What if Lister drank milk instead of lager?

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This topic contains 27 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by  bloodteller 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #229120

    Ben Saunders

    How would this affect the gang’s adventures? Milk is the other well known combatant to spicy food, so could the DNA monster have been vanquished with a cool, tall glass of semi-skimmed?

    #229121

    International Debris

    ‘Ah, another Jawscvmcdia thread,’ I thought.

    #229123

    flanl3

    Forum, do you copy? This is flanl3. It appears John Squirmy Deere has possessed another soul. This one calls himself Ben. We’ll need major backup in here now if we expect to make it out alive. Over.

    #229125

    bloodteller

    the mirror universe generator would have to have been built around a carton of cravendale

    #229126

    bloodteller

    interestingly enough, a lot of animated shows will have the alcohol removed from them for overseas release, and one such show did actually change all the beer into milk

    it’s like the arabic dub of the simpsons where all the beer is just soda. this makes the existence of moe’s bar incredibly confusing

    #229129

    Flap Jack

    What if Frankenstein had drunk Lager instead of milk? Would the cat race still have survived? Would they have been too drunk to create religious texts? Would The Cat be the way he was in ‘Polymorph’ permanently? Would this mean that Red Dwarf wouldn’t have run out of cow’s milk, and Lister wouldn’t have ended up drinking dog’s milk? Would this mean that Red Dwarf ran out of lager instead? Would this have motivated Lister to use the time drive to get lager rather than curry, leading them to randomly screw up a different part of history? Would the lack of lager have affected the outcome of ‘Pete’ somehow? Would Lister have started drinking milk instead? Would “Leopard Milk” be literal leopard’s milk, or just cow’s milk with leopard branding? Would the lack of alcohol and raised calcium intake make Lister stronger and sexier, meaning that Rimmer wouldn’t have been able to convince him to swap bodies in ‘Bodyswap’? Would Lister be completely sober in ‘White Hole’, causing him to screw up his planet pool shot and therefore kill everyone instantly?

    #229132

    GlenTokyo

    What if this forum wasn’t full of shit threads?

    #229140

    Katydid

    The End would have opened with “Singing in the Rain”.

    #229142

    bloodteller

    the “beer milkshakes” scene in Series I would become incredibly confusing

    #229144

    Seb Patrick

    “Another great idea from the people who brought you milk… shakes.”

    #229145

    Hamish

    What if this forum wasn’t full of shit people, myself included?

    #229147

    Warbofrog

    “She tried to impress me by drinking six pints of milk, then belching the whole of Yankee Doodle Dandy.”

    “You’re going to drink an entire six-pack of wicked-strength milk? You’ve only had two bottles and you’re steaming.”

    “If you get up in the afternoon, you often prefer to start the day with a can of last night’s flat milk.”

    “Two years! Two years without curry and milk!”

    “Armed only with a low animal cunning, appallingly-laundered underwear and a great deal of milk, they survived their ten-year sojourn in deep space.”

    There’ll always be milk.

    #229148

    clem

    It’s never milk, is it? It’s always wiiiine. What do you want on your cornflakes, darlin’? Oh I’ll have some wiiine, please.

    #229158

    International Debris

    “I’ll have a milkshake please”
    “What flavour”
    “Er… milk”

    #229161

    Seb Patrick

    “I’ll just have a cup of coffee.”
    “Milk it is!”
    “No, I said coffee.”
    “Milk?”
    “Coff-ee.”
    “Mi-ilk?”
    “C… O…”
    “M… I…”

    #229162

    Warbofrog

    “I bet Lister was fed milk the moment he was on liquids. No, I bet he was breast-fed with it. One side milk, the other side also milk, ffffffppt.”

    #229163

    Taiwan Tony

    “Give me… a keg… of milk.”

    #229164

    bloodteller

    -Worse still, a choice of only two calcium beverages: Lactofree, or Alpro. It’s a human tragedy!

    -No Cravendale?

    #229167

    bloodteller

    We’ve recycled the water so often, it’s beginning to taste like dutch milk.

    #229168

    Dave

    Hot milk with croutons, just the way you asked.

    #229169

    Warbofrog

    “That’s not milk! It’s cum re-cyc.”

    #229170

    flanl3

    *Cat shakes the invisible bottle of milk vigorously before opening it. Upon removing the lid, like a single drip of milk splashes out.*

    #229171

    flanl3

    What would the plot of Fathers & Suns have been? Lister drinks himself into calcium poisoning while recording a video?

    #229172

    bloodteller

    -Yo, matey, what’s that you’re drinking there? Y’know, drinkski? Milkski?

    -kliM.

    -Ah, Klim! Two pints of Klim, please.

    #229173

    bloodteller

    – Another note… “Dear Mister Lister, thanks for your wonderful advice regarding Miss
    Kochanski. In return, I thought I’d steal Baxter’s stash of illegal milk and hide it in your shower”!

    #229174

    bloodteller

    – Drink it? This Baxter’s hooch, it’s about three hundred percent calcium! A bottle of this would give the entire Greek navy strong teeth and healthy bones!

    #229175

    quinn_drummer

    “Of course, milk. The only thing to kill a vindaloo”

    #229188

    bloodteller

    “We’re on the dog’s lager”

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