Misheard lines

[Danny Stephenson]

Does anyone have any quotes from Red Dwarf that they’ve misheard and took it as read, only to find that years later you’ve got it all wrong?

Now i’ve wrote this topic starter I can’t think of an example. Bollocks

Anyways…

Discuss.

Topic

[John Hoare]

Bloody hell! I never noticed that either! The proof.

What always gets me about that scene is that out of Lister with his appalling flirting, and Rimmer with what I genuinely think would be an interesting photo collection of 20th century telegraph poles… I’d rather spend the time with Rimmer.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

> I genuinely think would be an interesting photo collection of 20th century telegraph poles? I?d rather spend the time with Rimmer.

Sounds like a crazy fun packed life youu live there John.

[TheLeen]

I don’t think the telegraph pole photos are very interesting. Now my collection of sewer lid photos from around the world…

[Dave]

>Now my collection of sewer lid photos from around the world?

In this part of the world we call them manholes, but that would sound incredibly rude

[TheLeen]

Can I take a picture of your manhole?

… no, that doesn’t work for me tbh…

[penny]

>Can I take a picture of your manhole?
>? no, that doesn?t work for me tbh?

Sounds like a bad chatup line.

[Dave]

>Can I take a picture of your manhole?

>Sounds like a bad chatup line

Sounds like dialogue in porn films that really puts you off

[Danny Stephenson]

> In this part of the world we call them manholes, but that would sound incredibly rude

“WAHEY! now that sounds INCREDIBLY RUDE!! Sounds a bit like “bum”, doesn’t it?”

[Jonsmad]

Before Series one was repeated or released on video
I used to think Rimmers line in Better Than Life…

“So I said to Holister…” was some kind of bad misspronounced “Hol Lister” combo. Because I didnt realise that was the captains surname, and I thought he was trying to start a boast about something heroic he imagined, that had happened on ship during his time since being dead, as opposed to when he was alive with the original crew. Even though it’s lister that calls Holly as Hol. Which makes me twice as dumb.

[Danny Stephenson]

I have always wondered why they had Holly, Lister, and Hollister as names…

[Phil]

>Holly, Lister, and Hollister as names?

Interesting!

They changed Hollister for the books, though, didn’t they? I remember Dwarf’s captain was now female but I can’t remember her name…

[Phil]

I just checked. Turns out he was replaced in the novels by Captain Rimcat.

[Andrew]

Her name was Captain Kirk. Seriously.

Captain Tau in the USA version. Hollister’s a name from the guy’s schooldays, I think – suspect the changes were to avoid exactly the confusion being described.

[Pete Part Three]

I assume that someone called Tranter is from Grant Naylor’s school days too. James Tranter is the real name of Bongo in Dimension Jump. The ‘same’ character gets a semi-name change to Peter Tranter in Backwards (the novel) who, oddly enough, has a sister who we meet in Psirens.

Then there’s Deck Sergeant Sam Murray who gets the briefest of mentions in the original pilot script and we get to meet in the episode Holoship.

[Andrew]

And Sam Murray either changes gender, or is half of Red Dwarf’s first gay couple – in the pilot script s/he is described as spitting up from a boyfriend.

[John Hoare]

As I walked home today from work, I realised what the phrase “khazi-droids” meant in Quarantine.

Before, I thought it was some weird corruption of “caucasian”…

[mick]

>And Sam Murray either changes gender, or is half of Red Dwarf?s first gay couple – in the pilot script s/he is described as spitting up from a boyfriend.

It’s a brave new world ;)

[Anonymous]

“I juggled the golfish” was misheard by me as “I dribbled the golfish” on every single viewing up until…yesterday.

[Danny Stephenson]

I thought it was “juggled”…

[Paul Muller]

So it wasn’t, “I drank all the goldfish.”?

Also. “Ouroborous” – “He must be thicker than a ticket tout’s wad.” Got that about a week ago, always thought it was something like “ticket tell’s what”.

Still don’t get it.

And Lister’s line to Rimmer after he calls Lister 3rd rate scum, I still can’t work out. Honestly, I just cannot work out what Craig is saying. Help me.

[Danny Stephenson]

The subtitles on the DVD are quite good for stuff like this. Unlike the Blackadder ones which mishear things that are blatently obvious.

For a really bad exmaple of the subtitler not knowing the voices watch the subtitles of the League Of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse, they haven’t a fucking clue whos voice is who!

[Andrew]

> Got that about a week ago, always thought it was something like ?ticket tell?s what?….Still don?t get it.

A ticket tout traditionally holds a large wad of banknotes. A wad that ends the day being extremely thick.

I’m not saying it’s actually, y’know, funny…

> And Lister?s line to Rimmer after he calls Lister 3rd rate scum, I still can?t work out.

“Yeah – but remember, I used to be fourth-rate scum. I’ve dragged meself up by me bootstraps, bub.”

I still like so much of that scene’s dialogue.

[Anonymous]

Ah, I remember the good old days of BBC Ceefax subtitles. During the original broadcast of Series 5, they insisted on naming one of the characters “Crighton”.

[Andrew]

On broadcast of Series VII’s Duct Soup, “Hot branding iron” became “hot brandy” on the 888 subs.

[Dave]

In The League Of Gentlemen Series 1 when Pauline threatens to stop Mickey’s benefits and says “Yeah, both claims”, the 888 subtitles said “Yeah, birth claims”

[Phil]

>?Yeah, birth claims?

The DVD subtitles might have this, too. I definitely remember seeing it transcribed that way…I just can’t remember where.

Still, I don’t know how the 888 thing works in the UK…but in America, our closed-captioning system fairly frequently features typos (pretty much excusable for live broadcasts), blatant mishearings (somewhat less excusable), and an awful lot of keyboard mash in place of actual words (which is utterly disgraceful).

You’ll end up with a live transcription that looks something like “I REM67EMBER NOW. I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND AK1SJQ @#RJIWL6748 BLOOD.”

I can only assume the keyboard mash is to make up for lost ground on the transcription…they must have word-count monitored at the end, or something and just need some nonsense to make up the numbers.

I’d imagine that’s far more jarring to a deaf viewer than just omitting a word, filling it in logically, or, worse come to worse, just typing the phrase (INCOMPREHENSIBLE). At least that doesn’t interrupt the logical thought process.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why the bother subtitling live news etc. It’s always a complete mess.

Wonder if it’s done by hand or is it an automated speech-recognition system?

It also really annoys me on TV or DVD subtitles when they seemingly can’t be bothered to type exactly what the people are saying and give an abbreviated version or simply miss bits out. Doesn’t show much respect to the script writers.

[Andrew]

> I don?t know why the bother subtitling live news etc. It?s always a complete mess.

Is “Because the deaf would probably like to know what was going on, too” a too-obvious answer?

I often stay with friends where the teletext subs are constantly on for, say, Eastenders, and live shows like X-Factor – and there’s WAY more that’s good than bad. And it makes all the difference when someone in the room isn’t able to hear the sound.

> It also really annoys me on TV or DVD subtitles when they seemingly can?t be bothered to type exactly what the people are saying and give an abbreviated version or simply miss bits out. Doesn?t show much respect to the script writers.

As a writer, I get the niggle. But you have to abbreviate sometimes to make the thing possible to read in the short time it’s on-screen. It’s fine if you already know the show, or are listening with the sound on – otherwise long lines really do sometimes need condensing. At which point it depends who’s done the job as to the quality of the job.

It’s certainly got nothing to do with not being bothered!

[John Hoare]

The abbreviation of subtitles is especially a problem in comedy. Often, the thing that’s funny is completely removed from the lines – meaning it’s a translation of the literal meaning of words, but the actual humour is removed.

It’s an impossible problem to solve. I get that lines have to be shortened – but when single words removed can wreck the humour in a line, I don’t know what you can do.

[Ben Paddon]

My Mum used to put the subtitles on for Top of the Pops, for an impromptu Karaoke session.

[peas_and_corn]

the worst in subtitles I have seen so far is on one of the Simpsons’ DVDs.

“…and there was that unfortunate bout of tourettes”
became
“…and that bout of rabies”

[Danny Stephenson]

> Wonder if it?s done by hand or is it an automated speech-recognition system?

It’s done by hand, more often than not, with a stenotype. Clever piece of kit.

If you want to know more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stenotype

[Phil]

>one of the Simpsons? DVDs.

I remember a Simpsons book I used to have…probably in a box somewhere. An official release, too. They were reproducing an exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers from Team Homer (if I remember correctly) when Mr. Burns is balancing his checkbook.

In the show it was something like:

BURNS: Bowling?! I don’t remember paying for any bowling.
SMITHERS: No, sir, that’s *boweling.* Remember that month we didn’t do it?
BURNS: Ooh, that was unpleasant for all involved.

In the book they transcribed it as:

SMITHERS: No, sir, that’s *boweling.* Remember that monkey didn’t do it?

Which, alright, maybe someone misheard it…but IF it was misheard in that way, it’s just nonsense. Why put it in the book?

[Phil]

I remembered another one. From Back to Reality.

I heard Billy “Granny Killer” Doyle as Billy “Granikula” Doyle. I had absolutely no idea what that was supposed to mean for many, many viewings. I think I just assumed it was some British reference I’d never understand.

It’s strange, too, because I wouldn’t think of Chris as being very unclear in his speech patterns (at least not when compared to Craig, or Robert’s Kryten voice) but both of my major mishearings were due to Mr. Barrie.

[peas_and_corn]

http://www.snpp.com has lists of errors in the books. The stuff on that site is quite… unsettling.

[Ian Symes]

SNPP is great! I remember finding that site while I was still at school, and reading pretty much every single list over a very short period of time. On dial-up. I also remember reading the Movie News section, and thinking “yeah, right, that’ll never happen”.

[Danny Stephenson]

GOOD GOD, This is a great site!

[Seb Patrick]

>SNPP is great! I remember finding that site while I was still at school, and reading pretty much every single list over a very short period of time.

I heartily endorse this sentiment or product.

They’ve never got round to updating their episode capsules properly, though, have they? Nevertheless… still the number one source of Simpsons info out there, by far.

[peas_and_corn]

Well, from what I gather they are updating… slowly. They recently finished season 9, so they’re quite a way behind.

[bloodteller]

i know this thread is a decade old but i was watching The End today and i just realised the line in the first scene is “No? Well shut up and push the trolley.” but i’ve ALWAYS heard it as “no? shut up then.”

has anyone else heard it like that or is this some kind of Mandela Effect thing?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

No way is it “shut up and push the trolley”! Does audience laughter drown out the second half of the line or something because I’d have sworn it was “shut up then”

[bloodteller]

i could’ve sworn it was “shut up then” too but watching it just now it was definitely “shut up and push the trolley”

i’m going to check the DVD subtitles just to be sure though

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Netflix subs say (and I heard) “shut up and push the trolley”

This is like discovering there are lyrics in the opening theme, only not like that at all, and shit.

[bloodteller]

View post on imgur.com

yeah the line is definitely “shut up and push the trolley” but to further complicate matters the DVD subtitles say “stop that and push the trolley” for some reason

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Isn’t there a bit of history with the subtitles being, well just completely wrong? G&T commentaries go on about it a lot

[bloodteller]

i dont know, i’ve never really watched Red Dwarf episodes with the subtitles on.

i would assume some subtitles would have to be altered/made shorter so you actually have time to read them in the small duration of time they’re on screen, but “stop that and push the trolley” is inexcusable

[Ben Saunders]

What the fuck?

[Warbodog]

“You can’t sunbathe, you can’t have a barbecue, and every time you go out, you’ve got to wear a washable hat and lend it to your car.”

[Ben Saunders]

For what it’s worth I remember the inflection/delivery of “Santa Claus, what a bastard, he’s the fat little git who sneaks down chimneys stealing all the kids’ favourite toys” being completely different from what it actually is

[bloodteller]

not strictly a misheard line, but since my first series of red dwarf was series V i always assumed lister was bald since he wears that hat for most of the season and craig charles’ hair is really fucking weird in it too. this led to a lot of bizarre childhood drawings in which lister resembled karl pilkington more than craig charles.

[Author]

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