The PerformingMonkey

[The PerformingMonkey]

Is your name Angelos Epithemu?

[The PerformingMonkey]

Freckles do it for me.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> or the Thomas in Paul Thomas Anderson.

Draaaaaaaainage! Draaaaainage, Eli, you boy…

[The PerformingMonkey]

The final outing of the pinstripe, it would seem. Until 2013, that is…

[The PerformingMonkey]

Jack, with your face like a stern gerbil.

[The PerformingMonkey]

The ginger one from Girls Aloud.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Women get better with sage.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Apart from the fact you?re with a gorgeous fiery redhead! Woot!

She used to dye it blond when we first started going out. It was the funniest thing when she ‘confessed’ to me that she was ginger, it was like she was admitting to having killed someone or something equally as dramatic! I just burst out laughing, which was a mistake… god, I’ve learnt so much since then.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Hey, the word ‘ginger’ is a complement in our household, considering my ladyfriend’s a fiery ginge and I’m halfway there. Though now I’m getting greys at twenty-effing-six AND I’m losing my hair. As every woman in my life seems to say to me at least once a week, there’s no hope for me…

[The PerformingMonkey]

You have ginger eyes!

Btw, gorgeous much in the wedding dress. Holy heckfire!

[The PerformingMonkey]

As part of the Coronation Street cast he is automatically one of the most recognizable faces in the country.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> ?Silence in the Library? is better than were it was placed but 99% of classic Who?

99% IS perhaps pushing it a little, but it’s a simple fact that only the cream of classic Who beats (in overall terms) stuff like the Library 2-parter, Blink (*takes out cock*), The Parting of the Ways, The Impossible Planet, Midnight, Human Nature/FoB, Turn Left, The Girl In The Fireplace, Father’s Day, The Empty Child/TDD amongst others.

The last episode of Caves is as good as anything ever featured in classic Who, but does that make the whole thing a great story? The best Who story ever?? I prefer The Mind Robber.

[The PerformingMonkey]

At 13, The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End is ridiculously high. The Girl In The Fireplace(11) and Turn Left(12) are also too high, even though they’re both great.

City(8) and Pyramids(9) again too high. I would place various Troughton, Pertwee and indeed Eccleston and Tennant episodes above them! Earthshock should be above City of Death IMO.

Not that it’s worth arguing about. At all. Especially when you consider the reality of something like, say, the Silence In The Library 2-parter eclipsing 99% of classic Who in just about every regard. This being one of the top moments in all of Who.

[The PerformingMonkey]

People’s views on Craig vary but it’s often been negative, partly because shit sticks. I had a row with my dad (quite a deluded individual at the best of times…) a few years ago after my sister had met Craig in a club in Manchester, he said ‘oh you want to keep away from him, he’s a bloody rapist!’ or words to that effect.

[The PerformingMonkey]

David Mitchell – surely grown in a lab?? All the Footlights set are. I have it on good authority.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> I remain convinced that the majority of people who declared it BEST EVER were people who?d never played a decent PC-based FPS

Ohhh they started badly, they got worse, ohhh your programmes, your programmes. And you’re making a fool of yourself.

Er, unless you regularly played multiplayer Quake deathmatches on a network, which I’ll readily admit were the bollocks. Some utterly amazing times on the school PCs. Though you can’t fault Goldeneye for ease of setup and sheer addictiveness.

[The PerformingMonkey]

He’s a Scouser. What other reason do you need?

[The PerformingMonkey]

Even though I’m not that into British metal, without it there would have been no Metallica, one of my favourite bands, so I salute it.

Oh, I almost forgot to insert a generic derogatory comment about Justin Lee Collins!

*generic derogatory comment about Justin Lee Collins*

[The PerformingMonkey]

Two of the greatest games of all-time. Unlocking the cheats on Goldeneye and Perfect Dark is still the hardest thing I’ve ever achieved on a game. The ones on Perfect Agent are just fucking ridiculous, but do-able once you’ve developed a certain mental state. This is like 8-9 years ago…I hardly even pick up games anymore. How the times they a-change.

Goldeneye deathmatch was the sole reason for Sixth Form free periods and lunch breaks. Always some twat playing as Oddjob so you can’t shoot them without aiming down, then you’ve got idiot noobs playing as Jaws who you can hit from a mile away. Licence to Kill on Facility, Pistols, first to 10…I’m actually choking up thinking about it…

[The PerformingMonkey]

> proper jail-bait!

If there’s grass on the pitch, scratch that itch…;)

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Lee Evans was one of the bad parts of ?Planet of the Dead?.

Oh why don’t you just eat out a mouse or something?

[The PerformingMonkey]

> He let me sit on his lap into the early hours and didn?t call the police or security or anything.

Er, I don’t think any bloke would be calling security if a ginger cutie like you was sitting on his lap.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Both of them are mostly crap. I was so disappointed with The Next Doctor I think I’m still hurting. David Morrissey was pretty good but that’s about it. The Cybus Cybermen are utterly dire, that’s been proven again and again and I hope they’re gone for good.

Planet of the Dead was good for one thing and one thing only – Michelle Ryan’s arse. To think they ferried a big red bus all the way to Dubai for that fucker, AND got it smashed up in the process. Oh hang on, Lee Evans was quite good too! I take it all back. I want that episode to have my children, five of them, and in HD too.

[The PerformingMonkey]

How did you sprain your knee? If that isn’t too rude.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> She is a close ward of Uther though?

I think there was a very slight hint in one of the series 1 episodes that she could indeed be Uther’s daughter, though IMO that would be too predictable. She could definitely be Mordred’s sister, that’s where I would go with that now. Though making her Uther and Nimueh’s daughter could have been interesting. I doubt they’ll go there.

Regarding Arthur/Morgana, is there seriously any chance that he wouldn’t have hit that at some point?? OK maybe with them being brought up together it might be a bit weird but…FFS ;)

[The PerformingMonkey]

Colin Morgan certainly would make a good Doctor, but not for 10 years or so. The fact that he was in Midnight wouldn’t matter much, especially that far down the line.

I quite liked the new episode but the first 20 minutes pissed me off somewhat as it felt like we were right back at the start of series 1 again with zero character development with Arthur and Merlin. Hopefully they’ll dispense of all that from episode 2 onwards. And give Morgana some fucking screentime (yes, screentime that involves fucking).

[The PerformingMonkey]

> But it?d be nice if they could afford to turn around and tell him to stick it, given his previous attitude.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Don’t forget to shout ‘Where’s Dave Lista??’

[The PerformingMonkey]

It’s better than asking him when his next book’s coming out. That would probably piss him off more.

[The PerformingMonkey]

The only reason the people with Derren stayed sitting down was so they could stay on TV. Fact.

I wound my girlfriend up by pretending to be stuck, like ‘oh my god…seriously I can’t move, I’m not even joking!’ It’s all bollocks though. The ‘subliminal’ was deliberately blurred so you wouldn’t even get dizzy by looking at it, which you WOULD normally do staring intently at something spinning like that. I loved the quick flashes of a person tied to a chair, as if that would affect anyone!

The key, of course, was Derren talking directly to us deadly serious, his face filling the screen. It’s impossible for a spinning image to make people stick to their chairs, but it’s definitely possible to get people in a state of mind where they don’t want to move. Someone with authority basically giving you the instruction YOU WILL NOT MOVE DURING THIS FILM. If you’re concentrating enough on the whole show AND you’re a bit…choose the word carefully…it could very well have worked on you.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Fuckin’ well funny.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I bet he doesn’t have BtE on Blu-ray.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I was fully expecting Blink to be #1 seeing as it seems compulsory for several thousand fanboys to masturbate over it daily. RTD should have seen this coming and sneakily edited Moffat’s script changing ‘Blink’ to ‘Wank’ at every instance. Doubt it would have won the Hugo Award then. ‘Don’t wank. Don’t even wank. Wank and you’re dead. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away and DON’T WANK!’

Incidentally has everyone seen this, the whole of the Doctor’s side of the video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDYJR9vQprI

Watching that it sinks in that Tennant (and indeed Moffat) on form will never be beaten by anyone. Crap like Planet of the Dead makes me hate Tennant (along with the fact that my girlfriend fancies the long streak of slash). Class like Blink and Midnight make me love him.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> No fucking way is that the best sci-fi show ever

I don’t think anyone’s saying that it is. It COULD have been. If you take everything up to S03E05, cutting the odd crap one out of series 2, I genuinely believe you have one of the greatest shows of all-time, sci-fi or otherwise.

Only the odd episode that followed excited me to the extent that seasons 1 & 2 and the New Caprica episodes had. Razor was fantastic (the DVD version), Baltar’s trial 2-parter with Romo Lampkin pretty good (I wish they hadn’t brought him back after that, he could have stood as an extremely cool one-off character). Only a couple of stunners in season 4, and of course the finale.

I wish they had done 13-episode seasons all through.

[The PerformingMonkey]

The series 4 onwards theme suits the current style of the show. I would love Moffat to strip back the bombast in general. Not that it shouldn’t come out to play every so often, the finale for instance.

[The PerformingMonkey]

To think they sold parts 1 & 2 seperately on CD. Only a mug would have bought them all.

Incidentally, I think the version of the theme on the McGann audios would be a good direction to go in for Moffat’s series. Slower but freaky and powerful. Instead of BLAM BLA BLAM, BLAM BLA BLAM and all the brass.

[The PerformingMonkey]

I didn’t force her…

[The PerformingMonkey]

Oh yeah, there is that. They could always just sit in it stationary. But that’s dodgy, two blokes sitting in a parked car. One of them might be holding a SodaStream canister and goodness knows where that might lead.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Would there be a rights issue preventing the use of Carbug? The Starbug imagery.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> Well I was only 16 at the time so I was less a woman more a girlgeek

I think ‘legal’ is the word.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Look, SoundableObnob, Moffat cast Karen Gillan. Who gives a shit about a) Matt Smith’s portrayal of the Doctor, b) the quality of the scripts, after that excellent decision??

[The PerformingMonkey]

No human being would stack games like that.

[The PerformingMonkey]

All they would have to do is put a new sticker on the front or something and at least one person who already owns both JTS volumes WOULD buy this.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Just…whatever you do…don’t take that flight.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Suddenly people don’t have colds like normal, they have swine flu. We are such a dramatic species. The public and swine flu really do need to get a room.

[The PerformingMonkey]

> I know Windows like the back of my hand and my brain just cannot adapt to OSX, no matter how much I use it.

I know exactly what you mean, though I’ve not been on a Mac for a couple of years. After being so used to a PC it’s like reaching down and finding a fanny there. Very disconcerting.

[The PerformingMonkey]

He could have at least tried to con us into thinking the reveal was faked in a different way to motion control and split screen. Mirrors, the Pepper’s Ghost illusion and whatnot. Although, showing us a wideshot of the room ruled out that shot and the handheld one preceding it being anything other than pre-records. Even if it could have been the Pepper’s Ghost illusion we would have seen the glass line on the floor because it’s such a well-lit room.

[The PerformingMonkey]

Macs are better than PCs. If you’ve got a shit PC. If you’ve got anything remotely better than an absolute chuck that right in the fucking bin piece of plastic bollocks PC then, no, Macs are NOT better than PCs.

[The PerformingMonkey]

God, that show pissed me off. When he mentioned lasers and split screens at the beginning it was like ‘but that’s how you did it, you fucking lying prick!’

> Derren has spent a considerable amount of time questioning belief systems

Yeah, this Lottery show won’t wash well with real fans of his who’ve already seen him tear apart methods and systems like this in past shows. Anyone only just sucked into his world might buy it, or might at least entertain such notions.

I thought he was gonna reveal the split screen explanation right at the very end but NO. When the 3 possible explanations appeared on the screen again a no.4 should have appeared underneath saying ‘Camera trickery’ or something. I seriously think the real explanation would have made for a more entertaining programme than all the automatic writing and mouse bollocks.

There’s a thought, he should have shown footage of the mouse pushing the balls up the tube!!!

[The PerformingMonkey]

I haven’t updated, I never do when it’s a X.0 update and I would advise everyone else not to. God I’m so good it stings.

[Author]

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