Tie Me Merchandise Down, Sport! (Updated)

We apologise to Australians everywhere. However, we bring good news. The Red Dwarf Shop Australia has now opened! Contained within are some lovely pieces of merchandise, although, like all pieces these days, they are plastered with a pencil-shaped version of the ship. Their clothing is very smart however – I would be proud to walk around in either the Polo Shirt or the long-sleeved T-shirt. Another piece of good merchandise-related news – the mobile phone logosare now ready to download! I recommend #400120 and #400124. Not #400129, however. That can fuck off. They’ve also got rid of the nasty fixed width problem in the Arcade section, which is good news all round.

Onto G&T news, you’ve probably already noticed the excellent search facility on the navigation bar. Google has now indexed 69, count ’em, G&T documents, and they’re fully searchable. Newer documents aren’t currently included; we have to wait for Google to get up to speed. Shouldn’t take too long however, Google are lovely. A few fun stats: 25 pages contain the word ‘smeg’, 10 contain the word ‘fuck’, only one contains the word ‘cunt’ and a whopping 65 contain the phrase ‘Red Dwarf’. There are two documents that are not yet indexed by Google. seeing as we’ve only just uploaded them. Firstly, there’s an examination of the ending to Series VI. We love this ending to bits, and we jumped at the chance to discuss anything and everything related to it. There’s also a review of the Official Companion, which contains a fantastic amount of pedantry. This is something we intend to do for all of the books, and we’re shitting ourselves at the prospect of searching for mistakes in every single edition of the Programme Guide

A couple of little points to finish off with – SmegWeb is now officially dead. It really is the end of an era, even though all we’ve lost is a notice saying that the site would not be returning in the near future. We would also like to draw your attention to this. It is the final, conclusive piece of proof that Jon Tickle should have won Big Brother. Jon Tickle – Chosen by God. Adored by women. Once met Craig Charles.

UPDATE 30/6/03: The Better Dead Than Smeg article has had an update, to add some information and to clarify the questions about the ending shown on Smeg Ups. We would welcome your theories, if you have any. Or even the truth, if anyone who knows is reading. Next content update on Wednesday.

The Official Red Dwarf Companion

Price: £6.99 Cover: Paperback Pages: 96 pages ISBN: 1-85286-456-7 Release Date: October 1992 The book opens with an excellent introduction by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, which, like their later efforts for the Making Of and Doug’s Red Dwarf VIII books, are wonderfully irreverant. They discuss the inspiration for Rimmer, late scripts for Son of […]

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Ian’s Newsround – Playing With Yourself

Yes, another childish headline. Not quite as bad as Thursday’s, though. We’re obviously maturing. But not to the extent that we are not extremely excited about little games and toys with official Red Dwarf licenses coming out. Course, there have always been unofficial games on the internet; most of which originated on Planet Smeg, home of such classics as Planet Pool and the Graphical Adventure Game. There are also a few role playing games (not just sporting simulations), such as Joseph Stanko’s take on Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, and Michael Dodson’s RPG – a classic in five parts. But let’s face it – although the fan’s efforts were good, they never had any sort of slick, accomplished feel you’d associate with an official product. The only offering of this sort was the Polymorph Game, which was the flagship of the official site shortly after the relaunch. Unfortunately though, it was bollocks. Therefore, there has not yet been a game that matches the originality and dedication of the early efforts, with the high production values afforded by holding a license. Hopefully, the official site’s new Arcadesection will plug the gap.

From Monday, fans will be able to download Simulant’s Revenge, previewed right, to their phones. Well, fans with decent fucking phones will be able to anyway. Rich bastards. Fear not – there will also be a number of online games, for the more technologically challenged of us. We hope Midget Blues will be a dancing simulation, similar to PaRappa the Rapper. Rogue Skutters and GELF Space are likely to be generic shoot-em-ups and flight sims respectively, but lets hope they’re more varied that the ‘shoot 60 of these to progress’ style of the Polymorph Game. 6000 and Falling is clearly to do with Holly’s IQ, but we’re baffled as to how it will be turned into a game. Moon Rescue will presumably be saving people on a moon, rather than saving an actual satellite from danger, and Grav-Pool speaks for itself. I love a good pool game though – and hopefully this one won’t be filtered on my college network. Also in the Arcade section will be logos and ringtones, but I’ve already got my Gunmen ringtone, so I’m fine.

What really gets our juices flowing, however, is the Starbug Playset, more photos of which are available from the Product Enterprise Ltd site. It was announced on the official site some time ago, but fuck me – it’s beautiful. It’s 21cm long, features sound bites from the series, is extremely detailed, and comes with a ‘launching probe’ and ‘pop-up hologram’, along with models of Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Kryten. One can’t help but notice the lack of Kochanski – could it be that Product Enterprise are Series VI fans? The ‘Bug seems to be that specific design – the one in VII had a smaller cockpit viewscreen. The interior does feature a vidscreen with Holly on though, noticeably Norman’s Holly rather than Hattie’s. Another piece of merchandise lacking acknowledgment of her. A minor niggle, but the playset is still possibly the best piece of merchandise ever, certainly much nicer than the forthcoming Corgi models, although they are still work-in-progress.

To all those who voted for Jon to be evicted – I hope you are ashamed of yourselves. You are no longer welcome to read this site. We mean it. Fuck off.

Para-smell Poo-niverse

Yes, the headlines keep on getting more and more childish here at G&T! We’ve given the Parallel Universesection a bit of a re-jig. Now we’re categorising each entry by the individual cast member, rather than having a big list. As the section grows, the old version gets more and more silly, so change was inevitable. Not the type to rest on our laurels, we’ve also added a few new reviews:

We’ve also put the old mini-reviews onto individual pages, again to avoid confusion. In other news, a special mention must go to Jonathan Capps for his excellent Wild Assumptions articles. His website, The White Hole, is really coming along now.

Rude For A Reason

Recorded at the Brixton Academy in June 1999, this Comic Relief video featured some of the best British stand-ups of all time. And Lenny Henry. The highlight was obviously Hattie Hayridge, but some other comics deserve a special mention. It’s easy to be biased, but Hattie really is one of the best acts. She only […]

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TMITRM: Epilogue

Robert Llewellyn’s marvellous book, The Man in the Rubber Mask (detailing behind the scenes on Red Dwarf III-V, and the US Pilot), is now sadly out of print. But what is less well known is that there were in fact two editions. The first was published in 1994; the second was published in 1996, and had an Epilogue added to the end. For those of you who only have the first edition, we now present this Epilogue in full.

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Ian’s Newsround – Look Who’s Talking Too

Further proof that the Series III and IV DVDs will be the best things ever, even though we’d have been more than happy with the standard set by I and II. But GNP aren’t the type to rest on their laurels, and they’ve ensured that quality will improve further by securing some great behind-the-scenes names for interviews. As well as the previous interviewees, including Sir Peter Wragg (FUCKING YES!), top workaholic Andrew Ellard has now asked questions to Howard Burden, Andrea Finch (aka Pennell), Gordon Kennedy and Tony Hawks, as well as finally getting Danny John-Jules and Craig Charles to sit still for half an hour. The article also mentions that somewhere on one of the DVDs there will be a tribute to dead genius Mel Bibby, pictured right. A little montage of his finest triumphs, with his photo and dates at the end, would be perfect.

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Smeg Ups – smeg? Smeg off!

That’s quite enough ‘smeg’s for one article, and that’s only in the title. Over two successive Winters, in 1994 and 1995, GNP and the BBC released a pair of out-take compilation videos. Aside from generating a bit of money on the Christmas gifts market, the videos helped to plug the long, long gap in between […]

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Revenge of the Hamster

Today on G&T, the first in a series of documents, detailing every minute difference between the original series and the re-mastered edition. We’ve spent hours compiling the one for The End, which holds the record for number of changes. Be grateful. We’ve also cobbled together a few reviews for Waiting For God. Thanks again to the excellently named Curtis Threadgold, who will soon be our tour guide for the Red Dwarf locations in Manchester. Hooray!

The End: Re-Mastered

This document is a comprehensive guide to all the changes that took place to create the Re-Mastered version of the episode. As it happens, The End has just about the most alterations made to it, and was previewed on BBC TWO on Friday 13th February 1998, two days short of a decade since the original […]

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