Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 12,101 through 12,200 (of 12,349 total)
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  • #268756
    cwickham
    Participant

    THUMBTACK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers put up some posters.

    #268757
    cwickham
    Participant

    VAC TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers do the hoovering.

    #268758
    cwickham
    Participant

    FRACK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers are not environmentally conscious.

    #268759
    cwickham
    Participant

    WACK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers use hipster slang.

    #268760
    cwickham
    Participant

    ACK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers make expressions of alarm.

    #268761
    cwickham
    Participant

    CACK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers shit themselves.

    #268762
    cwickham
    Participant

    GUAC TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers eat guacamole.

    #268763
    cwickham
    Participant

    QUEK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers all win gold medals in hockey.

    #268764
    cwickham
    Participant

    READY BREK TO REALITY

    The Dwarfers eat an oat-based breakfast cereal.

    #268765
    cwickham
    Participant

    PAGE BREAK TO REALITY

    Fuck my arse page 122 etc. etc.

    #268766
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    GAP IN THE THREAD

    Upon realising that he hasn’t looked at the “Idea for an episode” thread for about two weeks, a poster briefly considers clicking on Page 121 to see if he’s missed any hilariously funny posts.

    #268767
    Jenuall
    Participant

    THAT WAS FIRST DEGREE POSTERCIDE!

    A poster suffers an unfortunate fate when making the unwise choice to look back on previous entries in the Idea for an episode thread

    #268768
    Warbodog
    Participant

    BACKWARDS PREDICTIONS

    – It turns out Pizzak’Rapp is really Pparka’Zzip, a kindly simulant who’s been unknowingly causing mayhem since he was marooned from his native universe centuries ago. They give him the coat Kryten stole and send him back.

    – Ace repairs Holly, who informs them that the agonoids have one fatal weakness: semen.

    – The virile Lister and Cat masturbate more furiously than ever, physically ageing 10 years from the strain. Kryten collects the fruits of their labours and fills up a ‘protein torpedo.’

    – The dying Dhjun’keep laments that he would have gotten away with it if not for those meddling kids, glub glub glub.

    – Ace goes away and they all live happily ever after on Red Dwarf, their outlooks on life and death immeasurably improved by his influence.

    – Epilogue of the young Ace Rimmer’s first day in his new class where he’s seated next to a troublemaker named Lewis Pemberton.

    #268769

    IT WILL BE HAPPENED. IT SHALL BE GOING TO BE HAPPENING. IT WILL BE WAS AN EVENT THAT COULD WILL HAVE BEEN TAKEN PLACE IN THE FUTURE. SIMPLE AS THAT.

    Rimmer responds a forum posters predictions for a book released 25 years go.

    #268770
    Dave
    Participant

    ME LOCKS! ME LOCKS ARE IN THE BIN

    Lister finds himself unable to lock the door to the sleeping quarters after Rimmer discards his complicated system of padlocks.

    #268771
    Dave
    Participant

    ME CLOCKS! ME CLOCKS ARE IN THE BIN

    Lister finds himself unable to tell the time after Rimmer discards his collection of timepieces.

    #268772
    Dave
    Participant

    ME LOGS! ME LOGS ARE IN THE BIN

    Craig Charles is disappointed to learn the fate of most copies of his book The Log: A Dwarfer’s Guide To Everything.

    #268773
    Dave
    Participant

    BOLLOCKS! BOLLOCKS IS IN THE BIN

    Kryten deletes from his memory files the fact that he secretly calls Rimmer captain bollocks.

    #268774
    cwickham
    Participant

    ME ROCKS! ME ROCKS ARE IN THE BIN

    Rimmer discards Lister’s collection of pet rocks.

    #268775
    cwickham
    Participant

    ME SOCKS! ME SOCKS ARE IN THE BIN

    Rimmer forces Lister to wear sandals.

    #268776
    cwickham
    Participant

    ME TIKTOKS! ME TIKTOKS ARE IN THE BIN

    Lister deletes social media from his phone.

    #268777
    Dave
    Participant

    ME BOX! ME BOX IS IN THE BIN!

    Craig Charles sees loads of discarded Red Dwarf Series I-VIII Blu-Ray boxsets in a skip.

    #268778
    si
    Participant

    ME COCKS! ME COCKS ARE IN THE BIN!

    Lister is distraught to discover that Kryten has disposed of his collection of 19th Century erotica.

    #268779

    ME FOX’S! ME FOX’S ARE IN THE TIN!

    Lister panically let’s Rimmer know where he has stored the biscuis.

    #268780
    loadoftottnumb
    Participant

    WHERE’S YA BIN?

    Rimmer has been in the library thinking, and he’s decided… SHUT UP!!

    #268781
    Jenuall
    Participant

    I BROKE INTO THE PERM BANK

    Kochanski explains her new hairstyle to the rest of the crew

    #268782
    Warbodog
    Participant

    JIM, BEXLEY, CUM TO MUMMY

    Lister’s parallel universe offspring develop an oedipus complex. Chips off the old block.

    #268784
    Jenuall
    Participant

    I BROKE INTO THE TERN BANK

    Kochanski’s ornithology hobby starts to get out of hand

    #268787

    I BROKE INTO THE WORM BANK

    Upon hearing of the news of Rimmer’s father’s death, Kochanski seizes the opportunity to feed the ships worms.

    #268792
    si
    Participant

    I BROKE INTO THE, ERM, BANK

    Kochanski momentarily forgets where money is stored.

    #268793

    I BROKE IN TO THE FERN BANK

    Kochanski suddenly has an irresistible urge to talk to Fearn Cotton, Fern Brady and Fern Britton

    #268796
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I BROKE INTO THE CISTERN TANK

    Psiren Kochanski conjures up ever more elaborate schemes to suck out Lister’s brain.

    #268820
    Warbodog
    Participant

    THAT WAS FIRST DEGREE, TOASTER SIGHED

    Talkie completes a postgraduate course at Toilet University and takes up a new vocation as a hand dryer, just as everyone finally starts requesting toast.

    #268821
    Warbodog
    Participant

    THAT WAS THURSDAY GREET, TOAST TO SIDE

    Talkie concludes his weekly social and once again points out the refreshments table that someone might come along and partake in one day.

    #268822
    Warbodog
    Participant

    FATWAS FIRST, AGGRIEVED TOAST DECIDES

    Talkie has to go into hiding after he burns the toast.

    #268823

    FATWA FIRST, AGREED TOASTER CRIED

    At the annual general meeting of Islamic Toasters, one very upset Toaster on the council finally agrees through crumby tears, that Fatwa’s should be item number one on the agenda.

    #268824
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE

    Captain Hollister has ordered some new heavy-duty bunkbeds for the officers’ quarters. They weigh 200 kilograms each, and are delivered arranged in a pyramid. The base layer is 5 beds by 5 beds, the layer above is 4 beds by 4 beds, and so on until the top layer of one bed. They are arranged in such a way that each bed is resting on four beds below it, one leg on each bed.

    If the weight on each bed is always equally distributed to all four legs, and each bed leg can only support 200 kilograms, how many pounds can you place on top of the topmost bed to the nearest kilogram?

    #268825
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE

    Captain Hollister has ordered some new heavy-duty bunkbeds for the officers’ quarters. They weigh 200 kilograms each, and are delivered arranged in a pyramid. The base layer is 5 beds by 5 beds, the layer above is 4 beds by 4 beds, and so on until the top layer of one bed. They are arranged in such a way that each bed is resting on four beds below it, one leg on each bed.
    If the weight on each bed is always equally distributed to all four legs, and each bed leg can only support 200 kilograms, how many pounds can you place on top of the topmost bed to the nearest kilogram?

    0 pounds/0 kilograms. The bottom-innermost bed is already bearing 200 kg of weight per leg.

    #268826
    Jenuall
    Participant

    IT’S AVERAGE FOR YOUR HEIGHT!

    600kg, or about half of a pregnant hippo.

    The weight distribution of the solid pyramid means the weak point will be the top bed which can take 600kg extra to bring its total weight to 800kg which hits the limit for 200kg per leg.

    Possibly!

    #268827
    cwickham
    Participant

    ANSWERS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-THREE

    The real answer is 422 kg (rounded to the nearest kg) but honestly who knows or cares

    #268828

    I CARE CWICKHAM!!

    Rimmer reminds a forum user that its his neck on the line if an officer comes along and orders etc etc blah blah why do we do this?!

    #268829
    Dave
    Participant

    WHEN IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SHIRTS ARE IT’S SEVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY SOCKS

    Cat goes on an international flight and loses some of his luggage.

    #268830
    Dave
    Participant

    WHEN IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SHIRTS ARE IT’S SEVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY CASSOCKS

    The Cat-like padre from Ace’s dimension has a very long commute.

    #268831
    Dave
    Participant

    WHEN IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SHITS ARE IT’S SEVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY SEX

    Cat outrageously claims that his penis is so long that he can defecate in one timezone while penetrating his partner several timezones along.

    #268832
    Warbodog
    Participant

    TEDIOUSLY RATIONALISING RED DWARF GAGS, PART XXXIV

    Cat inconveniently positions his wardrobe between the adjacent Kiribati and Baker Island embassies on the Diplomatic Deck so he can justify a misleading boast.

    #268833
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FOUR

    Holly has four numbers: 553, 546, 897, and 318. However, the numbers aren’t what they seem. One of the numbers is actually in base 13, one is in base 17, one is in base 19, and one is in base 23. It’s just coincidence that all four numbers only use digits 9 and below.

    If Holly adds all four numbers together and converts them to base 32 notation, the resulting number can also be written only using digits 0-9. What is that sum, as denoted in base 32?

    #268834
    Dave
    Participant

    IT’S SVEN IN THE MORNING FOR MY SOCKS

    Cat hires a Swedish butler to wash his underwear at the start of every day.

    #268835
    Dave
    Participant

    IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY YURTS ARE

    Cat takes up glamping.

    #268836
    Dave
    Participant

    IT’S THREE O’CLOCK WHERE MY SPURTS ARE

    Cat schedules his daily urination very precisely on his planner.

    #268837
    Jenuall
    Participant

    OH YES, I FORGOT TO CARRY THE 200!

    G&T user realises the mistake in his Hollister bunkbed calculations. I forgot to include the weight of the actual beds themselves at level 5 of the pyramid!

    #268838
    Moonlight
    Participant

    SHE’S NOT JAILBAIT, SHE’S THREE MILLION

    Rimmer justifies his disturbingly young new girlfriend based on how long she’d been in stasis.

    #268852
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE

    We shall apply the following rules to words. These rules are to be applied in order.

    Rule 1: All consonants are worth one point, and all vowels are worth two points.
    Rule 2: The letters “W” and “Y”, being either a vowel or consonant depending on usage, are worth three points.
    Rule 3: Any letter that is also a Roman numeral is worth five additional points.
    Rule 4: If there is any letter that appears more than once in a word, the second instance of the letter is worth double the first instance; the third instance of the letter is worth double the second, and so on.
    Rule 5: The first letter of the word is worth double points.
    Rule 6: The last letter of the word should be multiplied by -1, unless the total length of the word is only three letters.
    Rule 7: If the position of a letter is a square number (e.g. the first letter, fourth letter, etc), square the number of points.
    Rule 8: Any letter that appears in the word “LISTER” is worth one extra point.
    Rule 9: Any letter that is worth five points is instead worth six.
    Rule 10: If the total number of points for the word is an odd number, add three points to the second letter.
    Rule 11: The letter with the highest point value should instead be worth one point. If there is more than one letter with this point value, only the first instance should be changed.

    Of all the one-word Red Dwarf episode titles, which has the most points?

    #268853
    Moonlight
    Participant

    I DON’T KNOW, BUT IT’S GONNA BE A LAUGH FINDIN’ OUT

    Moonlight is too lazy to play the game herself and waits for others to do it first.

    #268854
    Warbodog
    Participant

    RANDOM TRIVIA IN THE RED PARTY TIME EXCELLENT

    Before its return in Nanarchy, when did we last hear a traditional Red Dwarf establishing shot music cue?

    #268855
    cwickham
    Participant

    GUESSWORK IN THE RED

    Demons & Angels, as the latest possible candidate

    #268856
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HIGHER AND LOWER

    Earlier than that, but later than I expected.

    #268857
    Warbodog
    Participant

    LEGION, FOR SEVERAL OF WE ARE IN ‘LISTER’ AND ITS UNIQUE LETTERS ARE MANY

    And I can’t remember the rest of the rules.

    #268858
    Jenuall
    Participant

    TAKE THAT FIGURE AND MULTIPLY BY SIX

    I’m going to take a random stab at RIMMERWORLD as the winner

    #268859
    Warbodog
    Participant

    AMBIVALEPISODE

    Forum members enthusiastically participate in two opposite, irreconcilable episode title guessing games at the same time.

    #268860
    cwickham
    Participant

    ANSWERS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE

    KRYTEN – 12 pts
    QUEEG – 12 pts
    BACKWARDS – 25 pts
    MAROONED – 11 pts
    POLYMORPH – 34 pts
    BODYSWAP – 22 pts
    TIMESLIDES – 56 pts
    CAMILLE – 81 pts
    DNA – 7 pts
    JUSTICE – 19 pts
    MELTDOWN – 23 pts
    HOLOSHIP – 25 pts
    TERRORFORM – 28 pts
    QUARANTINE – 21 pts
    PSIRENS – 15 pts
    LEGION – 56 pts
    RIMMERWORLD – 53 pts
    OUROBOROS – 51 pts
    BLUE – 13 pts
    EPIDEME – 35 pts
    NANARCHY – 15 pts
    CASSANDRA – 91 pts
    TROJAN – 7 pts
    LEMONS – 18 pts
    ENTANGLED – 41 pts
    TWENTICA – 21 pts
    SAMSARA – 13 pts
    KRYSIS – 11 pts
    CURED – 5 pts
    SILICONIA – 64 pts
    TIMEWAVE – 27 pts
    MECHOCRACY – 173 pts
    M-CORP – 13 pts
    SKIPPER – 24 pts

    #268861

    RANDOM TRIVIA ANSWER: DIMENSION JUMP

    The music cue is not used in Meltdown or anywhere in S05, but it is used to establish Red Dwarf after the scenes in Ace’s universe.

    #268862
    Warbodog
    Participant

    GO ON DAVE, SING THAT SONG

    Correct, have some non-redeemable points. Previous before that was Timeslides. I’d muse on how scene transitions evolved with the series generally, but this is the stupid thread.

    #268892
    cwickham
    Participant

    M*A*S*H IN THE RED

    New version of Only the Good which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Hawkeye Pierce turned up and saved the day.

    #268934
    Jenuall
    Participant

    LAUGHS IN THE RED

    New version of Series 8, this time with added jokes

    #268938
    cwickham
    Participant

    MONSTER MASH IN THE RED

    New version of the Blue Midget Dance with a different song dubbed over it.

    #268939
    Jenuall
    Participant

    CACK IN THE RED

    Alternate title for Pete Part Two

    #268944
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    ANSWERS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX

    1.12

    2. 1068

    3. Twice the middle to one end

    4. It’s not possible.

    5. Semen stains.

    #268985
    Warbodog
    Participant

    THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE GAME DOESN’T GET A LOOK IN ANY MORE

    The Starbug crew discover the more attractive time-wasting potential of visual content.

    #269041
    Warbodog
    Participant

    POSTS ARRIVED

    A Red Dwarf post pod is returned to sender so the guys can read their irrelevant correspondence from 3+ years ago.

    #269042
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    SITE HOLE

    The forum regulars stumble across a garbage pod containing all the quarantined posts from the last few years.

    #269047
    Ridley
    Participant

    #269220
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF LIONS THAT SOUND LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMETHING ELSE

    Lister and Rimmer use the DNA machine to turn themselves into lions and re-enact Hamlet, only for Kryten to film their antics and send it back in time so that Disney can turn it into a hit movie.

    #269221
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF LIE-INS THAT SOUND LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMETHING ELSE

    Rimmer scolds Lister for not getting up until 1pm, insisting that he’s behaving like a character from The Young Ones.

    #269222
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF LEANS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMETHING ELSE

    When the Boys From The Dwarf lean to one side simultaneously to make it look like the Trojan is turning, everyone wonders whether it was inspired by that classic Smeg-Up where they all keep leaning the wrong way.

    #269223
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF LANS THAT SOUND LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMETIME ELSE

    Deleted anachronistic scene from Timeslides in which Lister is so bored that he sets up a local area network so that everyone can play multiplayer Doom against each other.

    #269224
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF LUANNES THAT SOUND LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMETHING ELSE

    King Of The Hill crossover in which Lister takes up mining for propane.

    #269225
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    RED DWARF LOANS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

    The Duke of Manchester promises Doug a couple of mill to make a movie.

    #269226

    RED CAMERA LENS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE

    After Doug announces the use of a brand new 4k Red Camera that a revived studio sitcom couldn’t comfortably afford, people start to question what truck he got it off the back of.

    #269227
    Dave
    Participant

    RECUT WORF LINES THAT SOUND LIKE THEY’RE FROM SOMETHING ELSE

    #269250
    cwickham
    Participant

    WAITING FOR GOD AMONG US

    A poster in the idea for an episode thread starts thinking of puns based around a popular video game set on a spaceship, then gets sidetracked by the thought of how amazing a Dwarf-themed version of Among Us would actually be.

    #269251
    Dave
    Participant

    THE IMPOSITOR

    A mysterious simulant survives until the end of existence, and upon realising that there is no god and no afterlife, decides to spend eternity travelling through time, sneaking through vents and stabbing people to death with his needle tongue.

    #269252

    AMONG USA

    Among Us gets a US remake and it’s completely dogshite!

    #269253
    cwickham
    Participant

    HENRY STICKMIN OF HONOUR

    Rimmer and Lister play another game from the developers of Among Us whilst marooned on an ice planet.

    #269254
    cwickham
    Participant

    ME POSTS! ME POSTS ARE IN THE BIN

    A poster in the idea for an episode thread notices some posts appear to have gone missing somehow, based on the posts that noted the start of a new page now no longer being the first post on their pages.

    #269255
    Warbodog
    Participant

    WHAT KIND OF MATHS IN THE RED QUIZMASTER CAN’T TELL ADD FROM SUBTRACT?

    When the containment unit is temporarily shut off, nine old posts deemed too toxic and unacceptable even for the Idea for an episode thread mess up the historical numbering again.

    #269256
    Jenuall
    Participant

    DID YOU LOOK BEHIND THE FRIDGE?

    Cat suggests a starting point for the crew’s search for the missing Ideas for an episode posts

    #269257
    Dave
    Participant

    CACK TRUE REALITY

    With the reinsertion of several quarantined posts earlier in the thread, new pages now begin with several of the shittest-of-the-shit ideas for an episode that had previously been used to run out a previous page, thus more accurately representing the general quality of the thread’s content to casual browsers.

    #269258
    Dave
    Participant

    FUCK MY ARSE WE’RE ON PAGE 123

    Placeholder post just in case 13 more posts get added to earlier pages of the thread while we’re not looking.

    #269259
    Dave
    Participant

    TRACK 2 REALITY

    Buyers of the Six Of The Best boxset are taken in by an urban legend claiming that the CD contains a second interview as a hidden track, you just have to program in a playlist track selection of 19, 65, 09 and 17 into your stereo.

    #269260
    Jenuall
    Participant

    SEPTEMBER SEVENTEENTH, YUJI NAKA’S BIRTHDAY?

    Lister discovers an interesting entry in Rimmer’s diary

    #269261
    Jenuall
    Participant

    I STOPPED FOR QUITE A WHILE BUT I’M CACK ON THEM NOW

    G&T users celebrate when the shitfest that is the ideas for an episode thread returns to life

    #269262
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HACK 2 REALITY

    Undiscovered debug mode hidden in an episode of Red Dwarf that could be activated by entering the episode’s broadcast date into Ceefax.

    #269263

    POST-SLIDES

    After travelling back in time to try and prevent the Idea for an Episode thread ever coming into existence, Cappsy inadvertently creates more posts to be included.

    #269264
    Warbodog
    Participant

    SUPER RED DWARF

    Advanced viewing mode that can be unlocked by watching all the episodes of series IV, series I, series II and series VI in that order, then for subsequent viewings increasing the playback speed and angling the SCART lead to one side so it’s all tinged yellow.

    #269265
    Warbodog
    Participant

    YOU CHOSE THE EPISODE, I SPENT SIX WEEKS IN TRACTION

    Inconvenient episode select screen for the series III VR set that can only be activated by rapidly jerking your head up, up, down, down, up, up, up and up again during the very first bit of the opening titles before the Red Dwarf engine sound.

    #269266
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX

    For his chef’s exam, Lister baked a huge cake.

    It was a three-tiered cake, and each tier had three layers. The first tier had a total diameter of 12 inches, the second had a total diameter of 10.5 inches, and the third had a total diameter of 9 inches. Each layer of cake was 1.5 inches thick. Each tier was frosted on the top and sides with one-third of an inch thickness of frosting, frosted in such a way that each tier is a perfect cylinder. Within each tier, a one-quarter-inch thick layer of jam separated each of the layers.

    If the frosting weighs 0.48 ounces per cubic inch, and the cake weighs 0.35 ounces per cubic inch, and the jam weighs 0.60 ounces per cubic inch, and everything has 53.4 calories per ounce, how many calories are in the entire cake? Please round to the nearest whole calorie.

    #269267
    Warbodog
    Participant

    RED DWARF II & MORE KRYTEN

    Special lock-on DVD cartridge flap thing that lets you watch series II with David Ross’ Kryten in all of the episodes. Trying to do the same for series I disappointingly just gives you an image of the characters jeering at you and doing the wanker sign, then lets you watch the ‘blue alert’ scene on a loop.

    #269268
    cwickham
    Participant

    LEMNS

    The Dwarfers have to track down a poet and playwright in order to charge their batteries.

    #269269
    cwickham
    Participant

    MELONS

    The Dwarfers have to use puerile humour in order to charge their batteries.

    #269270
    cwickham
    Participant

    RUN-ONS

    What the ideas for episodes that come at the end of a page tend to be.

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