Dialogue in porn films that really puts you off

Well, surely the worst dialogue is the notorious “straw” one (that you probably don’t know since it’s in German).

Scene: http://users.skynet.be/osmo/uNF/blas.swf/

Translation:

Her: “Soooo, this is the power box that is always so much trouble… so if you could have a look at it…”
Him: “That’s fine… but… why is straw lying around here?”
Her: “Hmmm… why are you wearing a mask?”
Him: “Hmm… puh… so give me head or something.”
Her: *concurs*

Calm down, dear, it’s just anal penetration.

I feel unwell.

19 YEAR OLD BLONDE: What’s your name, big guy?
MAN: John Hoare.
*eject*

> The dialogue that really puts me off during a porn film is ?Hello, it?s only me Steve, I finished work early????

Was that a continuation on after the first sex scene?

> Him: Here?s your pizza.
> Her: oh my, your cock is dripping with cheese!

When she ordered extra sausage on her pizza I guess that wasn’t exactly what she was expecting. Plus, wouldn’t the hot cheese hurt!?

I watched one once that featured the following line:

Woman: *Aroused sorts of sounds*

Man: “MASSIVE HORSE PUSSY!”

The ensuing mental image really killed the moment.

*hero is involved in gun battle with police, hot (blind) woman appears*
“Time out, time out!”

Not so much off-putting as simply amazing. It is one of the best things I own.

Wait… you have a girlfriend? Is she some sort of masochist?

Oh come on, girls want to get something out of porn movies as well.

I accept that I deserve that reply for my ambiguous phrasing.

I can’t think of any dialogue off-hand that’s put me off, but there was something I remember seeing online with a girl that was just absolutely gorgeous…which in itself would have kept me watching…but then they showed the guy’s wang, and it had one of those barbell piercings that go THROUGH the hole…and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to see the rest. Once that idea was in my mind, I gave up all sexual thought for a good seven minutes.

Which is a shame, because I think the girl and I could have been very happy together.

>Shut up, cunt.

Erm…how can one talk!?
*shocked for comedy purposes only*

If I were to appear in one of these pornographor thingys I would sing the lyrics to Holidays In The Sun by the Sex Pistols whilst doing her up the rong’un –

‘Cheap holiday in other people’s misery! I don’t wanna holiday in the sun, I want to go to the new Belsen, I wanna see some history, ’cause now I got a reasonable economy. Now I got a reason, now I got a reason. Now I got a reason and I’m still waiting! Now I got a reason now I got a reason to be waiting – the Berlin wall! I’m gonna go over the Berlin wall! I gotta go over the wall, I don’t understand this bit at all, claustrophobia there’s too much paranoia, there’s too many closets I went in before, and now a got a reason it’s no real reason to be waiting – the Berlin wall!’

That’s what I sometimes sing (or at least have on CD in the background, nothing like fucking to the Pistols, or perhaps The Feeling…). Bodies is another good one. The subject matter really gets you in the mood.

The best porn I have ever seen is the Kimberly Johnson video. It truly is epic.

http://rs137.rapidshare.com/files/28302346/kimberly.mpg

I’m assuming you don’t actually mind me posting a porn link on your website… it is worth it, though.

Apparently it is real. At least, according to the story that goes along with it, which is something about the girlfriend cheating on the guy and thus his rather spectacular revenge. Who knows.

Hey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours ;)

Nakrophile / Sat, 2007-11-03 03:27 / #

The only annoying talking in porn is the solo ones on the net. Shut up, cunt.

penny / Sun, 2007-11-04 00:26 / #

>Shut up, cunt.

Erm?how can one talk!?
*shocked for comedy purposes only*

I once saw a film called Chatterbox where a woman had a talking vagina

I once saw some porn with Whitesnake’s Slide It In on the soundtrack.

Not really, but imagine how brilliant that would be.

Wow, I just found out (via Google) that Lady Fuckingham is a real book. It’s also sometimes attributed to Oscar Wilde. Which, I’m sure, as I’ve studied him, is a load of crap.

* visits local library *

You’ve never lived unless you’ve had sex with someone dressed as a Red Dwarf character.

It’s a good site, this.

Welcome to the obsessive, explosive collection of mutterings, splutterings, conjugation, and absorption of bodily fluids that is G&T!

>Then they screw, unfortunately, leaving the book-review aspect of this particular porno woefully unexplored.

This reminds me of the alleged review of Lady Chatterley’s Lover by a fieldsports magazine, which concluded that it was no subsitute for Amateur Gamekeeper.

There’s one scene where it starts with the guy complaining about having to do gay scenes all the time, and this is commented about through the scene. But best parts are-

woman: ooh, you know how to fuck ass!
man: that doesn’t mean I’m gay!

Woman: ooh, lick that pussy!
man: yeah, can a gay man lick pussy like this?

…and it goes on.

>I have no more cumments to make on this

You forgot to say, “Wocka wocka!”