expo, but if not… well, it doesn’t bare thinking about. The consequences could be dreadful.

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This can be yours!

Yes, as every website under the sun (well, Big Blake and RDZ) has reported, the Starbug Playsets are now ready to pre-order! It’s at Galaxy 4 for a very reasonable £29.99. However, Galaxy 4 lose marks for the following: they won’t allow you to register with an e-mail address that ends in .info and they think that ‘Crighton’ is a Red Dwarfcharacter. But enough snideyness – the Playset is excellent. It looks to be a very nice piece of merchandise, and I can’t wait to see which sounds from the series will be used.

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Ian’s Newsround – Some bits. Also: bobs.

Mucho activity on the fansites over the last couple of days, so we might as well start by detailing our own snivelly little updates. Following on from the Craig Charles interview, as reported on below, we’ve updated our Rumour Tracker and DVD & Movie FAQ documents. I might as well reveal now that this time next week there’ll be a new section on G&T, which we’ve been keeping under wraps for a while. We’ll give you a clue: it’s not about Red Dwarf

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Waiting For Capsules

Yes, you’ve been waiting a long time. But fear not – we’ve got a bumper update of three entire capsules today! We can now bring you the concluding three episodes of Series I – Waiting For God, Confidence and Paranoia and Me²! This means that after we’ve done a couple of extra bits for Me², we can finally move onto Series II!

In other news, Red Dwarf has been nominated for the BBC’s Britain’s Best Sit-Com. This will be a worthwhile programme, and not just an excuse to show Del Boy falling through the bar again. Oh no. Anyway, viewers have to vote for a mere ten sit-coms, from a practically pre-determined and non-negotiable list of 100 (you can nominate only one of your own choosing that isn’t on the list. Woop-de-fucking-doo). Frankly, I can’t be arsed.

Also, Back in the Red have reported on Craig Charles’s latest short film, Ten Minutes. Despite its title, it actually lasts 17 minutes, but the synopsis does look interesting. It’s co-directed by Nick Mole, who you might recognise from his role as the UK producer of Takeshi’s Castle. The man’s obviously a Craig Charles fan.

Finally, a big ol’ thankyou to our pal Rob Sedgebeer, who has linked to G&T on the front page of NOTBBC. If you look to your left, you’ll see that we’ve returned the favour. Can you feel the love?

Ian’s Newsround – I Got To Get My Props

Fucking hell. Those quite remarkable people over at The Prop Store of London have added a new collection to their already impressive selection, and, as you’ve probably ascertained from the fact that we’re reporting on this site, it’s a bloody Red Dwarf collection. Amongst their new additions are such instantly recognisable and icon items as The A-Z Of Red Dwarf, as used in Me², a can of Leopard Lager and the jacket that The Cat gets killed in at the end of Out of Time. Shame about the huge prices, but they are surely worth it – just imagine having your own Red Dwarf Ship’s Issue strawberry yoghurt pot. Incidentally, why does a prop store in London give all its prices in dollars before pounds?

In a quite excellent update on the official site, a complete cast and crew list has been provided for Series I, II, III and IV. The detail is stunning – each page includes what must be a near-complete list of uncredited extras for each episode! This rather pisses on our own meagre effort, which is a bit of a shame. One minor gripe about this though – they should indicate which episode(s) each regular guest character appeared in, rather than just listing them for the whole series. OK, so we know all about the guest characters, but not everyone does.

One final piece of news – Series III is to be repeated on BBC TWO, starting on 21st August. In other words, it’s continuing on from the current run of Series II. This is clearly good news, although the series does deserve a slightly more prime-time slot than TEN TO BLOODY MIDNIGHT. Still, viewers can enjoy the Monday night line-up of Two Pints Of Shit and a Packet Of Shit, Dead Shit and Absolutely Shit instead. There’s also a two week gap in between Marooned and Polymorph. Presumably live coverage of the World Tiddlywinks Championship, or something.

One final bit of site news, the index to the Articles section has been jigged around a bit, as it was getting a bit cramped. Thankyou for reading Ian’s Newsround. We apologise for the delay. We should apologise for the headline. If anyone can identify which early-90s hip-hop tune it comes from, they win a coconut.

Ian’s Newsround – It’s The Final Countdown

Der-der-deeer-der. Diddle der-der-der. And so on. With three months and three days to go before the Series III DVD arrives, the official site have published a full listof extras. We knew damn near all of this before, but it still makes impressive reading. Three hours it’ll take us to get through all those. Three damn hours. Plus, there’s three hours’ worth of commentary to listen to, so that means we’ll all have to book 3rd November off work in order to get through it. (Personally speaking, I’ve already booked a fortnight off, just so I can concentrate on reporting it sufficiently).

Interesting to read that the trailers were “only archived by dedicated fans on VHS”. Does this indicate that the BBC got rid of them, and GNP had to take the footage from a fourteen-year-old off-air recording? If so, that’s pretty impressive. Hopefully, they’ve also got some of the original continuity announcements, which could be used as Easter Eggs. Of course, our ideal pair of secret Easter Eggs would be a set of continuity announcements and some footage direct from the rushes – The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy DVD sets the precedent for this. Also, we’re hugely impressed by the phrase “mighty collection”, in reference to the stills gallery. Here’s hoping they’re all from the right series this time…

Also on the official site this week, some pictures of the Stamp Centre‘s bottlestoppers. Now, the Kryten one, which was available at Memorabilia is excellent, and the Starbug one also looks good. However, for some reason, The Stamp Centre have chosen to base the third design on that of a huge pencil. This is seriously getting on our tits now. Would someone please listen to the fans (not just us, we hasten to add; just look around some other fansites) – THE RE-MASTERED RED DWARF SHIP LOOKED HORRIBLE. WE DO NOT WANT IT TO APPEAR ON ANY MERCHANDISE, OR INDEED THE MOVIE. Once again, it’s time to dig out our Model Behaviour article. Let’s hope we won’t have to do that again, eh?

In other news, Tazzy has informed us that Craig Bierko, the steroid-pumping American version of Lister, is to star in Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, a movie which is set to be released in America on 5th September. No word yet on a UK release, but we hope it won’t be too long. Craig was quite good in Red Dwarf USA, even though he didn’t suit the role at all. We’re quite keen to see him in something that has an adequate casting schedule, in order to see him at his full potential.

After somehow managing to update seven times in the last five days, we’re now going to have to leave you without any new G&T stuff until Sunday. I’m off to Nottingham to see John, so we should get a load of stuff done. If we manage to resist the urge to sit on our arses watching Red Dwarf non-stop all weekend, that is.