Ian Symes

[Ian Symes]

Chin up, Mick… Robert Llewellyn did the Mickaka gag!

[Ian Symes]

> I don?t think their paths have ever crossed.

I’ve never heard it called that before.

[Ian Symes]

Back to the conspiracy theories, I heard that Craig Charles actually died during the filming on Series 2, and was replaced by a look-a-like. The clues are all there. Apparently, if you play Tongue Tied backwards, it says “I buried Craig, I buried Craig”, and the Rimmer Munchkin song bears the message “turn me on, dead Craig”. Plus, you’ll notice on the Timeslides video cover, “Craig” is the only one sitting down, and his guitar is laid across his body diagonally, making him appear “crossed out”. Plus, on the inside cover of The Log, “Craig” is shown eating a sandwich, which is an ancient Indian symbol for death.

[Ian Symes]

I can’t believe I’ve only just noticed this one, after nearly a decade…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CzYEvgfl3k (about 1:15 in)

– Who was the casting director?
– Paul. Paul Alexander.
– That old queen! How did you…? Oh, right.

No comment.

[Ian Symes]

> Or does it just exacerbate things?

What’s that supposed to mean?

[Ian Symes]

Sittin’ on the buuuuus, sittin’ on the buuuuuuuuuus.

[Ian Symes]

It is in there. Danny misremembers it, and thinks it comes from a different place in the scene.

[Ian Symes]

Bloody hell, I hadn’t noticed Shend in Torchwood! I looked it up and he was in They Keep Killing Suzie, which is actually *quite* good. I must have blocked almost everything about Torchwood series one from my memory.

[Ian Symes]

I agree that the Simpsons is awful at the moment. I try to watch new episodes, but there’s just no point any more. But you’re doing the ‘golden age’ a great disservice. At its peak, not only was it one of the funniest animated series of all-time, but one of the funniest sitcoms of all time, full stop.

[Ian Symes]

It’s true, I’ve gone deaf in one ear.

[Ian Symes]

When you’ve been drinking in Birmingham for several hours, and get accosted by Scientologists when you’re walking between pubs, going for a “personality test” in their church (above Boots on New Street) seems like a really *really* good idea.

[Ian Symes]

Alright… gay.

[Ian Symes]

The Illuminati is still going. A woman once drunkenly invited me (and Mick, of this parish) to join them.

[Ian Symes]

a ROBOTIC SUITCASE named “Tony,”

Named Tony? Coincidence, or something more sinister?

[Ian Symes]

> The Grand Wizard is the head of the KKK actually

No, that’s Colin Baker.

[Ian Symes]

> John, if you?re a fan of puns, I suspect you?d really like the works of the Marx Brothers (if you don?t already).

John is possibly the biggest fan of puns in the world, and yet he has never seen Airplane!

[Ian Symes]

> I read the first line and the punchline. It seemed quicker.

Philistines!

[Ian Symes]

I knew this kid at school was really into tractors. He was completely obsessed with them, to the extent that his father had to intervene. He said “son, I’m worried about you and your tractor fascination. It’s just not normal. You need to give it up. Tell you what, if you can make it through til the end of the week without reading your tractor magazines, or watching your tractor videos, I’ll take you to McDonalds for your tea on Friday.”

And so, the kid duly agreed. It was tough, but he made it through to the end of the week without any sort of tractor activities at all. His father kept his end of the bargain, and took him to McDonalds. On the way there, the son told the dad that he’d seen what a fool he’d been, and that he now thought that tractors were rubbish. He had absolutely no interest in tractors any more.

When they got to the counter to give their order, the fire alarm went off. There was a fire in the kitchen! With complete calm and composure, the boy walked into the kitchen, sucked all the flames and smoke up through his mouth, walked over to the door, and blew it all out safely in to the open air. The McDonalds staff were shocked, but delighted. As they offered the pair a free meal, the restaurant manager asked the father exactly how the boy did it.

“It’s all right,” said the dad, “he’s an ex-tractor fan.”

[Ian Symes]

I haven’t a clue, but the wife says it’s something to do with Friends.

[Ian Symes]

Swedish Chemist’s Shop.

– Hello. I’d like to buy some deodorant.
– Ball, or aerosol?
– Neither, I want it for my armpits.

[Ian Symes]

Yeah, but isn’t $124 only about 30p?

[Ian Symes]

Nothing says romance like shouting “screaming fucking bloody mess!” at the moment of climax.

[Ian Symes]

Yes, it’s an interesting concept, but unfortunately it’s not funny. A shame, as I greatly enjoyed Newman’s last telly thing, about the history of Iraq.

[Ian Symes]

You have a rubbish Firefox.

[Ian Symes]

It’s the film mag, yes. I found it on this page. I can only view it on IE, though. Even though I told AdBlockPlus in Firefox to allow adverts from that site, the adverts still wouldn’t show up! Curse you, Firefox, for being fucking brilliant this way!

[Ian Symes]

Five? I count… two, if I’m being generous.

[Ian Symes]

The Gatiss half, of course.

[Ian Symes]

Why *wouldn’t* the Emohawk be able to change the physical characteristics of its victims? It amuses me that people say that it doesn’t make sense, when it’s a made-up thing! I guess you can explain the fact that the Emohawk changes physical aspects and the original Polymorph doesn’t because the Emohawk is a different breed of Polymorph. If you accept that a creature can remove aspects of someone’s personality at will, you should accept that they can change their teeth and hair too.

[Ian Symes]

But only a half-talented one.

[Ian Symes]

Apart from anything else, if it had been your actual Kochanski, Lister would have twigged straight away that Camille was a Pleasure GELF.

[Ian Symes]

Please Hammer, Don’t Bite ‘Em.

[Ian Symes]

Snap!

[Ian Symes]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7Y4gWxiPHo

Also features the first ever instance of The Sounds of Drums!

[Ian Symes]

No-one’s ever called him charming before. They’ve said “McCoy, you’re a complete git”, but never “charming”.

[Ian Symes]

Right, who wants to come round my flat to watch John Hoare watching Back To The Future and Airplane?

[Ian Symes]

Interesting. Why did you chose to edit that last post, Tonguetied?

[Ian Symes]

Pervert.

[Ian Symes]

It does look strangely like Blue Midget from that angle, interestingly, but? yeah, it?s the Hogpod from That Douglas Adams Related Movie That Nobody But Me Seems To Like.

Wait… that movie was Douglas Adams-related? I’d never have guessed.

[Ian Symes]

Spaceport is a ?10m attraction covering the subjects of space and space travel, based at Mersey Ferries Seacombe Ferry Terminal, Wallasey, Wirral.

Typical thieving Scousers.

[Ian Symes]

Not us, but there’s the RDRL from the olden days.

[Ian Symes]

How about “fuck off, cunt”?

[Ian Symes]

Condensed version of Tonguetied’s post: is the thing about Lister being sent to stasis deliberately canon for the TV series as well as the novels?

Answer: it’s up to you. Personally, I’d like to think yes, as it’s a great piece of thinking and there’s nothing to contradict it. But if you choose not to think so, it doesn’t matter; it’s like whatever explanation of Lister having two appendices you like to believe. I always used to assume in my head that TV series Kryten accidentally killed the crew of the Nova 5, even though that wasn’t confirmed until Ouroboros. And in my head, TV series Lister signed up for Red Dwarf because he woke up pissed on Mimas and needed to get home, even though there’s nothing to confirm or deny this in the series.

[Ian Symes]

You’ve just not got the stamina any more, Mick. :-(

And: I wouldn’t touch him/her with yours.

[Ian Symes]

I remember that! I was more distracted by that weird bloke with webbed feet who pissed himself.

[Ian Symes]

I?m currently enjoying… ?Love Thy Neighbor? on a regular basis

Typical Mick.

[Ian Symes]

Whereas I thought it all absolutely brilliant this week. The Butterfield sketch was awesome, as was the aforementioned Fawlty Chat Line and You’re a C**t. And I lolled at the Beatles.

[Ian Symes]

And then there’s the chorus of Street Spirit, a clear reference to the end of Only The Good.

[Ian Symes]

I read a review in thelondonpaper, that bastion of journalism, that ripped the show apart, despite it would seem, not having watched it. For example, it said the only joke in the Big Brother sketch was that “everyone was called Stevie”, rather than they were all clones. (Apart from anything else, that would still have been funny, due to Peter S saying “Shteeveee” over and over again, in his scouse voice, which is how all scousers talk.) And the coup de shit was them going on about “a Deal Or No Deal parody in which the contestant has to play heads or tails”. Yes, they parodied Deal or No Deal so bad!

[Ian Symes]

I *am* one of the people who run the Red Dwarf wiki…

[Ian Symes]

That’s not the point of talk pages, though – they’re to discuss improving the article.

[Author]

Replies