Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,101 through 7,200 (of 8,458 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #257415

    NOW YOU’VE GOT IT IN STEREO BABY!

    4K ultra hd 7.1 dolby surround sound blu-ray box set release of the show, with the only defining difference being that all the opening titles and closing credits have stereo mixes of their respective theme tunes

    #257538
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    If they ever do a re-boot of “Backwards”, I think a backwards puberty would be tough on a woman. And a backwards giving birth and pregnancy.

    #257566
    Offline
    Member

    RED BOX DWARF

    Julian Clary appears and does some off-colour jokes about fisting.

    Kryten makes a face.

    #257578
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    Julian Clary appears

    The three most dreaded words in the English language!

    #257609
    Dave
    Participant

    W-CORP

    An editor of Wikipedia entries for individual Red Dwarf episodes becomes distraught when all of his carefully-crafted synopses are turned invisible.

    #257610

    THANKS FOR THE SYNOPSES

    Lister gifts Rimmer all of the episode synopses for his favourite TV show, for Rimmer to get annoyed at him for all the spoilers he’s now given him, so Lister wipes their memories to allow them both to enjoy the show spoiler free from the beginning.

    #257611

    EDITEME

    Lister gets infected by a virus that causes him to obsessively edit Wikipedia articles about a certain TV show.

    #257612

    CORONAVIRUS OR PARANOIA

    The crew start to get jumpy when anyone close by sneezes due to the outbreak of a deadly virus.

    #257617
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK IN THE FAIRHEAD

    A nurse from the TV series Casualty saves everyone.

    #257642
    Dave
    Participant

    THE THIRTEENTH OUTING

    A bored Lister leafs through the ship’s confidential staff records to find out which of the dead crew members were secretly gay. After finding a dozen examples, he ploughs onwards in his quest to discover more.

    ‘Problematic’ spiritual sequel to Timewave.

    #257644
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    ANIMOSITY KILLED THE CAT

    Thirteenth outing for Red Dwarf, in which the Dwarfers are engaged in a conflict with Rodon, the ruthless feral cat leader (Ray Fearon) who has vowed to wipe out all cats who worship anyone but him. (Final appearance of Danny John-Jules)

    #257804
    Dave
    Participant

    THE LAST JEDAY

    When Kryten refuses to stop shoehorning Star Wars Episode VIII into every conversation, the crew of Red Dwarf welcome the imminent arrival of his replacement.

    #257805
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    RISE OF THE SHITE TALKER

    A forum regular continues to make questionable statements regarding the nadir of the Star Wars franchise.

    #257809
    Veni
    Member

    BETTER THAN THE SEQUEL TRILOGY

    A forum user attempts to defend the dodgy prequel trilogy by stating they’re better than the sequel trilogy, though whether that has any relevance on the matter is something he refuses to acknowledge.

    #257810
    si
    Participant

    THE LAST PPPPPPPPPANCAKE DAY

    The Maid Marian tapes get wiped, but Danny John-Jules has the Pancake Day clip Tweeted at him hundreds of times one Shrove Tuesday.

    #257871
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    RAIL IN THE RED

    Kryten buys a monorail to install in Red Dwarf. Meanwhile, Cat tries to convince Lister it isn’t him who is wanking into all the socks on board.

    #257980
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK FROM THE DEAD

    Comprehensive behind-the-scenes documentary on Joe Biden’s presidential campaign.

    #257984
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    BERNIE IN!

    Holly remarks that Red Dwarf is nearly sixty billion miles away from having any kind of influence on the Democratic nominations for presidency. Meanwhile, fans question whether this plot-line is specifically targeting USians.

    #257992
    Ridley
    Participant

    STELLA RESCUE

    Lister apps the tap leading to an intervention from Alcoholics Anonymous.

    They’re a drunk hacktivist collective.

    #257993
    Dave
    Participant

    STILLER RESCUE

    When Starbug breaks down, Hollywood funnyman Ben Stiller turns up with jump leads to help out the Boys From The Dwarf.

    #258018
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PUMICED LAND

    When the crew of Red Dwarf encounter the Cat fleet, their guests demand to be led to a planet full of small rough stones for exfoliating purposes.

    #258019
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PROMISHED LAND

    Lister attempts to lead the Cat fleet to Fuchal while ‘nicely drunk’.

    #258020
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PROMISED BAND

    Lister reforms Smeg And The Heads and performs the Om song again.

    #258021
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PREMISE BANNED

    UKTV forbids Doug Naylor from basing the entire 90-minute Red Dwarf Special on that fan-fiction about Kryten and Kochanski. Yes, that one.

    #258022
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PUN WRIST PANNED

    After watching Timewave everyone complains about the spitonherwrist joke.

    #258023
    Dave
    Participant

    LA POMME EST BANANE

    Lister tries to teach Kryten to lie again, but this time in French.

    #258024
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THE PROMISCUOUS HAND

    Rimmer’s hand is once again replaced with Petersen’s, and it keeps on getting him into trouble. Leading to hilarious consequences. And also some concerns about what whether this is a suitable topic for a sitcom in 2020.

    #258025
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THE ADMONISHED FAN

    A fan leaks the title and plot of the new Red Dwarf special 4 months after the episode has aired on Dave. He is swiftly scolded about spoiling it for people who have neither seen the episode or are unaware of what Red Dwarf actually is beyond it being reminiscent of some AA commercials.

    #258026
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    THE MISSED PROM LAND

    Lister is lamenting the fact that he never got to attend his high school prom, when by sheer coincidence Starbug is sucked into a portal that takes the Dwarfers to a dimension where people who never went to a senior prom are forced to enact their perfect prom night, or die.

    Can Lister keep everyone dancing as the prom’s DJ? Will Cat have the charisma and political instincts needed to be elected Prom King? Can Rimmer successfully score a date, dance non-embarrassingly, and get laid before the night is done? Will Kryten succeed at breaking his programming in order to smuggle all of the desired vodka and smack into the party?

    #258028
    Katydid
    Participant

    THE PROMISCUOUS HAND

    Peterson’s arm gets up to no good while Rimmer is sleeping.

    #258029
    Katydid
    Participant

    THE PROMISED HAM

    Kryten forgets to make dinner.

    #258030
    Katydid
    Participant

    RED DWARF: BIGGER, LONGER AND UNCUT

    Promotional special focusing on the new Remastered pencil design.

    #258031
    Katydid
    Participant

    GANYMEDE & BIDEN

    Flashback episode where Lister’s Grandpa Joe comes to visit him during shore leave. In the course of ordering a meal, his request for onion rings accidentally comes out as an extended anecdote about how black people don’t need buses to be happy.

    #258032
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    I prefer the Xtended version of THE PROMISCUOUS HAND, though the lack of audience reactions does make all the sexual assault seem more grim.

    #258034
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PROMISCUOUS HAND, PART THREE

    Kryten removes his hand, attaches one of his eyeballs to it, and orders it to rummage around in Lister’s boxers.

    #258035
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    QUARANTINE

    Not actually an idea for a Red Dwarf episode. Just a suggestion.

    #258040
    Dave
    Participant

    WELL YOU’LL PROBABLY GET ONE LOOKING LIKE THAT

    Rimmer tries on his new suit of armour.

    #258044
    Dave
    Participant

    PECOCRACY

    Rimmer dons an elaborately-chested suit of holo-armour as part of his efforts to win the ship’s election.

    #258045
    Dave
    Participant

    SOMEBODY SAVE US BEFORE I WET ME PECS!

    The Rimmer Experience wrongly records Rimmer’s first words after donning his suit of holo-armour.

    #258046
    Dave
    Participant

    TIGHTER THAN AN ITALIAN WAITER’S PECS

    Rimmer finds his new armour uncomfortable.

    #258047
    bloodteller
    Participant

    HAVE YOU SEEN RIMMER’S ARMOIRE?

    Petersen tells everyone about a nice piece of furniture he’s seen in the bunkroom

    #258048
    bloodteller
    Participant

    NO, I’M WAITING TO CUM OUT PAPERBACKS

    Chen responds to the furniture news with a very off-key comment about ejaculating books

    #258049
    Dave
    Participant

    CRAPTAIN HOLLISTER

    The crew of Red Dwarf travel to Ace Rimmer’s dimension and discover that, while their counterparts live happy and fulfilled lives, the reverse is true for the successful people from their dimension, as they discover when they walk past a dishevelled Mac McDonald shitting himself in an alley.

    #258050
    Dave
    Participant

    CAT PAIN HOLLISTER

    Mac McDonald’s character relishes the thought of having Lister’s cat cut up and tests run on it.

    #258051
    Dave
    Participant

    CLAPTAIN HORRISTER

    Lister asks Taiwan Tony who was in charge of Red Dwarf before the accident.

    #258052
    si
    Participant

    CLAPTON HOLLISTER

    Mac McDonald’s character displays a hitherto unknown musical prowess on the guitar.

    #258053
    bloodteller
    Participant

    HAVE YOU SEEN RIMMER’S ALMOND?

    Petersen searches for a lost nut.

    #258055
    Dave
    Participant

    PECS; CONSTANT, GUILT-FREE, PECS

    Rimmer asks Nirvanah Crane for help designing his new armour.

    #258059

    I’M PEC-ING YOU BABY

    Rimmer, annoyed at Lister’s antics, dons a silvery green super hero costume and starts attacking Lister with his rock hard, steel plated, super powered pecs.

    #258108
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    JUST ICE OLATE

    Lister contracts space mumps and Rimmer insists he go straight to Bay 47 for…an amount of time yet to be specified.

    #258109
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THE POLISHED HAND

    Suddenly open to the idea of improving his personal hygiene, Lister wonders whether he should irradiate his hands as per his robot toilet’s instructions. Kryten suggests he try washing them with WD40 instead. Meanwhile, several hundred packets of bog roll go missing and Rimmer doesn’t know who to blame; Aliens, a rubbish subplot from Dear Dave or some questionable social satire?

    #258114
    Dave
    Participant

    OR THE AUNTS HAVEN’T TAKEN OVER

    The crew of Red Dwarf returns to Earth to find it entirely populated by people’s parents’ sisters. “Well, you’ll be in your element if in-laws are in control,” Rimmer quips, inexplicably.

    #258115
    Dave
    Participant

    OR THE BANTZ HAVEN’T TAKEN OVER

    The crew of Red Dwarf returns to Earth to find it entirely populated by wankers. “Well, you’ll be in your element if idiots are in control,” Rimmer quips, wearyingly.

    #258116
    Dave
    Participant

    OR THE CUNTS HAVEN’T TAKEN OVER

    The crew of Red Dwarf returns to Earth and logs on to the ‘Idea For An Episode’ thread on G&T.

    #258192
    Dave
    Participant

    SARESGIP

    When the crew of Red Dwarf venture to Backwards Earth and try to order a beer in a London pub, they are confused by the unusual language used by the patrons.

    #258193
    Dave
    Participant

    Hold on a minute, is “Saresgip” actually what the barmaid is saying in Backwards? The bit that sounds like Erskib (for “Bitter”)? That would actually make a huge amount of sense, as that never sounded right for what should be “Rettib”.

    Apologies if this is really obvious and I’ve just missed it in the past.

    #258194
    Dave
    Participant

    Should be “Sraesgip” though obviously. Bollocks.

    #258195
    Dave
    Participant

    Unless they’re comparing pigs of different time periods.

    #258403
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    SEE YA LATER ALLIGATOR

    The crew are joined by an alligator and wacky hijinks occur when it eats Lister’s pet chicken. They throw it out the airlock and Cat complains about his missed chance to make some stylish shoes.

    #258473
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    LET’S WALK ABOUT THE PROMISED LAND

    No! Stay indoors, you cunt.

    #258476
    si
    Participant

    OUT OF TIME

    Danny John-Jules makes a guest appearance on breakfast television.

    #258477
    Offline
    Member

    THE BIG VINDALOO BREAKFAST

    An annoying ginger breakfast TV host gets chinned by Lister upon return of Red Dwarf to Earth.

    Paula Yates shags someone on the interview bed.

    Kryten makes a face.

    #258514
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    THE TEN PLACENTAS: The crew of the mining ship Red Dwarf stumble upon a derelict spaceship containing no crew, but the yet-to-be-born embyros of ten seemingly alien babies. Where did they come from? And what happened to the crew?

    #258566
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED GLAND

    Lister promises to give Cat one of his sweat glands.

    #258567
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED BAND

    Lister promises to give Cat one of his rubber bands.

    #258568
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED HAND

    Lister promises to give Cat a hand.

    #258569
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED PANNED

    Lister promises to pan Cat’s performance in something.

    #258570
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED SAND

    Lister promises to give Cat some sand.

    #258571
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED TANNED

    Lister promises to show Cat how to get a tan.

    #258572
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE PROMISED WAND

    Lister promises to teach Cat how to pronounce the word ‘wand’ correctly.

    #258574

    THE PROMISED TRANS

    Laverne Cox guest stars as Cat after under taking Kryten’s suggestive surgery.

    #258575
    bloodteller
    Participant

    THE PROMISED LAN
    Kryten promises faster internet speeds after Lister’s Renegade Monks server goes down

    #258576

    THE PROMISED WETWANG

    A fan buys a car based on persistent advertising during the broadcast of TPL in the hope it gets him laid.

    #258577

    THE PROMISED RAM

    Kryten attempts to upgrade his memory capacities by clicking a Facebook link to download more RAM

    #258578
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PROBLEMATIC LAND

    Alternative cut of the Red Dwarf 2020 special that retains only the infamous “sex change operation” scene from the original and follows this up with an entirely different plot that builds upon the idea of Lister and Cat becoming parents of a newborn child, with all the complications that setup entails, navigated with exactly as much tact and sensitivity as you’d expect.

    #258579
    Dave
    Participant

    THE PUNISHED BAND

    The crew of Red Dwarf travel back in time to tell Smeg And The Heads that their music is crap and Lister should invent the tension sheet instead.

    #258580
    Dave
    Participant

    THE POLISHED BRAND

    Everyone agrees that the newest version of the Red Dwarf logo looks pretty good.

    #258581

    THE POLISH STREISAND

    Unable to obtain Barbra Streisand on a series budget, a low rent Eastern European alternative is sought as a replacement.

    #258591
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    THE GLENELG LAND

    Having already upset members of the Kennedy family with Tikka to Ride, Doug sees no problems with having the Dwarfers visit Glenelg Beach on January 26th, 1966.

    #258592
    Dave
    Participant

    SAID NO WOMAN, EVER, TO YOU

    Feature-length Red Dwarf special consisting entirely of Cat regaling Lister with an insulting series of things that no woman has ever said to him, to increasingly hysterical audience reactions.

    #258593
    cwickham
    Participant

    SAID NO WOMAN, EVER, TO YU

    Taiwan Tony comes back and makes an unfunny joke racist as well.

    #258594
    Dave
    Participant

    LET ME FINISH

    While Kryten is trying to explain his sex-change plan, Cat seizes on his repeated entreaty and turns to Lister exclaiming “As you said, to no woman, ever!”

    The audience goes wild.

    #258595
    cwickham
    Participant

    LET ME FINNISH

    Kryten proposes that Lister start saying everything with a Finnish accent.

    #258596
    cwickham
    Participant

    LET ME BIG FINISH

    Kryten proposes that Lister stars in a range of audio dramas.

    #258597
    si
    Participant

    WAITING FOR COD

    Cat is disappointed when a dispensing machine takes a long time to serve him fish.

    #258598
    Dave
    Participant

    LET ME² FINISH

    Robert Llewellyn insists on watching the final episode of Series I all the way to the end of the closing credits.

    #258599
    flanl3
    Participant

    THE PROMISED HAND

    Lister bets his hand against some GELFs in a game of poker and loses. He returns to Red Dwarf, panicked, and Kryten helps him remove his hand safely so that they can bring it back to to the GELFs. When they turn back up, the GELFs, are confused, as all they thought he meant was that he was going to give back his hand of cards and not steal them, meaning he never had to cut off his hand and went through undue panic and pain in order to bring them a prize that they weren’t e

    *Lister falls into a hole and gets the hatch closed over him*

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

    #258604
    Dave
    Participant

    THE POO RISK LAND

    Still haunted by his experiences of taking an ill-advised shit on backwards-Earth, Cat continues to force it into conversations even thirty years later.

    #258605
    Dave
    Participant

    APESHIT MODE

    Kryten takes to building a large nest in the engineering decks, producing mountains of mechanoid faeces, and throwing clumps of it at Rimmer, Lister and Cat as they pass by while hooting aggressively at them.

    #258606
    Dave
    Participant

    MIGHTY LIGHT/SHITEY SPRITE MIGHT FIGHT MIGHTY WHITE PLIGHT TONIGHT

    Following the success of the Red Dwarf: The Promised Land special, Chris Barrie is offered a job advertising a languishing brand of bread in an attempt to halt its sales decline. The catch is that he has to appear in his superhero-Rimmer persona and must be available for filming that very same evening.

    #258608

    MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER RIMMER

    In a move nearly as controversial as introducing a child into the Power Ranger’s line up, Hasbro (yes Hasbro bought PR from Saban after he bought it back from Disney after they bought it from Fox) enlist 60 year old Chris Barrie to play Rimmer to take on the role of the Blue Ranger.

    #258609
    Dave
    Participant

    RUM

    Rimmer, to rhyme with scum.

    #258610
    Dave
    Participant

    GLIMMER

    Rimmer finally realises what name he should choose for his light-based superhero alter-ego and delightedly creates a Twitter account to promote it, only to be mistaken for a transphobic Irish comedy writer and pilloried.

    #258612
    Ridley
    Participant

    POPE TED

    Int. The Vatican
    Mrs Doyle enters carrying a tray.

    MRS DOYLE
    Would you like some T, Your Holiness?

    TED
    [Rants for two hours, forty minutes about trans rights activists including interval]

    MRS DOYLE
    Alright so.

    #258613
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    That nearly makes the preceding 7,193 posts worth it.

    #258614
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    IT’S COVID OUTSIDE, IT’S NO TIME TO FRATERNISE

    New 2020 lyrics for Red Dwarf. And you get the idea with that.

    #258619

    I DECIDED TO MAKE A FAN EDIT OF THE PROMISED LAND AND SEND IT OFF IN A PROBE

    New forum member finds his computer explodes every time he tries to upload a fan edit of a recently released episode.

    #258620

    THE PROMISED LAND 2: YOU KILLED, MY BROTHER: FUTURE ECHOS PART 2

    Follow up to the promised land in which it is revealed Hogey is actually a future echo of a deranged Cat from 150 years in the future, seeking revenge in Lister for killing his brother Rodon.

    #258621

    LET ME FINISH

    Lister walks in on Kryten getting pleasure from a washing machine catalogue and Kryten begs him to let him finish.

    #258629
    Dave
    Participant

    YES SIR, I’VE BEEN A ROUNDHEAD

    Spinoff series in which Rimmer regresses through more of his past lives following his service of Alexander the Great, offering various incarnations of him at different points in British history, with a regular supporting cast that play similarly era-appropriate iterations of basically the same characters.

    After a triumphant climax to the fourth series, the show’s return in a millennium special turns out to be ill-advised.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,101 through 7,200 (of 8,458 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.