Best. Update. Evur?

We’re not the type to blow our own trumpet, but in this instance the trumpet is particularly long and shiny. The other day, thanks to the wonders of eBay, I managed to buy the original shooting script for The Inquisitor. I’m sure you’ll all concur when I say: “HOLY FUCKING TWATS!” Anyhoo, the upshot is this: “A page planted by non-believers to test our faith”. It provides a lovely preview for the Series V DVDs…

As if that wasn’t enough, we also have three more gorgeous chunks of loveliness for you. Firstly, an article all about the Series II Deleted Scenes. Anyone who is wondering why it took us so long to upload that, can fuck off. We’ve also got a review of Dark Ages, as we felt it deserved a re-appraisal. Hmm. Finally, Stephen Fletcher has very kindly contributed a review of The End. Remember, we’re always looking to publish your thoughts, so get writing.

Preorder-me-do!

Yes, Play.com have now got Red Dwarf IIIlisted, and avaliable to preorder for the frankly ludicrous price of £14.99 including delivery. Blimey. They have also been known to deliver DVDs a couple of days before the official release date, so if you fancy a chance of getting it over the weekend rather than waiting until Monday (the official release date is the 3rd November), I advise you go with them.

Read more →

Dr. Graham told me everything

It’s Chris Barrie who plays the man, you know. As you’ve probably guessed, we’ve added a load of Confidence and Paranoia stuff to the Episodes section – reviews, scene summary and supporting characters. The actual capsules for this episode and Waiting For Godwill follow shortly. Before you mention it, only two updates this week is shoddy. But it’s the summer holidays now! Plus, a new system which will allow us to post much more news is in development…

The official site reports that the BBC TWO repeats have been postponed for a fortnight. Fourteen days. Two weeks. Absolutely-dutely. This is shite, obviously. The repeats have instigated massive discussions on various internet fora, which has got to be good for the show. The official site also has an article about the use of food in the show, which is, as ever, marvellous. Once again, The Red Dwarf Zone has beaten us to a couple of newsworthy pieces – ‘smeg’ has been placed at #15 in a list of best sit-com catchphrases, and Amazon have listed the Series IV DVD. Spot the huge mistake in their listing – I certainly won’t be ordering from them.

Thanks to Groovetown‘s Rick Mason for pointing out a spelling mistake in our previous update. Ironically, it was in a sentence about us correct spelling errors elsewhere on the site. Thanks, Rick, you little cnut. In other news – GET THE TICKLE! Jon is back in the Big Brother house! In your face, Leigh Loveday!

Ian’s Newsround – 90 Bloody Minutes!

For each of the previous DVDs, the total running time for extras, excluding commentary tracks, ran to about ninety minutes. For Series III and IV, they’ll beat this with a single documentary. I’ve read the news story through several times to make sure I’ve got it right. I’ve also made my arms raw with the amount of pinching that has taken place. But no doubt about it – each series-specific documentary will be an hour and a half long. The features will be composed of thirteen (13) interviews – Mike Agnew, Chris Barrie, Howard Burden, tall genius Ed Bye, Craig Charles, Andrea Finch (Pennell), ‘Fourth Dwarfer’ Tony Hawks, Hattie Hayridge, Danny John-Jules, Gordon Kennedy, Bob Llewellyn, Ugod Naylor and Sir Peter Wragg. All the interviews were conducted by top workaholic Andrew Ellard, who, I can exclusively report, wore his lucky shirt on Saturday night at DJ. The Cat would not approve. Good job he’s a fictional character, eh?

Read more →

Fansite Updates and Me

Good news, everyone! Cappsy’s site The White Hole has a great new section; Red Dwarf and Me, which has fans reminiscing about our favourite show. I’m sending in my answers soon; get in contact with him if you want to add yours. He also warns that his excellent Downloads section will be offline between the 6th-21st this month, so get downloading if you want anything now. He runs his own server, the git. In other fansite news, both Back In The Red and Groovetown have also been updated. The official Norman Lovett site hasn’t appeared yet though, despite it being promised for late June. Wah.

Here at G&T we’ve continued to do some tweaking; hopefully you’ll find the newly-added Quick Links on the navbar useful. Expect some rather larger changes in the upcoming couple of months, as there are some major things happening behind-the-scenes (indeed, it’s one of the reasons why this isn’t a very substantial update…) Don’t forget the update on the official site tomorrow – we’ll have our Newsround Saturday, and an extensive DVD section update on Sunday.

SFX Reader Awards

Sorry this news is a bit late; we couldn’t afford to go to the SFX Event, or even buy SFX on the day of release. Wah. Anyway, as reported a while back, Chris Barrie hosted the SFX Reader Awards there on the 17th May, and by the magazine’s own account, “‘massive balls up’ is an understatement.” Apparently, “the entire video system conked out. It was bad enough that we couldn’t show clips of the nominees; even worse, no-one got to see the acceptance speeches that were specially filmed for us…”. Not that it mattered: “…it did give host Chris Barrie a chance to shine. He later told us he actually enjoyed the experience, ad-libbing his way through. He certainly earnt his money that night…” Excellent. Dave Golder (the editor) even thanks him for saving the ceremony, and “staying a gentlemen when he had every right to throw a star tantrum”. For full coverage of it, buy SFX #106 (July 2003), out in shops now, which features a couple of great (but far too small) piccies of Chris himself. And best of all, no WRONG OPINIONS about Red Dwarf.

Read more →

Tie Me Merchandise Down, Sport! (Updated)

We apologise to Australians everywhere. However, we bring good news. The Red Dwarf Shop Australia has now opened! Contained within are some lovely pieces of merchandise, although, like all pieces these days, they are plastered with a pencil-shaped version of the ship. Their clothing is very smart however – I would be proud to walk around in either the Polo Shirt or the long-sleeved T-shirt. Another piece of good merchandise-related news – the mobile phone logosare now ready to download! I recommend #400120 and #400124. Not #400129, however. That can fuck off. They’ve also got rid of the nasty fixed width problem in the Arcade section, which is good news all round.

Onto G&T news, you’ve probably already noticed the excellent search facility on the navigation bar. Google has now indexed 69, count ’em, G&T documents, and they’re fully searchable. Newer documents aren’t currently included; we have to wait for Google to get up to speed. Shouldn’t take too long however, Google are lovely. A few fun stats: 25 pages contain the word ‘smeg’, 10 contain the word ‘fuck’, only one contains the word ‘cunt’ and a whopping 65 contain the phrase ‘Red Dwarf’. There are two documents that are not yet indexed by Google. seeing as we’ve only just uploaded them. Firstly, there’s an examination of the ending to Series VI. We love this ending to bits, and we jumped at the chance to discuss anything and everything related to it. There’s also a review of the Official Companion, which contains a fantastic amount of pedantry. This is something we intend to do for all of the books, and we’re shitting ourselves at the prospect of searching for mistakes in every single edition of the Programme Guide

A couple of little points to finish off with – SmegWeb is now officially dead. It really is the end of an era, even though all we’ve lost is a notice saying that the site would not be returning in the near future. We would also like to draw your attention to this. It is the final, conclusive piece of proof that Jon Tickle should have won Big Brother. Jon Tickle – Chosen by God. Adored by women. Once met Craig Charles.

UPDATE 30/6/03: The Better Dead Than Smeg article has had an update, to add some information and to clarify the questions about the ending shown on Smeg Ups. We would welcome your theories, if you have any. Or even the truth, if anyone who knows is reading. Next content update on Wednesday.

Fly! Fly! Fly!

Bring me that Red Dwarf news… erm… and her… slippers. Ahem. Our winged news monkeys have been extremely busy today; although after calling them that, I doubt they ever will be again. First off, we have details of the Memorabilia Fair, held on the 26th and 27th of July at the NEC Birmingham. Guests include Chris Barrie, Craig Charles (Saturday only), Hattie Hayridge, and Ian Symes. Perhaps it’s an opportunity for one of you to quiz them about the movie; although the reply will probably range from “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything about that” on Saturday morning, to “Fuck the fuck off” on Sunday afternoon.

Secondly, friend of the website Karl Eisenhauer has come up with some interesting news about Winchester Films, who are involved in producing the Red Dwarf movie. The outlook for them is either positive, or negative, depending on who you believe; but what is certain is that they certainly haven’t done well last financial year – they racked up a pre-tax loss of £11.2m, with a turnover of £5.1m. Ouch. Another little piece of news from Karl – Gerard Naprous is handling a chariot race in Chester; and he happens to be the guy who did all the horse handling for Gunmen of the Apocalypse (and, indeed, Phoenix Nights). Excellent.

Moving onto non-Dwarf news – specifically, Scrapheap Challenge news. Robert has just informed everyone on his Guestbook about the new series coming in September (for UK viewers; people in the US will have to wait until early 2004, when it airs as Junkyard Wars). There will be 16 episodes; 12 regular shows that are promised to be “amazing, dangerous and often frighteningly loud”, and 4 Scrappy Races, which features “5 teams and their insanely weird, but road going vehicles”. He plans to update his site soon with further details, so keep a look out for that.

Meanwhile, I think we’ve done enough work for ourselves today to blatantly crib from the excellent The Red Dwarf Zone. Firstly, they point out that you couldn’t actually order the Red Dwarf logos for your mobile phone when we posted the link, as the logo numbers for download were not yet on the site. Numbers have in fact been added now, but the phone number to order them doesn’t. Gah. No doubt it’ll be launched in the next few days. Next, as usual, they have a coup – they’ve noticed that Intro 2, the band which had Norm and Craig in their video for Clear, are doing a song for an upcoming film. The Red Dwarf movie, perhaps? Head over to RDZ and decide for yourself…

Finally, take a look at Big Blake, a Dwarf site that was recommended to us by Greg. Not a huge amount there, but there’s a nice section with some screengrabs of various appearances of the Dwarf cast on other shows, and apparantly there will be more stuff on it soon. Good luck; the more regularly-updated fansites, the better. Although Greg himself can piss off, because he’s off to watch Dwarf on a huge fuck-off plasma tv. Wah.

R-Pee-G (Updated)

Don’t worry; we’ll grow out of it soon. Today, we have news of a rather interesting little project. The being known at Kry10 has suggested a rather good idea – setting up some form of chatroom dedicated to playing the Red Dwarf Roleplaying Game. If you’re interested, contact him at wbowns@blueyonder.co.uk. And if you have any Red Dwarf stuff you want to promote, or have seen any news we haven’t spotted, send us an e-mail at news@ganymede-titan.info.

Meanwhile, on the official site, the Red Dwarf mobile game Simulants’ Revenge appears to be still “Coming Soon”, despite it being past Monday 23rd June; the alleged launch date. The logo for it is still greyed out, and if you read the Instructions, and click on the Logos or Games links (which are supposed to give you a page telling you how to download the items on your phone), it gives you nothing – the links are currently dead. No doubt this is just a minor delay, however. Neither Ian or I have got access to a funky enough phone to play the game, so when it does arrive, if anyone wants to send us in a review (even if it’s just a short one) we’d be eternally grateful.

As for site news, we’ve taken down the Schedule section. We failed utterly. It was always out of date, and took far too much of our time that would be better spent doing other things on the site. However, you will have noticed above that we’ve added a little bit telling you the next UK showing of Dwarf; we’ll keep that up to date, promise. And we’ll tell you in the main news articles if we’ve spotted anything interesting coming up. Don’t miss the complete run of Series 2, starting Thursday 26th – yes, I know you all have the DVDs, but any excuse, eh? Content update later in the week; and we’ll update you before then if Simulants’ Revenge goes live.

UPDATE: Simulants’ Revenge is now up; and we should have a review of it in the next few days. Don’t forget the cool Logos as well – they look great fun, but again, some of them use the Re-mastered version of the ship, which is just awful. I’m getting seriously pissed off that nearly all mechandise includes this; it’s really, really, really bad, and it’s just not in the spirit of the original shows. Why change something that was so beautiful into the current monstrosity? Admittedly, the budget problems of VIII forced them to use the CGI version of the ship, but that doesn’t mean it has to be plastered all over merchandise…