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  • in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #263868
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    3.
    a flow of blood and other material from the lining of the uterus, occurring in non-pregnant women at intervals of about 28 days between puberty and the menopause and typically lasting for a few days.
    “she’s got her period”
    Similar:
    menstruation, menstrual flow, the curse, monthlies, time of the month, menses, time, flowers

    Don’t make the same mistake I did last Mother’s Day.

    in reply to: Doctor Dwarf: The Books #263867
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I think it’s fair to say your enjoyment of the Virgin New Adventures depends on whether you find the word ‘smeg’ funny or not.

    This is a brilliantly obscure thing to be referencing in 2021.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #263851
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Maybe when I’ve left my current job. In the meantime, sod it, here’s one of them.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #263848
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I literally have a file on my computer called JustTheGreggs.mp4, which is a compilation I made of all the reaction shots of him listening to contestants talking about their recipes. One of my favourite procrastination cuts I did whilst working on the show, along with the time Phil Daniels was on the Celeb version and I re-edited Park Life to feature him talking about lasagne.

    in reply to: New Red Dwarf specials to feature Kryter and Barrie #263796
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Ah, sorry International Debris, I hadn’t seen this thread when I tweeted about this mistake earlier, I would have credited you if I had!

    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    The Ginger Rogers to Tom’s Fred Astaire.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #263679
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I don’t think so. In my head the London Jets are the one English representatives in an international or continental league, or at the very least an overseas franchise in an NFL style organisation, as that’s the only justification for a Scouser supporting them, other than being a filthy glory-hunter. But there’s nothing to back that up in the actual canon, that I can remember.

    in reply to: 92 Degrees? #263554
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    That’s a point, actually – hadn’t thought about it til you pointed it out, but you used to get both figures in the weather report, now it’s just one.

    I wonder if we’ll ever fully move over. I feel like there’ll always be exceptions. Metres instead of yards for short distances I can see, but I can’t picture anyone making the decision to switch all the road signs over to kilometres. Can’t see beer (in pubs at least) ever being sold in anything other than pints. I’ll have 568ml of Guinness please.

    in reply to: 92 Degrees? #263552
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I like how in the UK we flip between Celsius and Fahrenheit depending on what point we’re trying to make. If it’s cold it’s metric, hot is imperial. “It was -4 when I left the house this morning” as opposed to “it was 25”, or indeed “92 degrees? God!” instead of “33 degrees?”.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #263506
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    MATHS IN THE RED PART THIRTY-THREE

    (13 + 1 + 20 + 8 + 5 + 13 + 1 + 20 + 9 + 3 + 1 + 12) + (18 + 5 + 1 + 19 + 15 + 14 + 9 + 14 + 7) + (16 + 21 + 26 + 26 + 12 + 5 + 26) = (1 + 3 + 20 + 21 + 1 + 12 + 12 + 25) + (19 + 15) + (20 + 8 + 5 + 19 + 5)

    9 + 19 + 23 + 25 + 4 + 20

    in reply to: Life Imitating Red Dwarf #263323
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    No, this is real life bullying that’s taking place on the internet due to lockdown.

    in reply to: Life Imitating Red Dwarf #263318
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Then you drop it on the floor as soon as you get home, pretend that you’re perfectly happy with the pasta you have to make yourself as you watch everyone else eat their chips, and get the piss taken out of you for approximately 14 years and counting.

    in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #263293
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    What an idiot that “curtis” is, he’ll never make anything of himself in Red Dwarf fandom.

    I have tried Cinzano Bianco exactly once, in the actual Aigburth Arms in around 2003. It was not very nice, especially compared to the pints of erskib and the dry white wine and Perrier that we also ordered.

    in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #263247
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    You’ve been on the wind-up for the last week or so now, and I’ve been ignoring you, but well done, you’ve forced me into a reaction. Perhaps the best way to complain about racist jokes isn’t to post a racial slur. Don’t do that again.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #263240
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    NDA

    The DNA machine comes back, but I’m not allowed to talk about it.

    in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #263233
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, one more key piece of evidence to consider. Imagine you’re a comedy writer (or a pair of comedy writers) in the early 90s. You are writing dialogue for a sitcom.

    Scenario A: You’re writing a joke about a drink that nobody likes. Which drink do you choose as your go-to “drink that nobody likes”, that a contemporary audience would understand? Cinzano Bianco? Quite possibly.

    Scenario B: You’re writing a joke about a drink that leaves a stain. Which drink do you choose as your go-to “drink that leaves a stain”, that a contemporary audience would understand? Cinzano Bianco? Of course you fucking don’t. That would be ludicrous – it’s a clear liquid. Yes, it would leave a stain of some description if it was spilled on baize, like almost any liquid would, but it being a drink that stains is not a key property of the drink. You’d go for red wine, clearly, the drink that’s featured in a thousand adverts for laundry detergent and carpet cleaner, the drink that is notorious for leaving hard-to-shift stains. There are dozens of drinks higher up the “that’ll leave a stain” pecking order than Cinzano Bianco, including literally every single one that’s not a clear liquid.

    Put simply: yes, the “leaving a stain” interpretation makes sense as a piece of English language comprehension, but there is no way in hell that that’s the joke Grant Naylor were writing.

    in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #263154
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Oh, I thought that it was because it’s such a shit drink that if you put it on a table, nobody will pick it up and drink it. Also ties in with Cinzano Bianco and Advocaat being the only drinks left in Tikka To Ride, and that being a bad thing.

    in reply to: people who “react” to RD on Youtube #263134
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Aren’t we due a book club first?

    Tadaaaaa.

    in reply to: How Red Dwarf Broke All The Rules #263126
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    If anyone does fork out for Part 2, could you let us know if G&T gets a mention? I am incredibly vain but not vain enough to sign up.

    in reply to: Rob Grant writing new Red Dwarf #262939
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster
    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262871
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    CRAPPY TV

    Kryten watches A Prince Among Men.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #262728
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I think there was a window in the late 80s/early 90s where a) those very bands were considered a bit naff, before later being either reappraised or forgotten about, and b) the Hammond was more associated with twee easy listening muzak type guff anyway. It’s similarly a source of derision in Lionel Nimrod’s Inexplicable World.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #262712
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Not particularly, as far as I’m aware. Steev Rogers used to still come to DJ as fan long after he relinquished his Fan Club duties, but not since the mid-00s. Maybe there’s a feature to be had in tracking them down.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #262701
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Yeah, counting multi-part episodes as one will never happen in any poll we run. We are slavishly devoted to “as broadcast” being sacrosanct. Besides which, in each and every Red Dwarf example, the different parts of each story differ in quality. IMO: BITR Part 1 is alright by VIII standards, Part 2 is meh, Part 3 is abysmal. Pete 1 is average, Pete 2 is one of the worst things ever made anywhere. I’ll admit I find it hard to separate BTE Parts 2&3, but they’re both vastly superior to the plodding Part 1. I certainly consider each part separately when doing my rankings, and wouldn’t lump each part of a story together by default.

    But JUST FOR FUN, here’s how the bottom of the Pearl Poll would have looked if we took an average of the multi-parters’ scores instead of treating them individually:

    So ACTUALLY, counting BTE as one would harm the majority of it overall. Two thirds of it would be overtaken by Beyond A Joke in relative terms.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #262653
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Funko Pops are shit. If you want Red Dwarf Funko Pops, just take any existing Funko Pop and draw either dreadlocks, an H, fangs or some angular lines on it.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262523
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    GORDON’S BRIT ASS

    Hudzen 10 paints a union jack across his arse cheeks.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262520
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    GORDON BLEU

    Lister unexpectedly finds himself missing Hudzen 10, so Kryten builds The Hudzen 10 Experience in AR. Also everything’s in French.

    in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #262280
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    This is the biggest schism the Red Dwarf fandom has faced since Give & Take made it ambiguous whether Asclepius was trying to kill Lister or save him.

    You forget the weeks we spent debating whether Bodyswap implies Lister has a massive cock or a dirty cock.

    in reply to: Geek Chase #262254
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    It is indeed brilliant, and also remarkable that it’s still live and all works after all this time.

    in reply to: Jokes you don't/didn't get #262252
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    He’s definitely talking about body shape rather than genitals imo. Breasts and hips *are* an anatomical difference between (cis) men and women. In fact, doesn’t he mime an hourglass shape as he says it?

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262238
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    LEAGUE-IAN

    The use of a football scenario piques the interest of a G&Ter enough to actually work one of these out.

    Kryten – 2W 1D 0L
    Cat – 1W 1D 1L
    Lister – 1W 0D 2L
    Rimmer – 0W 2D 1L

    Kryten vs Cat – Kryten wins
    Kryten vs Lister – Kryten wins
    Kryten vs Rimmer – draw
    Cat vs Lister – Cat wins
    Cat vs Rimmer – draw
    Lister vs Rimmer – Lister wins

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #262215
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    HATTY UMBRAGE

    Dave gets bored of this now.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #261999
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Nanarchy was the first time. It was a joke about Holly not recognising Kryten because of his senility, which always struck me as odd because these two incarnations of the characters wouldn’t necessarily have recognised each other, even though they are in fact the same characters that knew each other in the episode Kryten and throughout III-V.

    in reply to: people who “react” to RD on Youtube #261993
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Oh shit, have I “that’s the joke”d you? I apologise.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #261988
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I think the Lego Red Dwarf stuff that people try to make happen is crap.

    I think I’d be better inclined towards it all if it didn’t take up every other post on my #reddwarf Twitter search and all the Dwarfy Facebook groups whenever they’re pushing for votes. And the thing is, for better or worse, even if it gets the requisite number of votes to trigger it being put to the panel, it’s never going to happen. There is not a chance in hell that Red Dwarf is a well known or profitable enough brand to get the full Lego treatment.

    in reply to: people who “react” to RD on Youtube #261987
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Doctor Who is a classic example of how it goes both ways too. You get a lot of hate – recency… animus?

    Let’s leave The Web Planet out of this.

    in reply to: people who “react” to RD on Youtube #261963
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    It’s not your fault, it’s Symes’s Law.

    The most recent things will always over-perform to varying degrees in any poll, Dwarfy or otherwise. When things are fresher, reactions are more extreme. It takes time for people to look at things more objectively and placings to settle down.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261948
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    THE SMART PARTY

    Ian Symes sits alone at home on 31st December 1999, refusing the celebrate the turn of the millennium until the following year.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261941
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    MATHS IN THE RED

    Posters in the “Idea for an episode” thread ponder how you can be about to get onto the eightieth page, but only the 7,900th post.

    WICKHAM TO REVISE

    cwickham goes back in time to his GCSE Maths lesson to work out that if you divide 7900 by 100 (the number of posts per page), it works out at exactly 79, and so it’s therefore correct that post 7900 is the last one on the 79th page. Stunned, he then accidentally scuppers JFK’s assassination.

    in reply to: The “Programme Guide” books #261901
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    There was also a video on YouTube knocking around with the some “unreleased” Smeg Ups that didn’t make the cut. I assume they’ve since turned up in other places.

    Hello and welcome to the 48th time Ian Symes mentions the origin of Captain Bollocks this year.

    in reply to: The “Programme Guide” books #261891
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Also, I’ve just looked up what exactly the lost moments were in that Bodysnatcher easter egg, and it was in fact only one smeg up – from Me², Craig corpsing after the Souper line.

    in reply to: The “Programme Guide” books #261890
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    There were no Bathurst outtakes on either Smeg Ups or Smeg Outs, and therefore not on Just The Smegs either – the only place they’ve turned up is in the Series 1 doc on Bodysnatcher. The Series 1 and 2 DVDs didn’t have quite the same level of exclusive rushes footage as the subsequent releases – we got deleted scenes obvs, but no outtakes or stuff used as documentary cutaways that hadn’t previously been released, hence the wait until Bodysnatcher gave them the opportunity to fill in the gaps.

    The rumour was that he or his agent had blocked them from being released on Smeg Outs in the first place, but I’m wondering whether it was more a combination of the footage being more interesting than it is funny is its own right (Smeg Ups/Outs were comedy shows first and foremost, whereas the DVDs had a wider remit), and them generally focusing more on the main cast cocking up and not wanting to expose mistakes by guest actors. The Timothy Spall stuff from Back To Reality is very similar – not released in the 90s, only seen as part of the series-specific doc. It’s possibly a combination of all those reasons.

    in reply to: The “Programme Guide” books #261886
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    This is so odd – the Smeg Ups and Outs tapes were such a HUGE part of the Red Dwarf oeuvre for anyone who was into the show in the mid 90s that I kind of assume everyone is as familiar with them as they are with some of the actual episodes. But I guess if you came to the show later, they must have slipped through the net. I sense a feature or two coming, as soon as free time becomes a concept that I refamiliarise myself with.

    I think I’m right in saying that every single outtake made it on to the main DVD releases eventually. There was a small number (like two or three) that were accidentally omitted from the series-by-series compilations, but they were included on The Bodysnatcher Collection as easter eggs. In terms of the reverse, there are no outtakes from the Series 1-VI DVD compilations that weren’t on the tapes, although there are a few dotted around the big series-specific documentaries.

    It is of course a completely different (and in my opinion much more satisfying) experience to see the outtakes formatted and compiled as part of an hour-long programme, with different sections for different types of fluff and linking material in between, rather than just grouped together by series. I’d strongly recommend picking up the Just The Smegs DVD if you can, any Red Dwarf collection feels incomplete without Smeg Ups and Smeg Outs.

    Oh, and in addition to the links there are a couple of little bits that didn’t make it onto the main DVDs, both from Smeg Outs – the claymation version of Tongue Tied, and footage from Dimension Jump ’95. And it would be remiss of me if I didn’t point out that there are a small number of cuts to the original tapes on Just The Smegs, to remove out-of-date info on merchandise and competitions – clips available here.

    in reply to: The “Programme Guide” books #261846
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Here’s a sixteen year old child summarising Howarth & Lyons’ Smeg Ups snark, just over 17 years ago: https://www.ganymede.tv/2003/06/smeg-ups-smeg-smeg-off/

    in reply to: Bootleg Merch #261801
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    It didn’t help that the official store was a bag of shit. If I was GNP, I’d be looking into a print on demand model.

    in reply to: Bootleg Merch #261775
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    You’ve prompted me to do the same. There’s loads of clever, creative designs on there based on original artwork, but then there’s the reams of stuff where people have just nicked proper photos or logos without doing anything to them. That’s the kind of blatant unthinking copyright infringement that would ultimately ruin it for everyone else if the IP owners got wind of it.

    Also, I spotted someone selling stickers of a meme that Kris Carter of this parish made. Daisy Bryar is a fucking thief. https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/Red-Dwarf-Cat-Meme-by-DaisyBryar/46162499.EJUG5

    in reply to: Bootleg Merch #261767
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I get knockoff stuff advertised to me on Facebook all the time. My fave was a t-shirt with the slogan “Mr Flibble’s Very Angry”.

    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I’ve not had time to watch the film yet, and so I’ve only skimmed this thread, but just wanted to congratulate Ridley for the comprehensiveness and accuracy of that incredibly obscure reference.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #261630
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Although funnily enough, I stumbled across an old article of mine the other day in which I put forward the theory that all that JMC computer stuff is completely automated, and that it’s always been running in the background, it’s just that previously Holly had been around to countermand it.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #261629
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Given that humans are extinct apart from Lister, are artificial life forms running JMC? For whom – ALF society?

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #261611
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    There were a fair few stairs to climb. Sometimes it’s just that time-sensitive.

    in reply to: Interchangeable Episode Titles #261485
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Bodyswap Bodysnatcher
    Stoke Me A Clipper Identity Within
    Fathers & Suns Dad
    Back To Earth Earth
    The Promised Land Red Dwarf: The Movie
    Timewave Garbage World

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261408
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    JACK IN THE DREAD

    Forum user Flap Jack spends a few hours worrying about Chris Barrie, but it turns out to be fine in the end.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #261405
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    That cancel culture in this thread in full: one person saying the scene was fine, one person discussing the scene without really giving a personal opinion, two people discussing the scene and concluding they’d rather it wasn’t there.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261395
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    THE MAN IN THE NON-EXISTENT MASK

    Adaptation of Chris Barrie’s autobiography.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #261391
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    The thing is, I learned to identify a bellend with Yaron Ru, I’m not used the cunt roles of Lawless One.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #261387
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Ah, I suspected Yaron Ru was a bellend, good to have it confirmed.

    in reply to: Worst episodes of series 3-5? #261294
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I disagree with the opinion, Ridley, but the method of delivery is perfect.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261264
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    A MAN AMONG PRINCES, SERIES TWO EPISODE THREE: THANKS FOR THE MEMORY

    Flashback episode explaining how and why the last remaining employee suddenly went from working in KFC to a chippy in the previous episode.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261262
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    A MAN AMONG PRINCES, SERIES TWO EPISODE ONE: FRY HEN

    The last remaining employee quits the corned-beef-canning plant and goes to work at KFC instead.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261258
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    A MAN AMONG PRINCES, EPISODE FOUR: WAITING FOR COD

    The last remaining employee abandons the pilchard station as he quite literally has bigger fish to fry.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #261211
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    A PRINCE AMONG WOMEN

    At the height of his fame, Chris Barrie quits Red Dwarf and the Brittas Empire to star in a biopic of Prince Andrew.

    “Women” implies they were adults.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #261210
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I’m obviously glad that trans people you know were ok with the scene, Katydid, but that’s not a universal experience judging by the number of tweets from trans people I saw on the night, who were pretty disappointed and upset.

    Personally, I agree that it falls short of saying anything actually offensive, but the outdated language and questionable levels of understanding, as Flap Jack lays out, are enough to make me rather it wasn’t there. It’s just one of those half-thought-through uncomfortable moments that seem to crop up in latter day Dwarf, adding nothing but a distraction from the much much better stuff elsewhere. Especially in the current climate when transphobia is worryingly on the rise, with its figurehead being a comedy writer who I used to adore before he went actually insane, I just don’t want Dwarf to go anywhere near the topic. Let’s face it, the man who once defined a woman as “anyone who doesn’t have a penis” is not a voice we need to hear from on the matter.

    in reply to: The style of the forum #261156
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Fixed it for you.

    in reply to: the social significance of nerds like Duane Dibbley? #260999
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Agree that it’s a little bit of a punching down thing. Society always has the need to punish non-conformists, and nerds were the go to option for a safe, non-offensive sneer for a good while. As for what changed, I’d say The Big Bang Theory is very much a consequence of nerds becoming more accepted rather than a cause. It’s the internet that caused it, with the realisation that everyone has hobbies and interests, and that far far more people happened to include sci-fi/comics/gaming/etc among theirs than had previously let on.

    in reply to: THE NEW RED DWARF FORUM #260219
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Please, can we not? There are a small number of people on there who seem to have a problem with us, the rest are trying to calm the situation down. I no longer have the inclination or energy for internet drama at the best of times, and this is the worst of times. I’d much rather the two forums just did their own things and completely ignored each other’s existence.

    in reply to: THE NEW RED DWARF FORUM #260190
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I mean, you’d think that with what’s happened recently, as referenced in the permanent banner on every page of the site, people would have the basic human decency to not attack our forum and force us into action on a Saturday afternoon. Fuck right off.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #259892
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I don’t agree with the dislike for the light bulb gag, but I will say that it’s not even the best light fitting based joke in that episode.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #259889
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    You’ll find out on February 15th 2023.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #259881
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I’ve just seen a guy on Twitter ranking all the series/specials of Red Dwarf, and he put Series VIII one ahead of Series V. It takes all sorts.

    in reply to: Philip K Dick #259850
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep is a complete rip-off of Back To Earth.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #259681
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster
    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #259627
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Why does taking a life drive Kryten to suicide when he’s already killed the crew of the Nova 5 without provocation?

    There is quite the difference between causing an accident through well-intended actions, and shooting someone down with a big gun. Besides which, Kryten was pretty damn depressed when he realised the Nova 5 crew were dead, in both TV and book depictions.

    in reply to: The Promised Land – Score by Paul Farrer #259581
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    For the record, while I do not like the guy at all based on his behaviour online, the only reason there isn’t a front page article collating these links is that this isn’t something we tend to do. The forum is perfectly adequate for that function.

    in reply to: I found the movie from Holoship #259548
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    That’s brilliant, clem!

    in reply to: The Promised Land – Score by Paul Farrer #259525
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    We need to digitally erase him from the “Dere’s more to Ireland dan dis” conversation from IAP too.

    No, both of those were Arthur Matthews, using make-up and split screen. Ironically, Arthur only wanted to dress up as Graham so that he could gain access to a special complete-wankers-only toilet.

    in reply to: The Promised Land – Score by Paul Farrer #259521
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Big Train was 100% Matthews too, I’ve decided.

    in reply to: The Promised Land – Score by Paul Farrer #259518
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Was shit in the first place, no loss.

    in reply to: The Promised Land – Score by Paul Farrer #259516
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Father Ted is fine, it was written entirely by Arthur Matthews.

    in reply to: The Promised Land – Score by Paul Farrer #259514
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Sorry Si, multiple links in one post will get you caught in the spam filter. You’ve only been here for eighteen years or so, we can’t be too careful.

    It’s lovely that Paul Farrer is sharing all this stuff, it’s just a shame that after a short period on Twitter the other week in which he described BLM protesters as a “mob”, pledged his support for Glinner and JK Rowling’s transphobia, and ranted across multiple tweets about “the woke taliban”, he’s revealed himself to be a complete twat.

    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    But all cops *are* bastards.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #259413
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Didn’t they mention in the recent Dwarfcast that someone did a list or Twitter thread or something where they had every time Lister could actually have gone back to Earth?

    Yarp, this tweet and the replies: https://twitter.com/ganymedetitan/status/1254812028188966914

    The universal explanation for why something predicted in one episode didn’t transpire in a future episode is that they’ve fucked around with their timeline so much (Timeslides, Out of Time, Tikka, Ouroboros) that the predicted futures have been rewritten.

    An even more universal explanation for anything you can’t reconcile is that Series III onwards takes place in a parallel universe to Series 1&2. It’s Multiverse 101.

    in reply to: Doug’s Thoughts On More Dwarf #259050
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I think Covid-19 has killed Red Dwarf. It takes them years in between productions at the best of times, and this is the worst of times for TV production. By the time they’re able to legally and safely work with a full crew, especially considering the majority of the key players are in a higher risk category due to their age and/or medical history, and any sort of live audience is allowed, and there’s the studio capacity for it, and the green light from a broadcaster who will presumably prioritise quicker and cheaper programming initially, I fear it’ll be too late.

    in reply to: Guy in the weekly commentary chat box? #258900
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Hiya, sorry to have intervened on the chat (Jo and I live together, so share a Zoom login, we’re not involved in the commentaries in any official capacity but we help out with tech and logistics occasionally). You did nothing wrong by replying to him and being polite, but wanted to just warn you for your own sake not to get drawn in. I don’t know how best to describe Alex, but his thing is to ask awkward questions and make himself the centre of attention, and he can be very persistent when he latches on to someone who he’s decided to befriend. He’s especially odd around women and I can’t imagine it’s a very nice thing to be on the receiving end of. It’s a real shame that Red Dwarf fandom, which is generally speaking full of lovely, creative, enthusiastic people, has to deal with the handful of difficult people that attach themselves to it.

    Locking this thread, as I don’t want to dredge too much up from the past. Like he says he got banned from here, and that’s an incredibly rare and difficult thing to achieve, so you can probably infer from that what sort of person he is.

    in reply to: Loose Ends #258880
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I don’t know what you’re on about Pendo, your post was there the whole time.

    in reply to: Loose Ends #258874
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    How did Dave know that we’d be discussing this exact topic in a podcast that wasn’t released until two hours after he started this thread?

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #258613
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    That nearly makes the preceding 7,193 posts worth it.

    in reply to: Kryten Costume on eBay #258544
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Is nobody else seeing the creepy fetish items listed below as “sponsored items”? Read the description of what “Spreader Pants” are 🤢

    They’re based on your browsing history.

    in reply to: A prediction about The Promised Land #258534
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Genuinely interested to hear how you came to that conclusion, though.

    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    On GOLD it’s uncut, but with a “out-dated racial language that may cause offence” warning beforehand.

    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Quite a few in the monochrome days, The Crusade probably the most notable. Agreed that the explanatory note approach would be the best bet.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #258502
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Off you fuck, then.

    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Or that bit in The Celestial Toymaker part two.

    in reply to: Your Unpopular Red Dwarf Opinions #258493
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Cat’s retarded, what’s to figure out?

    That’s your second strike. I know who you are, but with everything that’s going on and a new episode coming up, I was being lenient. Don’t make me ban you on today of all days.

    in reply to: GNP on Companies House. #258466
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Wait til you hear what royalties are, it’ll blow your mind.

    in reply to: GNP on Companies House. #258441
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Oh blimey, you’re right. That leaves Rob, Paul and Lesley Armitage (widow of Charles) – three people not currently involved in making Red Dwarf – as the only people in charge of the company that makes Red Dwarf. Curious.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #258423
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Yes, this seems an appropriate way for this thread to develop. Shush now.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #258396
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    This is true, but I think what Ben was getting at was how much and how quickly attitudes have changed in a relatively short space of time. Barbara in The League of Gentlemen is an absolute abomination, but nobody batted an eyelid at the time. Kryten being classified as a woman simply because he doesn’t have a penis manages to be incredibly offensive to trans people, non-binary people and cis women, which hardly gets a mention. You wouldn’t get programmes like There’s Something About Miriam any more, full stop. Hayley in Coronation Street was a big positive factor in educating people and changing attitudes, but even then, if you were casting that role today, you wouldn’t cast a cis woman, as undoubtedly brilliant in the part as Julie Hesmondhalgh was.

    I guess what I’m getting at is that the intent behind something is important. You’re right that things shouldn’t get a free pass because they happened in the past, they should still be questioned and held up for criticism, but what’s also important is how the perpetrators feel now. The League of Gents went some way to address the Barbara issue in the recent reunion specials, for example. On a different but similar theme, Matt Lucas has acknowledged and apologised for the dodgier elements of Little Britain and Come Fly With Me, which doesn’t absolve the offensive things they did completely, but the fact that he realises where he went wrong and regrets it makes me feel more at ease with calling myself a fan of his. (Walliams is still a dick, though) Conversely, while there’s very little wrong with Father Ted, Big Train or Black Books in terms of offensive attitudes, I wouldn’t describe myself as a fan of Graham Linehan any more, because he’s a bigoted cunt.

    I guess ultimately, in terms of our favourite show, whenever Red Dwarf wanders into dodgy territory now, it’s far worse than when things from 21-32 years ago seem dodgy in retrospect. As it is, the stuff in Series VIII results in an eye roll rather than a vitriolic rant. I’m far more angry about Timewave than I ever was about Series VIII, partly because I didn’t realise the potential for offence in 1999, and nor would the vast vast majority of the viewing public, but by 2016/7, everyone involved should absolutely know better.

    in reply to: Unanswered Questions #258351
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    The gaps in Kryten’s knowledge are a consequence of there being no internet in the Red Dwarf universe. All his information is stored locally, so he has to delete things that are no longer relevant to free up space.

    in reply to: Radio times: Best Series Poll #258333
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    What the FUCK is that logo?

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