Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[tombow]

KILL CRAZY’S STILL LAZY

KC continues to avoid his brig chores.

[Rubber]

CHEN’S PENS

Bubblepermed greasesplatter Chen honours the unrealised ambition of his long-deceased great-great-grandmother Pauline Campbell-Jones and opens a small stationery concession on Red Dwarf, much to Rimmer’s obvious delight. Meanwhile, Kryten and Cat turn competitive when they both get really into making fractionally different varieties of spacemustard. Guest starring Pam St Clement as Big Mama Chen.

[cwickham]

THE FIRST TREE MILLION YEARS

Due to a hilarious typographical mix-up, Dave accidentally commissions a three-part documentary series about the history of trees since they first appeared on our planet.

[cwickham]

THE FIRST PREE MILLION YEARS

Due to a hilarious typographical mix-up, Dave accidentally commissions a three-part documentary series about a guest character from “Fathers & Suns”.

[cwickham]

THE FIRST PEE MILLION YEARS

Due to a hilarious typographical mix-up, Dave accidentally commissions a three-part documentary series about the history of urinating, resulting in the channel’s commissioning executive being arrested on grounds of public indecency.

[cwickham]

THE FIRST GLEE MILLION YEARS

Due to a hilarious typographical mix-up, Dave accidentally commissions a three-part documentary series about an American musical comedy-drama series.

[Dave]

BREAK ME A THREADER

The latest legacy-Ace-Rimmer messes up by making a popular G&T forum thread inaccessible from the front of the website just moments before it hits a historic 16th page.

[cwickham]

THE FIRST LEE MILLION YEARS

Due to a hilarious typographical mix-up, Dave accidentally commissions a three-part documentary series about the life and times of Lee Ryan, who it turns out is actually immortal and has lived for a million years.

[Dave]

FUCK MY PARKER KNOLL, WE’RE ON THE 16TH PAGE

Self-explanatory.

[cwickham]

Fuck my arse we’re on the sixteenth page

[Rubber]

FRANK’S WANKS

Dwarflore mainstay Frank masturbates. AAAAHHHH, BUT WHICH ONE? Meanwhile, Lister gets Kochanski conspicuously sozzled and Kryten forcibly nudges her down the spiral staircase when no-one’s watching.

[tombow]

CRIT COP’S BRIT POP

CC and his wife relax to a radio stream of mid 90s indie bands

[Paul Muller]

THE INQUISITOR’S VISITOR

The immortal simulant is driven to despair when his obnoxious cousin Simon travels down from Dundee and insists on staying in his spare bedroom for three weeks.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WE’RE FOUND A STASIS LEAK ON PAGE 16

Forum members are disappointed to discover ideas for an episode leaking into page 16 from all over the thread, resulting in no original content for 500 posts.

[Pete Part Three]

THE NEXT THREE MILLION YEARS

Dave commissions another 47 episodes in its Red Dwarf retrospective, with episode 50 dedicated to the end of series party for Series III.

[Rubber]

ZIGGY’S PIGGIES

Fluffbonced frockcoat Ziggy starts breeding his collection of pigs with jugs to make pugs, but instead he just ends up with lots of jugs of pig semen – though, on the SS Encomium, that’s good enough for the sperm bank! Meanwhile, Lister spends the entire episode being portrayed by crack aficionado and Ghostwatch alumnus Craig Charles.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE FIRST THREE MILLION SECONDS

Due to a typographical error, the current run of 3 documentaries was meant to cover the first month of the Red Dwarf production, but ended up covering all of it with a shite whimsical title.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE THIRD SERIES BECKONS

A 3 PART DOCUMENTARY SERIES ABOUT NORMAN’S OFFER AND ULTIMATE REJECTION TO APPEAR IN SERIES III

[Rubber]

DEATH’S JEFFS

Multibrow drooptache baldibonce simultant Death spends a stressful evening trying to juggle three separate simultaneous dates with his obliviously chuckholded young boyfriends Jeff, Jeff and Jeff, all without losing track of his cover stories or losing track of his temper and blasting them to atoms. Meanwhile, Cat decides it’s time to incorporate more fibre into his diet. Pass the Bran Flakes, smegheads! Guest starring Himesh Patel as Jeff, Liam Williams as Jeff, Tom Rosenthal as Jeff and John Bercow as Winking Maitre D’.

[Rubber]

SNACKY’S JACKIES

Broad-shouldered beefcake dispensary Snacky stumbles across a stash of 1970s and 80s Jackie magazines in a stasis booth and promptly vanishes for several years while he ploughs through all the frothy back issues, mostly for the problem pages if he’s being honest. Meanwhile, everyone’s really into paper scissors stone, but poor old Holly feels like a corpse on a bouncy castle: not really able to participate fully! Chin up, armless!

[cwickham]

THE MIDDLE THREE MILLION YEARS

Ill-advised fly-on-the-wall documentary about Craig Charles’ time in prison.

[si]

THE SET UP

1)Things to do: Go back to page 13…

A G&T forum member picks up on a comment made by quinn_drummer on page 12, and ‘finishes’ a comment he ‘starts’ on page 16 back on page 13.

[Rubber]

TELFORD’S GEL HOARDS

It’s the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic and fauxchassised psychoprick Professor Telford scurries around the research base gathering up all the little bottles of antibacterial handwash and hiding them in various covert crannies for his personal use only. Meanwhile, Kryten’s amusing plan to pretend to shake hands with Kochanski, only to break one of her fingers at the last second, takes a tricky turn when he accidentally rips her entire arm off, panics and crushes both her legs and then punches her in the boob. How’s our favourite mech going to talk his way out of that one?

[tombow]

ESCAPE FROM THE ZIGGY PIGGY

Having already found the perfect curry and shami kebab across space and time, Lister is in need of an ice cream desert to wash them down. From other cosmic time travellers they hear tales of a place in San Dimas, California, on 1980s Earth. However..they discover too late it is run by a pink-uniformed figure they have encountered before…

[Rubber]

LISE’S PIZZAS

Brainpasted photocopy Lise Yates’ pizza restaurant goes down the [deep!] pan when her controlling boyfriend David insists she pour curry sauce over everything before serving it. Meanwhile, Rimmer gets really into A/R Risk and it’s all fun and games until several war-hungry platoons escape from the A/R machine just as the crew discover that one of their number has idiotically switched all the live bazookoid ammo for blanks. Duck, smegheads!

[Pete Part Three]

BEHOLD; A JOKE

Si spends months constructing an elaborate joke on the Idea for an Episode thread, which amazes several posters who weren’t aware that this thread was intended to be amusing.

[desbug]

IT’S NOT JAILBAIT

Its the 16th page!

[Rubber]

SILVER HOLO-WARE

It’s the sixteenth page, but how best to technically inaccurately mark the occasion? WELL. After checking the Wikipedia entry for wedding anniversary gifts, Rimmer nips down to space John Lewis and returns with an array of silver sugar bowls, creamers, coffee pots, teapots, soup tureens, hot food covers, water jugs, platters and butter pat plates, before firing up his diamond light drive and turning them all soft light so nobody else can use them.

[si]

THE REPLY

BEHOLD; A JOKE

Si spends months constructing an elaborate joke on the Idea for an Episode thread, which amazes several posters who weren’t aware that this thread was intended to be amusing.

To be fair, the thread was racing along at that point, and I was expecting a week or two at the most.

[Rubber]

MIGHTY LIGHT!

Rimmer turns into the Mighty Light, gives Lister a big hug and turns him soft light, trapping him in the same incorporeal hell Rimmer suffered through for five years before Legion fisted him solid. Don’t you mess with the Mighty Light! The Mighty Light! The Mighty Light! God I just adore the Mighty Light.

[Rubber]

MIGHTY LIGHT II: MIDWIFE

Rimmer turns into the Mighty Light just as Kochanski goes into labour, so he reaches inside her fleshy babcradle, lasers through the umbilical cord, turns the child soft light and pulls it out through the surface of her belly. Unfortunately his powers fail halfway through the delivery and everything solidifies again, leaving Kochanski with a pair of babylegs protruding from her swollen abdomen for the rest of her life. The Mighty Light! The Mighty Light!

[Rubber]

MIGHTY LIGHT III: PET RESCUE

Rimmer turns into the Mighty Light to rescue a mewling kitten from inside a ventilation shaft, intending to softlight the wall of the duct, reach through and tug the pawsy micropuss to safety. Unfortunately he activates his powers slightly too enthusiastically and inadvertently causes everything connected to the duct to turn soft light as well, which is basically the internal infrastructure and the outer hull of the entire ship, quickly asphyxiating the organic component of the crew. The Mighty Light! The Mighty Light!

[tombow]

DANNY JOHN FOOLS

After deciding his joints are feeling a bit stiff for that evening’s “Strictly” taping, DJJ asks GNP’s effects department to build some kind of animatronic mechanoid lookalike to take his place.

[Dave]

DANNY’S JOHN STOOLS

On the set of Red Dwarf, the actor who plays Cat stinks out the place by leaving a massive unflushed log in the gents.

[Dave]

DANNY’S WRONG TOOLS

When one of the workers on set needs some screws to be screwed in, the actor who plays Cat turns up with a hammer and chisel, the big twat.

[Dave]

DANNY’S SCHLONG JEWELS

The actor who plays Cat proudly displays a new diamond-encrusted piercing to his underwhelmed castmates.

[tombow]

DANNY GONE POOLS

A Red Dwarf actor cannot be found as he is doing some sports gambling.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DANNY JOHN’S CRUEL

The actor that plays the Cat gets accused of on set bullying and is cancelled.

[tombow]

CRAIG’S JARLS

During the events of Back to Earth the real Craig Charles finds a way onto Red Dwarf and uses the ship and time drive to fulfil his ambition to rule Viking era Scandinavia.

[Dave]

ROBERT LOO ELLEN

Bobby gets invited onto a popular US talkshow but moments before recording he accidentally gets locked in the bogs.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ROBERT POO ELLEN

Bobby is surprised to find one of his turds looks exactly like a US talk show host.

[Dave]

ROB HURT YOU, ELLEN

Bobby flies into a rage and threatens an American talkshow host incoherently while referring to himself in the third person.

[Dave]

NORMAN LOVE ET

The actor who plays Holly reveals his favourite Steven Spielberg movie.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NORMAN LO VEET

The actor that plays Holly reveals his ranking for a popular brand of hair removal cream.

[Dave]

NORMAN’S LOW VET

When grump-faced misanthropic audience-applause-generator Norman Lovett takes his pet dog for medical treatment and accidentally activates the triplicator during the examination, the healthcare professional treating the animal splits into two copies – one benign and “high”, the other, well, you know.

[cwickham]

I, MERE FOR AN EPISODE

Lister decides he is merely so.

[cwickham]

LAKE WINDERMERE FOR AN EPISODE

Everyone drowns.

[tombow]

STRICTLY BUTTER SIDE UP

The Dwarf cast take part in a new Saturday evening game show where celebrity chefs such as Jamie Oliver judge their toast making skills. It is eventually revealed that the show was commissioned by a homophobic bbc director who felt the previous dancing show was too camp for family evening viewing.

[Rubber]

I DEER FOR AN EPISODE

Cat digs out his unreality bubble reindeer head from VI and wears it for the full half hour.

[Rubber]

IDEA: FOREIGN EPISODE

Doug writes an Tokyo-based episode performed entirely in Japanese and CHRIST Kryten’s lines are a bugger to learn for this one.

[Author]

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