WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS HAPPENING TO THIS FUCKING FORUM

[John Hoare]

I GO AWAY FOR FOUR DAYS AND EVERYONE HAS GONE MENTAL IN THE HEAD

[Steve Harris]

It’s awfully close to webboard rot, but I’m sure it’s only temporary…

[Andrew]

We’ll soon see how rotty it is, laddie – the Hoareantine period’s nearly up!

[Pete Part Three]

I’m fine, thank you, Susan.

[Phil]

>the Hoareantine period?s nearly up!

boooooooooo

[Andrew]

Everyone’s a fucking critic…

[Mr Flibble]

Andrew: I thought your “quote” was funny.

That probably says more about me though…

[Ben Paddon]

# Modmaker, Modmaker, make me a Mod,
Find me a find, cotch me a… #

No, that doesn’t quite work.

[Anonymous]

I agree entirely. I hate what’s happening.

In fact….I would like to announce that I denounce it….

[Seb Patrick]

The forum’s rebelling. It can’t stand the thought of good things happening to you.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s….ahh…rebelling.

Yes….I….think that’s what it’s doing…

[cliff]

i guess people just can’t help but be couch critics…………..

………make changes, make the world the way you want it!..

basically turn in to billy connoly and become a ranting old man!.

[Baz]

When I am an old man I shall wear a purple beard.

*looks in mirror*

Bugger!

[cliff]

……you know the rules..

young and wild,

.middle aged and rich,

..old and annoy people by pretending your deaf!.

[Danny Stephenson]

Then you reach that age, 24 – 25… your muscles give up, they wave a little white flag and before you know it you’re suddenly a fat bastard.

I’m 23…

It came early… :(

[mick]

>Then you reach that age, 24 – 25? your muscles give up, they wave a little white flag and before you know it you?re suddenly a fat bastard.

Fucking hell, that happened when I was 20 :(

[Danny Stephenson]

Actually yeah it was more around the 19-20 mark for me too…

[John Hoare]

It did genuinely happen to me when I was 24. Gah.

[Joey TORDFC]

Happened to me at age 0 until 18.

Anyway – I think we all went a bit peculiar but we can resume normal service now you’re back John :)

[Ben Paddon]

I’m very nearly 22, and it started happening to me over the last eight months, while I’ve been living in the States. I mean I’m not huge, but no, thank you – I don’t think I will let myself turn into a fat git. I’ve bought a bicycle, I cycled to work today (took me an hour and fifteen minutes, too) and I’m determined to lose the weight I’ve put on.

[Baz]

I’ll be 42 this Friday and still take a size 32 waist in trousers, but I think I got lucky in the metabolic stakes. I do walk at weekends, and total about 30 mins walk into work every day (and 30 mins back). I don’t pig out on junk food (just the occasional treat), I do drink but not every day. I could do with more exercise, wish there was a swimming pool closer to where I live.

[John Hoare]

I’m getting a bike this week to cycle to work, as I’m sick of being a fat ugly cunt.

Unfortunately, it’ll only help solve the first one of the three.

[Andrew]

And only solve it from the arse down – I’ve been cycling to work daily since 2001 and it’s left me with normal human-sized legs and the same fat gut.

[John Hoare]

Fucksticks.

Anyone got any suggestions for exercise that will help get rid of my belly? I’m tempted to go down the Bottom route, and try liposuction with a vacuum cleaner…

[Ian Symes]

Have you considered reincarnation?

[Baz]

Swimming. Seriously. Once or twice a week, build up the number of lengths you can do each time, one of the best all over body exercises you can do. Mike signed on with a gym near where we live and it helped him keep his weight down.

[John Hoare]

I tried swimming for a bit. But the problem is that it’s something you have to actually get off your arse and do, rather than something you do every day by default, like cycling. But I guess there’s no other option. Ta for the advice.

Robert Llewellyn would be ashamed of me.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go to him with your fucking weight problems!

[Andrew]

EAT LESS FOOD!! Smaller portions, eating more slowly to better register when you’re full, stopping when you ARE full rather than when the plate’s clear, less snacking, replace some of the snacks with flavoured rice cakes or cereal. (To be fair, all this IS slightly working for me this year. Just need to break some bad habits.)

The problem with exercise is that you have to maintain it. Drop the thrice-weekly swimming sessions and it all starts to creep back on. I’ve upped my exercise to ‘a little bit’, I’m walking to the station rather than taking the bus, but nothing much more. Because I don’t have the will to keep it going.

When I go full-time freelance (one happy day), I’m going to have to force myself to cycle for 20 minutes each end of the day despite working at home – just so I don’t hit blimp proportions.

[Anonymous]

What I found really helped was focussing on a food’s calorie content rather than fat content.

I always assumed…less fat means less weight put on. But n’est pas. Surprising foodstuffs like bread will make you put on weight.

And natural fruit smoothies! Who would’ve thunked that?

Bombay Mix is also incredibly bad. Worse than pork scratchings!

[Ian Symes]

There’s your answer – eat more pork scratchings.

[Baz]

http://a3.vox.com/6a00c10e0f6746d3b400c2251c3233f219-320pi

[Tanya Jones]

‘I tried swimming for a bit.’ translates to ‘I went a few times after a lot of nagging.’ I think we should resume badminton – we have the raquets and shuttlecocks, after all.

[mick]

FACT…

You cannot, with any type of exercise, spot loose weight for a specific part of your body, ask any trainer or dietition.

You can do specific muscle exercises, but stomach muscle buiding will not directly effect the fat on your stomach.

[Baz]

Perhaps a G&T Fat Club. We can incorporate that Wii Tennis tournament.

Rule one- You will not talk about fat club…

[Tanya Jones]

Mick is quite right, of course, it takes good cardio-vascular exercise to bump up your metabolic rate so you burn more calories. Muscle tone certainly helps, but you have no control over where you lose weight on your body. Cycling will certainly help fitness and is better for the environment, though!

[Andrew]

> Cycling will certainly help fitness and is better for the environment, though!

Plus imagine the shorts!

Fuck, no, on second thought, stop – DO NOT IMAGINE THE SHORTS!

[John Hoare]

The boys are back in the barracks.

[Ian Symes]

I think we should resume badminton – we have the raquets and shuttlecocks, after all.

It’s badminGton. Don’t you even know that?

[Anonymous]

>The boys are back in the barracks.

FAT COW.

*hangs up*

[penny]

Forgetting to eat, having to walk up and down 12 flights of stairs to and from work every day and walking quite a bit (quite a lot of walking when friend or family member is visiting) is the excise I get and I weighted myself for the first time in about 5 years a month back and it turn out I’m still the same weight.

[Seb Patrick]

As far as food goes, I think it really is all about the portion control. I’ve noticed a difference since I stopped just piling it on the plate (although I do still have trouble leaving things – I am a plate-finisher).

Also, while you shouldn’t necessarily count calories obsessively (I do try to keep tabs on this at the moment, but that’s my own personal way of keeping on top of things), it is worth keeping an eye on the content of certain things. I used to love Chicken/Bacon club sandwiches from Tesco until I discovered that they were 700 calories. Chicago Town microwaveable pizzas are about 500 each – and they’re so small you can’t only eat one of them. I nearly bought a pain au chocolate bread and butter pudding from M&S the other day… and discovered that half the pack was 900 calories!

Little things like that, really. I’m not saying you have to get all obsessive about it, but I think a lot of the time people are unaware of what’s a healthy amount, and what’s just piling it on. Cheese, for example, is quite ridiculously laden with fat and calories (which is really annoying when you’re trying to buy sandwiches and you’ve sworn off factory-farmed meat…)

[John Hoare]

You’re right.

Unfortunately, I’ve just bought a Ginster’s sausage roll, a Flake, and – seriously – A PACKET OF ROAST OX CRISPS.

[Tanya Jones]

You can see why he put on the weight in the first place, can’t you?

[John Hoare]

[Anonymous]

Stoned?

[Ben Paddon]

He should be.

[Phil]

Ho!

[mick]

Taking a crap by the looks of it, but who on? ;)

[Pete Part Three]

Is that the new Holly for Red Dwarf : The Movie?

[Author]

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