Question for those who saw an episode (or more) filmed

[Phil]

I hope this doesn’t qualify as a spoiler, but did any of the episodes have a joke about how “butter” has the word “butt” in it?

[ori-STUDFARM]

No, but the episode I saw filmed joked that the town of Scunthorpe has cunts in it. (Not necessarily true)

[Seb Patrick]

They all did. It was a running joke throughout the series. Episode six consists of nothing but the cast wandering around the set carrying tubs of butter, remarking on how the word “butter” has the word “butt” in it for thirty minutes. It was fantastic.

[JamesTC]

“Arsehole” has the word “Arse” in it.

[Connell]

Phew! I’m glad we’re all allowed to talk about the butter story arc now. Truly fantastic writing.. it was refreshing to see that Naylor was still able to churn (get it – churn!) out absolute classics like this!

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Red Dwarf VIII

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

Fuck Me If It’s Not Butter.

[MANI506]

Captain Butter.

[Ben Paddon]

[ori-STUDFARM]

[Kris Carter]

Swing, Butter Butter Butter Butter, SWING!

[Dave]

“What I’m saying, Dave is, it’s butter to have loved and lost than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton-John.”

[JamesTC]

Red Dwarf: Believing it’s not butter

[Ridley]

I nominate this spread for Hall of Fame status.

[si]

I find it hard to believe the amount of awful puns members of these forums manage to churn out.

[performingmonkey]

The name Starbug contains the word ‘tar’.

[srmcd1]

Butter Dead Than Smeg.

[Brayds2006]

Butter than Life.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

Margarine

[Kris Carter]

I’ll mark it in my dairy.

[Seb Patrick]

>The name Starbug contains the word ‘tar’.

[Ben Paddon]

“Krptonite – An Intense Flavor Sensation”

[ori-STUDFARM]

http://images.julian399.multiply.com/image/1/photos/9/1200×1200/209/butter-propaganda.jpg?et=Y%2BSlK0Q46O%2CICmfjexyVbg&nmid=160426047

[Phil]

Krytonite

[Jonsmad]

Cat: “What happened to my butter”

[genericnerdyusername]

I hope Alfred doesn’t die in The Dark Knight Rises. He is the quintessential butter.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Butter Dead Than Smeg.

Butter dead than sofa-sized butter.

[si]

There was a woman on that BBC Jubilee programme last night called Lady Butter. That’s funny in so many ways.

Well, at least two.

[redhead85]

Butterpat Head

[si]

I Would Do Anything for Love, Butter Won’t Do That.

[performingmonkey]

Butter my arse.

[Tarka Dal]

Wake up in the morning wanting some breakfast. What Margerine do I spread on my bread?? Ohhhhh Ohhhhhhhhh… KRYTONITE.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Well no-one’s ever seen what I mean, from the age of n-n-n-n-n-n-thirteen, we’ve all been caught in a m-m-mouth trap, so join with us in the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-butter rap.

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

A re-recording is in order…

[HelloMabel]

Butter trained, butter equipped, butter… butter. Just butter.

Of course it took me over a month, when everyone else has long since forgotten about this thread, to think of a pun to contribute. Of course.

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

Butter late than never.

[HelloMabel]

I may be slow, butter I get there in the end.

[Ridley]

BUTTERS DON’T HAVE TIME OFF

[Ben Paddon]

Better bread than spread.

[Paul Muller]

Everybody’s spread Dave.

[Dave]

>Everybody’s spread Dave.

That is an outrageous scandalous piece of libel.

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

That is an outrageous scandalous piece of St.Ivel

FTFY.

[ori-STUDFARM]

ROTFLORALMAO

[Seb Patrick]

Oh spread. What the spreadin’ spread’s he spreadin’ done? He’s spreadin’ killed me!

[Dave]

We all went to the spreading. It was just beautiful.

[Brayds2006]

“Well spin my nipple nuts and spread me to Alaska!”

[Ridley]

Well go on then, shake your spread and walk out.

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

SMEG SPREAD.

[Alex]

She’ll never leave spread and we know it.

[JamesTC]

Fun though it was drinking in the spready medieval atmosphere of pre-Renaissance deep space.

[Brayds2006]

CHANGE OF PLAN! SPREAD IT!!!

[si]

Better spread than sofa-sized butter.

[Phil]

Butter read all the jokes before making your own, Si.

[si]

> Butter read all the jokes before making your own, Si.

Mine had ‘spread’ in it, Ian’s didn’t.

But yes, I had missed it.

[Ridley]

Calm down. Spread people can have heart attacks too, you know.

[Pete Part Three]

It’s good this, isn’t it? Even though we’re basically just listing buttery puns.

[Jonsmad]

Spread Dwarf.

[Katydid]

Bob the Butter.

[performingmonkey]

Back In The Spread

[JamesTC]

Spread Christmas.

[performingmonkey]

The End: The Original Ass-spread-ly

[performingmonkey]

Can’t Spread, Won’t Spread

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

My spread just left my body.

[Katydid]

I’ve never seen one before, no one has, but I’m guessing it’s a white hole.

[Alex]

“The three of us are here as normal.”
“The Flora us!”

[Phil]

William, meet your butter Sebastian.

[JamesTC]

Bony butters our move lets.

[Connell]

Spin my nipple butts and spread me to alaska

[Ridley]

Sir, they are a proud people and will not change their minds unless you are prepared to stay here and marry Lurpakpakpakpakpakpakpak.

[Connell]

Nice experiment guys. What do you do for an Anchor? Neutron Bomb Juggling?

[ori-STUDFARM]

Kryten, Lurpak Rachel and get out the butter repair kit. I’m Vitalite!

[HelloMabel]

Or a herd of flesh-eating dinosaurs feeding off the bones of Doug McClurpak?

[ori-STUDFARM]

Now, how would the Cat break his tooth? He’d be eating something. Eating something lard…My St Ivel Goldfish! Eating my St Ivel Goldfish!

[JamesTC]

A bag of Flora?

[RedDwarfFan2982]

He ain’t heavy sir, he’s my butter.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Or when they installed that giant toupee clover the Earth to clover up the gap in the cloverzone layer.

[JamesTC]

How come you’re so butterly useless?

[si]

> Or when they installed that giant toupee clover the Earth to clover up the gap in the cloverzone layer.

You bastard. I’ve been trying for the last day or so to find a decent quote to fit Clover into.

[JamesTC]

Or the ants haven’t taken clover.

[Alex]

I’m gong to end up on my own again, just like I did on the Clover 5!

[si]

I’d better go away and take the penguin Flora walk.

That’ll have to do for now.

[JamesTC]

A “Cloverostomy” they call it.

[Ridley]

Stan and Bertolli will soon be back with supplies.

[Alex]

I could never love *anyone* like you, so you might as well Lurpack up your pots and pans and off you go.

[genericnerdyusername]

The thought occurs that we haven’t actually reached earth. The even further thought occurs that we haven’t buttered a smegging inch.

[Seb Patrick]

Gordon Bennett, it’s lucky he’s not a Benecologist.

[Ben Paddon]

You can’t Lurpak death on the head.

[mick]

Two tubs of rettub please.

[Ben Paddon]

All this spread! All this Phila’! It’s from the snack we got Flora’d for! From the snack we’re about to have!

[peas_and_corn]

YOU’RE BUTTERING!

[si]

“Up the hatch!” “Butters down!”

[Ridley]

The void you occupied in the space-time continuum will be allocated to a person who was never given the gift of Country Life.

[Nick R]

I’m addressing the one prat in the Country Life who has bothered to get hold of this recording, turn it round and actually Lurpak the rubbish that I’m saying. What a Flora sad life he’s got!

[Ben Paddon]

Flora-lob blib blob bleeb.

[Katydid]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexfloranary!

[Seb Patrick]

# Do not florasake me oh my darling #

[Jimboid]

Eveybody’s dead, Dave. Margarine.

[si]

“You can Kerrygold your own damn flags!”

I’ve been sitting on that since seeing a Kerrygold ad in the paper this morning. Seeing said ad made me pathetically happy, as I thought to myself, ‘ooh! Butter pun!’

[JamesTC]

Kerrygold with blue, are you crazy?

[si]

Damn, that’s butter than mine.

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

Listen, butter pat head.

[genericnerdyusername]

When Lister got Parkay, he got Parrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkay.

[Katydid]

Red Stork.

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

Storkbug

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

It’s not a bar room brawl, it’s a bar room tidy! Unsalted!!

[performingmonkey]

Dairylea John Jules

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

I can’t believe it’s not butter, I simply cannot be- [explodes]

[Ben Paddon]

Your butter’s been kicked, baby.

[Ben Paddon]

I’m gonna get a sheep and a cow, and bread horses.

[Seb Patrick]

Sorry, Bongo. I’m strictly butt side up.

[si]

> Sorry, Bongo. I’m strictly butt side up.

Butter guy.

[si]

“What I would give for a gun…and some butter or margarine!”

[JamesTC]

No butter’ll drink it.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

They are priceless nineteenth century replicas of Napoleon’s Armee du Stork.

[Pete Part Three]

“Two tubs of Rettub, please”

Yes, I realise this doesn’t work but fuck you.

[si]

I would go with Butter, butter’d be thinking of Wilma.

I cannot believe no-one’s done that already.

[HelloMabel]

Just because I can’t think of any more forwards ones:

The Rover’s Rettub

Oh my God, my name is Billy Doyle and my Cologne is Eau de Yakrap!

[Jonsmad]

Lister: “I want to meet people. I want to meet girls. I want to make clover.”

Cat: “Well, Junior Anchor is the best you’re gonna get out of me!”

[Ben Paddon]

“Dr. Lurpak has contracted some sort of mutated holo-plague and is in a fearful psychopathic fury.”

“Maaaaaaaagarine! I’m sure she’ll be a valuable asset to the team!”

[Kris Carter]

The designers haven’t yet found a way to make it urinate butter into the courtyard, but I’m assured it will be fully functional for the royal visit next week.

[Kris Carter]

You’ve heard the Urn song, its a masterpiece!

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

…and a marge quantity of mushrooms.

[Phil]

And do you know what happens when a dinosaur eats cow butter, and then eats two and a half tons of butter ice cream, followed by four hundred crates of orange butter, and swills the whole thing down with two thousand gallons of a popular melted butter? Do you know what happens?

[JamesTC]

It didn’t get a dairylea attack, did it?

[si]

Why have we had cream cheeses creeping into this thread? Not sure I approve.

[JamesTC]

Is that entirely relevant, sir? I mean, here we are in mortal danger, and you’re worried about the cream cheese delegates bringing two cars?

[Phil]

Skob the Butter

[Katydid]

Do not forstork me, oh, my margarine…

[Ben Paddon]

Holly, the thought occurs that we haven’t actually reached Urn. The Flora thought occurs that we haven’t actually buttered a spreading inch.

[Jonsmad]

>Why have we had cream cheeses creeping into this thread? Not sure I approve.

Yeah, I think they got in via the Spread punning. Curd well be they are whey beyond the rennet outlined here of creating just butter based dwarf jokes.

But you see the truth is spread dwarf, had a secret cheese floor, it was clarified, need to know basis, full of over 400 comestibles all being transported to Philadelphia 12.

[Kris Carter]

Well, the butter’s there, but they’re not.

[JamesTC]

A pint of cream and a full pound of butt, sir.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

These are like Venus’s arms! These are like Brooke Shields’s butters!

[Katydid]

Oxygen’s flora losers!

[mick]

The Olivio-ra Kid!

[Seb Patrick]

Ooh, no, it’s lethal to humans! Well, it’s probably lethal to androids, to be honest, butter didn’t think it would matter since tomorrow you’re gonna be…

[Seb Patrick]

Humans? The Vindaloovian people despise all humans! They are the vermin of the universe! Is that not right, Butter Chicken?

[Ridley]

Tell me more about these butters. Are some hydrogenated?

[ChrisM]

Dear me. This bread*. Some butter shoot me in the head.

*Bread=thread. Yeah, I’ll admit that spreading the puns mighty thin.

[mick]

Anyone who gets in my way gets a Lurpak enema.

[Karnie]

Are you trying to say I’ve got a big butter?

[peas_and_corn]

I’m the Rimmer with the Lister who buttered Kochanski.

[Ben Paddon]

Maybe if I hand you guys over, it’ll let me go. Move it, Butters!

[Pete Part Three]

[Jonsmad]

Pete for the win.

[HelloMabel]

^ agreed

[Ben Paddon]

Aaaaand scene.

[Phil]

Pecospete Part Three

[Seb Patrick]

“Oh, and you’re wrong, sir. We won’t be apart. We just… won’t be together. (BEAT) I cannot BELIEVE it’s not butter!”

[Phil]

Old Butterballs

[Al Marshall]

I cant think of a good buttery pun- but on the bread side of things:

GET OUT THA SPELT WHILE YA CAAAN

[Kris Carter]

Oh spread. What the spreading spreads he spreading done? He’s spreading killed me!

[Ben Paddon]

“Now, weary traveller,
Rest your head.
For just like me,
you’re buttery spread.”

[Nick R]

Would anyone like any toast… WITH BUTTER ON IT?

[Ben Paddon]

Nick R wins. Flawless Victory.

Fatality.

[p2p_productions]

I can’t believe Butter’s wearing my ‘H’.

[Connell]

SHOW MEEE THE WAAAY TO GO HOMEEE,
I’M TIRED AND I WANNA GO TO SPREAAAD.

[mick]

I think that deserves 2 hours W.O.B.

[Ridley]

“Now, weary traveller,
Rest your head.
For just like me,
you’re buttery spread.”

Now, toastie soldier,
Rest your bread.
For just like me,
You’re utterly butterly spread.

[HelloMabel]

^Lovely.

—

“Actually, ‘Parkay,’ Lister, is not a spread, technically speaking.”
“It is when you mean it to mean what I mean it to mean, and I mean it to mean, Parkay, Rimmer, Parkaaaay!”

[Pete Part Three]

>I can’t believe Butter’s wearing my ‘H’.

Indeed he is. Shamelessly nicked from here (http://www.ganymede.tv/atspeed/2009/02/new-cast-piccy) and bloody nice it is too.

[si]

The St Ivel Gold Oblong of Pluck.

[genericnerdyusername]

“Arnold, for the first time in my life I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not. It feels so much butter.”

[Brayds2006]

“Hi, I’d like to order a Churnmaster.”

[si]

“Butter you’re a butter pat!”

[si]

‘Hey Ho, Pip and Dandy’. That’s my new Country Life slogan.

[Connell]

‘That’s odd… I didn’t sense us churning…’

[Ridley]

There must be forty butters here. All for the captain only, his special, private, captainy butters. Forty! D:

[NoFro]

Amazing how many butter puns you guys can get out of a single episode of the small rouge one.

[si]

You should see the ones in my Reject list.

[clem]

No, we just hosed him down and gave him a pat!

[unclerubbish]

But you were a butter twat!!

(I registered just to post that)

[James]

The quantum butter rod, spreads straight from the atom.

[Katydid]

…just to have another droid ask me the same set of stupid spreading questions!

[Slainmonkey]

Officer Butter-babe

[Ridley]

Oh look, a butter poppadom!

[Slainmonkey]

When we found Kryten he was a buttered out wreck on a junk heap.

[si]

Looking forward to seeing the new ship computer, Ghee, tonight.

[James]

I seem to have a medium sized butter knob buried in my spinal column.

[Slainmonkey]

I am, I’m revising butter

[George Kaplan]

God, Olivio Rimmer, Olivio so much.

And Olivio Lisa.

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

Looking forward to seeing the new ship computer, Ghee, tonight.

This is brilliant.

[si]

Ooh, hush, you.

[Ben Paddon]

Officer Butter-Babe.

[Phil]

Officer Butter-Babe

[Ben Paddon]

I see what you did there.

[Dessie]

It’s not Butter. Three million years ago it was Butter but since then it’s churned and mutated and now we don’t know what it is.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Have a safe on-bread journey. Goodbye.

[Pete Part Three]

Butter.

[Ben Paddon]

The Jupiter Mining Flora-nation.

[James]

” ‘Ace’! Barf city. I bet you anything he wears buttered women’s underwear. ”

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

You are making low-fatuous references to his sexuality…

[Katydid]

Your judge shall be storkself.

[Jonsmad]

Buttel (inappropriately pronounced chinese accent)

[Pecospete666]

bolas de mantequilla

[Slainmonkey]

If you’ve got nothing to spread, you can’t be with bread

[Ridley]

Finally after all these years of buttering my head against a wall trying to make you into a person of calorie and pasture [etc.]

—-

Back to hard-light butter. Clover.

[Brayds2006]

Hey, we both spread that at the same time!

[Katydid]

And pat! What’s flora on? Sana we saying everything together?

[Ridley]

“Butter. Definately butter. I’m not gonna change my mind this time. Butter.”
“Butter.”
“Butter.”

[HelloMabel]

[Ace Rimmer theme plays]
“Imperial. Only *my* hair deserves the fanfare.”

[Ben Kirkham]

This spread is butterly ludicrous.

[Clay Hickman]

“Her name is Utterlybutterl, or Professor E. Put those names together and you get…”

[Katydid]

You can fit anything within its utterly buttery walls! I–I am buttered by its genius!

[Ridley]

“Oh bollocking, damn and jumbo butters.”

[HelloMabel]

What an absolute Cuntery Crock.

(Disclaimer: I still don’t like the slag line. Doesn’t mean I can’t make pun of it.)

[Katydid]

It’s my butter. My butter as a complete and butter bastard!

[Ridley]

“Butter’ve been spread for most of that.”
“Therefore being charged with gross dereliction of duty and you have twenty-four hours to present your rebutterl.”

[Kris Carter]

It’s no secret, morale is on the Flora.

[Katydid]

“Butter’ve been spread for most of that.”
“Therefore being charged with gross dereliction of duty and you have twenty-four hours to present your rebutterl.”

“Butter I’ve been spread for most of pat.”
“Thereflora being charged with gross dereliction of duty and you have twenty-stork hours to present your reBrummel & Brown’s.”

[CackThosePants]

Butter makes a crap substitute for lube. Never polish one out in someone elses kitchen………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SK0QyHcCIw

[HelloMabel]

Kryten, bring the butter knives, we might need them!

[JamesTC]

You keeled my butter

[Katydid]

You’re a baboon, stork eyes.

[si]

FLORA GUINEA PIG!

[redhead85]

See now THIS is why Doug ditched the ‘Bread Dwarf’ idea.

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

Butter I really liked that idea!

[ori-STUDFARM]

It would have been comedy GOLD

[jmc2000]

Lister: No, the moose aren’t in the cars – antlers out the sun roof! They’re in the roads, moosing about, crossing roads, causing accidents!

Cat: You mean they’re not looking left and right?

Lister: Exactly.

Cat: Not using the pedestrian crossings?

Lister: Exactly!

Cat: Not paying attention as to whether it’s a little green man or a little red man? Of course they’re not, they’re mooses! Jeez… Swedes. They expect too much!

[Awkward silence]

Cat: Butter.

[HelloMabel]

Hey! We both spread that at the same time!

[anniescribe]

Lister: I don’t want to be the butterer! I’ll be the shover.
Kryten: Sir, you’re not qualified the be the shover!
Rimmer: Give it to me. I’LL be the butterer. It would be an honor. It’s the high point of my breakfast.

[JamesTC]

Sometimes you have to churn how to lose before you’re ready to win.

[Jonsmad]

Hey-Ho-Pip-And-DairyLee

[JamesTC]

Holly? Give me his light ghee.

[peas_and_corn]

Am I holding up A: Butter, or B: Margarine? OK, Butter?
*rimmer puts hand up*
Margarine?
*rest of class puts hand up*

[si]

“You gotta thinka spread!”

[anniescribe]

“Two butter knives and a pencil sharpener? That’s it?”

“There was a rumor about a cheese slicer and a churning stick on board …”

[jmc2000]

Lister, singing: “Cathe-e-edral City Seven…”

[FX: Loud bang as the Vitalite™ barrier is broken.]

Lister: What was that?!

Bertolli: Erm, er, 11:14 ship time, Dave.

Lister: No, Bertolli, what was that flash?

Bertolli: We’ve broken the Vitalite barrier 22 hours early.

Lister: Olivi-oh. Is everyone Stork Light?

Bertolli: I can’t do it. I can’t cope. We’re going at the speed of Vitalite. Me bottle’s gone.

Lister: Bertolli! Is everyone Stork Light?!

Bertolli: No! *I’m* not! I thought I could Cow & Gate at Vitalite speed, but I just can’t Lurpak me bread round it. Fillipo Berio! That was a close one…

Lister: Bertolli, what’s the problem? You’re toast to have a Bresse Bleu of 6,000, aren’t you?

Bertolli: Look, we’re travelling faster than the speed of Vitalite. That means, by the time we Dairylea something, we’ve all bready passed through it. Even with a Saint Ivel Q of 6,000, it’s still brown trousers time!

[MANI506]

Listen butter pat head!

[JamesTC]

He’s also a fantastic churner,
And if you play your curds right,
Then he just might come round for butter.

[Ridley]

Butter he’s a sauerkraut.

(We all start off as caterpillars and turn into buttflies)

[Ben Kirkham]

Butter.

[MANI506]

Surely These Are Pineapple Chunks. Oh, Bit This Must Be Gravy Powder and Bollocks This Is Custard Powder And I’ll Deck Anyone Who Says It Isn’t.

[Connell]

This thread is like a dying dog that keeps trying to get back up one last time, but just gets worse by doing so.

[si]

Like a blind old incontinent sheepdog that’s had it’s day. Take him out to the barn with a double barrelled shotgun and Clover mother away.

[Pecospete666]

BREAD!

[JamesTC]

Take him out to the barn with a double barrelled shotgun and Clover butter away.

[Phil]

BREAD!

[Ridley]

Butter than sex.

[peas_and_corn]

I do not remember several quotes mentioned in this thread, I think there might be a few typos.

[genericnerdyusername]

On G&T?! Don’t talk rot!

I couldn’t really fit a subtle typo into this one. If I had, it would’ve been legendarily hilarious.

[peas_and_corn]

*awquard silence, followed by forced laughter*

Oh buttered, sir, buttered!

[Phil]

Butter Call Saul
http://noiselesschatter.com/2015/02/09/better-call-saul-reviews-uno-season-1-episode-1/

[Pete Part Three]

So finally it is revealed that the true reason for this thread was purely an elaborately conceived, 2 and a half year long, viral marketing campaign for an article of Phil’s.

Cuh.

[Ridley]

And butter when you call me
You can call me ALF

[Ridley]

Butter all I had was my clover fare to get me home from butter churning practice.

[McAleeCh]

Ooh, there’s a folder in here marked “Captain Butter” – might that be you?

[Ridley]

Spreadi-bot
Kerrygold Shale

[Hamish]

Look, I can’t churn with you, okay?

It’s because I’m butter isn’t it?

[Hamish]

It appears to be some kind of dimension hopping margarine, looking for somewhere quiet to hydrogenate.

…I have been sitting on that one for YEARS.

[Author]

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