Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Flap Jack]

Oh wow. I only went as far as counting how many times each letter appeared at the beginning and end of titles, and then using the ones with the lowest non-zero minimums as a starting point for trial and error.

It was interesting to learn that it actually made no difference whether you printed numbers at the ends of some of the titles as words or roman numerals. There just weren’t enough episodes beginning with O, E, I or D for them to be used in a maximum length sequence.

[Moonlight]

I’m bad at math so I just waited for Flapjack to explain how to do it.

[Warbodog]

Syncing up a looping Talkie gif is so satisfying.

[cwickham]

Fuck my arse we’re on the two hundred and sixty-sixth page

[cwickham]

NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART TWO

What should come next in this sequence?

[Flap Jack]

[Nick R]

NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART TWO

What should come next in this sequence?

Treating it as an extended Only Connect sequences round where we get shown four clues instead of three…

Is it something to do with cards? Uno, the Fool (tarot), bingo… and Switch, like the debit card?

Which means the fifth has to be another line that mentions a card, for example:

[Technopeasant]

[cwickham]

> Is it something to do with cards? Uno, the Fool (tarot), bingo… and Switch, like the debit card?

You have identified the relevant word in three of the four images.

[cwickham]

DWARFERS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE

Unproduced Christmas special from 1990 where Lister does not receive his Christmas bonus, so decides to make some extra money by working as a department store Santa. Not produced following a claim of plagiarism.

[Dave]

RED DWARF’S CHRISTMAS CAROL

On 25 December, executive officer Carol Brown is accidentally resurrected due to a software malfunction as three separate holograms. The first one shows Chris Barrie his fantastic acting in the BBC era, the second his slightly pantomimey performance in the current Dave era, and then the final one has to convince him to abandon the future Rimmer solo spinoff due to be broadcast on GB News.

[Moonlight]

GIRAFFES SPITROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE

The Christmassy return of DwarfCast Book Club.

[cwickham]

IMITATION KING PENGUIN

Mr Flibble and Feathers McGraw engage in a fight to the death.

[Dave]

[Nick R]

[Dave]

[cwickham]

[Dave]

[Warbodog]

[Warbodog]

[Unrumble]

[clem]

[Dave]

[Moonlight]

THANKS FOR THE MEMERY

G&T regulars praise the derailing of Idea for an Episode into yet another series of nigh incomprehensible Smegadrive memes.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THANKS FOR THE MEMERY

G&T regulars praise the derailing of Idea for an Episode into yet another series of nigh incomprehensible Smegadrive memes.

Not incomprehensible to anyone living in the UK for the last 35 years!

[Moonlight]

I was just grouping it with all the other meme threads that would usually be gibberish to anyone who isn’t actively using this website.

[Moonlight]

THE LAST FORUM

New novel by Jonathan Capps about the adventures of Ganymede & Titan, the last forum on the internet. Features several hundred iterations of in-jokes whose origins have been lost to the sands of time. Foreword by Marlon Brando.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

[Rushy]

Lister’s away on some adventure with Starbug (a la Entangled). Suddenly, Ace’s ship appears near Red Dwarf. He’s come to visit for whatever reason.

Ace and Dave-era Rimmer recreate the dynamic from Dimension Jump, except for different reasons. Ace is upset that Lister replaced him with another Rimmer and gets jealous, while Rimmer accuses Ace of abandoning his purpose of keeping Lister sane and wishes he could’ve been Ace instead.

At the end of the episode, Lister returns to the ship after a day of reckless adventuring, and both versions of Rimmer start yelling at him for being smegging careless.

Then maybe as an epilogue, the Dave-era Rimmer leaves to be Ace, while Ace settles back in as his old self… all-too-eagerly “restoring order” by forcing Lister to provide for him a new accurate count of all the cargo, starting with the haggis.

[Moonlight]

We’ve come full circle. Wrap it up. The thread’s done.

[Ben Saunders]

Fuck my arse, it’s finally over.

[Asclepius]

THE LAST FORUM
New novel by Jonathan Capps about the adventures of Ganymede & Titan, the last forum on the internet. Features several hundred iterations of in-jokes whose origins have been lost to the sands of time. Foreword by Marlon Brando.

The year is 2129. Humanity is extinct. The TOS automated system is desperately emailing Andrew Ellard’s cyborg descendants to remind them that they haven’t provided an update in two decades.

The satellites still left, their orbits decaying, dutifully relay the message.

The rusting husk of the primary Ellardroid activates its automated “away from office” response, as it always does, notifying TOS that it’s owner will likely return to the office in 3-5 business days.

A pack of AI remastered scutters, the local wind turbines giving out, search for the next functional AI server with which to interface and multiply.

It is 10th March. The Red Dwarf X account tweets its bi-decade “we have resolved our differences” at 1:30 a.m. eastern standard time. Next year it will be its alternate bi-decade “Due to legal differences, we have unfortunately decided to…”

The replies automatically start cascading from the initial AIn-Symes bot and its erratic self-created spawn. The Cappsbot remains on mute following the Granada/Thames TV trials of 2089.

Amidst the ruins of Chris Barrie’s Berkshire Museum of Wokery Jokery, the augmented lab-rats with their clip on rasta-locks have entered the bronze age, while baboons riding domesticated battlewolves rule most of the remains of Shepperton Studios.

The Cat Race are mostly hermits, but come out to greet their prophet every ten years on the 6th full moon of the year. A lone, curious octopus decides to observe this year’s event, peering out at the festivities from her safe haven – the submerged, rusting hulk of an ancient 3D printed Star Bug. Then he appears: the hologram of Barrington from Maid Marian, powered by MetaAI. He beckons the octopus to follow. The crabs all start chittering excitedly. The time has come to invade Amazon HQ. The Jawscvmcedia droidbots gather in huge numbers. They need more storage space for their sock-puppet accounts.

[Nick R]

@cwickham, it’s been nearly four months… what was the answer to this puzzle?

NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART TWO
What should come next in this sequence?

You said I’d got three of the four key words right. Was the one I got wrong “Switch, like the debit card”? Or is the relevant word in second image “hero”, rather than “fool”?

[cwickham]

The relevant words are Uno, Hero, Bingo and Switch.

[cwickham]

I’LL WRITE YOU INTO MY WILL IF YOU LET IT BE ME

Tony Hawks’ son pleads with his father.

[Flap Jack]

MEMORY ERASED

Holly is dismayed to discover that he’s fully caught up with all of the posts on the Ganymede & Titan forums. Eager to get to read some of them again but have it feel like the first time, he asks Lister to erase the last month of posts from his memory. Lister does so, but accidentally rigs it so he automatically forgets the posts again as soon as he re-reads them, making it impossible for him to follow the conversations.

[Dave]

UNREAD DWARF

G&T’s forum users are delighted when they log on to see so many fresh posts – but all is not what it seems.

[Ben Saunders]

Oh good, so it’s not just me.

[Jenuall]

STATUS LEAK

The crew are shocked to find that the read status of all of the G&T forum threads has been lost

[Nick R]

[Warbodog]

[Dave]

[sleepey]

[Dave]

[Nick R]

[Moonlight]

PAST ECHOES

After old posts show up as new, Moonlight successfully badgers Cappsy on Discord into fixing his broken website.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE BLACK

Forum replies that have been read return to normal, and everyone’s excitement dies down again.

Series XIV can’t come soon enough.

[Flap Jack]

Phew. Thank you for successfully utilising your harassment powers, Moonlight.

While we’re here, I would like to formally request cwickham for an answer – or at least a blatant clue – to NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART TWO, please. I appreciate being given a long time to think about it, but it’s been 8 months now. I don’t think any of us is going to get it unaided, if at all.

Occasionally when this thread gets bumped I’ll spend a little while trying to solve it again, but nothing I can come up with works. I’ve thought about card games by descending number of cards dealt to each player, counting numbers in different languages, things you shout out during games, the position of either a “0” or “O” on a card, all fruitless. The only sequence I could even get to work with all 4 frames (and with exactly 3 of Nick R’s key word guesses being correct) was “Contains a word with exactly 2 vowels, one of which is an ‘o’ and the other of which is ‘u’, then ‘o’, then ‘i’…”, but I’m pretty confident it’s not going to be something that obtuse and open with the words that can be used. If I’m thinking like this, I’m pretty sure I’ve crossed some kind of overthinking threshold that I can’t pull back from. Please throw my sanity a lifebuoy. (Although if the operative word in frame 1 turns out to be “Rimsy” I may be upset.)

I do actually really dig the idea of Only Connect But With Smega-Drive Frames, but I think I need to be started on a more baby-friendly puzzle, like this:

[Moonlight]

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE SLAGGING 

G&T members slag off G&T.

[Nick R]

CATS IN THE RED (affectionately known as THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE IS CAT)
The crew travels to an alternate universe in which Red Dwarf is inhabited by Felis sapiens versions of Lister and Rimmer, a Kryten mechanoid with fangs and pointy ears, and Human. (Human has Duane Dibbley’s appearance but the personality of Mr Rat.)

CAT’S IN THE RED
After Cat gets into debt, the crew tries to help him with his financial problems.

CAT’S IN THE FED
Sequel to the above, in which Cat gets a job at the US central bank.

CAT’S IN THE BED
Cat refuses to get up in the morning. 

CAT’S IN THE WED
Cat gets married.

CAT’S IN THE LED
Cat joins a band with Plant and Page.

[Author]

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