Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

FATHER CHRISTMAS AND SUNS

Lister spends an entire episode trying to get to the bottom of whether various cultural depictions of Saint Nicholas should be considered racist.

[cwickham]

TINSELWAVE

Unproduced 2018 Christmas special and sequel to “Timewave”. Not produced when it was pointed out that it was the same script with the word ‘Christmas’ added to the start of every stage direction.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE KNIGHT MARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Claymation special where the knights horse escapes the AR machine and finds the true meaning of Christmas before he is shot by Rimmer and turned into glue.

[cwickham]

QUEEGING IN THE AIR

Ill-advised 1988 crossover with “The Snowman”.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WALKING IN THE AIRLOCK

A small boy and a friendly snowman are found wandering the decks of Red Dwarf. The crew promptly flush them out of an airlock.

[cwickham]

THE BEGINNING IN THE AIR

Festive re-edit of “The Beginning” which reveals Rimmer’s real father was a snowman.

[cwickham]

WHITE HOLE WONDERLAND

Christmas Day 1991 repeat of “White Hole” with some jingle bells added to the theme tune, in a desperate attempt to pass it off as a new Christmas special in the hope everyone will be too drunk to notice.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATHER CHRISTMAS AND SUNS 2

Drunk Lister tries to convince his sober self that he really is Father Christmas and to go back to sleep

[cwickham]

MIRACLE ON THE FIFTEENTH PAGE

A really, really funny and witty reference to being fucked in the arse starts off the new page of episode ideas.

[Dave]

CAN WE STOP DOING SHIT RED DWARF CHRISTMAS PUNS NOW WE’RE ON PAGE 15?

Well, can we?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE QUEEGS SPEECH

Queeg delivers a message to the crew on Christmas Day

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

15 PAGES OF AN IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD

An overly long yet jaunty song is written to the tune of 12 days of Christmas incorporating ever idea posted in the thread.

On the first page of idea for an episode thread user smoke me a kipper gave to me, a idea to inspire thee

Everybody now …

[Dave]

DWARFING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

Lister finally arrives on Earth on Christmas day and then has to wait eight further hours to get home due to a traffic jam on the M25.

[bloodteller]

MCCLANE DIBBLEY

It’s Christmas Eve, and Duane is trapped in Nakatomi Plaza with a bunch of European criminals

[Dave]

MELTDOWN XMAS (WAR IS OVER)

So this is Waxworld
And what have you done?
The conflict is over
But you killed everyone

And where’s Rimmer’s light bee?
I gave it a chew
I’ll do more than that though
Does anyone fancy a vindaloo?

[Paul Muller]

DASHER, DANCER, PRANCER, VIXEN, COMET, CUPID, DONNA DISTEFANO, BLITZEN

Norman Lovett has his football confiscated by an irate reindeer.

[Dave]

WHITE HOLE’S MASS

I’m dreaming of a white hole’s mass
Just like the one I’ve never seen before, no-one has

[Dave]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS YE MERRY GENTLEMEN

Rimmer organises a Christmas morale meeting.

[desbug]

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

“Do you know why we can’t hear anything? Because there are no sounds to hear”
“Kryten s right! All through the ship, not a creature is stirring not even a mouse. Or a space weevil”

It’s a very short episode.

[Dave]

ZERO-G KICKBOXING DAY

As part of his annual festive traditions, Lister spends an entire 24-hour stint on the AR machine having as much sex as his refractory period will allow.

[cwickham]

TIMESLIP

An unfortunate moment of absent-mindedness by a typesetter during production of Timewave results in an episode being filmed that has nothing to do with Red Dwarf but is all about two teenagers passing through an invisible time barrier.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WINESIP

Lister samples the drinks available in a bar he’d wither people didn’t know he frequented.

[bloodteller]

I BELIEVE THIS IS AN APPROPRIATE JUNCTURE FOR YOU TO “GIVE ME FIVE PAGES OF THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD” SIR

Give you five? I can do better than that! I can give you fifteen!

[Dave]

PAGE 15 WAS DAYS AGO

We’re far more concerned at the moment about the quite hideous thing that’s going to happen on page 16.

[bloodteller]

I’VE BEEN IN EFFECTIVE COMMAND OF THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD NOW FOR NEARLY 4 YEARS

Now that posts in the Idea For An Episode thread have been made in 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020 Rimmer decides to just round it off so he can make a rather bold but ultimately unimpressive claim.

[bloodteller]

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME YOU WERE POSTING IN THE CRAP VERSION OF THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD? FOR 4 YEARS?! WOAH, THAT’S A CLASSIC, THAT IS

Timothy Spall informs Rimmer that there was another, funnier version of G&T’s most infamous thread going on that he could have been posting in all this time. Rimmer is upset but still a little pleased at his sheer dedication to incessantly posting shit puns

[bloodteller]

BUT WORST OF ALL, THE MOST BITTER PILL TO SWALLOW, FOR 4 LONG YEARS I HAD TO POST SHIT PUNS IN THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD

Kryten takes the news that there was another, funnier version of G&T’s most infamous thread rather less well than Rimmer does

[peas_and_corn]

I HAVE THE BETTER, BETTER THAN LIFE

When Kryten buys a copy of the re-release of Better Than Life, Lister boasts that his copy of BTL has a cover that isn’t shitty

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

3 PAGES LONG SERVICE, 6 PAGES LONG SERVICE, 9 PAGES LONG SERVICE ….. 12 PAGES LONG SERVICE

Awards are retroactively handed out to various milestones in the idea for an episode thread history.

[Moonlight]

STINKING FRESH MANGLED JEWS

Lister looks up the lyrics to the Red Dwarf theme. As per internet law, they are astoundingly incorrect.

[Ridley]

SPACE MINING GOES WRONG

Rimmer walks in on the last five minutes of an operation and is all “I pretend to pay my JMC licence fee for this?! I only came in to see the Cat.”

[cwickham]

DRAC IN THE RED

Three-part story which is competent if flawed for the first two parts, then turns into one of the worst things ever broadcast for the finale.

[Dave]

DRAC TO EARTH

Dracula finds out that he is a fictional character and seeks out Moffat and Gatiss to kill them for fucking up his series finale so badly, after two very enjoyable earlier episodes.

[cwickham]

SMEGULAR WEBCOMIC

David Morgan-Mar arrives from a parallel universe and starts making webcomics using Lego minifigures and tabletop RPG miniatures.

[cwickham]

THE MASKED SMEGGER

Doug Naylor takes some hallucinogenic drugs and spends the next few hours writing something about having to guess who former Red Dwarf cast members are underneath costumes, then films the result.

[Moonlight]

STACK IN THE RED

Rimmer builds an impenetrable box fort.

[cwickham]

BRIGSTOCKE IN THE RED

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing that Marcus Brigstocke showed up to save the day.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DREGGS

The crew stumble upon the last of humanity and invite them onboard for a a quick game of hide and seek, but they unfortunately choke to death on the ships rich O2 atmosphere.

[peas_and_corn]

IS THAT NEWSPAPER YOURS? IT’S RUBBISH

Rimmer forgets about his subscription to The Mirror

[Dave]

THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END

Re-remastered version of Red Dwarf’s first episode which replaces Howard Goodall’s score with a soundtrack by Smashing Pumpkins and edits in moments from the Series X finale at ill-opportune moments, notably redubbing Lister’s “the slime’s coming home” closing line with that spoken by a decades-older Rimmer. No explanation is attempted.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHITE WEDDING HOLE

The crew stumble across a large spacial anomaly spewing Billy Idol’s White Wedding into the universe.

[Dave]

TIME AFTER TIMESLIDES

After watching her favourite episode of Series III, Cyndi Lauper ponders how the fabric of time might have been affected by the Dwarfers’ actions and whether it explains some of the continuity discrepancies between earlier and later series.

[Dave]

TIME AFTER OUT OF TIME

Cyndi Lauper once again ponders the in-universe implications of the temporal paradox created by the characters’ actions at the end of Series VI.

[Dave]

TIME AFTER TIMEWAVE

Cyndi Lauper calls time on watching Red Dwarf for good after viewing this outrageously bad episode of Series XII.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TURN BACK TIMEWAVE

Cher wishes she could go back to a time before she had to watch that episode.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CLOSING OUT OF TIME

Rob and Doug consult Semisonic for ideas about how to end their series VI finale

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

GOOD TIMESLIDES, BAD TIMEWAVE

Robert Plant and Jimmy Page rank Red Dwarf episodes with the word ‘time’ in the title.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE TIMESLIDES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’

Bob Dylan is asked to score the moment the time lines are altered in Timeslides, but is eventually dropped for contractual reasons.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF TIME FOR ME TO FLY

REO Speedwagon bemoan the fact that none of them ever got their pilots license.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Failing to get ideas from Semisonic about how to end the episode, a desperate Rob and Doug turn to Matt Bellamy for ideas.

[Author]

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