Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

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  • #216500

    Here is my idea for an episode.

    The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

    That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

    Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

    #216501
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Sound hilarious. Here; have some money.

    #216502
    Jimboid
    Participant

    Idea for film extravaganza. Plot, thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. He’s being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer.

    #216503
    Brayds2006
    Participant

    I’ve got one:

    “Nice”

    Starbug crash lands onto an icy planet, where they discover the frozen remains of Bruce Forsyth. They unthaw him, and he tells them that Earth was frozen in 2641 by Simulant replicas of Torvill and Dean. He only survived because he had been playing dead for the last 300 years. At the end of the episode he trips over a box of paperwork and is flushed out of an airlock.

    Also Lister irons his trousers with curry, because he likes ironing his trousers. Also curry.

    #216504
    Jimboid
    Participant

    What about one where everybody’s Kryten?

    #216505

    Austria, 1908, a young man is rejected from studying at the prestigious Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna.

    Japan, 1945, two atomic bombs are dropped on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing an estimated 226,000 people, half of those deaths occur within the first twenty-four hours.

    A chain of events occurred in between, but what happened, we’ll never know.

    And now, stand by your pre-packaged croutons and wait for the signal to turn, it’s REEVES & MORTIMER.

    #216506
    Ridley
    Participant

    Hollister reveals that he is Dennis the Dungodad.

    #216507
    (deleted)
    Member

    The crew discover the fabled final scene of Samsara cryogenically preserved in some shit.

    #216508

    After opening the stasis booth they don’t believe it.

    It’s Victor Meldrew! And who should be in the other stasis pod, but his ex-neighbour, Patrick Trench! Cursing his luck at being trapped in the distant future with his nemesis, Patrick screams in frustration, causing a ship-quake. The crew quickly escort the two 20th century men back aboard Starbug, and Kryten notices a slime trail leading in the same direction. Before he has time to tell the rest of the crew, a metal beam hits him on the head and knocks him out.
    With Kryten out cold until he can be repaired, Cat and Lister piloting and Rimmer navigating, Victor and Patrick are left in the mid-section on their own and have an amusing argument about whose fault the situation is. Fancying a cup of tea, Victor heads into the kitchen. Off screen we hear: “What in the name of bloody hell?!”
    Cut to- Victor with a baby Giant Death Worm trying to attach itself to his face. Patrick rushes in and valiantly rips it off him, before heading to the airlock, blasting both himself and the creature out into space. Before he closes the airlock door, he mentions to Victor that death by asphyxiation would be preferable to the rest of his life trapped in deep space with Mr. Meldrew.
    “Oh, by the way,” Victor says to Lister, as they conduct a remembrance service for Patrick, “there was another person on board the space station – she was in a stasis booth on the level above us. A rather hoity-toity young lady with a strange name.”
    “Kochanski? Was it Kochanski?”
    “Ah yes, that’s it. Said she was Scottish but she didn’t sound it.”
    “Quick, we’ve gotta get back there to rescue her.”
    Suddenly, the space station Starbug is flying towards explodes.
    “I don’t believe it!” cries Lister. Rimmer rolls his eyes and passes him an accident report form. Lister looks at the camera and shrugs.

    #216510
    Phil
    Participant

    PLOTS FOR SERIES 11

    Only sharing because this reminds me of how great this other thread was.

    #216515
    Ridley
    Participant

    Wasn’t good enough to attend the Hall of Fame ceremony though, was it?

    #216529
    Phil
    Participant

    I NOMINATE THAT THREAD FOR HALL OF FAME STATUS

    #216530
    srmcd1
    Participant

    I’ve always loved the theory that Rimmer didn’t actually cause the accident. Holly just implanted a fake memory in his head so he’d feel guilty enough to stick it out as the ship’s hologram.

    #216531
    Slainmonkey
    Participant

    The boys from the dwarf pick up a signal from a crashed derelict on a planetoid, when they go to inspect the signal they find out that the crashed vessel is Red Dwarf itself from the future after being caught in a spatial anomaly, and they need to work out how it happened to avoid the same fate as their future selves.

    #216532
    Jimboid
    Participant

    Lister does a shit that’s so big it makes a path to another dimension and they meet Doctor Who.

    #216533
    Jimboid
    Participant

    and Star Trek.

    #216535

    Between series 6 -7, in 97 my brother and I wrote an red dwarf episode called ‘CATFLAP’.

    After Cat has a nightmare of being made to embrace a religion of uncool clothing, he is transported to a world where the rest of cat race survived and are split into two factions. The Geeky side who worship Dwayne Dibbly style life style and The Cool side, so cool in fact there is only one, KINGKATT who is genocidal believing he has the only right to live as he is cool and no one else is. Yep, pretty clunky I admit. The sub plot involved Lister and Kryten falling out ( this was written before series 7’s Kryten’s squeaky persona). A very hung over Lister feels Kryten talked down to him at recent encounter with usual sci fi peril and insults Kryten, Kryten then refuses to speak. Rimmer, loving this fuels the fire and gets Kryten to fight Lister in a boxing match, to settle their differences. Lister refuses to hit Kryten and Kryten can’t hit Lister due to his programming. Kryten’s refusal to assist, causes Rimmer to make decisions as Lister and Kryten are literal ‘not talking’ through out and a lot of mistakes occur. Kryten’s constant unsubtle nods and pointing to Rimmer not to do something without being seen by Lister doesn’t help matters. The story ends with The KINGKATT’ plan backfiring due his vanity and Lister quipping ‘Ever Cat must have his day (written before every dog line in series viii)’ Kryten instantly punches him and replies ‘ Sorry sir, I just couldn’t let that one go’. Yes its pretty awful, however the inclusion of Kryten hitting Lister and rumours of other Cat Characters in series XI it’s very intriguing, look ing forward to seeing what Doug does with similar material.

    #216538
    Bezzy
    Participant

    Haha I like that idea Jumbo.
    I like the Cat idea. Other than Lister, Cat has been in every single episode so I’m quite looking forward to the Cat episode. He finally gets one.

    #216541

    Cheers Bezzy, Identity within-the lost red dwarf cat story never really impressed me, great recording by chris barrie though. Wondering if any elements will be lifted from it.

    #216542

    The Middle.

    #216545

    My 9 year old son has become quite the Red Dwarf fan, in fact the idea of a spaceship with a catman and a robot and hologram and a silly hero feels like Ulysess 31 meets Rentaghost. He asks that I tell him a Red Dwarf bed time story every night. Must have done this for at least 6 months. Had stories of hologram vampires who feed off light, Rimmer being in a intergalactic Disco championship (where bad dancing wins). Lister bathing in curry. An Evil Ace Rimmer. Cat’s Fashionable clothes coming to life.hard light doubles of the crew try to take over the ship. Waiting to see if any of these appear in the rest of series xi or xii.

    #216546
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Lister wins the lottery but loses the ticket. He believes Rimmer has stolen the ticket and hires Cat as an undercover agent to follow him. Meanwhile Kryten takes up topiary.

    #216548
    Ridley
    Participant

    A fan of Red Dwarf™ sues the JMC™ for stealing all of his ideas despite overwhelming evidence that the concepts existed three million years™ prior. Nevertheless, it falls to Rimmer™ to mount a defence as the company’s representative by default. He realises, however, that if he loses, his subsequent redundancy money could easily afford an afterdeath™ better than anything Red Dwarf™ can offer and tries to throw the case, accidentally winning in the process.

    The fan takes his compensation in *cut to credits™*

    #216549
    Jimboid
    Participant

    Kryten fucks a fridge.

    #216574
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    > Kryten fucks a fridge.

    Can the fridge be on top of him in a way that’s completely logically impossible for fucking? That would be good.

    I think they should done one where the Vampire does a smeg and Litser has to eat it.

    #216771
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Lister eats a full English breakfast. Rimmer calls it racist.

    #216772

    Alexei Sayle guest stars as Gelf Balowski and Lister spend twenty minutes calling Rimmer a virgin.

    Come to think of it, Red Dwarf really is just The Young Ones in space.

    #216777
    Jawscvmcdia
    Participant

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    #217231
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    and Star Trek.

    #217234
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Don’t gimme that Star Trek crap, it’s too early in the mornin’.

    #217249

    Taiwan Tony transfers himself into Kryten’s body. Nobody realises until he blacks up.

    #217250
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Kryten gets infected by an ancient computer virus from the droid uprising and is turned into a murdering psychopath. Meanwhile Cat tries to make the perfect ham sandwich.

    #217255
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Rimmer and Lister bond over spaghetti western movies, which makes Kryten jealous.

    #217258
    Palf
    Member

    They all go on holiday to Miami where Kryten gets mistaken for a mafia boss and gets chased around with a bag of money.

    #217262
    Dave
    Participant

    Kryten’s boss is coming round for dinner, and everyone has to be on their best behaviour.

    #217264
    Brayds2006
    Participant

    Rimmer falls through the bar.

    #217265
    Taiwan Tony
    Participant

    >Rimmer falls through the bar.
    He did that in episode 1.

    “Drink up, Listy. Were leaving!”

    #217266
    Slainmonkey
    Participant

    >Kryten’s boss is coming round for dinner, and everyone has to be on their best behaviour.
    Unfortunately while Kryten is trying to entertain his boss at dinner, Lister accidently puts too much power in the washing machine and wacky hyjinks ensues!

    #217269
    Dave
    Participant

    Unfortunately while Kryten is trying to entertain his boss at dinner, Lister accidently puts too much power in the washing machine and wacky hyjinks ensues!

    With indifferent consequences.

    #217315
    Brayds2006
    Participant

    Lister discovers a time capsule from Earth that features footage of a Weather Balloon and a Cow eating some grass in a field. He gets bored after thirty seconds and goes off to eat a curry.

    That episode’s name?

    Vindalunar.

    #217332
    Russ L
    Participant

    They should do one were everything is backwards.

    #217349
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    Kryten has a dream where he reads a sign for 3 million years

    #217356
    JamesTC
    Participant

    Kryten meets a tribe of GELF who can fulfil his lifelong dream of being a dancer.

    #217400

    Apartheid in space.

    #219971

    All the episodes are re-released backwards except Backwards which is re-assembled from alternate takes.

    #219981
    Manbird
    Participant

    The vicar’s coming round and Lister isn’t wearing any knickers.

    #219982

    Oh crikey.

    #220604
    Stephen Abootman
    Participant

    One idea for Timewave,relating to the synopsis:

    The crew go back in TIME to 90s America where Rob Grant and Doug Naylor are pitching the US Red Dwarf and being referred to as the WAVE of negativity. Donald Trump turns up for some reason and takes them all aboard a ship he owns and makes their criticism illegal on there. He is then hit by a WAVE and erased from TIME itself unfortunately.

    #220962

    Everybody’s Shiteing.

    It’s like Everybody’s Kryten, but everybody’s shiteing.

    #221012
    Plastic Percy
    Participant

    Depending on how their swipe at political correctness turns out, perhaps now is the time for them to finally produce the long-mooted episode where the crew get hit by a Gay Ray.

    #221013
    bloodteller
    Participant

    if they do get hit by a Gay Ray, then the real question is- if rimmer and lister fuck, does it count as inter-species sex? because rimmer technically isn’t a human, he’s just sort of a big bit of light

    #221015
    si
    Participant

    But what light.

    #221016
    JamesTC
    Participant

    The Hard Light basically replicates the feel of the person.

    So you might say Rimmer is Flesh Light.

    #221019
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    If Holly can give Rimmer Peterson’s arm, could he give him Peterson’s cock?

    #221027

    They don’t call Rimmer HARD light for nothing you know.

    #221031
    flanl3
    Participant

    because rimmer technically isn’t a human, he’s just sort of a big bit of light

    …and Lister’s just a small bit of heavy.

    #222789
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    the crew meet a character who is a rip off of famous serial killers like Jack the Ripper, Ed Gein, John Wayne Gacy etc.

    #222790
    bloodteller
    Participant

    an entire episode dedicated to explaining why in Back in the Red Part 2 rimmer is explaining what future echoes are to the captain but then in Cassandra, rimmer doesn’t know what they are anymore and has to ask somebody else about them.

    #222791
    performingmonkey
    Participant

    They all masturbate into each other’s mouths the end.

    #222792
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >They all masturbate into each other’s mouths the end.

    Due to budget restraints that episode has to be padded into a two-parter and now includes a subplot about Kryten’s bollocks being on the loose.

    #222793
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    Kryten finds his old Ronald Reagan mask from Backwards. Hits his head and thinks he *is* Reagan.

    #222794
    clem
    Participant

    Chris could do the voice.

    #222797
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    Kryten as Reagan would be like Quarantine: “My Fellow Americans, now I – WANT TO WIN INDEPENDENCE FOR THE SOUTH MOLDAVIAN PEOPLE!”

    #222800
    flanl3
    Participant

    They all masturbate into each other’s mouths the end.

    Chris could do the voice.

    #222804
    bloodteller
    Participant

    >They all masturbate into each other’s mouths the end.

    how would Kryten partake in this unless he somehow got Archie back ?

    but even then, can Archie produce semen?

    #222817
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >can Archie produce semen?

    They never ask the important questions at these Q&A sessions with Doug and the cast. Just what is your favourite episode.

    #223598
    bloodteller
    Participant

    lister discovers Speed, his long-lost third son

    #223611
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Bunkmates’

    Lister shits his bed and is forced to share the bottom bunk with Rimmer for a month while Kryten deep cleans his mattress. Initially reluctant, they discover they are the perfect spooning size and shape for each other and begin to spend their days in bed together as well as nights. This has no impact on the running of the shop but they become happier and more content. Some time later they notice they haven’t seen Cat for a long time and eventually find him dead in the bottom of a cupboard where he crawled away to die. Kryten is very homophobic about Lister and Rimmer even though they aren’t necessarily gay, just snuggle-buddy-huggy-bed-pals, but tells he doesn’t like it but will tolerate it, despite him tutting and groaning every time they interact. In the end they realise they can switch Kryten off and switch Kryten off, and bury Cat under the apple tree in the botanical gardens.

    #223612
    Ridley
    Participant

    Red Dwarf gains sentience then screams in pain for thirty minutes.

    #223623
    clem
    Participant

    Hogey and his new wife Celeste come to live on Red Dwarf. Celeste is imaginary but nobody has the heart to tell Hogey so they all just play along. Meanwhile Lister takes up decoupage.

    #223624
    clem
    Participant

    > This has no impact on the running of the shop

    You’re gonna have to elaborate on this subplot, Rubber.

    #223626
    bloodteller
    Participant

    to be fair we learned in Back in the Red that the ship has a Tesco’s

    #223628
    Rubber
    Participant

    Oh yeah, in an earlier episode that season they open a small shop together to make the process of using up dwindling food supplies more well-regulated and fun.

    #223629
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Holowe’en’

    The hologram personality library is infected by a spooky ghostish computer virus after Kryten accidentally holds a seance while testing some candles, and Kryten’s body is taken over by the disembodied holo-personality of George McIntyre. Kryten/George vows to kill Lister to render Rimmer’s hologrammatic ‘mission’ obsolete so that McIntyre can reclaim his position as ship’s hologram. He also wants to kill Cat due to being severely allergic to cats. Non-specific spooky murderous hijinks ensue for a specially-extended Halloween running time of 45 minutes without adverts, although ultimately it concludes with a Welshman being purged from existence forever in quite a heartbreaking and tragic way. At the end Lister opens a cupboard and Sarah Greene staggers out looking ravaged and haunted with a shock of white hair. They all look at each other and shrug comedically, except Kryten who doesn’t have any arms any more as a result of however they got rid of McIntyre. Spooky organ music version of the theme tune at the end.

    #223631
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    They all have a fight to settle the age-old question of “Who would win in a fight?”

    #223640
    Manbird
    Participant

    They discover a society structured around gay stereotypes where negativity is illegal.

    Sorry, no – that was The Happiness Patrol. Or was it Timewave? It was bad agit-prop, anyway.

    #223657
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    ‘kryte-hands’: basically it’s a bottle episode which is a long shaggy dog story told by kryten about how his hands got so big which also brilliantly explains why he can’t tell the difference between a construction worker’s helmet and a cloche. the audience laughter dies out early on and he actually cries three times during the story. after the story there is just silence for ages and then lister starts to spit the names of bread products like he does with talky and a ginormous hip hop beat comes in which thunders the whole ship with talky as the dj. cat, lister and rimmer jump around and throw their hands in the air but when kryten joins in he concusses them all and the episode ends.

    #223671
    Manbird
    Participant

    >”‘kryte-hands’: basically it’s a bottle episode which is a long shaggy dog story told by kryten about how his hands got so big which also brilliantly explains why he can’t tell the difference between a construction worker’s helmet and a cloche. the audience laughter dies out early on and he actually cries three times during the story. after the story there is just silence for ages and then lister starts to spit the names of bread products like he does with talky and a ginormous hip hop beat comes in which thunders the whole ship with talky as the dj. cat, lister and rimmer jump around and throw their hands in the air but when kryten joins in he concusses them all and the episode ends.”<

    See also that episode of The Simpsons about Mo’s dishcloth.

    #223672
    Ridley
    Participant

    The Dwarfers all get Furbies. It’s supposed to be a satire of consumerism but is actually just a misjudged soapbox about Funko Pop!s

    #223675
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Rimplification’

    It dawns on the crew that nobody is 100% certain which version of Rimmer they are currently living with and how strange it is that he can recall events from two apparently separate incarnations of himself. After much cajoling, Rimmer eventually owns up to being Camille and the others are left to contemplate the fact that a version of Rimmer who fits into multiple Rimmer timelines without upsetting continuity is the thing they all desired the most. There is a lot of soul-searching and then nobody mentions it ever again, although Kryten occasionally stands silently watching Rimmer sleeping at night and over time it becomes clear they are all imagining him in different Rimmer costumes (Lister sees the blue quilted jacket, Kryten sees the green suit and hat and Cat sees the cycling shorts and shirt from series 2) which has no impact on the storylines whatsoever but throws up lots of apparent continuity errors for fans of the show to sweat over on the internet.

    #223676
    Manbird
    Participant

    How about we go right back to the first series, where Lister, Rimmer and Cat are haunted by the ghosts of dead crewmembers. They decide to pool their resources and set up a paranormal investigation agency to “bust” these spooks. They become a quartet when Kryten joins them, and Hattie Hayridge’s Holly becomes their ditzy receptionist. The ship is attacked by a giant marshmallow man, later revealed to be a polymorph.

    #223677
    Paul Muller
    Participant

    The crew pass through a dimensional rift and discover that every room and corridor in Red Dwarf and Starbug looks out onto a packed studio audience and film crew who laugh hysterically at their every word. Kryten has a panic attack and accidentally kills an audience member with his giant hands. The studio is evacuated and we fade to black as the police arrive to take him away.

    #223679
    bloodteller
    Participant

    Rimmer does a TED talk about growing your personal brand

    #223680
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Infanticide’

    Cat is raped and has six babies. The rest of the crew encourage him to kill the babies, but he doesn’t. Then Lister kills two of the children and a little later Cat kills the rest of his kids. All six of Cat’s young children are dead. He has a sex dream.

    #223681
    bloodteller
    Participant

    TIMESLADES: Lister gets really into Slade but suffers from a bout of depression upon discovering that all the members have been dead for over three million years.

    #223687
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Lister gets accidentally sent back in time via a Staais leak, which opens into a bathroom where his younger self is wanking into the self- gamet-mixing in-vitro tube. Young Lister never gets to finish the wank, so both Listers starts to fade from existence. Old Lister has to cajole his younger self into having the wank, or else they will both will cease to be but Young Lister can’t maintain an erection with all this pressure. With Kryten’s help, they hold a school prom to get Young Lister into the the mood. At the end both Listers decide to wank each other off and Lister becomes twins. He renames himselves Jim and Bexley.

    This episode is called Back to the Wanker. Or possibly Wank to the Future. Or maybe Wanks For The Memory. Something with wanking in the title anyway. Do you see?

    Ps. I am wanking as I write this.

    #223688
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    ‘lemonslade: timeslades ii’

    #223689
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Dead Dave’

    Pree reinstalls herself and redirects the ship towards an asteroid where they find Kochanski living in a shack and farming beetroots. Kochanski rejoins the crew as acting senior officer and she and Pree join forces to make life as emasculating and grim as possible for their male shipmates. Eventually Kryten snaps and kills Kochanski by sitting on her chest and crushing her ladylungs. Pree flushes the crew into deep space and laughs. Cat and Lister quickly freeze to death and Rimmer and Kryten eventually crash into a sun which they see coming several weeks prior. The last 10 minutes of the episode are them mentally steeling themselves to crash into the sun and burn to machinedeath in one of those dialogue-heavy scenes Doug is so good at. It is sad and the end.

    #223690
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    rubber: you’ve nearly got a series together now. all strong eps so far…

    #223692
    Ridley
    Participant

    Rimmer’s use of toilet paper turns out to be semaphore. It’s a routine secretly taught by his mother to let him know that she loves him really but any sentiment is lost as Rimmer rants about how the message would have been better imparted through his Morris dancing lessons then he kind of just flounces off. Kryten then explains that that means he’s going to have sex with Uncle Frank in Rimaphore.

    #223696

    The crew encounter another industrial vessel which, like Red Dwarf, has flown away from the solar system due to an onboard accident. With nobody in stasis to release, or smuggled pets to evolve, the onboard computer has gone completely senile and ends up being completely psychotic.

    Wait, where’s the ‘serious episode suggestions’ thread?

    #223697
    bloodteller
    Participant

    BARRYMORPH: The crew encounter a polymorph that takes the form of Michael Barrymore and everyone is forced to watch Strike It Lucky until they die of boredom

    #223702
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    TROJAN: Lister is betting on live pig racing for some fucking reason (is it live or pre-recorded? If it’s pre-recorded, why is he betting on it? Who is he betting against?) and completely defies logic when he phones up a shopping channel 3,000,000 years into deep space in order to purchase a shit kitchen appliance, leaving the audience bewildered and wondering if they’d tuned into the wrong show that just so happens to have exactly the same cast and title.

    #223705
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    LEMONS: The Dwarfers build an IKEA flatpack time machine and meet not-Jesus, then take some cheap and easy swipes at religion we’ve heard a hundred times before instead of doing something actually clever because fucking hell. Then there’s some shite with bags that makes me want to die. Everyone loves it and it is hailed as a classic.

    #223706
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    TIMEWAVE: Doug Naylor shits directly into your mouth for twenty-seven minutes. Johnny Vegas guest stars as PC Poof.

    #223710
    Dave
    Participant

    Actually I thought he was quite non-PC.

    #223711
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    they should do one where someone has to run back and forth between two dates. every show has to have one of them

    #223713
    Hamish
    Participant

    The One Where Everyone’s Butler.

    #223715
    Hamish
    Participant

    …from On The Buses.

    #223721
    bloodteller
    Participant

    PETE PART III: Kryten has accidentally turned Birdman’s sparrow into Pete Doherty, the famous actor/musician/artist/writer. it’s up to the dwarfers to listen to the Libertines

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