Who has has a Red Dwarf dream?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I ask because I wanted to tell you about a weird Red Dwarf related dream I had yesterday.

Me and Ian (for some reason, we’ve spoken but never actually met) were in a a warehouse discussing how ridiculous the pencil shaped CGI Red Dwarf was. We’d found some test recording of the original pencil model, but it was double barrelled. Not just two Red Dwarfs side by side, but the right hand side had the front and ran back so somewhere in the middle of the ship (though about the same length as seen on screen, then next to it on the left, the middle of the ship continues, but level with the front of the ship, down to the back which sat level with the middle of the part on the right hand side.

Confused? It looked like this http://imgur.com/a/9kQeL

Now, remember we’re in this warehouse. Well this dishevelled old man that looks like a homeless Doc Brown from BTTF arrived and opens this box containing the model we had seen in this test shot. He keeps pulling bits out like a magician removing handkerchiefs from his sleeve. Piece my piece until this full length model is presented to us.

Now, you know how dreams change location but you know you’ve always been there? Well suddenly me and Ian are at my dead grandparents house, except my granddad isn’t dead. He seems quite happy that me and Ian have decided to suspend this model from his ceiling, starting in the back bedroom and snaking all around the top floor of his house.

At this point the model is 12 meters long (we measured it in the dream) and its more akin to the small RD model that come with one of the DVDs (series 6?) … but none the less we’re convinced this is the original 12 meter model build with the intention of shooting it for remasters.

All that stuff about how the current model is a cut down version of a 12ft model that was scanned for CGI … well that 12ft model, in my dream, was a cut down 12m model that look ridiculous.

And that’s all me and Ian could say to each other, and that we’re lucky the version that ended up on series 8 and the re-mastered wasn’t as bad as this monstrosity … and what were they thinking building this ship that ended up looking like a small red snake, winding its way around the ceiling of my grandparents house.

Topic

[Moonlight]

Now we’ll never know the si-xy details.

[Warbodog]

Some kind of alternate ending to Tikka to Ride. The guys arrive back at their country house hideaway, all helpfully carrying Lister’s takeaway boxes apart from Lister himself. Lister expresses his excitement to finally tuck in to some curry, and opens Cat’s box… only to find that it doesn’t have curry in it, after all, but different food, instead!

I (Rimmer?) lean over to International Debris (Kryten?) and whisper about how shit this bit is, abandoning the scene and going inside the house, where my brother’s pointing out inaccuracies in the Official Red Dwarf Companion to a confused bystander.

[International Debris]

Fame at last.

[Frank Smeghammer]

I had a dream about an episode of Red Dwarf called Extermisher II and it was really dark, very horror driven and surreal. I was in the episode, but didn’t realise it was an episode of Red Dwarf until right at the end.

The details are really fuzzy as it was one of those really nonsensical dreams where things just seemed to move from place to place and people become different people right before your eyes, and you don’t even seem to bat an eyelid until you wake up and realise how dumb the whole thing was.

I do recall a killer simulant locked in a stasis pod (very original of course and definitely not just a Justice ripoff). We had to try to lead him to an airlock to flush him out into space. Various friends, family and acquaintances were there with me, coming and going at random.

If you made eye contact with him (The Extermisher I suppose??), he had the ability to completely lock your entire body in place, frozen and at his mercy. Unless someone was willing to turn you away and break the eye contact. We lost him somewhere on the ship and locked doors and hid in the sleeping quarters. If he finds us however, he does have the ability to cut his way through doors with laser-tipped fingers.

We had to sneak out and find this weird pink blob guy with no eyes but vision in some other regard and convince him to help us take out the Extermisher. I can’t remember what the Blob did to me but just thinking about the dream now makes my heart beat fast so somewhere in my subconscious he did something horrible to me. Next thing I remember, the Extermisher is in a laser cage (bit like the Hologram Projection Cage from Thanks for the Memory) looking all sad and defeated and then I realise Lister and Kryten are there, this is the drive room, I now recognise that I’m on Red Dwarf, and the words “EXTERMISHER II” appear in bold red on the screen(?). It’s not a screen really, it’s my vision, but the words are there and I realise for the first time I’m in an episode of Red Dwarf.

[International Debris]

The first Extermisher was fine, but the second really jumped the shark – the laser fingers were attached to the first one as a major part of the plot, but the second one just happens to have them too with no explanation. Typical lazy writing from solo Doug. 

[Warbodog]

Extermisher is future Kryten before he’s Inquisitor.

[clem]

[RunawayTrain]

A portmanteau of exterminate/extinguish, silly  :p

[Flap Jack]

The Extermisher and Extermisher II are not Many Ampersand Symbols’ best episodes, but I did appreciate the feminist twist she brought to the old Medusa myth, and they did contain her signature gags, like Cat’s “Sorry I can’t help you right now, I need to go clean my asshole” catchphrase.

[Frank Smeghammer]

I am of course well aware that “Extermish” is not a word but that is what he was called so blame my subconscious

[International Debris]

The Extermisher and Extermisher II are not Many Ampersand Symbols’ best episodes, but I did appreciate the feminist twist she brought to the old Medusa myth, and they did contain her signature gags, like Cat’s “Sorry I can’t help you right now, I need to go clean my asshole” catchphrase.

Honestly, it was probably fairly radical for the time, but a man with hundreds of wriggling penises for hair doesn’t feel like the most subtle or imaginative portrayal of male sexual dominance. Nor does the use of the sexual magnetism virus as a kind of deus ex machina in the second story. As for Cat’s “hey, I needed some hair gel” punchline, it’s not even original. 

[Captain Bollocks]

I know I’ve had a few, although I don’t remember any specifics off-hand, but how about a tangential one? 

Last night, I dreamt I had been selected to appear on a special edition of Taskmaster, alongside Ian “Ian” Symes, of this very parish. At one point he had to climb up a ladder in pink flip flops, while I boarded a ferry to Ireland. 

Yes, I am delirious with flu right now, why do you ask? 

[Dave]

Last night, I dreamt I had been selected to appear on a special edition of Taskmaster, alongside Ian “Ian” Symes

[Ian Symes]

Excellent.

[Flap Jack]

I’ve seen folks suggest Craig Charles as a potential future Taskmaster contestant, and I would be elated if it happened. Out of the main cast I feel strongly he would be the best option, or it would be between him and Hattie.

If we lived in a more enlightened timeline, then UKTV would have got their shit together and done a Red Dwarf Night 2 to celebrate the 30th anniversary in 2018 – Smegmeister could have been the Universe Challenge equivalent! Sadly that opportunity has now passed.

Of course Ian Symes would be great on Taskmaster too, but there’d be 2 major issues. 1, the fee he’d demand would be way outside Avalon and Channel 4’s budget, and 2, he’d want the show to be only about him. He’s just not comfortable sharing the limelight. That’s why his name starts with “I” and has “me” near the end.

[Dave]

He’s just not comfortable sharing the limelight. That’s why his name starts with “I” and has “me” near the end.

On the contrary, I think he’d be totally compliant – because his name is an anagram of “Is Yes Man”.

[International Debris]

What about the time he murdered all those sailors? (“My Sea Sin”).

He did kill them, you know.

[Flap Jack]

Ian needs to reveal if he has any middle names or if his other names are short for anything, so we can get to the bottom of this.

I assume it says Fabian Symesworth on his birth certificate, but I can only be 96% sure.

[Ian Symes]

My middle name is “Ian”.

[International Debris]

In which case:

Asinine yams

or

Sin is a meany

Some Talons of Weng-Chiang vibes with that second one.

[Dave]

Another slur against the poor dethroned Series V director, May Is Insane.

[Flap Jack]

Much obliged!

And don’t jump to conclusions, Dave. Ian either has a distaste for spring, or he was just preordained to be furious about the Windrush scandal.

[Dave]

[Captain Bollocks]

Too smacked off my tits on honey and lemon cough syrup to know if this is even funny or not, but it’s you lot who have to scroll past it now, not me. So there. 

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

On a side note, I think “I did kill him, you know” may possibly at last be worthy of a Hall of Fame nomination.

[Captain Bollocks]

Had a dream last night that I had begun using my bed to cultivate potatoes. When I began repurposing them into chips, I was proudly declared “the king of the potato people”.

I woke up shorty after, thinking “What a funny Red Dwarf reference!” (I’m still on painkillers and Benalyn, so who knows at this point). 

[Ian Symes]

[Frank Smeghammer]

I had begun using my bed to cultivate potatoes.

[Dave]

[Warbodog]

A needlessly violent alternate version of the Out of Time ending is released where the two crews have seemingly agreed to face off in one-on-one showdowns aboard Starbug (maybe it’s the Rob Grant novel version). I’m spared blood and guts by not getting further than Kryten being bazookoided apart, getting distracted into analysing the unconvincing effect frame by frame as his head flies perfectly horizontally across the screen, but it still feels extreme and a bit disturbing.

I now realise it was basically the shot of Kryten exploding in White Hole, and that Demons and Angels is already an actual episode. My imagination is limited to the resources of a fan edit.

[Warbodog]

A trailer for a new series, looking appropriately Dave era. Kryten tells Rimmer the sensors are on the alert level “Basically Hitler,” which some people in the comments take literally and think means we’re getting Hitler IV. Lister and Cat are in spacesuits handling a rock inside a nuclear glovebox, all so Cat can make an original complaint about the colour of the gloves. I don’t catch the series number.

[Warbodog]

G&T is doing another rewatch and I start sending daily invoices to charge the site for making me watch Series VII.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

Why not VIII?

[Warbodog]

Why not VIII?

Because there aren’t currently forum posts about watching people watch VIII putting that in my mind when I’m doing my work timesheet before bed.

[Stephen Abootman]

Had a dream last night that the next Red Dwarf special was called ‘Listermania’. Can’t offer any more details than that I’m afraid.

[Dave]

Had a dream last night that the next Red Dwarf special was called ‘Listermania’. Can’t offer any more details than that I’m afraid.

I presume it would be traditional 2D and have a lot of zones from the original classic Listers, but with some remixed elements and a few entirely new zones too.

[International Debris]

‘The One Where Everyone’s Lister’

[Technopeasant]

[Flap Jack]

Last night I had a dream that G&T put out a major update for Smegle.

For the Casual Continuous, they made it so that instead of it giving you one puzzle to solve, it gave you a grid of 4 puzzles which had been pre-solved by a bot. The idea was that they would be used as part of a “four truths and a lie” game. You would describe the 4 game results to someone else, along with a 5th one you made up yourself, and they would try and guess which one you made up.

For the Difficult Daily, it was changed so that if you failed the first guess, it would immediately tell you the correct answer, but it wouldn’t count it as a fail and you could keep guessing beyond that.

I tried my best to be polite and constructive in my feedback for this update.

[Jonathan Capps]

*furiously takes notes*

[Warbodog]

Scrolling through a work chat space, I glimpse a post along the lines of “GRANT NAYLOR ⭐️ … … new RED DWARF book.” I excitedly wonder if they’re looking for a proofreader or something and scroll back up, but the dream’s eaten it.

There was something about Cat dancing with Cher as well?!

[Warbodog]

Tim Vine answers a tricky question about Kryten’s heating system on Shooting Stars. He casually mentions that he’s in “a few” episodes, fuelling the split-special/miniseries rumour.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

Just found this in some old DMs, don’t think I posted it yet.

 — 16/01/2022 17:49

I had a really convincing dream about a non-existent episode of Red Dwarf VII where Kochanski and Rimmer were on the crew together, and there was this shot of CG Starbug that zoomed into the cockpit with Dave giving one of his usual moralising speeches, but the angle of the live shot of Dave was clearly different than the CG shot of Starbug so he looked flat and stretched like a very obviously 2D image pasted into a 3D settingI had a really convincing dream about a non-existent episode of Red Dwarf VII where Kochanski and Rimmer were on the crew together, and there was this shot of CG Starbug that zoomed into the cockpit with Dave giving one of his usual moralising speeches, but the angle of the live shot of Dave was clearly different than the CG shot of Starbug so he looked flat and stretched like a very obviously 2D image pasted into a 3D setting

[Nick R]

Just found this in some old DMs, don’t think I posted it yet.

Why did you combine two copies of the same DM into one though?

[Technopeasant]

[Moonlight]

[Dave]

[Technopeasant]

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

[Moonlight]

[Author]

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