Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,301 through 7,400 (of 8,458 total)
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  • #259175
    Dave
    Participant

    WAR DEN, NOT

    Deleted scene from Meltdown in which Rimmer and his army of wax droids try to camouflage their bunker.

    #259176
    Dave
    Participant

    KRILL CRAZY

    When the dollarpound is suddenly devalued, Red Dwarf adopts a new currency based on tiny crustaceans, prompting a Bitcoin-style investment rush.

    #259177
    Dave
    Participant

    ACK ACK-ACK, ACK ACK ACKERMAN

    Warden Ackerman takes a GELF bride.

    #259187
    si
    Participant

    KALECRAZY

    Spinoff sitcom about a mad prisoner who becomes a greengrocer.

    #259198
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    DEMENTIA TRUMP

    Rimmer ponders whether Skutters can walk up stairs, and decides to use the Quantum rod to search for the answer. When he sticks it in the wrong hole, he is transported to a parallel universe where people are instead asking “Can Presidents walk down ramps?”

    #259200
    Dave
    Participant

    A MINUTE’S FLATULENCE

    When Doug Naylor re-remasters the first few series of Red Dwarf again, he adds an unusual sound effect to replace the blast at the end of the closing credits for extra emphasis.

    #259201
    Dave
    Participant

    A MIDGET’S FLATULENCE

    When Doug Naylor re-remasters the first few series of Red Dwarf again, he adds comedy fart sound effects to all sequences that feature Blue Midget in flight.

    #259202
    Dave
    Participant

    TWENTY-SIX MINUTES’ FLATULENCE

    Working title for TIMEWAVE.

    #259203
    Dave
    Participant

    TEN MINUTES’ FAT TULIP

    Tony Robinson guest-stars in this niche nostalgia revival mini-episode.

    #259204
    Dave
    Participant

    A MYSTERY FACTUAL LANCE

    When Lister claims that a knight has escaped from the AR machine and become physically present in the real world, Rimmer never once questions how this could be possible.

    #259206
    si
    Participant

    A MINI FLATULENCE

    Lister lets out a li’l pip.

    #259207
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    CUSTER’S LAST STAND

    Derrick Custer is extracted from Prison Rimmer’s failing memory and becomes a real man.

    #259392
    Dave
    Participant

    YES, ‘X’ HAS

    Answer to the question “do any series of Red Dwarf have an episode that addresses racism in a really clunky and awkward way?”

    #259419
    Manbird
    Participant

    YES, ‘X’ HAS

    Answer to the question “do any series of Red Dwarf have an episode that addresses racism in a really clunky and awkward way?”

    I see you’ve recontextualised a comment from another thread.

    I don’t like it.

    #259420
    Dave
    Participant

    I SEE YOU’VE REMASTERED

    Self-aware addition to the new edition of Series I-III in which Holly comments aloud on the many and varied changes made to the episodes.

    #259421
    Dave
    Participant

    I HEAR YOU’VE REMASTERED NOW, FATHER

    New edition of Father Ted in which new characters spouting anti-trans rhetoric have been clumsily edited into the episodes.

    #259422
    Dave
    Participant

    I DON’T LIKE IT

    Fan consensus on both of the above.

    #259424
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    DIVINITY WELCOMES HAIRLESS DIVER

    The Dwarfers decide to pay another visit to The Universe but are shocked to discover that He will only speak to them if they’re accompanied by Duncan Goodhew.

    #259425
    bloodteller
    Participant

    Ace Rimmer teams up with Robin Hood to reclaim all the smeg that the Sheriff of Nottingham has stolen from a village. Featured song: Rockin’ Robin by (Bobby Day)

    A taste of curry sauce with seeds in it causes Lister to grow fruits and vegetables out of his body. Scott Nemes guest-stars.

    #259427
    si
    Participant

    INFINITY WELCOMES CHEERFUL IVORS

    A happy Welsh train chuffs around Red Dwarf forever.

    #259428
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    NODNOLYMORPH

    Lister finds the scattered body parts of a dead monster on board the ship. In front of Lister’s eyes, these charred and bloody organs float into the air and reconstitute themselves to form a fully grown polymorph, which then resurrects and shoots an energy blast into the barrel of Lister’s bazookoid. The polymorph then escapes and starts to stalk the crewmembers, cornering them one by one and blowing their dominant personality traits into them.

    #259432
    Dave
    Participant

    SNACKWARDS

    Snacky is taken to backwards Earth where he undergoes a profound personal transformation from self-confident scientific genius to unambitious snack-dispensing robot.

    #259440
    Dave
    Participant

    JUPITUS MOON

    Guest star Phill Jupitus bares his arse for the whole world to see. For 26 minutes.

    #259441
    cwickham
    Participant

    GLINNER TAKE

    Hidden camera show where Graham Linehan is tricked into thinking a theatre producer and venue have actually offered to stage Pope Ted, successfully capturing the look on his face the moment he realises it’s all a prank and nobody in the entertainment industry is ever going to touch him with a 50-foot bargepole ever again.

    #259458
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    FRANCS FOR THE STRAWBERRY

    When Lister realises there are no strawberries left in the universe, he boots up the Time Drive and heads to 1990’s France to buy some Gariguettes. Contains questionable french accents and some jokes nicked from Allo Allo.

    #259464
    Katydid
    Participant

    OFFICER GLINNER

    Graham Linehan is briefly promoted to high command until he is dishonorably discharged over a freak accident involving dick pics, a spatula, and thirteen very angry women.

    #259465
    Katydid
    Participant

    BLUEBALLS

    Graham Linehan becomes very testy when he can no longer show women his testes.

    #259466
    Katydid
    Participant

    CONFIDENCE & POLAROIDA

    Human Kryten becomes way too proud of his penis, and begins walking around the ship naked with a raging hard-on. Two Norman Lovetts guest star as his balls.

    This episode is banned in Ireland, several Canadian provinces and every US state below the Mason-Dixon line.

    #259467
    Katydid
    Participant

    THANKS FOR THE WHAM-BAM-THANK-YOU-MA’AMERY

    US title of Holoship.

    #259468
    Katydid
    Participant

    TUNE IN TONIGHT WHEN ONE OF THESE CHARACTERS WILL DIE!!!

    US title of The End.

    #259469
    Katydid
    Participant

    THE DOG FOOD RESTAURANT

    US title of Marooned.

    #259470
    Katydid
    Participant

    FUTURE ECCHI

    Flashback episode taking place between Series X and XI in which Lister becomes a weeaboo to the frustration of everyone on Red Dwarf. This retroactively explains his abandoning of the search for Kochanski, as he is now in a committed relationship with a crusty body pillow depicting an anime girl he pretends to not realize is 14.

    #259471
    Katydid
    Participant

    THE FAST DAY

    Lister becomes obsessed with speedrunning Sonic the Hedgehog 2, completely unaware that he is actually laying face down on the floor, hallucinating, next to a leaking nerve agent cask the crew looted from a derelict. Lister’s mouth foam provided by special guest foamer Sir Patrick Stewart.

    #259472
    Katydid
    Participant

    BLUE HOLE

    A strange wibbly thing in space causes Rimmer and Lister to spontaneously make out at fixed intervals. During this, the camera always cuts to a reaction shot of Cat or Kryten much to the chagrin of every middle-aged woman who still uses Tumblr.

    #259473
    Katydid
    Participant

    CASSANDRA – DIRECTOR’S EDIT

    Twenty-eight minutes and thirty-four seconds of Norman Lovett pointing at you and laughing that you ever thought this was a good episode.

    #259529
    Dave
    Participant

    LAST OF THE GLINNER WHINE

    Lister and Rimmer go back in time to stop Graham Linehan from making an arse of himself on Twitter. Unfortunately their discouragement only leads him to redouble his efforts, to the point where Twitter bans him entirely.

    #259530
    Dave
    Participant

    GLINNERWORLD

    Graham Linehan tries to evade his Twitter bam by creating a series of new accounts purporting to be somebody else but actually clearly just being him again, in the hope of eventually populating Twitter entirely with his clones.

    #259531
    Dave
    Participant

    THE GLINQUISITOR

    Graham Linehan is erased from existence after being deemed to have lived an unworthy life, and is replaced by Arthur Matthews.

    #259532
    cwickham
    Participant

    MECHALIMONY

    Graham Linehan, realising his writing career is over, attempts to turn himself into a robot in order to avoid dealing with support payments for the children he’s never going to see again.

    #259542
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    OT: in the afterlife, Dermot Morgan must really be hating Graham for ruining Father Ted’s legacy.

    #259552
    cwickham
    Participant

    TIMEGRAVE

    Everyone agrees the time has come to be very, very grave indeed.

    #259553
    si
    Participant

    ONE FOOT IN THE TIMEWAVE

    Victor Meldrew doesn’t believe that an episode of Red Dwarf could possibly be so…disappointing.

    #259644
    Dave
    Participant

    JUST PROGRAMMING IT NOW, MATEY BOY

    Droid rot sets in for Kryten and he begins talking to a small bottle of bubble bath in the shape of a sailor.

    #259645
    Dave
    Participant

    ROB ‘E’ ROCKET PANTS

    Series co-creator Rob Grant takes Ecstasy and is overcome by an urge to express his love physically.

    #259646
    Dave
    Participant

    RED CHRIS MASS

    The actor who plays Rimmer is visibly embarassed when he turns up at the wrong church service.

    #259658
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    THANKS FOR THE MEGA ‘E’

    Rob sorts out some pills for the rest of the gang, and everyone is very enthusiastic in thanking him.

    #259659
    Dave
    Participant

    THE E

    Rob and Doug never finish writing the pilot episode as they’re off their faces.

    #259741
    cwickham
    Participant

    THANKS FOLKLORE MEMORY

    The surprise announcement of a new Taylor Swift album brings back memories of one of this thread’s most inexplicable running jokes.

    #259742
    cwickham
    Participant

    FOLKLORE ECHOES

    Lister plays a Taylor Swift album really loudly, causing the sound to echo throughout the ship.

    #259804
    Dave
    Participant

    THE LAST KNIGHT

    When Kryten is informed that he has 24 hours before he is replaced by a superior model, Lister decides to trick Hudzen-10 into leaving by telling him that Kryten was killed by a knight that escaped from the AR machine and so a replacement is no longer required. However, everyone insists that this would be immoral on absolute principle, and Hudzen probably wouldn’t believe it anyway.

    #259805
    Dave
    Participant

    C-AR-MILLE

    When Kryten refuses to lie to Camille about not loving her on absolute principle, even to encourage her to leave with Hector, Lister resolves the situation by instead telling her that Kryten was sadly killed by a knight that escaped from the AR machine.

    #259806
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK TO A.R.TH

    The crew hallucinate an alternate reality in which they were all killed by a knight that escaped from the AR machine.

    #259824
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK TO EARTH: PART THE 1

    Lister plays a Taylor Swift song which reminds him of losing Kochanski.

    #259825
    cwickham
    Participant

    CARDIGANARCHY

    Kryten tasks the nanobots with recreating the music video for the Taylor Swift song “cardigan”.

    #259826
    cwickham
    Participant

    THE LAST GREAT TWENTICAN DYNASTY

    The Dwarfers visit a parallel version of America where the only music that is legal is by Taylor Swift.

    #259829
    Joe
    Participant

    I’m starting to think these aren’t legitimate ideas for episodes.

    #259844
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    SILVER SECURITY CERTIFICATE

    While in the alternate dimension in Back To Earth, Lister tries to visit fan page Ganymede and Titan. However, Firefox doesn’t let him visit the page due to it having an unmatched security certificate so he just continues his journey

    #259847
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    SITEDOWN

    After failing to access the extremely popular and beloved fansite Ganymede & Titan, Lister tries to visit Planet Smeg instead, but finds that he does not have permission to access the resource. He then tells the rest of the crew that the website was up, but that sadly a skutter escaped from G.A.G. and killed Katerina. Nobody doubts the truth of this, or wonders why Lister is currently wearing a skutter costume and holding a gun with “Kill Katerina (Pretend)” written on it.

    #259859
    Dave
    Participant

    ALL FORGET-Y SPAGHETTI?!?

    When Chris Barrie watches Ouroboros Xtended and notices that the entire production team of Red Dwarf has forgotten to insert the setup for the reinstated punchline about how Lister eats spaghetti, he becomes visibly enraged.

    #259923

    BACK IN THE RATIO

    A forum member bumps an old thread about aspect ratios.

    #259926
    Dave
    Participant

    LISTER RD-52 16:9

    Lister tells a vending machine his favourite aspect ratio.

    #259963
    tombow
    Participant

    MEN BEHAVING KRYTE-LY

    Gary and Tony fall into a time wormhole on the way back from the pub and end up on Mimas where they are picked up as vagrants and held on Dwarf’s prison deck, later being nano-reborn. Krytie TV is exactly the same only their shouts of “phwoar!” “Nice one” are now loudly heard above the crowd.

    #259972
    Rubber
    Participant

    BACK IN THE THREAD

    Only realised The Promised Land existed a week or so ago and it prompted me to search out all my old posts in this thread from three years ago and I really was very, very, very funny.

    #259975
    Joe
    Participant

    BACK IN THE DREAD

    An old poster returns to the forums and I have a bad feeling about this…

    #260161
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    JUST THE WRONG FILE

    A mixup causes a home video of Doug Naylor’s Christmas family reunion to be played instead of the scheduled episode

    #260163

    FLOORS AND CEILINGS

    After installing a pre-cognition computer, Lister bullies his future self to learn how to build the horizontal parts of a room.

    #260164

    CEMENT AND PLASTER

    After visiting the Officer’s Quarters, Lister get sick and hallucinates two construction workers who teach him how to build a wall.

    #260166

    PARALLEL LINES

    Holly builds a Holly Hop Drive that takes the crew to a universe where Lister is obsessed with getting his walls exactly parallel to each other, whilst exclusively listening to a particular Blondie album.

    #260167
    No
    Participant

    I think a good idea for an episode is if they all visited https://unofficialreddwarfforum.com/
    Because G&T shut their old forum down.

    #260170
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    No they didn’t if they did this post wouldn’t exist. The official site’s forum was taken down

    #260171
    No
    Participant

    No they didn’t if they did this post wouldn’t exist. The official site’s forum was taken down

    By g&t

    #260177
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    I’d love to see how you think that happened

    #260178
    No
    Participant

    I’ve heard that https://unofficialreddwarfforum.com/ is the place to be for Red Dwarf chatter

    #260182
    cwickham
    Participant

    UNCONFIDENCE AND PARA-NO-IA

    Somebody decides to plug their Red Dwarf forum on the most mindless thread on G&T, and inexplicably does so by claiming the very forum they’re currently posting on has been shut down.

    #260184
    Dave
    Participant

    SHITE HOLE

    A poster on the G&T forum starts talking out of this, when they claim the very forum that they’re posting on doesn’t exist.

    #260192

    I normally don’t break character to comment in this thread, but I have to just for this. He isn’t claiming G&T is shut down, he is claiming G&T shut down the TOS forum. Which is even more bizzar!

    cough ahem where was I?

    THE SLIME’S GOING HOME

    After briefly interrupting proceedings, a new forum member is sent packing back to where they came from, much to the adulations of the rest of the members.

    #260193

    THE LAST COMMENT

    Jimbob-10 is sent to replace old annoyance Jawsmcdia but goes into a meltdown when he is told there is no such place as The Official Red Dwarf Forum, and promptly shuts down.

    #260197
    Dave
    Participant

    THANKS FORUM THE MEMORY

    When G&T shuts down the TOS forum, it erases its own memory of having done so and buries the recording in the Idea For An Episode thread marked “to the memory of the memory of Thanks Forum The Memory”.

    #260203

    G&T

    A new forum member gives the admin a reason to ban him, so they take it.

    #260207
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK TO MIRTH

    After an unpleasant interlude, the Idea For An Episode thread gets back to its usual silliness.

    #260208

    BACK TO GIRTH

    Suddenly, threads about cast penis size don’t seem all that outrageous.

    #260209
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    CONSPIRACY AND PARANOIA

    Wild baseless accusations are thrown about by sperms that shouldn’t have made it in an attempt to try and justify their existence.

    It doesn’t work.

    #260213
    Dave
    Participant

    OUT OF SLIME

    Production on Noel’s House Party is abruptly halted in the mid-1990s due to a shortage of liquid for the ‘gunk tank’. Edmonds therefore conceives an ambitious plan to go back in time and steal it from himself. However, he hops back slightly too far, and arrives bang in the middle of an episode of Telly Addicts, disappointing his younger self.

    #260214
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    CRANK’S FORUM BEGGARY

    A daft twat resorts to spamming G&T with advertisements for his crappy website in hope of attracting some visitors.

    #260217
    cwickham
    Participant

    OUT OF NINE

    Lister sets up a service selling door numbers, but runs out of one particular number. The matter is resolved when he realises he can just put the sixes upside-down.

    #260218
    cwickham
    Participant

    OUT OF SEVEN OF NINE

    Copyright-infringing episode which reveals the true identity of Lister’s birth mother.

    #260221
    Dave
    Participant

    OUTSIDE NUMBER NINE

    Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton are about to call their lawyers, but then something happens that makes them laugh.

    #260828
    cwickham
    Participant

    EUB

    DNA, but rewritten by Gavin Williamson.

    #260830
    tombow
    Participant

    AREN’T YOU A PANTHER WRIST?

    The crew discover Red Dwarf’s secret ultimate purpose is to be the wrist section of a gigantic space version of the Panther Shurikenzord from Power Rangers. While exploring the rest of the huge mechanical beast, they find it has planet-destroying fire breath capabilities, but choose to deactivate them. “We’re not a frying panther wrist” explains Lister.

    #260841
    tombow
    Participant

    LUNAR CITY DEVON

    The boys are overjoyed to find a reproduction of England’s famed “Jurassic Coast” on a pleasure moon, complete with fossil beaches, dinosaur museums, seafront amusements and farming theme park “The Big Sheep”.

    #260848
    Rubber
    Participant

    RIMMER WHIRLED

    Rimmer casts a rueful eye back over his pre-death ballet career. Meanwhile, Cat has rabies and has to be destroyed.

    #260862

    I AM PARKER KNOLL

    Upon running into a pair of Rouge Simulants, Lister pretends to be an old arm chair to try and deflect The Simulants away from them.

    #260863
    Dave
    Participant

    KNOLLARCHY

    Kryten’s nanobots recreate an old armchair with a bra wrapped around it, instantly giving Lister the horn.

    #260864
    Dave
    Participant

    PARKWARDS

    On backwards-Earth, Lister gingerly attempts to wrap his arm around an old armchair to put a bra on it.

    #260865
    Dave
    Participant

    PARK TO REKNOLLITY

    Lister wakes up to discover that his life on board Red Dwarf was all an elaborate deception, and Kochanski, the object of his desire, was in fact little more than an old armchair with a bra wrapped around it.

    #260866

    PARKERKNOLL UNIVERSE

    Holly creates a device that allows the crew to transport themselves into a universe populated by old arm chairs with bras wrapped around them. This proves too much for Lister, as so much blood drains from his vital organs to one organ in particular, he dies immediately.

    #260867

    THE GUNMAN BEHIND THE PARKER KNOLL

    In an early script of Tikka to Ride, the crew beam into Texas in 1963, and find themselves behind a discarded Parker Knoll with a bra wrapped around it. Lister immediately gets aroused and shoots his load so hard, he kills JFK as he passes in his car.

    #260868
    Dave
    Participant

    THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES

    Red Dwarf’s resident Parker Knoll achieves sentience after being treated with mutated furniture polish, and is finally able to convey its gratitude for the ersatz breasts provided by Lister’s bizarre bra antics.

    #260869
    Dave
    Participant

    KNOLLOSHIP

    When a space freighter entirely crewed by old armchairs wearing bras makes contact with Red Dwarf, Lister is tempted to leave his crewmates behind and start a new life among his fantasy objects.

    #260870
    Dave
    Participant

    PARKER TO RIDE

    Lister has sex with an armchair in a bra. Spiritual sequel to Dear Dave.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,301 through 7,400 (of 8,458 total)
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