The PerformingMonkey

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Maybe these aren?t things I should say on a public forum?

Well, definitely not the ‘I would have done Carl’ part…

[The PerformingMonkey]

I don’t get chance to miss my girlfriend. I seriously can’t remember the last time we didn’t see each other for longer than 12 hours. Not that this is a bad thing! At least we don’t work together. I know someone who works and lives with his girlfriend so they see each other pretty much 24/7. I don’t think I could handle that tbh. We’d probably end up killing each other.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Ah screw the whole thing

That’s what she said.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Lol’d at Harry calling him a ‘black Hitler’. Did I say ‘lol’d’? I meant ‘phoned Ofcom’.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> It?s only one bloody weekend.

Yeah, but look what can happen in a weekend. Plenty of fun and…frolics.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I have a Nokia N95 8GB, which I love (and if you did want to go for the N95 definitely do make sure it’s the 8GB because they improved it in loads more ways than just memory size).

It all boils down to whether you just want a phone or something that does everything. Then there’s something people own for the sole purpose of pissing other people off, which is the iPhone. The N95 is sort of in the in-between. It’s not cheap though.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> though I don?t think the end joke of the trail is strong enough to BE the end joke.

The joke being ‘let’s laugh at a Spanish accent’. I hope there are much better gags and that this one doesn’t go on for TOO long (even though it’s obviously gonna be over a couple of scenes at least).

It’s likely that the toys just want to get back to Andy’s room even though he’s not there. That’s what they’ll set out to do at least, but then certain twists will happen which take them elsewhere, maybe they even end up at Andy’s college, or just Woody and Buzz somehow.

They could end it by showing a fairly battered Buzz Lightyear being played with by a boy and we think it’s a flashback to kid Andy again but then someone shouts ‘Chris, are you in there?’ or something, and an adult Andy walks in. Cue some cheesy lines – ‘what you got there, kiddo?’ ‘Just this lame-o old spaceman I found.’ ‘”Lame-o!” I used to have a Buzz Lightyear just like this when I was your age.’ ‘Exactly, Dad. This guy’s ooooold like you! He ain’t a patch on The Inquisitor.’ (we see a huge poster on the wall) Andy looks at Buzz closely but says ‘nah, it can’t be…’ and puts him down, thinking there’s no way it could be the same Buzz figure. He’s walking out and the kid says ‘There’s this stupid cowboy too. Don’t know where he came from.’ Andy freezes, turns and Woody is there in his son’s hand(…), looking right at him. His son pulls the cord and the last line of the film is ‘reach for the sky!’ Andy smiles. Then the wardrobe opens, Sid flies out and smashes both toys to pieces before gutting Andy with a machete. The end.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Jonathan Ross thought it was a bit of a mess but an unmissable one. You could describe pretty much every Gilliam film in that way, so I’m pleased with that and can’t wait to see it. If it’s better than Baron Munchausen then I’ll be happy.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Yeah, he was better in the old days, doing live shows and series on Channel 4. Before he got into doing all those live shows and series on Channel 4.

Lol, I was already typing ‘what the fuck are you talking about’ before I read the second sentence. Totally correct. It wouldn’t really be possible for him to go ‘mainstream’ unless he completely changed his act. Say he co-devised and developed a Saturday night entertainment/gameshow with bullshit psychology as it’s selling point. Or if HE had been the host of Deal Or No Deal! One of the Events should have been him sneaking someone into a game of Deal Or No Deal and winning the ?250,000 going off Derren’s cues. Or not.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> I don?t actually know what the job is yet because it?s not the one I was actually interviewd for, apparently?

It’s unbelievable how often that happens, or you’re interviewed but then suddenly the job doesn’t exist (or it never did and the interviewing has just happened to make up a quota or something, other people trying to keep themselves in a job).

[The PerformingMonkey]

> oh, di didn?t, did she?

She survived the crash. But not the heart attack-inducing injection later on.

[The PerformingMonkey]

BonbonbonU2man.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> It?s coming from a place of hate because it?s shit.

Oh, roll around in some nettles until you perish.

I will say I agree that they went overboard with Nessa and Smithy in the later episodes, maybe due to them writing it but also because they obviously thought ‘this is what people want’

[The PerformingMonkey]

It always surprises me how faithful the Muppets version is. It’s great that they didn’t feel the need to fuck up the story just because it was a Muppet movie. I defy anyone not to love it. It’s loads more enjoyable than Patrick Stewart’s version. I prefer Caine as Scrooge for a start (and believe it is one of his greatest roles).

There is NO definitive version. Except the book, which I have read several times, always just before Christmas.

[The PerformingMonkey]

SFX can go fuck themselves after their ‘review’ of BtE. Not that this is relevant atm but…they just can.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> WALL-E is better, though. It *almost* edges out TS2 as their masterpiece.

Toy Story was a real masterpiece. Then, what do they go and do, blummin’ well one-up it with Toy Story 2! It still defies sense that it was originally slated as straight-to-video fare. This film alone cements Lasseter’s and Andrew Stanton’s (director of Nemo and WALL-E) genius.

As utterly brilliant as WALL-E is it just can’t top the entertainment value and characters of Toy Story 2. I’m finally seeing Up in 3 hours and I can’t BLUMMIN’ wait!!

[The PerformingMonkey]

> David Tennant is next on the list, anyway?

What is it with you WOMEN?????

> He?s just dropped exponentially in my estimations.

Die.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Wales! Butetown…the Bay…Gavin & Stacey…Ianto…and all those other things (notice I didn’t mention sheep, because that would be too obvious and uncalled for).

My girlfriend doesn’t really like Dwarf but that never stopped me from wanting to…make her listen to the series 2 commentaries for the 5th time. Or, you know, kiss her and stuff. I have to put up with Gok Wan and Desperate Housewives so she has no right to complain about Dwarf and Turtles youtube clips.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Hope everyone has seen this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1Cc6Bof2_0

Better than the entire Events series?? Maybe.

[The PerformingMonkey]

The doco was indeed great. John Lasseter is SO the right person to be at the Disney/Pixar helm. He doesn’t just see dollar signs, he has real passion and creativity. He sits alongside everyone who looked on in horror at all the soulless crap Disney was producing over the past decade, not to mention the other animated studios. To call him the saviour of Disney animation might not be much of an exaggeration.

[The PerformingMonkey]

The cast will be the best thing about this, ESPECIALLY Jim Carrey and Gary Oldman. From what we’ve seen so far it looks like the animation style is just going to distract from what could well be a great adaptation underneath.

One thing I do like is how they’re not trying to go too photo-realistic. As they’ve been talking about in the brilliant South Bank Disney/Pixar special that has just finished, it’s an animated film, a cartoon, there’s no need to try and fool the audience into thinking it’s not. That is the way animated features should stay.

[The PerformingMonkey]

James Buckley as Del… He’s the one currently doing a great Norman impression in Off The Hook on BBC3. Every time he speaks I think of Norman. If it isn’t deliberate it’s almost freaky.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> I haven?t liked recent Pixar films

You foolish foolish person.

Toy Story 3 looks as good as the first two, which obviously means bloody fantastic! I’m glad they haven’t updated the toys’ looks in any way. Well, they’re probably animated better but they do look exactly the same, which was really important.

Pixar haven’t made one bad film. A couple of average ones in Cars and A Bug’s Life but we can certainly forgive them that, especially considering both of those films look amazing (Bug’s less so these days. Revisiting that universe might be a good idea).

[The PerformingMonkey]

Give it a shave ’cause I wanna be in ya.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> I am so glad you?re not writing the film, Performing Monkey.

The thing is, you know that’s the kind of relatively lame storyline they will be going with. I hope the Hell element is still there at least.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I think now IS the right time for it to come back and not 10-15 years ago. At least CGI is pretty brilliant now, even on a smaller budget, which we can assume GB3 will have compared with, say, Abrams’ Star Trek. They still would have CG’d it to death 10 years ago but it would have been considerably worse.

Even though there’s obviously going to be a younger cast involved (people like Ben Stiller and Jack Black are hardly ‘young’ though, if they’re who get cast) I think Bill Murray should still be the main star. A Venkman/Oscar thing (not slash…). Say Venkman brought up Oscar as his own son and Oscar became a Ghostbuster but then Venkman left and hasn’t been seen by anyone for 5 years or so. No-one realises that Venkman is trapped in ‘Hell’. This is the place the ‘busters found to send all the trapped ghosts (they know they can’t keep them contained at the station). It’s populated with 20 years’ worth of ghouls that the ‘busters have put in there. Or something.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> you can stick any size SD card into it.

That’s what she, er, nevermind…

As far as phones go I’m happy with my N95 8GB. I was considering ‘upgrading’ to the N97 but it looks like Nokia have fucked it up. No doubt they’ll release an improved version like the N95 8GB was to the N95, except they need to make bigger improvements than that.

But what does it matter. What does ANY of it MATTER??? I always slap myself down(…) when I start obsessing over STUFF. You simply don’t need this and that gadget. Like I said before, you only essentially want it to piss other people off by shoving it in their faces(…). Do you seriously need a spirit level app?? I don’t. I want a phone.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I can’t remember whether they showed them actually shooting the Pilot in Seinfeld. It’s ages since I’ve seen season 4. Gervais was definitely more influenced by Larry Sanders than anything else, and Curb too for Extras.

> To say Person x is borrowing from/inspired by/ripping off Person y is fucking mental and I wish people would stop doing it.

Everyone rips off everything. This post, for instance, is just a blatant ripoff of several others posted earlier. Anyone who you think is original isn’t, you’re just not too familiar with who or what they’ve ripped off.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> the iPhone 3GS is a special bit of kit

If by ‘special’ you mean ‘oh I’ve got this iPhone and I’m gonna spend 59 minutes of my lunch hour pissing about with various apps that I didn’t pay for on full volume annoying everyone else’ then yes, it is indeed ‘special’. Look! look! it’s a drum machine app!! No wait, you’re tilting it wr…you’re not tilting it enough that way…tap it now…NOW! oh give it here, you’re fucking useless!

I bet there isn’t an app where you can eat someone’s arsehole. There should be.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> very inconsistent branding.

You are Alan Partridge.

[The PerformingMonkey]

The insignia will spin into view then unravel into the title.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Just read out your comments to my husband and he added ?well she is a nice bit of ginger biscuit, isn?t she??

My girlfriend reckons she’s gonna ban me from watching the series. This after I’ve had to put up with her drooling over that lanky streak of nothing Tennant for the past 2 years! She’s not into Matt Smith, thank god. That’s what she says anyway. I thought the ripped suit might change her mind but she’s like ‘no, how dare he wear David’ suit!’

[The PerformingMonkey]

Name 10 good sketches. I dare ya.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> EDIT: here?s the behind-the-scenes vid. Probably contains minor spoilers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eZhJIpJItA

Fantastic! Seeing that makes me want them to do a full new series. It IS like they never left! I wonder if what they shot could be put together like a real episode? Maybe they didn’t do it that way. I doubt they did anything other than on those two sets.

It makes you realise that Larry’s doing a similar thing to what Gervais did on Extras with When The Whistle Blows. Obviously the show-within-a-show has been around longer than that with Larry Sanders and all, and with Seinfeld being a real show it makes it that much more special, but perhaps what Gervais did influenced Larry. It’s possible.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Why wonder if she can act when you can fantasise about having her in an ice-cream van? Can I have a 99 please??

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Unfortunately unlike Seinfeld, which is returning within the storyline of the superb Curb Your Enthusiasm

Did you see the latest episode of Curb?? I got goosebumps seeing Jerry’s apartment set recreated in Larry’s visions. It’s exactly the same! (maybe NBC had the set in storage or as part of a tour??) The cast are still great too. Julia is hot to this day. Michael Richards as weird as ever and Jason Alexander absolutely brilliant. I loved the scene with him and Larry having the meal.

The best line was Jerry saying to Larry ‘you told the head of NBC to go fuck himself??’

Oh and OFAH prequel and all that… Really stupid idea from the moment John Sullivan mentioned it years ago. Does he seriously think OFAH fans want this? He already messed up the show with the episodes after Buster Merryfield died. They were so pointless, only made because they were guaranteed top viewers. Nicholas Lyndhurst has sold himself out a bit with After You’ve Gone and now this. The title is so crap. Even the original title of Once Upon A Time In Peckham is better.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I can’t be the only one who thinks that blue lolly has got the right idea.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Cum, frankly.

[The PerformingMonkey]

My my, doesn’t Matt have a lovely arse?

And yeah, some leggy ginger bird sort of thing…

[The PerformingMonkey]

> I hear ya. It makes me feel something and I don?t know what. Contentedly melancholy, I think

Definitely one of my favourites of the last few years. I too feel like watching it again right now! When I first saw it I was in a shitty place, for various reasons, and I think as a result it sank deep into my brain and…cleansed me, almost biblical style(!)

It’s one of those genuinely perfect films. The first 10 minutes or so when they meet ‘again’ on the train, you can’t tear your eyes away from it because it’s so beautifully executed. The ending is equally as amazing. They know they’re probably going to argue, fall out, leave each other again like before, and yet their attitude is basically ‘fuck it’. All the stuff they said in the tapes means nothing. Apparently it was originally going to end with the idea that they had erased their memories more than once and yet they always end up in the snow together.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Yeah, that would be most likely!

[The PerformingMonkey]

Look! GI Joe, Transformers, Thundercats, He-man! Those shows existed!!!

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Due to various reasons, the casino and Derren?s actual location could not be named

Those ‘reasons’ most likely being that it was just a setup in a warehouse in Hackney or somewhere.

[The PerformingMonkey]

“Colour: Green”

Well DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[The PerformingMonkey]

Fucking stupid. Whilst being simultaneously fucking genius! The way it ended was hilariously brilliant, bound to get everyone riled up. Deliberately setting out to piss off the viewers. It could have been executed better though, surely? Though why even go to the trouble of making it look more real when you know doing it this way will get people talking??

The guy should have started crying at the end. Or maybe Derren should have cried. That would have made it funnier. The fake silence and ‘you’ll get your five grand back’ was pretty lame. The guy throwing a fit and storming away, they should have done that instead.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> One of the girls I?m dating at the moment

Redtube or it didn’t happen.

[The PerformingMonkey]

That’s because the general public are slightly shit.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Thought tonight’s episode was a bit weak, which was a shame after the IMO brilliant 4 and 5. It didn’t feel like the last in the series. I’m guessing they switched episode orders round a bit. Whatever, it NEEDS to come back for another series next year. With Angelos, who I really like now.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Must be something about RD?

The stereotype of the freckled, ginger, spotty geek being a reality, perhaps??

Or, the show is called RED Dwarf so you think ‘oh, I have RED hair, I must watch this’. It’s a known fact that 92.53% of the Eggheads’ audience are of the follically challenged persuasion.

[The PerformingMonkey]

For me, the best two moments so far have been – Bob asking ‘Angelos, what’s your earliest memory?’ ‘…did I lock the van?’ and Vic saying to Lee Mack ‘You know what, Lee? When you were born they said it could never survive but look at you now.’

[Author]

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