Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

BOJWOLB

Deleted scene from Backwards in which Lister and Cat chat in unnecessary detail about how sex works in reverse.

[Dave]

HOOKONADICK

Cat mishears the advice his older brother gave him about how to please women in bed.

[cwickham]

FOUR… (MAYBE FIVE) DAYS

G&T Admins blissfully remember the brief respite.

[Warbodog]

SHE’S NOT JAILBAIT, SHE’S SIXTEEN

After another heated phone call with his publisher, and to avoid further delays, a Red Dwarf author makes sure we know that an objectified character is All Grown Up.

[Warbodog]

SAVE PAGES 148-150

A Red Dwarf author sabotages his plot to excuse writing a violent teenage sex scene.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HOPPY

Legion expresses his wish for the Dwarfers to stand on one leg.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HIPPY

Legion expresses his wish for the Dwarfers to become tree-hugging environmentalists.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE NAPPY

Legion expresses his wish for the Dwarfers to have a mid-afternoon snooze.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY-CLAPPY

Legion expresses his wish for the Dwarfers to become enthusiastic and joyful Christians.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CRAPPY

Legion expresses his wish to watch Series VIII.

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SNAPPY

Legion expresses his wish for the Dwarfers to be like his long lost pet crocodile

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CLIPPY

When Siri, Alexa, and Cortana arrive at Leigon’s space station, he moans a time he was comprised of simpler, more jovial digital assistants

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SHAPPI

When Rob tries to get his new Red Dwarf reboot off the ground, he is dismayed by Netflix’s insistence that Dave Lister be played by Shappi Khorsandi, but has to go along with it or the show won’t get made.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE DAPPY

Leigon wishes he was visited by members of N-Dubz

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY SLAPPY

Leigon doesn’t understand why Lister won’t run around the station with him, slapping his fellow crew mates and filming it on his phone.

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CAPPY

Legion really wants the crew to be more like Mario’s talking cap from Super Mario Odyssey

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE TAPI

Legion is frustrated when a ship turns up and it isn’t the crew arriving to fit his new carpet

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CAPPSY

Legion visits G&T headquarters and tactlessly lets everyone know that his favourite member of the team isn’t there.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I JUST WANT TO MAKE YOU RANDY

Leigon adopts the role of Cat’s prison bitch and tries to turn Cat on for a bit of frisky prison fun.

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE TANDY

Legion lets the boys from the Dwarf know that he’d much rather they were a no longer existent electronics store

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I JUST WHAT YOU TO BE HANDY

Legion begs the boys from the Dwarf to tug him off.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE RATTY

Leigon bemoans the fact he exists in the universe where Lister smuggled a cat onboard, rather than a rat.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE RAPPY

Legion urges the boys from the Dwarf to sing the Red Dwarf Shuffle.

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE FUNNY

Legion reacts badly to watching series VII/VIII of the show

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT TO MAKE MONEY

Legion goes back in time to share a plan with Thickie Holden

[Jenuall]

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE MBAPPE

Legion takes on a new challenge as the manager of a professional football team and demands his players base their game around that of a certain French star

[Dave]

I JUST WANT YOU 2X4B-HUNKY

Camille seduces Kryten by addressing him by their special pet name.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT EWE TURBO HAPPY

Rimmer ventures into an android brothel that does robot sheep.

[Dave]

I JUST WANT MEWTWO, BE HAPPY

Legion gets hooked on Pokemon Go and urges everyone else to stop moaning about it.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-TWO

If a football in a game of zero-gee football (with a radius of about 11cm) hits the goalpost (with a width of about 12cm) whilst moving at 90 degrees from the touchline, what are the chances that it goes into the goal?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ZERO%-G FOOTBALL

The odds are zero. It doesn’t go in. In zero gravity it would just be repelled back in the same direction it came from (sounds like it was travelling in a straight horizontal line?) the only force acting on it being its own momentum. The goal post would simple reverse the direction.

[Dave]

THE BOSTON DOYLES

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and go to Boston.

[Dave]

THE BOSTIN DOYLES

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and go to the West Midlands, and have a great time.

[Dave]

THE BOSTON DOYLES II: KARAOKEHAWK

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and sing More Than A Feeling.

[Dave]

THE BUSTIN’ DOYLES

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and start hunting ghosts.

[desbug]

THE DUSTBIN BOILS

Kryten conducts an experiment to see how long it takes to evaporate the contents a small wastepaper basket full of despair squid ink with a bunsen burner.

[Dave]

THE BEST-TEA DOYLE

Mrs Doyle from Father Ted materialises on board Red Dwarf and repeatedly enquires as to whether the crew require a hot brewed beverage. When the Boys From the Dwarf politely decline she becomes gently but firmly insistent, with a brisk entreaty that she repeats until she produces the desired outcome.

[Jenuall]

THE BOSTON TOILS

Craig Charles and Chris Barrie narrate a documentary on the Boston Red Sox notoriously unsuccessful period during the 1960s

[Dave]

THE BOSS-TEN SOILS

Sonic Mania players shit themselves every time they reach the Lava Reef zone boss riding around on that stupid fucking badnik.

[Dave]

THE BOSSTONES FOILS

Lister thwarts Rimmer’s plan to revise for his astronavigation exam by playing The Impression That I Get at maximum volume on constant repeat all night.

[Dave]

THE ROSSTEN EMBROILS

A G&T user tries to get everyone to refer to David Ross-Kryten as Rossten for shorthand, and when it doesn’t catch on he gets into a huge argument about it with everyone and flounces off.

[Warbodog]

THE BOSTON GOILS

Extension of Rimmer’s face-saving lie where he affects a New York accent and reminisces about the local teenage temptresses.

[Warbodog]

THE BOSTON MOHELS

Rimmer reminisces fondly about William Doyle’s friends in the circumcision trade.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THREE

Holly claims that during the three million years Lister was in stasis, he stayed sane by doing Su Doku puzzles. In fact, he eventually completed every valid Su Doku puzzle there is – that is, every 9×9 grid where the numbers 1-9 appear only once in each 3×3 block, each line and each row – manually.

How many Su Doku puzzles would that be, and how long would it have to take Holly to complete each one on average to do them all in three million years?

[Dave]

THE BOOURNS DOYLES

Billy Doyle reassures Sebastian that the citizens are saying Boo-urns.

[Dave]

THE BITMAP DOYLES

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and start a British software company in the 1980s.

[Dave]

THE BATMAN DOYLES

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and become nighttime vigilantes.

[Dave]

THE BARTMAN DOYLES

Lister and Rimmer drink some despair-squid ink and release a novelty single.

[Warbodog]

DAB OSTEND OILS

Billy Doyle swaps his standard cologne for a Belgian fragrance.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

LOOK OUT ENGLAND, FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME

Lister gets prematurely exited at the possibility of winning an international football tournament.

[Author]

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