Ian Symes

[Ian Symes]

[Ian Symes]

Actually I might be in the minority because everyone loves it, but Lost in Space by Nigel Bates never sounded that Dwarfy to me either. I don’t dislike it, it’s a nice ethereal piece but Goodall did a score with a proper motif for Ouroboros that would’ve been so much better. 

I Googled “Lost in Space Nigel Bates” to double check which one you meant, and the AI summary has chosen to illustrate it with a picture of Chen in EastEnders.

[Ian Symes]

If only there was a more in-depth series of ratings for Red Dwarf episodes.

[Ian Symes]

Anyway, The Inquisitor and Quarantine are back on iPlayer now.

[Ian Symes]

Anyway, on the subject of Doug’s Twitter, I was initially pleased when I saw his post yesterday, with a plug for an upcoming appearance that didn’t appear to be AI generated. 

But then I decided to zoom in on the book cover.


Ah yes, the prestigious FFE Blue Peter Book Book Award.
I assume it’s not Doug personally making these abominations, and he’s being supplied assets to post by the organisers/promoters of the events he’s appearing at. But it’s a sad indication of how low standards have fallen if said organisers and promoters are perfectly happy for this shite to be associated with their brand.

[Ian Symes]

Was he actually asked about a new Dwarf novel? Because if not, him making “no mention” is not terribly relevant.

[Ian Symes]

I always took it as Holly having the ability to generate holograms, rather than being one himself. “Hologramic computer” = “gaming PC”.

[Ian Symes]

That was an unexpected start to the morning.

[Ian Symes]

The first thing that came to mind was the cut to Kryten calling for Cat and Lister over the tannoy in Skipper. So well timed.

[Ian Symes]

That’s brilliant. It’s like a Peter Serafinowicz sketch.

[Ian Symes]

I always get those two dudes mixed up. I can remember that one of them is Terileptils and the Great Fire of London, and the other is Denis Lill and a big face in a wall, but I find it impossible to remember which one of those is called The Visitation and which is called The Awakening. Is it just cos they’re both called “The Something”?

[Ian Symes]

Still technically more likely to return than Geoff Hinsliff or William Russell, tbf.

[Ian Symes]

Bringing back the following Doctor Who characters:

And these Coronation Street characters:

[Ian Symes]

It refers to the delayed release of the fourth extended play from the band Dr Hook.

Dr. IV EP – late.

[Ian Symes]

It’s the registration number on Kris “Drive” Carter’s car.

[Ian Symes]

A shot of the TARDIS in space with the caption “Three Years Later”, and then we find the Seventeenth Doctor in situ.

[Ian Symes]

The drive plate is the thing you stand on when you’re teeing off in golf. 

[Ian Symes]

You’ve got to have a goal in life, though. Lister has always had a plan, whether it’s getting home from Mimas, buying a farm on Fiji, getting back to Earth, finding Red Dwarf, or finding Kochanski. It wouldn’t be in his nature to stay in one place forever; no matter how luxurious it was, he wouldn’t be fulfilled.

[Ian Symes]

Craig is around 7 years older than Chloe.
Danny is around 26 years older than the Cat Lady actresses at the end of Can of Worms.

I seemed to recall I worked out at the time that his age was greater than the two of them combined.

[Ian Symes]

Congrats! Don’t tell your new employers about your obsession with octogenarian women.

[Ian Symes]

Does anyone on this forum like any of Doctor Who at all?

[Ian Symes]

I wish more Doctor Who fans were talented enough to actually make visuals for a lot of them. 

I find it depressing how few Doctor Who fans are actually trying to do long form animation, or anything nearly so elaborate.

I’m sorry that the unpaid efforts of non-professionals creating content in their spare time for you to enjoy for free isn’t to your tastes. In my experience, if you’re not personally being served well by fan efforts, the best solution is to learn how to do it yourself.

[Ian Symes]

What a fucking shambles.

[Ian Symes]

[Ian Symes]

Kryten nicked it and crashed it into an asteroid.

[Ian Symes]

I was thinking today, classic Dwarf had all these jokes about current stuff, food, places, like pot noodles, Berni inns, shake n vac, etc, but I can’t think of many modern equivalents in Dave era Dwarf. Like jokes about 5 Guys or Taco Bell, or vapes or Huel drinks etc. Is that because Doug doesn’t bother to try new and fashionable things anymore, or there just isn’t anything worth joking about. I feel like you have to watch tiktok comedians for that kind of contemporary observation now. 

Warhammer, Wallace and Gromit, Subbuteo, OK! magazine, Nik Naks, Twister, Magic Marker, MTV, Rupert Murdoch, Dyson, Blackberry, Jenga… There are plenty, they just don’t stand out as much.

[Ian Symes]

12 is the best modern Doctor. I’m currently rewatching The Thick Of It (weekly, alongside the Gallifrey Pals who are watching for the first time like they did was Dwarf), and seeing Malcolm Tucker is really making me want to watch all of Capaldi’s Who again too.

[Ian Symes]

I endorse it, it’s good. It’s just not officially a G&T thing, otherwise that’d be more work for me.

[Ian Symes]

From what I can tell, it’s just the comic strips, so not even any of the articles, let alone the adverts. But I await your report with interest!

[Ian Symes]

As well as the document gag, I really like “I personally believe the exact same thing you believe”. It pops into my head every time Keir Starmer comments on any recent event or contentious topic.

[Ian Symes]

[Ian Symes]

I think I’d feel more strongly about the revelations of the Timeless Child if I wasn’t bored shitless by the episode itself. The Doctor is just sat in a chair having everything explained to her. It’s not a drama, it’s a Wikipedia entry.

[Ian Symes]

This sort of thing will happen if a copyright holder downright refuses to release official versions.

[Ian Symes]

Yeah, I interpret that gag as a direct reference to a Red Dwarf convention, so making it more specific would have made it too Back To Earthy.

I’ve always found it quite odd how little Doctor Who is referenced by Rob, Doug etc in behind the scenes features, or that none of the actors have appeared in Doctor Who, given the two shows are practically in the same cultural neighbourhood, and Red Dwarf was essentially filling the gap left by Doctor Who in the early 90s.

How quickly we forget Hattie Hayridge’s appearances in Bernice Summerfield audio adventures. And Norman Lovett playing Davros.

[Ian Symes]

Please, I coined that law almost a decade ago.

[Ian Symes]

Birmingham city centre was full of obnoxiously loud Villa fans this afternoon, it wasn’t fun.

Some of my best friends are obnoxiously loud Villa fans. 

[Ian Symes]

It’s otherwise been a brilliant week for Vila.

[Ian Symes]

[Ian Symes]

the security guy (also pictured) just doesn’t have the conviction required to pull this stuff off

How dare you talk about Don Brennan like that.

[Ian Symes]

I thought it was a useful graph so I’m saving it here for posterity.

Any graph that colour codes the series of Red Dwarf, but doesn’t use the same colour scheme as the DVD sleeves, has no worth.

[Ian Symes]

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle started in 2009, so I didn’t count it.

Yeah, well, you can prove anything with facts.

[Ian Symes]

I mean, what you’ve just outlined is the canonical version. “We were no match, they killed us and destroyed everything on board the ship, including the time drive”. Rimmer’s intervention is indeed irrelevant, according to Lister’s explanation. One of the many reasons the opening of Tikka rankles. 

[Ian Symes]

Yes, I saw it in Birmingham (Toyah Willcox). Incredible. 

We had a G&T day trip to Manchester, and got Sean from Coronation Street.

[Ian Symes]

I’m surprised Fleabag wasn’t in the Radio Times list, it was the de facto recency bias best ever sitcom for a good while. 

Warbodog’s list is a very good one. I’d want to import Friday Night Dinner from the RT list, and possibly Derry Girls and Car Share would be in contention. Then I’d also bring House of Fools, Alma’s Not Normal, Brian Pern and The Trip into the discussion. And if we’re allowing non-scripted comedies, would Gone Fishing count? Cats Does Countdown, Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle, Murder in Successville, Modern Life is Goodish.

Basically we’re not in a terrible state for British comedies in the last couple of decades, are we?

[Ian Symes]

For which we can only apologise.

[Ian Symes]

Yeah, Professor Flibble can definitely stay.

[Ian Symes]

Excellent Photoshopping.

[Ian Symes]

[Ian Symes]

Wait, Asclepius is the BBC Head of Comedy?

[Ian Symes]

This is Cappsy’s fault. Look:

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