Pitch a late 1990s/early 2000s Red Dwarf video game

[Bargain Bin Holly]

I’m bored as fuck and I want Red Dwarf XIII god damnit, so here’s a new thread that will hopefully pass the time till UKTV gets their shit together and renews the best television show of all time for a new series.

Pretend this is a board meeting and you’re in-charge of pitching to Grant Naylor Productions the right to use the Red Dwarf property in a video game of any genre on any platform from 1996-2001. You have to detail the game using this format:

Game Title:
Year:
Platform(s):
Genre:
Plot (optional):
Voice Actors (optional):

Topic

[cwickham]

I think there should be a game where you suggest ideas for Red Dwarf episodes that are tortured puns on the titles of existing episodes.

[Dave]

That sounds shit.

[GlenTokyo]

Game Title: Future Cop: Enconium
Year: 1999
Platform(s): PS1, Dreamcast, Windows
Genre: Third person action
Plot (optional): Awful
Voice Actors (optional): Johnny Vegas

[International Debris]

Game Title: Red Dwarf XI
Year: 2096
Platform(s): Mobile
Genre: Vaporware
Plot (optional): The final two episodes get released
Voice Actors (optional): Danny John Jules

[GlenTokyo]

GNP ought to just buy the rights to Mass Effect Andromeda and change some assets. Similar concept, main character is in stasis on a massive mothership as they come out of FTL the only humans in the galaxy. Change that to Red Dwarf, the Tempest to Starbug, get rid of the aliens, make them GELFs and shiz, get the cast in the recording studio with a script.

10/10 IGN

[Paul Muller]

Game Title: Peter Ridsdale-Scott Simulator 2
Year: 1998
Platform(s): PC
Genre: 18+
Plot: In this keenly anticipated sequel, you play as the eponymous BBC Commissioning Editor. You have three hours to review as many scripts as possible on your train journey from Manchester to London. Watch out for signal failures, leaking biros and spilled cups of tea! Featuring ultra-realistic British Rail ham sandwiches and bonus Rail Replacement Service level.
Voice Actors: Peter Ridsdale-Scott, Paul Jackson, Alfred Molina

[tombow]

Game Title: Red Dwarf the Game
Year: 1996
Platform(s): Mega Drive and SNES
Genre: 2D platform/puzzle
Plot: A cross between Earthworm Jim, Prince of Persia and Alien 3 – animated 2D game where you follow the boys around the ship as they figure out problems and get through traps/puzzles, avoiding mad skutters, curry monsters, GELFS and simulants.
Voice Actors: just clips from episodes.

[Pete Part Three]

Game Title: Norman Lovett’s Amateur Soccer ’89
Year: 1988
Genre: Sports
Platform: Commodore 64, Whiny old git (64).
Plot: Can you master enough football skills to disrupt a Red Dwarf rehearsal? Do battle with an angry assistant floor manager to gain supremacy of the football pitch, while negotiating a transfer because you can’t be arsed to turn up for training. “Mostly shit” – CVG.

[Dave]

Game Title: Day Of The Testicle
Year: 1996
Platform(s): PC
Genre: Lucasarts point-and-click adventure game
Plot (optional): Sequel to Back To Reality in which players control Cat as he smuggles a baby squid on board Red Dwarf, nurturing it to adulthood in the ship’s water tank and inadvertently setting up a finale in which the crew discover that they are characters in a video game.
Voice Actors (optional): Original Cast

[Warbodog]

Game Title: I’m Gonna Eat You Little Fishies Starring Cat From The Tongue Tied Video
Year: 1993
Platform(s): Sega Mega Drive/Game Gear/Master System
Genre: Falling block puzzle
Plot (optional): European version of Japanese game Puyo Puyo that has the cheek to pretend it’s relevant to Red Dwarf (not that they have the rights to the proper series) by replacing some graphics and insisting the falling blob creatures are actually fish you are helping Cat catch, somehow.
Voice Actors (optional): Painfully digitised screech from Danny on the welcome screen.

[Pete Part Three]

Game Title: Guitar Hero – Dave Lister Galaxy Tour
Year: 2180
Platform: PS60, Xbox Two, Nintendo Pony
Genre: Music
Strum yourself stupid with 40 tracks from Dave Lister’s repetoire, including “She’s Out of My Life”, the Om song and The Happy Wanderer.

[tombow]

Kryten’s Mean Dust Bunny Machine

(puyo puyo with Kryten)

Cast – Lister – Paul McCartney, Kryten – Kelsey Grammer, Cat – Jamie Foxx, Rimmer – Patrick Stewart

[Dave]

Game Title: Red Dwarf Redemption II
Year: 2018
Platform(s): PS4, XB1
Genre: open-world adventure

Plot (optional): After a three-hour tutorial in which you have to tediously fill out your JMC application form and find your bunkroom in a giant labyrinthine spaceship, the game really opens up as you are able to live the full and detailed life of a JMC Third Technician.

Loving attention to detail includes seeing Lister’s testicles shrivel upon meeting his new bunkmate; being able to trim Lister’s dreadlocks to any length you desire; choosing exactly which food stains adorn his longjohns; having to save your meagre salary to fund a future trip to Fiji; and having to find milk to feed your pet cat.

Apparently some really exciting stuff happens in the story about 17 hours in, but I haven’t got to that bit yet.

Be warned: fiddly and unintuitive controls mean that when you try and sidle up to Kochanski and try and make small-talk with her, you might accidentally pull out a Bazookoid and blow her head off instead, leaving all your crewmates chasing you down to be court-martialed.

[bloodteller]

Game Title: Doug Naylor Simulator
Year: 2019
Platform: PS Vita, Virtual Boy, Tiger Game.Com
Genre:Simulator
Plot: Simulation game based around Doug trying to make Red Dwarf. Write the episodes on time, direct the actors, edit the show, get very little sleep and wake up all covered in a horrible melted chocolate mint. The game gets ridiculously hard on the “Funding The Movie” level, so much so that it has been said you can’t actually progress without the cheat code that skips you straight to the Dave era levels.
Voice Actors: Doug Naylor and the Duke Of Manchester

[Pete Part Three]

Game Titles: Paul Montague’s Set-tris
Year: 1987
Platform: Sinclair ZX81
Genre: Puzzle
Plot: in this fiendishly addictive puzzle game, a variety of grey shapes descend from the top of the screen. You must re-arrange them into Red Dwarf sets. Continuity be damned, you’ve just got to beat the time-limit. Be on the look-out for occasional fake pieces such as an inflatable bananas; they do not belong here.

[tombow]

Lister Vs Rimmer

A version of Puyo Puyo, but with Lister and Rimmer. Lister wants to fill the bunkroom with vindaloo boxes and lager cans, Rimmer wants to fill the bunkroom with Officer Medals and model soldiers.

[Dave]

Game Title: Street Cadmium II
Year: 1993
Platform(s): SNES, Megadrive
Genre: One-on-one beat-em-up
Plot: When Lister discovers a secret fighting tournament in the bowels of Red Dwarf, he must battle his way through an array of vaguely racist international stereotypes (Petersen; McIntyre; Katerina) until he reaches the big boss himself, Captain Hollister. Bonus rounds include having to kick and punch a Skutter to pieces as quickly as possible, and racing down a corridor to avoid death by nuclear explosion.

[tombow]

Streets Of Mimas

side scrolling arcade beat em up

the 4 boys go back in time to Mimas to get curries but are stuck in a crime wave when criminals take over the streets and have to get back to the Dwarf.

power ups found on ground – vindaloo boxes, fish, mashed potato meal from Bodyswap, Kryten’s Krysis red suit, Lister’s dna Robocop suit, Rimmer can turn into the monster from Officer Rimmer,

abilities – Lister – slow but with liverpool pub fight skills, Rimmer – Io military combat training forced on him by father, Cat – goes berserk when takes cat-nip, Kryten – knock dust everywhere to trigger his clean attack

weapons on ground – Bazookoids, high speed duster/mop, guitar, vindaloo box which releases curry monster,

Limited to 1 or 2 times a level you can call Holly to fly over in Starbug and blow all enemies up, you can also hop into a Blue Midget for some levels

[Berlin]

The Secret of BBC Manchester Island

It’s an adventure game set in BBC Manchester, innit.

[Author]

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