Who has has a Red Dwarf dream?

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    I ask because I wanted to tell you about a weird Red Dwarf related dream I had yesterday.

    Me and Ian (for some reason, we’ve spoken but never actually met) were in a a warehouse discussing how ridiculous the pencil shaped CGI Red Dwarf was. We’d found some test recording of the original pencil model, but it was double barrelled. Not just two Red Dwarfs side by side, but the right hand side had the front and ran back so somewhere in the middle of the ship (though about the same length as seen on screen, then next to it on the left, the middle of the ship continues, but level with the front of the ship, down to the back which sat level with the middle of the part on the right hand side.

    Confused? It looked like this http://imgur.com/a/9kQeL

    Now, remember we’re in this warehouse. Well this dishevelled old man that looks like a homeless Doc Brown from BTTF arrived and opens this box containing the model we had seen in this test shot. He keeps pulling bits out like a magician removing handkerchiefs from his sleeve. Piece my piece until this full length model is presented to us.

    Now, you know how dreams change location but you know you’ve always been there? Well suddenly me and Ian are at my dead grandparents house, except my granddad isn’t dead. He seems quite happy that me and Ian have decided to suspend this model from his ceiling, starting in the back bedroom and snaking all around the top floor of his house.

    At this point the model is 12 meters long (we measured it in the dream) and its more akin to the small RD model that come with one of the DVDs (series 6?) … but none the less we’re convinced this is the original 12 meter model build with the intention of shooting it for remasters.

    All that stuff about how the current model is a cut down version of a 12ft model that was scanned for CGI … well that 12ft model, in my dream, was a cut down 12m model that look ridiculous.

    And that’s all me and Ian could say to each other, and that we’re lucky the version that ended up on series 8 and the re-mastered wasn’t as bad as this monstrosity … and what were they thinking building this ship that ended up looking like a small red snake, winding its way around the ceiling of my grandparents house.


    International Debris

    Every couple of months I dream a ‘new episode’ of Red Dwarf, and it’s always a thousand times more dramatic and epic than anything seen on screen. Sometimes it’s really disappointing, but usually it’s mind-blowing, but slightly jarring.

    One involved a pool of acid with a monster in it that tried to kill Lister. One had Lister and Rimmer standing on top of the ship, at the front, overlooking the cone and ram scoop, while another version of the ship from another dimension was approaching from the front. One was set on contemporary Earth, but they still had Starbug (definitely not Carbug). One had Lister trapped on a decaying hospital ship that was about to self-destruct. One featured a maze of mirrors that included alternate (and evil) characters. One featured the end of the universe, and my character tried to go back to series 1 era to extend my life. One was a Kryten-centric episode that I was incredibly angry to sleep through most of, because I was drunk.

    I also had one dream that John Hoare was giving me a guided tour of the West Midlands, including the large inland sea just south of Birmingham.



    There’s definitely nothing Freudian about that first dream. No. Definitely not.


    Paul Muller

    Now and again I’ll dream about stumbling across some new or unseen Red Dwarf, sometimes episodes, often the fabled movie. They are always incredibly bizarre, and quite often hideously disappointing (example:The crew return to Earth and open a motorway service station and restaurant) and in one instance involved Doug Naylor inviting me over to his house (he lives in a windmill, apparently – Jonathan Creek style) to show me a load of unproduced Rob & Doug era scripts. Very odd.



    Had a post dimension jump one, that involved, Mark Dexter as Rimmer, Domonic Coleman as Kryten,
    Dave Benson Phillips as Cat, Rebbecca Blackstone as Holly, and Jake Abraham’s as Lister all on star bug stuck in an unreality pocket and trying to get out.



    Most of the dreams tend to involve me not realising a new series is on and missing the start.

    Before BTE was announced I had a dream Series IX was on and it was a direct continuation of Series VIII with them all in the prison garb.

    Just before BTE aired I had one in which they crashed to earth on Starbug and Lister was stopped from eating some poisoned curry. Which sounds like a piss taking plot from one of the ideas for the new series threads.

    Before Series X I had a dream the new series aired but it was now in black and white and there were no jokes and it was all set on earth. I remember thinking in the dream that it must get better soon.



    Quite hazy but last night dreamt about a film I was raving about to a friend and then suddenly found myself in, something to do with a religious cult I was trying to escape from. Then it changed genre completely Rat Pfink a Boo Boo style when Red Dwarf landed on Earth and the crew took on the cult. The cult were the bad guys, might even have taken over the whole world by this point. Anyway, I was barely in it once Red Dwarf turned up. Kryten had a, seemingly human, love interest played by Fiona Allen. He also had bare feet the whole time, like we see when he gets naked in series VIII, but apart from his feet he was “clothed” as normal.



    For some reason a bunch of people were being chased down a enclosed path by a bunch of T-rexes. The details shifted and it became that this was the audience fresh from watching Pete Part 2, being chased by some sort of simulated dinosaurs after the filming was over.

    I was running with them and got out, but I’m pretty sure somebody was eaten down there while I watched from a high vantage point outside the confines.

    Keep your “still better than watching Pete Part 2” comments to yourself out of respect for those who died that fateful day.


    Phobos And Deimos

    I have perhaps two Red Dwarf dreams a year, mostly lost episodes between Series III and IV and are usually non-comedic two hour dramas dealing with some crisis on the lower decks.


    Lemming Sunday

    Had one the other night. I dreamt someone had leaked some clips of series XII on-line.

    They consisted of Lister in his series 1 clothes but at the age he is now staring out of a window looking bored, Cat in his Pride and Prejudice World outfit doing a little dance to try to entertain Lister and Rimmer in his Clive of India uniform, talking to a woman telling her he was nervous about making a speech in front of lots of important people. She tells him not to worry before giving him an injection which makes him get his words all mixed up like something from a Two Ronnies Sketch.



    I dreamt about series XII last night. The cast addressed the audience in front of a curtain Mighty Boosh series 1 style apparently not in character. The rest of the show was a bizarre animation entirely like Attack Of The Killer Hand (Fan Film winner 2005). It was shit and I was pissed off.



    I have a Red Dwarf dream.

    [Cue Land of Hope and Glory]

    I dream that Dave stops showing the remastered version of Marooned.

    I dream all that shtick about Lister being his own father never happened.

    I dream that series VIII wasn’t a creative cul-de-sac.

    I dream, etc.


    Phobos And Deimos

    Creative Greenfell more like.

    I’m gonna have to register a third username, aren’t I.



    Fuck’s sake Patrick.


    Phobos And Deimos

    I drove past it on the way to Euston from Heathrow two days after it happened, it was fucking surreal and horrible to see in person. It looked like it could’ve just blew away in the wind.


    Phobos And Deimos

    Greenfell that is, not the Series VIII premiere.

    Fourth username.



    Yeah, I think you should probably stop talking about it now, especially if you’re not even going to give it the dignity of spelling it properly.


    Phobos And Deimos

    Huh, having looked it up, you’re right, it’s Grenfell.


    International Debris

    I’ve had two ‘watching an episode of XII’ dreams this week. One was hazy, but one scene featured Rimmer finding a Mars Bar for his long term girlfriend, and it was a huge dramatic, emotional moment as it was a callback to how they first met. The whole thing was in a big rainy city and everything was tinted royal blue. I remember it being beautiful and very moving.

    The second was an episode where they accidentally end up going back to the point where they rediscover Red Dwarf at the start of Back in the Red, and it goes into detail about how they were treated, and tortured, by the ship’s officers trying to work out where they came from. Rimmer was reverted to his series 1 hologram and placed into a bag where questions were asked; Cat had a huge chunk of his skull replaced by a metal plate. We had to watch the ‘rat arsed’ scene again several times from different angles, with a CG rat worse than the one in VIII. Meanwhile, the ‘current’ crew, flying Blue Midget, are sucked into a docking bay on the blue part of the ship, where they have to do something on the ship to reset the timeline.

    I remember being very angry, because it removed all chance of me being able to remove VIII from my headcanon.



    I had a Red Dwarf dream last night. I was listening to some podcast to help me fall asleep, and it was some mystery podcast – don’t quite remember – and anyways, I managed to fall asleep in the middle of the podcast, and the story seamlessly transitioned into my dream. This dream slowly revealed itself to actually be Siliconia – and I was suddenly quite excited to be watching RDXII.

    Anyways, spoilers, but Siliconia is an episode presented as a very dark mystery where Rimmer can’t stop growing breasts – the count gets up to forty or fifty by the end. It’s fairly ugly and presented very non-sexually (unless you have to be into that kind of stuff) and Danny John-Jules and Norman Lovett have started acting each other’s roles. Very mysterious, somewhat of a detective show, quite introspective, dealt with current social issues very well, overall about 9/10.



    The other night I had a dream where it was announced on TOS that XII wouldn’t be getting a commercial release until at least 2024, due to “copyright issues” and “poor sales”. The broadcast was also being indefinitely delayed “to prevent unauthorised filesharing”, and anyone at the original recordings leaking plot information was being threatened with heavy legal repercussions.


    Bexley Heath

    I had a “watching a new episode of XII” dream in which Lister and Rimmer were sorting through some junk and Rimmer found a bag of muesli-like snack mix, which he was very excited about because he remembered eating it as a child. Lister then spent the episode going to increasingly desperate lengths to stop him eating it, including trying to reach the high shelf he’d put it on, and falling off into a machine which trapped him inside a glass tube.

    I expected there to be a reveal along the lines of Lister, many years previously, having booby-trapped the snack mix in some awful way which he now regretted. However, the episode ended around the 20-minute mark with the revelation that actually, he was just trying to stop him eating it because he thought it was disgusting.


    International Debris

    I’m pretty sure that break’s G&T’s spoiler policy.


    International Debris

    And I’m pretty sure that breaks my correct punctuation usage policy.


    Plastic Percy

    Slightly a Red Dwarf dream, but I was dreaming that I was on the bus coming home from work and spotted one of the schools I went past was holding a Ganymede & Titan convention called ‘G&T… but is it?’. I remember going in and there being a stall selling badges and posters of the Smegazine article and an American girl getting all angry that the photo she wanted to buy had a watermark on it.



    That’s pretty much Dimension Jump though.



    Sorry for the bump but I had a vivid dream last night that Richard Naylor signed up to the forum Lovett-style purely to make a one-time post about what a “twat” I was, how much I pissed him off, and that “the only way you could consider yourself the walking encyclopaedia you obviously think you are was if you flicked straight through to the entry for “penis”‘”. Honestly, that’s word for word what “Richard Naylor” said in my dream. I’m still quite devestated by this and seriously disturbed that my subconscious generated such a vicious and succinct burn towards myself. And indefensibly I’m still kind of blaming Richard Naylor.

    And yes, I had a G&T dream. Leave me alone.


    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    What a bastard.



    I think the worst part is he kind of has a point.


    International Debris

    This is definitely the same Richard Naylor who came up with the end for Only the Good…


    International Debris

    Doubtless inspired by discussion going on around here at the minute, I had a dream last night that I was binge-watching XII. Rimmer had a girlfriend (this seems to be a recurring theme), Cat wasn’t in it much, and I remember concluding that the stories were good, there were some good jokes, but the humour and drama didn’t gel very well leaving it slightly awkward to watch.



    If you’ve never had a dream about Red Dwarf then you’ve never had a dream about Red Dwarf come true. Or has someone already said that?


    Ben Saunders

    I had a dream about Red Dwarf last night.

    That’s all I remember.



    I’m still concerned that we could see the Rimmer breast monster in the upcoming series.


    Taiwan Tony

    Last night I had a Red Dwarf dream.
    I had set up a bank of video recorders in my lounge, akin to the bank of monitors from the series II science room, while a projector and projection screen was set up to show the episodes I was recording.
    I was recording the repeat run of Red Dwarfs, but they weren’t episodes I recognised. I remember snippets from the episodes. Lister was being Craig Charles in a ‘behind the scenes’ bit, not let in by the security guard, and having to get in to costume as Lister at the gates of the studio while getting increasingly irate. (He kicked a fence!) Danny was drunk, slurring his lines to another episode’s intro. And all of a sudden it became reality and I was walking around the ship’s video recorder room. In one corner was a lifelike Lister mannequin and he was wearing what looked like camouflaged boiler suit and cap, but I got closer and it was just white and yellowy clothing covered with one word, written again and again. IGUANA. I felt like I was inside one of Lister’s drunken, paranoid fever dreams. The tape to the VCR was coming to an end (I was taping over old episodes of Eurotrash), so I wheeled round to the second VCR to set that one up, rather than changing the tape, and bumped in to a newly imagined Kristine Kochanski – played by Jessica Hynes.
    It was like watching Red Dwarf in Spaced.

    Anyway, I was very pleased with the dream and I think that Jessica Hynes would be perfect for the role, should they ever go back in time and reshoot series VII onwards.

    Any thoughts, doctor?



    I had one last night where I was supposedly watching the original, deleted opening of DNA: a completely unrelated scene about an Emohawk flapping about some creepy family’s mansion and terrorising them. The effects were really impressive for the time and budget, I thought it was a shame it got binned. (Doubtless inspired by watching Marooned last night and trying to imagine it with the strip poker opening that feels so out of place).

    Most of my Red Dwarf dreams tend to be about finding some tatty annual or other non-existent guide or rare novel edition from the ’90s on a library shelf or market stall and acting like it’s the most incredible find.


    Ben Saunders

    Man I wish my dreams were that interesting.


    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    I have a recurring dream that I’m in a charity shop or flea market or some such, and I come across a really rare and valuable piece of Red Dwarf paraphernalia being sold for about 50p – the item in question is invariably something that doesn’t actually exist in real life, thus making it a necessity for my otherwise comprehensive real life collection. But there’s always someone or something preventing me from actually getting the thing to the check-out, and I always wake up in the middle of some fucking side-mission before I get the chance to finally buy the thing.

    Oh for a really world class psychiatrist.


    Paul Muller

    Judging by the recurring ‘discovering new/lost Dwarf and being disappointed’ theme, it looks like the ten year gap between ‘Only The Good’ and BTE has left us all with longlasting psychological damage.


    Ben Paddon

    Whenever we’re close to a new series – usually a couple of weeks away – my brain dreams up entire episodes. I can’t remember any of them, but none of them were as bad as Timewave.

    It’s always interesting the tone my subconscious goes for. Production-wise, it looks like series VII. Single-camera, four-walled sets, laugh track recorded after the fact. But the writing is always sharp, or seems sharp within the dream. Crucially, it’s funny, but with a story that has stakes.

    I wish I could remember even one of those dream episodes.


    International Debris

    None of my many dream episodes have ever had a laugh track. They’re usually fairly dramatic. That one I mentioned above with the two Red Dwarfs and being out on the exterior of the ship was bonkers.

    My end of the universe one was part of an ongoing series of end of the universe dreams I’ve been having for years.



    My question is, has anyone around here had a normal dream with a laugh track?


    Ben Saunders




    not exactly a red dwarf dream, but i once dreamt i was on G&T at 2:55 in the morning and instead of a forum site it had somehow become a live chat-type thing.

    my dreams are boring i guess


    Ben Saunders

    I’ve had one G&T dream before, I think.

    It was really boring.



    Yeah, Brent. Why don’t you look Fitzy’s grandma in the eye and give her one good reason this town can’t build a great big dirty hoe?



    Damn it, wrong thread. IT WAS DOOMED TO HAPPEN.



    I have a dream that we will someday have a working edit button.


    Ben Saunders

    I have a that one day the reply button will work



    just awoke from a horrible dream where i overheard doug naylor mentioning that he was originally going to make “Back In The Red- Part 4” before realising it would make literally no sense so he decided not to make it.



    just awoke from another dream in which the Canaries were out on another mission- a probe had come back and determined the area was safe, so the Captain and a load of other blokes came along. they investigated a crashed ship and found a fortune in doubloons and gold for some reason. the Captain offers to share it with the posse, who refuse for some reason. he then instead offers to treat them to a nice meal, which they all agree to.

    it ended in them causing a temporal eruption which rippled through time and space and turns out was what split Pangea into the continents we have now.



    I had a dream last week that I searched “Red Dwarf 1301” on YouTube and it was actually there and it was really sad and the last five minutes were just a bunch of sad clips – starving children, dying animals, freeway traffic, burning forests – stitched together to some sad music.



    And since somebody asked, the dream I had where Rimmer kept growing breasts had a fairly ominous laugh track.



    Ha HA ha ha


    Ben Saunders

    I had a dream last night where I was IN Red Dwarf as part of the main cast and it was really stressful because I have a lot of Uni deadlines coming up, and with no previous acting experience I need to learn all my lines and perform in Red Dwarf XIII and six episodes of Red Dwarf Live. My mum was really supportive though. I then went to court for something I don’t remember and Morgan Grimes from Chuck was the and I had to defend this little Hispanic boy who was told to put a jacket on my the judge to cover his Hispanicness which upset him greatly. I called in film reviewer Mark Kermode to give a rousing speech on why he should be allowed to just wear a shirt, while he himself was wearing an overly large David Byrne-esque suit.

    It was interesting.



    I’ve inherited a house and farm from a fictional dead relative. When browsing their nostalgic VHS library, I find a dusty stash of those Red Dwarf VII Christmas-dinners-in-a-can that they brought out in the late 90s. After insufficient consideration, I decide they’ll still be fine and serve them to people at a gathering. We’re disappointed to discover that they’re about 90% baked beans, but there’s some good stuff in there if you keep digging. (Metaphor?)



    VIImas wouldn’t be VIImas without



    does a VII christmas dinner come with a portion of duct soup?



    The only variety was a tin of Jonathan Creek Christmas Dinner mixed in there, but that was mainly just beans as well. The BBC didn’t really succeed in capturing the nuances of these programmes in tinned food form, IMHO.


    International Debris

    Beans for Christmas Dinner, what a thought.



    Last night I dreamed that they revealed the episode titles for Series XIII as part of some kind of Comic Relief or Children In Need thing.

    One of them was “Humanoid”, which I thought was nicely vague and mysterious, and one of them was called “Going To Hell” which I thought was a bit odd for a Red Dwarf episode. And then one of them was something really self-referential and naff like “what the hell were we thinking?” and I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not.



    I actually (no joke) dreamed last night that I was showing my family (who all in real life used to like Dwarf but drifted off) Dave era Dwarf episodes and trying to choose which episodes to show them first. It was that weird kind of dream where everything was going wrong, like it was going to be Trojan but it was a Supermarket Sweep episode, and I picked up the X dvd and it had turned into Jurassic Park.



    I always have dreams where it’s the wrong genre though. Like I’ll have a Dwarf dream where it’s just a strait discussion of politics between Rimmer and Lister with no jokes, then I’ll dream that Taboo with Tom Hardy is a 70s style sitcom with canned laughter.


    International Debris

    Oh yeah, every one of my Red Dwarf dreams has had it as some huge epic drama. My brain can’t do comedy when it’s asleep.


    Ian Symes

    G&T Admin

    Last night I dreamt that I was running the karaoke at Dimension Jump, but instead of Dave Benson Phillips hosting, it was Doug. He was rubbish at it.


    Flap Jack

    Oh yeah, every one of my Red Dwarf dreams has had it as some huge epic drama. My brain can’t do comedy when it’s asleep.

    You dream about the novels?



    Not a dream, but a memory. A memory of the fact that the first time I saw any of series 1 was a clip on an episode of Telly Addicts. Which they abrubtly cut the word ‘tits’ from.



    Pete Part Three

    Hmm. You sure about this, Si?

    I remember Telly Addicts using that clip, but I was aware of Red Dwarf by then, so I’d have said that (provided they only used the abruptly-cut clip once, and I wasn’t watching a repeat), this would have been 1994 or later.



    Hmm. You sure about this, Si?

    No, not really. Thought I was, but probably not. The main memory is of being really, stupidly, excited about seeing Red Dwarf in primetime BBC1.

    Makes more sense that I’d seen series one plenty of times, and was so taken aback that that moment burnt itself into my mind. Just built a reasonable scenario round it.


    International Debris

    Had a dream about the special last night. Despite only knowing the vaguest things about the plot, part of my brain must be thinking about it.

    The crew discovered that there was a whole colony of cats living in a part of the ship they’d not explored. For some reason, the cats decide to hold the main characters captive and use them as surrogate parents. At first, some weird food – a tablet and some horrible looking gloop – is fed to them, which it turns out contains the cat sperm. Then they are seduced by cat women who have sex with them – in one case, on a stage in front of hundreds of people – and who manage to provide the eggs in the process. The cats then debate whether to let the baby cats burst through their stomachs, Alien-style, or whether to give them c-sections and use them as permanent surrogates.

    At this point, my girlfriend suggests that she doesn’t think this is all real, as it seems far-fetched, and that she hopes it isn’t just a dream sequence.

    Obviously a lot of Can of Worms going on there.



    Flap Jack

    “What kind of milk are we using now?”

    “Emergency backup supply. We’re on the cat’s jizz.”


    By Jove its holmes

    Once there was too much fanwank on TOS forums about Sebby P and Andrew E and i dreamed that night about the two fighting with treebranches whilst wearing togas.



    I dreamt last night that I flew to Washington DC for a pre-broadcast screening of the The Promised Land, although it was more like being in the studio audience as there was actual live elements to it. 60mins in and it had been really funny, but had become quite middling and I was starting to get bored. It had started out like any normal episode, with jokes and visiting a space station and what not, and something had happened to Kryten involving a giant beetle which caused him to get all busted up. However, the cat race still hadn’t materialised, and with only 30mins to go I was getting worried. During an intermission (don’t ask why) I turned to the whole audience and said “do you remember when they teased the cat people in the initial publicity shot and I said I bet we only see them for 5 mins!”

    Somehow the screening ended before I could see the end (maybe I was at a studio recording after all, but I knew everything we know about the episode now) and had the arduous task of trying to immediately fly back to the UK, but getting a flight from Washington to LA inexplicably, and then to Heathrow. I was very tired and didn’t want to travel as I’d basically only just arrived. Once in LA, for some reason it became late 19th century, post civil war Wild West and a steam train heading north ran away without a driver, so we chased it on horse back all the way to Oregon.

    And that is where I woke up.


    Pete Part Three

    >And that is where I woke up.

    You fell asleep, had a dream and woke up in Oregon? Wow.

    Anyway, you’d better get out of Oregon pronto. Don’t you remember what happed with the rabbits?



    It’s possible I was drugged and kidnapped. Help?


    Spaceworm Jim

    They said that Oregon is bad and you should stop it if you can.


    Taiwan Tony

    I just woke up from a dream in which Rimmer and Kryten were walking along a dark corridor. Rimmer was in his blue uniform and Kryten was a murky green. The main thing I remember is seeing Bobby picking the underwear out of his bum.
    Not my best dream.

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